How can I help “Cassie” my non-LD child understand how “Linda” my CAPD child cannot understand what Cassie says to her and that Linda acts up out of her frustration and not to hurt Cassie? Cassie is bright, but just cann’t fathom how Linda keep up with simple things and misunderstands things you say to her. It frustrates me, but I accept it. Cassie seems to think that she gets blamed by Linda and everyone else for Linda’s difficulties (i.e., Linda would understand if you didn’t try to trick her all the time).
I also need to get Linda to understand that Cassie is her sister and is not supposed to be catering to everything that Linda doesn’t understand (i.e., Linda will ask Cassie about something; Cassie will say that she doesn’t know and I think that she in fact does not know the answer; Linda gets mad at Cassie for not telling her something that Linda thinks that Cassie MUST know).
Summer makes for long days between these two.
Cassie is 14.
Linda is 12.
Re: Kids at home
It’s also hard just to have at 14 year old and a 12 year old home all day -without or without other issues added in.
Could you help one of your daughters to find something to do with some of her free time this summer? Volunteer work somewhere? Camp counselor at a nearby day camp? Babysitting?
The good goals you’re setting for your two daughters will take some time to accomplish and you and they could use a little time off from the constant interaction between them or the summer will feel as long as the days.
Good luck.
Re: Kids at home
Try the analogy that it’s like everything’s coming in through a very bad radio station or tv station — only everybody *else* seems to be getting good reception so you are wondering why the cable company is ripping you off, so it really annoys you.
Or that it’s like everybody else knows a secret code to the language and they won’t tell her… so she doesn’t get stuff that everybody else does…
And try having them do activities that *have* no words.
Re: Kids at home
Hi,
Summer is a great time for Linda to do Fast Forward if you have
the funds (or can rationalize it as part of her education spending). My daughter (14 now) went through it at age 11 but it did help
her (she agrees) and she doesn’t mishear things anymore.
mom: Kate, let’s go get the car now.
Kate: Let’s go get the bar now…HUH? What?
mom: ……..
I don’t blame your older daughter for getting frustrated but she
is old enough to be occupied somewhere else like another posting
said. My daughter volunteers at a Kennel/pet shelter.
Before paying big bucks (even to do program at home with her) I
thoroughly looked at the website, especially the provider part which told how it works and it did make sense.
Is your district doing anything to help her?
Donna
Re: Kids at home
Cassie is in a regular school and Linda will be going to Cassie’s old school in the fall from an LD school that we put her in. Linda is pretty good academically. She’s does what she can with what she has and doesn’t quite have the CAPD problems in school b/c she can anticipate so much of what will happen with her teachers.
Social interaction is a lot more nuanced and unpredictable, hence greater CAPD issues. The funny thing is that most of the girls in Linda’s school have much worse behavior (and CAPD issues) regularly than Linda does when she’s having a bad spell. This drives Linda (and me!) nuts — I just don’t think she can sense that SHE has that effect on Cassie (and others).
Cassie is babysitting a lot (still young for a “real” job), but we’re eating 3 meals a day now (not just dinner every now and again like during the year) around a table w/ plenty of time to … TALK! We have to do something like the UN to keep everyone on the same page — lots of simultaneous translation, not the best conversation (someone’s out in front, someone’s behind; or someone’s bored stiff). It beats giving up and turning on the TV.
Maybe I just need to get out and have dinner with just grownups more often as a treat for me!
I do think, though, that having LD is hard on the person with LD and just as hard on everyone else. Not in the same manner, but b/c you have problems and seem to get no sympathy b/c it seems that you are just a whiner, as opposed to a person with a problem. If I had a different family situation, I could see how this could leave women divorced and alone with their kids and having to be all things to everyone while trying to keep a roof over your head.
FFW
Greetings Lizette,
My now 14yo daughter with CAPD completed both FFW 1&2 during Summer/Fall 1999. Like Donna’s daughter, it made a tremendous improvement on her ability to process sounds and understand conversations. Her social skills with her brother, friends and relatives have improved dramatically as a result of being able to follow a conversation. Have you looked into FFW for your child?
Blessings, momo
You’ve probably explained about her sister’s disability and given her a few
suggestions about coping strategies.
You might spend some quiet time with your older daughter every night so she
can vent her frustrations and just listen.
Kathy