DEPRESSED CHILD

I would wager many of those frequenting this bb have experienced their young child showing signs of depression for various reasons.

We sure did when ours was young too. We held to the belief that “no headache was caused by lack of aspirin”; therefore, held out from trying any meds.

At the very least, explore options like changing the placement, or program or seeing what it is that is triggering the sad feelings. Chances are the weepyness and not being himself could be coming from the realization that he is not functioning in certain areas like his peers and he is starting to see and realize this while watching what goes on in class.

Anyway, trust your instincts, follow up on hunches and don’t leave any stone unturned (both at home and school).

He isn’t the only one, and no, you aren’t alone.

Andy

I agree with Andy. I’m sure there are children that really need antidepressants or other mood altering drugs. But what I’ve seen with my son is that changes in mood a a STRONG clue that things aren’t going well at school. When we’ve been able to correct the stressors at school, he has quickly returned to normally cheerful, upbeat disposition.

I would see if I could ferret out and correct whatever is causing a child to be depressed before believing that the primary problem was internal to the child.

Karen

Our 11-year-old has had periods of what I guess I would call borderline depression. It has never gotten to the state where I thought he needed to see a counselor, but it was pretty worrisome. I agree with Andy that much of it comes when the child begins to recognize that they can’t perform up to the ability of other children and they don’t have any control over that.

In our son’s case, there were also other factors at work over the years and it always took us a while to figure out what was bothering him:
- Critical/perfectionist teacher couldn’t deal with his dysgraphia.
- Sensitivity to [perceived?] ridicule by other children.
- A few years later, another hypercritical/burned out teacher.
- Actual physical harassment by several children who were apparently jealous [?] of his special accommodations (electronic keyboard, use of calculator, etc.)

Often it was weeks or even months before he would talk about what was bothering him. Hard to get a child with expressive language issues to verbalize what is going wrong.

Talk with your child’s teacher and see if they have any idea what’s going on. Our son’s teacher hadn’t noticed he was being harassed, but once we told her she saw what was going on and put a stop to it.

Best of luck to you.

My 11 year old son has had trouble in the past with anxiety and depression. Last year, when he was in 4th grade, it was the worst. I’m not against the meds, but haven’t put him on anything since 3rd grade, when we did a 6 month trial with ritalin. Check the following:

* How is he doing at school? Is he succeeding academically? Is he succeeding at the aspects of school that are important to him? How are the teachers and his fellow students treating him?

* How is he doing socially? Does he invite kids over to your house? Does he get invited over to other kids’ houses? If he’s having trouble socially, there’s a few things you can try. One is to enroll him into a social skills class. Another is to focus on his strengths and to enroll him in things that he’s really interested in—sports, scouts, school activities, camps.

* Check out Real Boys’ Voices by William Pollack. It will help you to see what it’s like being a boy today. I showed my son the book and told him I was reading it for two reasons. One is because I know what it’s like to be an adolescent girl but I have no clue what it’s like to be a boy. I also told him about the problems I had as an adolescent so I knew it was a tough time. I read him some passage that I thought pertained to him and we talked about them. For the first time, he opened up about some of the things he was going through. I highly recommend it.

I copied this description from Amazon.com. In Real Boys’ Voices, Pollack, a clinical psychologist and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, lets readers get close to his source—the boys themselves, ages 10 to 20, from all around the country. The voices he presents are searingly authentic and eager to be heard. Pollack’s basic premise is simple: Despite what society might tell us, boys want to talk. Furthermore, they have a lot to say on a wide variety of topics, including gender issues, friendship, sex, fear of violence, and relationships with their mothers and fathers. The first and longest section of the book, “The Secret Emotional Lives of Boys,” is the most powerful. Boys talk about homophobia—their secret terror that they might be called gay—and of the double life many say they lead: strong and brave on the outside, yet full of worries and angst on the inside. With violence all around them, many boys fear becoming violent themselves. They also describe the intense pressure they feel to lose their virginity and the conflicting feelings they have about sex. “Your virginity
is what determines whether you’re a man or a boy in the eyes of every teenage male,” muses one thoughtful boy, who adds, “It is
almost inconceivable to think that your virginity, your one and only innocence, could be your worst enemy.” Throughout his book,
Pollack offers helpful and concrete suggestions for parents to help their boys lead better lives, including tips on how to deal with bullying behavior and how to recognize signs of depression. While this advice is useful, the true power of this book lies in those very real voices. This is a must-read for parents and for anyone who wants insight into the minds of today’s boys.

Your short says a lot but leaves out a lot as well. Is your child seeing anybody? Has someone suggested medication or is that your own thought?

All people, children included, can get anxious and down. The end of the school year can bring very mixed feelings in children. Some celebrate it, others meet it with anxiety and moodiness.

At age 10, your son is approaching adolescence a time when children become moody and “not themselves” while working out who their new selves are.

That your son has a language based LD would only complicate the picture further.

I wouldn’t put any child on medication for their “moodiness” unless I was sure it was a bonafide depression. I’d approach it in other ways before putting such a young child on medication for depression. Even as I say that, though, of the 66 5thgraders I taught this past year, 5 of them were on medication for depression.

We live in an interesting world.