After reading a debate on retention at the K-1 level on this site last month I decided to post a question. We have a very bright, sociable son who was once labelled LD due to reading and writing issues. I privately tutored him and he surpasses his grade level in reading /math, but still stuggles a bit with spelling/writing. He will be finishing 5th grade with strong marks and testing results and leaving public school for a private school across town. Their academic requirements are more rigorous than the ps. He would be able to keep up, but I doubt he would lead the class as he now does. Our son is a summer bithday and VERY small for his age (bottom 10% in height and weight) and physically appears to be a 3rd-4th grader (exhibits no signs of puberty). He is also blessed with extreme athletic ability and talent and would love to be on future varsity-sports teams in spite of his diminutive size. He is well-adjusted, happy and is flexible about this decision. He understands the school is much harder and wants to be placed in the grade where he will do his best. The new school will allow us to enter him as a fifth or sixth grader. The new children would not be aware of his retention and we don’t anticipate any ridicule.
In a place and time where so many we know in our area automatically hold their 5 year olds out of K classes “to give them an extra year to mature” it would bring him to about the mid of the class as opposed to being the youngest. Our state cut-off date is Sept.1 for K entry. Most highly academic private schools here force summer and some spring birthdays, especially boys, to wait a year to start. Other states use Jan 1 as their date and 4 year olds begin K classes which muddies the waters even further.
We were asked in K-1-2 to consider retention, but we rejected the notion because he was very smart and we had faith in his abililities to academically excel in spite of his reading/writing problem. We also felt repeat of the same curriculum was not the answer and it would not have served as well as specific tutoring to his needs. If we could have foreseen his current physical size we would have retained him and still tutored him.
One day he will sit for SAT exams, try out for the baseball team, begin dating, etc. Will anyone care that he is 18 instead of 17 at time of high-school graduation? My gut instinct tells me to retain him, but I am unsure as to what the statistics bear-out in this situation, assuming , that is, there are any available. What would be in his best interest for his long-term educational/social needs????
Re: Retention for a fifth-grader?
Yes, Robin, I think you are correct in there not being stats. regarding this circumstance since it is a bit peculiar. We feel pretty comfortable with his attitude and the school regarding the issue. I keep feeling that in his case because there was and still are some LD issues which linger that he would benefit academically in the long haul. I have read that often LD kids and particularly boy’s brains do not fully develop until late teens. I’m not sure if this is substantiated or not, but if there is any truth to it, surely it would be beneficial to grant the extra year. From a curiosity standpoint, I would also like to ask others from various parts of the country if this holding back children until they are 6 or 7 to begin kindergarten is happening elsewhere or just in our competitive “neck of the woods?”
Doing what is right for the child?
Sounds to me like your child will be fine with your decision to promote or retain him. I have been working in the private sector for two years and trust me, it is much more stringent and rigorous than public school. You have to keep in mind that your child is athletically gifted and needs to utilize those abilities. If he is small now, most likely he will sit the bench for a year. This does not do much for a child’s self-esteem. So- the extra year would give the child time to mature physically, athletically, and emotionally. It may do him some good.
You have an exceptional situation because no one (ie. other kids) would know his situation and it would give them nothing to pick on him about, being the new kid and all! I say retain him for his own good. There is nothing wrong with graduating at 18. I did!
Re: Doing what is right for the child?
Heather, thanks for a vote of confidence. The private sector is much more academically demanding. My older son transferred in two years ago. He had to go to summer school and catch up in advanced math, grammar and spelling. All areas which our public school appears to ignore or skim at best. He has had to struggle to learn a completely different curriculum. He is also an LD student but with greater deficits than his younger bro. Private school in a non- LD setting has been a great challenge. We have to “sit” on him to keep him on track, but it is amazing how much he is capable of accomplishing . It is sad that he was allowed to waste so many years in public school and coddled with such very low expectations.
Our son who is 10 and we are considering retaining was classified LD but we refused the ps LD services. His remediation has been a result of advice primarily from experts and well-wishers on this web-site! We are very pleased and forever thankful for his progress and his brother’s as well. We plan to continue and expand upon the writing and spelling this summer.
His younger brother, then 5 at the time, also listened in and participated in the lessons primarily for one summer. The preventative measures and phonetic approach has paid-off and history has not repeated it self for a third time in our family. He is not an LD student. He is about the very youngest for his grade level for our school district and is at the top of the reading ability of his class level. We attribute this mainly but not entirely to the lessons. He appears to have a very very strong memory which his brothers both lack.
The only sad part of our story has been my attempt to share what we learned here with other children who struggle to read at the school. I even proposed to personally -fund the materials necessary for one class to try a different reading approach. After numerous meetings with teachers, administrators, and “so-named” reading specialists at the school, I have given up on trying to help the other children. The school loves to blame the children’s parents and basically their poverty for their poor reading results. I have focused on ‘helping my own’ for now, but someday I will crusade the cause again.
