Son who has been bullied is fed up!

Dear DM
I know what you mean. I have a son in the 5th who is dylexic. He ie also a concree thinker.. He also goes to the labeled room Sp. Ed. He obeys the rules probably too much. He doesn’t understand why other children do not get into trouble like they should. He hasn’t been picked on much and I feel for your son. I have heard those very words “don’t tattle” uttered from the mouths of teachers with my own ears. My son does not advocate well for himself. He has an expressive disorder. So when he does finally speak up, the teacher I guess just doen’t understand how serious he is.So he gets mad. When he gets mad he cries, because he knows he is not suppose to do anything physical, but he is mad enough to be physical. Well crying makes him look like a baby. He just can not control his emotions. So let me get this straight If you go get him tested and find out he has another disability…then they will stop the bully from doing his nasty things? Tell your son that EVERYONE has a disiability. Not EVERYONE can do EVERYTHING! So when everbody can’t do this one THING or many SOMETHINGS it becomes their disiabillity. Your son and my son and everybody else’s son and daughters just got lucky (Ha-Ha) to get our special label with learning. This bully boy might have a problem at home. I am a WHO volunteer. WHO stands for We Help Ourselves. It is connected with the mental health office I think.The volunteers go to the schools here and encourages this tattling…as they put it. The children are explained about bad or wrong things that may be happening at home or at school. They are encouraged to tell the teacher or counselor. I guess this is done to promote better mental health in our children. And to let them know they have someone to turn to when things hurt them, mentally or phusically. In a video to show the children it talks about bullies and shows how there maybe problems at home. But home problems does not give this bully the right to do to son what may be getting done to the bully at his home. Has your son ever tried to make friends with this boy. I know it goes against your feelings right now. It would be hard for me to do. But it might work.
Shannon

Dear DM
I know what you mean. I have a son in the 5th who is dylexic. He ie also a concree thinker.. He also goes to the labeled room Sp. Ed. He obeys the rules probably too much. He doesn’t understand why other children do not get into trouble like they should. He hasn’t been picked on much and I feel for your son. I have heard those very words “don’t tattle” uttered from the mouths of teachers with my own ears. My son does not advocate well for himself. He has an expressive disorder. So when he does finally speak up, the teacher I guess just doen’t understand how serious he is.So he gets mad. When he gets mad he cries, because he knows he is not suppose to do anything physical, but he is mad enough to be physical. Well crying makes him look like a baby. He just can not control his emotions. So let me get this straight If you go get him tested and find out he has another disability…then they will stop the bully from doing his nasty things? Tell your son that EVERYONE has a disiability. Not EVERYONE can do EVERYTHING! So when everbody can’t do this one THING or many SOMETHINGS it becomes their disiabillity. Your son and my son and everybody else’s son and daughters just got lucky (Ha-Ha) to get our special label with learning. This bully boy might have a problem at home. I am a WHO volunteer. WHO stands for We Help Ourselves. It is connected with the mental health office I think.The volunteers go to the schools here and encourages this tattling…as they put it. The children are explained about bad or wrong things that may be happening at home or at school. They are encouraged to tell the teacher or counselor. I guess this is done to promote better mental health in our children. And to let them know they have someone to turn to when things hurt them, mentally or phusically. In a video to show the children it talks about bullies and shows how there maybe problems at home. But home problems does not give this bully the right to do to son what may be getting done to the bully at his home. Has your son ever tried to make friends with this boy. I know it goes against your feelings right now. It would be hard for me to do. But it might work.
Shannon

Sorry did not mean to press the post button twice. Did not think it work the first time.
shannon

Find your childs advocate in your area. Document everything this young boy does to your son..Can they change Classrooms..I know the playground is tough they staff with inept aides.. My son was beat up by five children one day.. Write letters to board of education and superintendent. Keep on the principal.. Once I got an advocate they start being attentive… Encourage your son to hang in there. Write to your legislators and your paper. Can you visit the school at these times of trouble.. I often would like to video tape these other children. Ignorant people are often the reason. The school cannot keep turning their backs there is enough violence in the schools.. Don’t let them use your child as there scapegoat.. Call the childrens parents, there are laws against harassment.

Your special education son does have rights. Chapter 19 laws (feds, I think) make it a serious offense to harass or otherwise bully another student. As a parent, if you are sure that it is not your child at fault, you may want to talk to the child’s care coordinator or index teacher to see what he/she suggests. You have the right to call an IEP meeting of the team of teachers, etc. that are in charge of your child’s IEP.

If your child has problems with receptive/expressive language, you may ask to have your child tested by the speech-language therapist. It is their job to work with children that have this type of problem.

It may be worth your time to watch your child from afar at recess, lunch, before or after school waiting for the bus. This may be when the “bully” will be around. Watching to see how your child reacts can help you know how to proceed further.

Hope this helps.

DR/SPED teacher/ 6th grade

Contact your family doctor or psychologist and get them involved. They should have stopped this long before now. The law guarantees the school is to provide a safe place and they have failed in this. Contact your Department of Education and file a complaint. This will force the school’s hand to put a stop to this. Take your doctor to your psychologist right away so your son doesn’t keep this bottled up inside.
I am raising my 9 year old grandson who is also very quiet and easy going. There had been ongoing bullying that I was unaware of for the past year. He recently told me again and stated he was too embaressed to tell me. I knew of 3 incidents and did contact the school. It continued. My grandson was under such extream pressure that he ended up in the hospital for 7 days from severe depression….because of the bullying. Two psychologist had me remove Dale from his school and I am in the process of relocating him. Due to this problem and his other emotional problems (ADHD and Post Dramatic Syndrom), will now have to go into an Emotional Resource Center that is located on (a different) the school grounds. The school indicated they saw the depression in Dale but yet neglected to contact me. I only saw frustration…not realizing it was in fact depression.
It’s not too late but get him support now. If I can be of any further assistance, please contact me.
Linda

