Poor social skills - good reason for homeschooling or is th

What about boy scouts, chess club, or another group that he could join that does not involve athletic prowess? My friend actually started a chess club at her son’s school because it was something he enjoyed.

I honestly think that kids whose parents are the coaches, den mothers, class mom etc do better socially. I think when our kids see us put ourselves out there socially they are more willing to do it themselves. I also think that when the other kids know the parent, and you are someone who is friendly, they are more likely to give your child a chance.

I don’t know if homeschooling is the right avenue for this. It would be nice if he could find a small group of kids with similar interests.

My son could not find anyone to connect with in his previous class. He went to his new class yesterday and said he already made a new friend. He doesn’t usually have social issues, it really was a situation where he just couldn’t find anyone to connect with.

Hi Linda,
I think you’re right about finding the “right group” and connecting. Usually he connects with kids who like to talk about science (at least his close friends at his previous school always talked about it and they’d sit outside after class and read science books together — my son listening since he couldn’t read!). So far he hasn’t found anyone like this at his new school. The other day when I took the class to the library he was standing next to two boys telling them about how time slows down in space. They didn’t seem the least bit interested. Unfortunately, most kids who love science are in the “gifted” class and my son does not qualify for this. He has a difficult enough time in a “regular” class!

I agree with you that most kids tend to do best socailly when their parents are really involved. So maybe I need to be more patient (just like with reading! ;-) I volunteer a lot in class, at least once a week and I offer to help with special projects, my husband is coaching my son’s soccer team, when I pick my son up from school I encourage him to take time and play with the other kids… Perhaps I just need to give this situation more time.

Sometimes being a parent is so extremely difficult! Thanks for reminding me that involvement can be really helpful in teaching kids social skills or modeling behavior that may help with this.

Laura,

I was driving with my friend and her son with LD one day. The boys were in the back seat discussing the lightning. They were trying to discern why the rubber from sneakers prevents someone from getting electrocuted. Was it because the rubber absorbed the electricity or repelled it? This discussion went on for awhile and was quite interesting.

We looked at each other and just said, “These two have trouble in school? How is that even possible?”

Your son will find someone who can keep up with him intellecutally; at some point.

Linda

We were in exactly the same situation you are. School with great reputation. A very active PTA. My child couldn’t connect with very many children.
She had 1 real friend there. We left and decided to homeschool this year.
We were nervous about the social part because she’s an only child. But I have to tell you. She has more going on now socially than she ever did before. I found the homeschooling moms to be down to earth, sincere, warm people who I could easily connect with and my child could connect with their children. They’re eager for new friends and we have felt more than welcomed in our new group. I couldn’t be happier with our decision.

What grade?

Personally, I find *nothing* wrong with avoiding sending a kiddo to a place where he’s unhappy for reasons beyond his control, when you could do as well in a situation where he *would* be happy. Now, if that “happiness” at home would involve basically withdrawing from social stuff — the image people tend to project when they talk about “socialization” skills and homeschooling — okay, there would be a problem. However, taking a year off and letting him work on academic skills & memory issues and get some social *confidence* under more controlled situations like scouting… that could be a really important year in his life.

A school’s reputation matters exactly NOT AT ALL to the individual student if that particular classroom setting doesn’t fit him. In addition, there is this nasty tendency for some schools with the good test scores to have achieved that at the *expense* of whole groups of students who don’t fit the mold, instead of having gotten there by building everybody up… sort of like the difference between getting a team to the World Series by spending big bucks on big competitors, or working with your farm teams. (Missing Earl Weaver, I guess :-))

Dear Lwieland and Sue,
You’ve both brought up good points which I’m definitely going to think about. I personally do believe that self-esteem is much more important than being at a school with top test scores.

In many ways I’m very sorry we moved. I know we needed the change and my husband had been wanting to move for many years, but I don’t think it was the best choise for my children (although my older child is fortunate to be going with all her friends to the same Jr. High, so it hasn’t impacted her life as much).

Thanks for sharing your feelings and opinions….and “listening” to me gripe!