Re: Retention for a fifth-grader?
Whew! what a topic. May I put in my two cents in on the subject of retetion?
My oldest child is a summer birthday, that left the comforts of a small private school, where he happily resided in the top 5 of his 4th grade class to move to a public school system in a new town with more rigorous academic standards, and a two-year kg program that it regularly tracked it summer boys into.
So, my 10 year old was thrown into a new culture, new school, new school system with kids that were often 6-12 months older than him.
What used to be a kid who was mostly on top, has struggled mighitly to stay somewhere in the middle. To this day, in 10th grade, he still prefers the company of kids in 9th grade.
On the other hand, despite the fact that they recommended 2yr kg for #2 son, i said no, but kept him back in first grade, because his reading grades were low— it was by far the best thing we ever did. He is one of the best students in his class, despite his ADHD, and the reading LD we suspected never matrialized.
Given the chance again, I would have started #1 in 4th grade here, and given him a chance to catch up, emotionally and academically with his peers.
If he’s not opposed to it, start him in the new school in 5th grade.. he’ll thank you for it later.
Re: Retention for a fifth-grader?
Whew! what a topic. May I put in my two cents in on the subject of retetion?
My oldest child is a summer birthday, that left the comforts of a small private school, where he happily resided in the top 5 of his 4th grade class to move to a public school system in a new town with more rigorous academic standards, and a two-year kg program that it regularly tracked it summer boys into.
So, my 10 year old was thrown into a new culture, new school, new school system with kids that were often 6-12 months older than him.
What used to be a kid who was mostly on top, has struggled mighitly to stay somewhere in the middle. To this day, in 10th grade, he still prefers the company of kids in 9th grade.
On the other hand, despite the fact that they recommended 2yr kg for #2 son, i said no, but kept him back in first grade, because his reading grades were low— it was by far the best thing we ever did. He is one of the best students in his class, despite his ADHD, and the reading LD we suspected never matrialized.
Given the chance again, I would have started #1 in 4th grade here, and given him a chance to catch up, emotionally and academically with his peers.
If he’s not opposed to it, start him in the new school in 5th grade.. he’ll thank you for it later.
Re: Retention for a fifth-grader?
I don’t think you can make a wrong decision here. Your talented son will probably be fine no matter what you do. If you would decide to err on the side of the caution, and give him a second year in 5th grade in his new school, no one will care that he’s 18 when he graduates. Indeed, these days, it’s not uncommon for boys to be 18 when they graduate.
I teach in an independent school and it’s quite common for parents there to hold their boys out a year. In my son’s graduating class from that same school, the age range was 2 1//2 years!
Good luck with your decision.
Re: Retention for a fifth-grader? A suggestion
Why not see if the new school will let him “visit” the class presently at the end of fifth grade for a couple of days or a week? (Definitely more than one day, which would just be play)
If he’s happy there and can keep up with the group, fine, he can join them for sixth grade next fall.
If he feels lost and out of it, he can join fifth grade in the fall.
Whichever he does, the visit will seem appropriate - either meeting the group he will join and progressing with them, or seeing the grade he will be in next year.
Re: Retention for a fifth-grader?
The situation is similiar to yours. We already know the school is harder. We already know the highschool he will most likely attend is highly competitive for a spot and frequently has boys who were retained at the K-1 stage making them 18-19 yr old graduates. He already has kids a year older than him in ps and we suspect some will be even 1 1/2 years older in the final private school he will attend. It does appear to be the best thing for him. Thanks.
Re: Retention for a fifth-grader? A suggestion
Visiting is a good idea. I believe they will allow it, but probably only for a few hours, not a full day. They also have just told me that we could try him in fifth and if it all was too easy, he could transfer up to sixth. I like that idea very much and this will make the decision easier for us all. Thanks.
I was eighteen when I graduated high school because my birthday is in March. My children (and my brother for that matter was) will be seventeen because of fall birthdays. It just doesn’t matter. We are all coping…:) Having had the retention conversation with my son’s kindergarten teacher because of his birthday- oddly enough not with my daughter’s, hmmm…- we decided as you did and I don’t regret it at all. My son is now in seventh grade, his grades are good and while there are other kids who are developing faster than he is that would be true anyway. He is bright and articulate and also had some handwriting issues-and I would not have held him back because of physical size.
You need to do what will make all of you happy. The statistics on retention are fairly dismal when one looks at long term academic benefit- the child was behind to begin with and the extra year was supposed to be a better match relative to the child and the material or maturity or whatever. That doesn’t work well and we know that. What you are talking about is quite different and I think that if your son understands the issues and is happy with the decision, and you and your spouse feel good about the choice then go ahead and retain him. As long as he adjusts well and cooperates with the decision- and that really is the most important thing- then I do not think you have any reason to be concerned.
Robin