Hi.
I am from Denmark.
I have 2 sons of 9 and 12 years of age.
The one who is 9 years has got LD on the nonverbal. He is also concrete in his thinking, and only gets in trouble when he is bullied. We are Christians and come in an assemblies of God congregation. Somehow it is a comfort to our son to be a Christian, because he knows that God is righteous. God sees everything, and that he also sees our sufferings, and he sees that we do the right thing, and he rewards us.
Anyway, our son will in august be sent to a special school for children who have the same difficulties as he has. I think it might be a good idea for your son to also change to another school, where the teachers understand his handicap, and are on your sons side.
It seems to me like a good idea to change your sons environment. It is a shame that we can not get the love from people, that we need.
My eldest son had been in a christian scool for 4 years, and was being bullied there both by teachers and pupils, and was always blamed.
Then we moved him to a public school, and he has never been happier.
I hope you could use my answer. You are welcome to write me back
Yours sincerely Annemette.

Mental health days work for kids, too. Abuse sucks. Ask if he’d rather stay home and do some schoolwork there for a day every two weeks or whatever the school rules will bear and don’t be afraid to stretch them. OR just pull him home.

The saga goes on. I went to pick up my sons belongings at school and they were all stuffed in his locker. There was an envelope labeled, “Some kind words” and they were letters from about half of his classmates and teacher.

I can not tell you how awful these letters are (wanting to believe whoever facilitated this had good intentions). They were letter after letter stating how they were sorry that no one liked him in the class but his two friends and how they had been mean to him. A couple apologized for being mean to him. Most just said things like “focus on the good and forget the bad times” or “hope you meet new friends at your new school” and “too bad for all the conflict”. These are not 5th grade words and they all had them in each of these letters. They were definitely coached!!! They must have had a big discussion of my son and whatever stand the school decided to present to the classmates, which really upsets me!!!!

Who gave them the right to discuss why I pulled my son out of their school and even one of the letters said it was great that my son admitted that he was a bully. That was the worst since my son never admitted he was a bully, my goodness! I took him out because he has been bullied for three years!

Is there anyone out there who has gone up against a school district? You can respond to me directly if needed. I cannot imagine what my son would feel like if he saw these letters that confirmed that these kids felt this way. Needless to say, I sat and cried …. then resolved to do something about this incredibly insensitive behavior!!!

Hello,

I grew up with LD and bullying as well. I was like your son, I had few friends, I was much larger than the other children and didn’t know how to respond to comments. A few things that helped me were:

1) Thinking up scripts and practicing them in my head until they were memorized to respond to these kids. It actually did help but I still lacked the self confidence to really feel I was actually equal to the other kids and respond effectively.

2)I started lifting weights in grade 8 and martial arts later in life. Don’t get me wrong ,I’m not suggesting violence. What these areas helped me with was confidence, as I began to become better and stronger I realized that there were things that I could do and I wasn’t stupid. For any parent of a child with a LD I would suggest finding something they can do individually and that they enjoy (I.e. Karate, Dance, Art, etc) so they don’t get anxiety by worrying about performance in a group activity. An additional benefit was I had to learn to pay attention and focus on a task. Gradually as my attention improved in this area, it benefited other areas as well.

As I gained more confidence it became eazier to deal with the bullies since I didn’t view them as my betters any more. My social skills improved as I began to feel more at eaze and less anxious (makes sense after reading all the liturature on Sensory Integration Disorder); as a result I was more accepted by my peers.

If you live in Canada, contact CPRI (Child Parent Resource Institute) in London Ontario and ask for the education department. There was a consultant to parents who spoke there on advocacy and the school board. He is supposed to be excellent, I think he spoke about a year ago.

I know your frustrations, my son inherited LD from me and I’m sure he’ll go through some of the similar things I went through. Keep up the good work with your son, I had a lot of deficits I overcame as a child and still continue to deal with as an adult. If it makes you feel better I turned out OK, I work as a Rehabilitation Therapist in Neurobehavioral Rehabilitation Program in a Hospital and also at CPRI. With a mom as devoted as you, I’m sure your son will do well.

I also agree with one of the poeple who e mailed earlier. The School Board is covering their ass, get a lawyer because if it gets let go the cycle will simply continue.

Goo luck,

Brad Forbes

Brad,
Thank you for that inspiring letter. I have really trying to encourage my son in areas where he can build some confidence. One of his many great assets is learning and memorizing statistics about things. He probably knows every pokemon card and stats on each by heart. He has rejoined a league on saturdays and he is making friends. He is also swimming at the YWCA twice a week which is available for homeschoolers.

I havent taken any action at this point…we are recuperating from the events of this year. My sons rages have almost disappeared since I pulled him out of his old school and have been homeschooling him these last few weeks.

My son is pretty incredible and I know if I continue to support him and provide him tools to feel success and walk through difficulties with dignity and his head held high, I know he will make it through these difficult years like you did.

Thank you again for sharing your experience and hope. It really encourages me.!

I don’t mind at all. It is as theraputic for as for reading it. It helps me to let off some steam and remember how I had to fight so I can now help my son.My son son has an Expessive Language Disorder which a doctor kindly pointed out to me once that he inherited it from me in an accusing tone. Writing about my experiences I think helps with the guilt of knowing that I gave this to my son and the frustration that I have helped quite a few people change their lives in my career and I feel sometimes that I’m not doing enough for my little boy.

Sorry, a little venting.Good luck and if I can help in any way let me know.

Check out wright’slaw.com and purchase and purchase and read From Emotion to Advocacy and book number 2 Wrightslaw: Special Educaion Law.