Improving Teacher/School relationship

It sounds to me as if you’ve given your son very good advice. There’s no winning sometimes in a battle with a teacher and it would be hard for this teacher or anyother to make dramatic changes in their “style”. If he shows what respect he can and tries to stay out of her line of fire, that might be the best we can hope for.

Why is it, though, that he has to have her next year? If there were anything to do about that, I’d want to do it to prevent him from needing to tolerate this two years in a row. They don’t sound like a great match for each other.

As to his reading, when children lose interest in reading and even when they don’t, I’m a big fan of reading out loud to a child from well-chosen books. Books that grab at your interest and don’t let it go. The Goosebumps series might be such books and if it works to hold his interest, you could stop reading at a certain point in a book and let him take over.

Good luck.

Hi Sara,

Thanks for responding.

Staying out of the line of fire is quite difficult as there are only 5 students, but, he tries.

No, they are like oil and water. His whole personality changes around her. He is normally very outgoing and realatively easygoing. When we went in September for the meet the teacher interview and they were sitting together you could just see his back up and a horrible attitude she was just as bad. It is more like two kids in the playground having a dispute. She shows him no respect and therefore he tends to respond in kind. For example, there was an incident in school the day of the interview, we thought this would be a good spot to start as he said it didn’t happen the way she said. So I asked him to start by telling his side the way he saw it. Then she could tell it from her point of view. He hadn’t said more than 5 words before she was saying “I think not” in a very aggressive tone of voice. I asked her to let him tell it and she just kept interupting him with “that’s a lie” or “I think not” every 2 seconds. My son is a lot of things and he is no angel, but when directly questioned he rarely lies. We were very upset after this interview and did go to the principal and had a meeting with her in which she denied calling him a liar. We tried to set up some strategies for them to use to get along a little better. We have not yet seen any of these strategies happening yet (two months later). Unfortunately, this is the only LD program in our school area, therefore he gets the same teacher till he graduates.

I have tried the reading aloud with goosebumps, pokemon, harry potter, and various others, he is just so negative on reading he doesn’t want anything to do with it. We have encouraged his using the computer and he is “reading” a little that way playing on neopets and other various sites. I find when he wants to he is reading much better than what the school indicates. For example when he wanted to send his xmas wishlist to his uncle he was able to do it with no help from us and it involved a lot of reading with no picture clues to get to the right spot. (using web access) Mainly it seems to be a matter of not having an interest, or not seeing the point, so he won’t put in the effort. This seems to stem from not being challenged, negatives from people around him (schoolmates, etc…), lack of motivation and rewards at school (she regularly takes away a earned reward if you do something she doesn’t like thereby demotivating in my mind, “he says why bother she’ll just take it away again”) and yes we have talked to her about this and have on specific occasions shamed her into giving back the reward. Finally, if he doesn’t try he can’t fail.

Lauren

I would pull him out of sp. ed personally. This sounds like a disaster. Either put him in the regular class fulltime or homeschool him—we had a bad situation last year and I kept my son home until 10 am and partially homeschooled him. This year the teacher is gone!!! And my son is light years ahead of the others who stayed.

Hi Beth

Your right it is a disaster. They won’t put him in regular class as “his reading would be too much of a negative”. I have considered home schooling but I am not sure how well he would respond. In the summer we were doing about 1/2 hour a day and that was about as long as I could keep him doing it. He usually works better with someone other than Mom, but in this woman’s case maybe 1/2 hour with me would be better than a day with her!

Did your son respond well to your teaching him? Did you use any specific stratagies? Did they replace the teacher, or was it a just lucky that the person left? I am in Canada and getting rid of a teacher is harder than winning the lottery!

Lauren

Lauren,

I pulled my son out until 10 am each day to avoid language arts resource room. He actually saw the same teacher for math but his issues in math were less severe and I thought it couldn’t hurt him. We did PG, lots of reading, and exercises connected with private therapy we were doing. I found 1/2 hour was about all he could do in one setting too.