The one good thing I can say about my son’s school at this point is that he has a very kind and understanding teacher who has a great sense of humor. He really likes this teacher and she’s very optimistic about his ablilities in the classroom which is good for all of us. It helps me feel I’m making some progress with my “after-schooling.”

Dear Laura,
You didn’t mention how old your son is? I homeschooled my oldest son for 2 years (during junior high). I worried about social interaction for him so I joined a local homeschool group that met once a month for field trips or just getting together. We went bowling, picnics, fossil hunting, etc… Check into that for your son if you decide to homeschool. People homeschool their children for a variety of reasons. Mine was purely academic for my son. However, he did have trouble socially already because he was learning disabled in a various different areas and was several years behind his peers. I don’t know what the laws are in your state, but in mine (Nevada) I was able to enroll my son in any program I wanted in the public school and still was able to homeschool him. So because he loves music, he took band all through homeschooling. I just had to provide the transportation. He loved band and made friends through that also. He is a freshman in high school this year and is once again back in public school. He is still in band. I had mixed feelings about putting him back in but that’s a whole other story. Hope some of these suggestions help.

Are there other schools to consider? Usually not. Many homeschoolers might be happy with school if only there were schools from which one could choose. You seem to have liked your former school better than this one. Could your son return to that school?

I took my own children out of public school and put them into an independent school. Was I avoiding our local public school? I guess I was but what’s wrong with that? Don’t we avoid restaurants we don’t like, films that don’t interest us, cars that don’t meet our driving needs?

You might explore all other options first to make sure you’re doing the only thing you can. What does his teacher say about him? My son’s teacher was willing to make some suggestions about possible playmates for my son and I was willing to give those mothers a call to see if I could arrange some playdates for my son to help him build friendships. I also enrolled him in small out of school classes - a nature class, an art class at the Y, where he could be comfortable interact with other children in those small and structured settings.

Eventually my son was able to build a small network of friends at school but if had remained unhappy, I would have considered either schools or homeschooling just like you are.

take it from me Laura you dont want to send him to homeschooling. he wont get a good education that way and it will make his social skills even worse. you are better off to get him to realize his faults so that he can improve himself and try to find him some smart friends that will understand him.

Robert,
You have a right to your opinion. First of all, no one is “sent” to homeschooling. Second of all, a committed , intelligent person can homeschool their child just as well as the public schools if not better. If you had a bad experience with homeschooling then you have your parents or whoever else was in charge to blame. Not the homeschooling system. The social skills often learned at school are negative and sometimes that’s just what parents want to avoid. Please don’t put your experience down as the norm. It wasn’t.

Lori

Fine, for kids that dont have severe lds in my opinion shouldnt go to homeschooling because there is alot more to learning and development then just the acedemic side.

2 years ago I noticed my son was extremely depressed. I pulled him from school despite a wonderful teacher. Fortunately I found he had an undiagnosed vision problem. We fixed it through 6 months of vision therapy. He spent 1.5 years in home school. I do not regret my decision. He chose to go back. He is still tagged with poor social skills. They had to pick on something! But he has friends and he is polite.He has even made friends with some of the bullies that use to torment him. Now that his vision is working his attitude is great. One of the boys invited him to help out in his science group.He is extremely bright, His head calculated quicker than the other kids can use a calculator! I beleive he needed time to heal the wounds. I would homeschool again in a heartbeat. The social climate at school can be horrid. I don’t know about you. But I do not get teased at work. I really believe something is wrong with children who tease and bully others. They have the bigger problem! We cannot change them but it is a parental duty to protect and nurture our children,I knew in my gut I had to pull him out. If you have that gut feeling do it!

I think homeschooling is a wonderful option. The child receives one on one instruction. A child with learning issues can focus on learning. The pace is child centered. There are so many wonderful parents homeschooling. There are support groups all over that plan activities. I think children are sometimes pegged as LD and all they need is some extra help. Or they learn differently.Homeschool children are very successful people. The public school is limited on teaching to every child’s learning style. My son no longer needs the label after 1.5 years at home.He chose to go back to public school and he is doing great. If we had left him there he would still be behind and depressed.He went from struggling and dependent to achieving and independent. My opinion of the label was, it was a smokescreen to allow the school to accomadate standardized testing. They did not offer help to overcome his problem.