Confused/frustrated - Am I the one failing? Very Long...

I feel for you. Clearly, what the school is doing isn’t enough. Have they done diagnostic testing to try to pinpoint what the problems are? You say he has trouble in both reading and math. Is it all math or math because he can’t read the directions. My son’s major math problem is reading.

My son had speech delays and the whole nine yards just like yours. He has ended up having Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD). This can only be diagnosed by an audiologist but is often covered by insurance. The school won’t do this, or at least mine did/would not. Kids like ours are high risk at school. Do you have to break directions down so much because he doesn’t retain them? My son was the same way and this is characteristic of kids with CAPD. There is a lot of information on this board by parents and you can look under processing problems on this board.

Also, I would get the book Reading Reflex and start teaching your son to read. It is especially designed for parents. Depending on the severity of your son’s problems, it may or may not be enough. For us, it has been much better than the ineffective programs the school is using, although he still is not at grade level, due to multiple problems (he has CAPD, visual processing problems, and sensory integration problems—oh, happy day!).

Being put in a LD class may not be so bad either. It depends what they do in there. My child is mainstreamed but most of it just goes right by him. You need to get more information and not feel like either of you have failed if he is put in a LD class. It may be a life line.

Beth

I am a parent of a child recently diagnosed with a learning disability. I am also very fortunate to be a special education teacher, although not a teacher for children with learning disabilities. A class for children with learning disabilities would probably be your best option at this point. The resource teacher at my daughter’s school is very experienced and competent in learning disabilities so we are very lucky. Also, the school psychologist is very thorough in her testing and explains things very clearly for parents. Have you talked to the person that tested your child? I received much more information from the psychologist than I did from my daughter’s teacher on what her specific areas of weakness are.You have many rights as a parent of a child in special education and I would recommend calling a meeting as soon as possible to discuss all options that are available for your child. I could not imagine going through all of this without having the knowledge that I do of how special education works. As a parent, we have to seek and demand the best education for our children. Do not give up! Continue to be involved in your child’s education and find out as much as you can about the options available at your child’s school, as there are probably some that you do not know about. My daughter will be receiving help in a resource class as well as speech and occupational therapy. I am thankful everyday for the caring professionals involved in my child’s education.You and your son deserve everything that is available to help him. Good luck!

I can understand why the direction they seem to be taking your son is uncomfortable to you. Maybe it helps to understand the school is a process, a set of hoops really that children have to jump through. And they pretty much have to jump through those hoops all about the same time.

If they can’t all jump through the hoops about the same time, if they can’t all begin reading about the same time, or do the same kind of math problems about the same time, then what’s a teacher to do with the children who can’t do it? It would be like having several classes in one class. It would be making up several lesson plans just to teach one class and finding things for all the different learning groups to do while working with each one separately.

If that could happen, then school would be able to keep all the kids together even if they’re working at different speeds. But it’s not usually the case that any teacher can do that.

It might be that having him reevalutated for ADD and having him successfully on medication would make a difference but from what you’re saying, it sounds like your son is dealing with more than attentional issues. It sounds as if he’s not yet ready to read comfortably, not yet ready to sound out words, and that would make third grade very hard and probably uncomfortable for him.

Understand that we all learn in different ways but that school pretty much teaches in just one way. It seems like the kind of instruction offered him in his 1st and 2nd grade classrooms hasn’t been the kind he needs.

Just as you understand that your son needs very specific directions, his teacher needs to understand that and to be able to do that for him. He likely won’t get that kind of teaching in a regular 3rd grade classroom.

As you read about learning styles and learning differences, you’ll have more to contribute to the meetings with teachers at school. It might also help to go and visit the ld classroom without your son to see what you think of it. By law, public schools must allow this so don’t allow anyone to give you a rough time about that. Call the school secretary and let her know you’d like to visit the classroom your son might be in next year and ask what day and time are best. Don’t take no for an answer. You might see a wonderful teacher that you feel is just right for your son at this time. You might see a smaller classroom size and different instructional methods being used.

In the meantime, you can certainly tell your son that we don’t all learn in the same way but that schools pretty much teach in just one way. He’s special. It’s not his fault, it’s school’s fault. Whose responsibility is it to know how to teach him? It should be his school’s. (You might also ask around in your family and his father’s family. Learning style differences tend to run in families and you might be able to share with your son that an aunt or an uncle also had the same learning style as your son and didn’t feel comfortable reading until they were somewhat older)

Your son is lucky to have a mother who clearly cares so much about him.
Good luck.

You were right not to continue the ritilin until all other aspects are evaluated. I also have a 9 yr old with speech, language issues and MANY people tried to go the route of ADD- but I was fortunate(?) to have had a child with ADD and I knew there was definitely a difference. The diagnosis Language Learning Disability -LLD is important because educational goals are based on the fact that a child who is not processing the language is in need of help in every subject, meaning Social Studies, Science etc. His learning is hampered across the board because of the language disability.