I work at an university and was teaching at night so this worked well for me. I would have pulled him out fulltime but couldn’t and do my job.

I kept it focused on the programming issues at the school, even though the teacher was a big part of the problem and I think people knew it. (I had been told by district people that the teacher had not implemented the programming correctly). I didn’t want to sour relationships unnecessarily, especially since I didn’t think I really could change anything. If I were you and decided to pull him out to homeschool, I would simply say that you have decided to do this because you think he can have his deficits dealt with most effectively on a one to one basis (or something similar). My goal would be to get him back in the school without needing resource room (unless you decided this is a good lifestyle for you).

It also might be that this teacher is simply a really bad match for your son. She might do better with other types of students, even if she is never wonderful.
Beth

The teacher just left to take a job closer to home. The principal hired someone that was good. If she had only been there last year….

Hi Lauren,

In my opinion as a special ed. teacher of fifteen years, personality and “teaching style” are crucial, if not all-important, in the teaching relationship. The ability to form a rapport, and gain the respect of students, is one of the underrated “intangibles” of teaching, perhaps because it is so hard to measure or predict. It is possible to observe, however, and I think you have seen a perfect example of what you do NOT want to see in a teacher! I believe a student can learn very little from someone s/he neither likes nor respects. Think about your past teachers and you will know what I am saying is true. It is hard for school personnel and administrators to talk about this openly, though, because they don’t know what to do about it either, but my guess is that if you said this to anyone who knows her at the school, they would agree with you. That said, my guess is that they would support your preference to eliminate the special ed. pull-out, even if they don’t want to officially acknowledge that as the reason.

By the way, it doesn’t matter if they think his reading is too much of a negative, they still have to mainstream him if you want it, and most schools will not fight you on this if you insist. At the worst you would have to go to Due Process to enforce it, and my guess is they would not take it that far, as the Due Process hearing officer will almost certainly side with you, just on principle alone (the least restrictive environment is the principle), let alone your issues with the special ed. teacher. That’s the other reason the district is unlikely to fight you on it, I’m sure they are well aware of the personality problems this teacher has, and they would not want to publicize it!

Perhaps you should pay a short visit to each of the regular ed. classes he might go into, so you can make an informed decision of who would be most supportive for him, who seems most caring and flexible about adapting homework, tests, etc. If there is a special ed. aide (with a nicer personality) you could ask for that person to go into the classroom to provide some support (this is called consultation), at least for a time. You can make a specific request for this arrangement, either at the IEP or even before, i.e. suggest they try it as an “experiment” and then formalize it at the IEP if it is going well. Since they are already not following last years IEP, this should not be much of an issue! My guess is the Sp. Ed. teacher won’t fight it either, as it will get a “problem student” off her hands.

If you request an IEP, by the way, they have to respond to your (written) notice in a timely manner, usually interpreted as within 10 days, or you can make that an issue at Due Process also. In the meantime, take advantage of the upcoming school recess to check out resources in your area, get some books together you can teach him with, and try it out over the holidays, a half hour a day is a good start, actually. Depending on how successful the homeschooling effort is, that can be your fall-back position if they won’t go for the mainstreaming option, or you can implement that option immediately if you both are enjoying it. I agree with you that any option is preferable to his having to spend hours each day with a “toxic personality,” which it certainly sounds like she represents for him.

By the way, if you would like some suggestions on teaching strategies for his auditory perceptual issues, feel free to email me or take a look at my website www.angelfire.com/on2/thepuzzle for some more info on that!

Sharon

Sharon,

Wow, what a website! I just took a quick peak and learned more than I have in 2 years with the school board! I love the definition for phonemic awareness. When trying to explain it I would use “you know how you hear when you read to yourself, well he doesn’t hear the sounds in his head.” or something to that effect. I plan to check it out much more tomorrow!

I think if I really pushed it, although I am not certain, they would put him in mainstream. The main worries I have about mainstreaming him is that he will 1) be ridiculed by peers 2) that he would get so discouraged as to give up altogether 3) that she has not been teaching him at grade level so he will be behind by 4 months even without the LD problem 4) There is only one grade 5 class so I have no choice of teacher, again.

I plan to try working with him again over the holidays, but, to a certain extent he considers it punishment so I try not to push to hard and catch him at a receptive time. To quote him “how come I have to do this no one else is!?”

Toxic personality mix - what a great way to describe them! You seem to have a great deal of insight, I guess after 15 years of special ed you would have changed vocation or you really love it! You sure you wouldn’t like to move to Toronto? I have a great basement!

Lauren

Lauren, I am an Ontario SpecEd. teacher and parent of a child with LDs and CAPD. Here are some thoughts on possibilities:
1. Write a letter to the principal detailing your main concerns, requesting that a behavioural contract be implemented, and that it be supervised by the school youth worker (Do you have these in Toronto? We do in the boonies—Renfrew County). (You could cc this letter to a superintendent.) This worker would help take the heat off your son and wouldl liaise and act as a buffer with the teacher. You could also, while you’re at it, request a teacher’s assistant (My writing a letter to the superindendent got an extra 1/2 time TA for my son’s SLD class and an extra 30-45 mins./day of one-on-one time for my son. Believe me, parents do have some bargaining power and rights!) A TA could help as a buffer in the current class or help for a short time period daily with integration if you feel the current placement is a no go situtation. Request a new IPRC be held if necessary to get this service, and, if you feel very insecure about it, get some pointers from your local Ontario LD Assoc. before going. (These association chapters are a wonderful source of advice, info. and support.) If the school will not change his placement, (ie assign a youth worker)/TA check the ministry website (I have it but can’t find it at the moment) on appealing an IPRC decision (or get this info. from the LD Association).
2. ISA grants are being applied for now (These are funding grants to schools where TA’s are needed), so this is a good time to push.
3. See about getting your son assessed for CAPD. We saw Theresa Brassard, an audiologist on Yonge St. at Eglinton and I would highly recommend her. If he has auditory processing difficulties and the degree of frustration you describe, CAPD is a possibility.(How did he fare with Earobics?)
4. Quietly make inquiries of other parents of children in your son’s class. Do they have the same concerns? If not, assume you’ve got an oil & fire mix; try the above steps or bail to a new school. If they have similar concerns, take joint action. (Phone calls, letters.) This sounds to me like a case of a bad job fit, particularly if the teachers in your son’s integrated classes don’t have similar concerns with discipline. (If your son were the discipline problem his Spec. Ed. teacher claims him to be surely all hell would be breaking loose in his integrated classes!) Principals hate getting calls from parents. He’ll move her out of there.
5. Bail as a last resort after researching nearby schools with good Spec. Ed. reputations and pitching your case to a superintendent. I know the rules are sometimes bent. Your son needs you to get all the info. you can and fight hard for a better setup. Be a squeaky wheel and hang in there.
Good luck.

This I think is the critical issue to address head on if you are going to work effectively with your son. There are no easy answers but your son has to understand that kids learn differently and that you are trying to help him learn. My son has screamed many times that it is not fair. I agree with him and then explain once again why it is important that he learn to read. I now hear my son telling my younger one “Life just isn’t fair.” Working with us is now part of his life and he rarely causes any problems with it. I think it just has to be nonnegotiable. My son was younger (7) when we first started working with him. That is probably both easier and harder.

I think you have received a lot of really good ideas about how to work within the school system and maybe, if you are lucky, you can get one of them to work. Keep homeschooling as a backup—it will make you feel less pressure. You also might let the school know you are considering it. It may give you some bargaining room. I found that certain people anyway were horrified that was up my sleeve and saw how serious I was about changing what they were doing. In the end, I pulled him out anyway but may be able to work something out that is goodfor your son.

My heart goes out to you. I know how hard this is.

Beth