Third to fourth grade is a critical time because your child will be going from “learning to read” to “reading to learn”. Therefore you have come to bat just in time. Search for a developmental pediatrician for testing quickly and get the proper diagnosis-this will be a lifesaver for years to come. If it is a language learning disability, getting help such as his school books on tape can help him continue to learn the subjects without falling so far behind. If he has made friends in his regular classroom, then I would strive to keep him in that environment with resource help. In resource he would go out for reading, math -for example- and receive help with social studies and science preferably in his regular education room. He would be with his friends during times such as art, PE, and music. The important issue is that language is the basis for the deficit and, if not addressed that will determine his performance in every single area.

Immediately, ask the school for a speech.language assessmen-do it in writing. As soon as that is completed, he should begin receiving speech therapy critical to his education.

Also, Reading Refles by McGuiness, will give him solid phonemic awareness that may jumpstart him and take the “giving up” attitude away.

There are lots of decisions and none of us know we are making the right ones, we just do the best we can. Also read Playground Politics by Stanley Greenspan. This gives you some great advice and guidance for helping your child work out their fears and frustrations. Best Wishes, Sharon G.

Not to overwhelm you with too much info, but this thread gives a lot of info regarding ideas to help your child read on his own. I just discovered it. Things like Franklin Speller- type a word in and it tells you what it is on its own. Shaorn G.

Darlene,
Have you had a psycho-educational evaluation done? This evaluation should pinpoint exactly where your son’s problems are. Be sure to choose a good highly regarded psychologist that does the evals first and foremost. For example, here in South Florida the Univ. of Miami is the place to go. This needs to be your first step. Lori

Look into www.audiblox2000.com. I have been using it with my son for 8 weeks now and I am seeing some very good results so far. He is learning math much easier now and his reading is also much better. It is too soon for me to know for sure how successful this program will be, but what I am seeing so far is amazing. I will keep everyone posted.
Wendy

I second the recommendation to get Audiblox. This is a home-based cognitive training program that often helps across the board. It requires working with your child for 1/2 hour or so a day. Although some children start responding within a week, it can take 6 weeks before you start seeing some real benefits, so you need to be prepared to stick with it that long. To start, get the video and book. It’s convenient to get the starter pack also, so you aren’t running to the store to buy appropriate manipulatives. All three total about $80. Website is http://www.audiblox2000.com

Mary

Darlene,
I really was moved by your post. I can’t really give you any concrete answers-if I knew them I’d be handling my own son’s LD and ADD problems a whole lot better-but I can remind you that you’re not alone. One thing your son does need to know is that he is not “stupid.” Try to point out the things he is good at and explain to him that some kids learn at a slower pace than others, but this doesn’t mean they won’t become educated adults. It’s especially important that you try to bolster his self-esteem. I know all this is much easier said than done; much of the same advice has been given to me. I wish you the best of luck.

First of all if the med’s didn’t work then it’s probably NOT ADD. It sounds more like a plain old learning disability. Your son needs a COMPLETE evaluation to see where exactly his deficits are. This should be done, if possible, by a private evaluation. Many insurance companies cover this. When you call ask if they can do a complete psychological and academic evaluation, if they say no, keep calling. I say private because the school is (obviously) already biased. And some school special ed evaluating depts. are not qualified to diagnose some LD conditions.
Secondly, the school would LOVE to hold your son back, pass him on, and or stick him in a LD class. This eliminates the need for them to give him a free and APPROPRIATE education. This means BY LAW he is entitled to an education that meets HIS educational needs.
Thirdly, get over your feeling like a poor mother and waiting, watching and hoping the doctor and school figure out and properly address his problems. NO ONE knows your son like you do. You know what his problems are and what works. You need to read EVERYthing you can get your hands on about learning disabilities so that you can effectivlely advocate for your son. Learn to say NO that is not enough help, I will not accept pat answers or an attitude of we know - you don’t. You want him to learn!
Fourth, work on his self esteem. He obviously cannot read grade appropriately. Eliminate ALL sources of frustration, such as a grandmother who says “sound it out” and a father who says “just do it”. Let your son know he can always count on you and prove that to him. You may have to get a new job, a new shift whatever it takes. If he can’t read right now, then get his self esteem in tact then worry about reading. There is a great (simple) book called Why Johnny Can’t Read. It takes paper & pen to impliment the work needed to help your son. I used it, it worked wonders. The schools (alot at least) do NOT teach phonics. They teach phonics & whole language mix. What this means is that some children, for who the phonics process doesn’t automatically “click”, are left behind. They are TAUGHT to guess based on pictures etc. He needs to learn to read the good old fashioned way, building a little at a time. That is what that book teaches.
And lastly, the biggest hurdle YOU have is to accept his learning DIFFERENCE as part of who he is. You may never “fix” it. You learn how to help him live happily with it. If he never memorizes the states, the capitals, the presidents, how to wire a circuit, and all the other nonsensical useless information that a large percentage of school is made of, so what? He will need to be able to read, do basic spelling and do basic math to survive. Some things will click and make sense when he is an adult. He needs to accept and like himself. YOU need to advocate for him. INSIST the school(s) do the maximum amount to help him learn in HIS way.
Stay involved, love him and learn all you can learn!
Good Luck