Too Tired to Deal with This Mess

Best advice to offer is, first off, recognizing that you are burnt (burning) out . It sounds like you have acknowledged that.

Next, is to take time (a vacation) every day. Find something of interest that is restful to your soul, and do it daily. Walk. Pray. Art. Play. Swim. Kickbox, make furnature, garden, fish… you get the picture, simply force yourself to take the time to take care of yourself. Allow 4-5 minutes to unwind, then commit to not thinking about “it” for your short respite. Don’t worry, it will all be there “when you get back”. Make a committment, it sounds easy, but watch how tough it is to follow through and not succumb to what is pressing that day. Hold tough, hold on. Again, don’t worry, the mess will still be there after 30 minutes of “freedom”. The 3 weeks was a nice taste, but you need to do it more than once a year :)

Commit to never discussing, arguing, complaining, fighting, crying, begging, perseverating, screaming, throwing fits about the special ed matters in front of your special ed child or an of the other children in your home. Pad your closet and go in there for the fits of frustration, or go into your car and lock all doors and windows.

Absolutely never destroy the meal time (any meal) with the madness. Simply sit in silence if you cannot bring up another topic. Don’t worry, over time, you will find other subjects of interest again.

You need to somewhat retrain your focus for now, but not give up on things. If you can, the sooner the better. The special ed stuff will still be there and you will still get to deal with it, so don’t think you are ignoring it. Just pace yourself.

This person (for lack of a better, more accurate term) as an administrator would be thrilled to know that he/she is getting to you. Either that or not care one bit. Either way, you need to maintain your calmness, your pleasant disposition and a sense of humor. That way, each time when you go back into it, it will be you in control of your emotions/hostilities and you will slowly see the table turn to where you frustrate them if they are (and I believe you) ill intended and not focused on the children. When one is more focused on administrative and bueaurcratic bs, it will come to the surface and be abundantly clear.

Document everything.

Good luck.

Andy

Way to go Andy!

LJ I can’t add too much just my heartfelt sympathy. I too have found that each time I think ‘this is the year all will go well’, something always jumps in to make me crazy. Follow Andy’s advice and keep coming back here for support, we are here for you.Take care.

The only advice I can give someone,who has been down the same path as I. Pace yourself.
I,too,thought I could hurry it along and then it would be all over. It isn’t and it won’t be as long as he is in school. There will always be an issue,whether it is big or small.
Learn that time is not of the essence here. Write your letters,learn to not expect a timely response.
Remember that you will live your life with or without these people,and LIVE it. Do not stop your life while you are waiting for them. I grew a lot of resentment waiting to live while they went about there business of trying to ignore me. You have to stick in there for long haul,and they will eventually know you aren’t going away.

LJ

I agree 100% with Andy’s advise to you but would add one thing. Play with your child as much as possible I think due to our frustrations and wanting desperately to help our kids we can spend too much time together fussing about doing work.

My son has been in sped 4 yrs. and I admit I spent too much time taking homework too seriously. No that I have lightened up on him I see a big difference in his attitude toward even doing extra work.

We play alot cards, basketball, ride horses, swim, watch movies. Our kids grow up too fast and when they are grown the memories they will cherish will be our good times. We want them to be happy and if we are totally upset they know.

Good luck. There are so many cool people here to help you just stay in touch.

Peace be with you.

You’re getting great advice from all the people above.

I’d add two things. If you can find someone else close to you (geographically), who’s in sort of the same boat, it’s great to vent to someone who understands. But, don’t pick someone who’s overwhelmed or already burnt out. That person will only bring you down.

I get inspired by listening to people who have been there, done that, and kept going through things that looked impossible. They may me feel “If they can do it….. (you know the rest)”.

God helps, I think.

Carol

Thanks, Andy.

I went to an open house last night for the 6th graders. I was very impressed with two teachers in particular. I also found out that my son has a case worker who will be my direct contact at the school, so I shouldn’t have to deal anymore with Mrs. B.

Also, by coincidence, I met another mom who did not send her daughter to the school because she had such a low opinion of Mrs. B. It did wonders to talk to someone who knew exactly what I was feeling.

LJ

I’m quite sure that my reputation preceded me here at this new school and Mrs B is working hard to be the Alpha dog in our relationship. At least I’m making her sqirm a little.

If there is a bright side to this whole thing, it’s that Mrs. B has to live with me for three years too. Who knows, with the way things are going in this district, maybe she’ll be promoted out of the position. It wouldn’t surprise me.

LJ

You’re so right. This would be a great weekend to make a visit to blockbuster.

LJ

Thanks for chiming in with a few ideas. I met a mom last night who has a 7th grader in the program. All is happy and well. It was very inspirational to talk to her.

I feel much better today. All I need now is to wind down a little more and get a good night of sleep.

LJ

you are correct in feeling you should talk with others, word to the wise that I learned at a workshop on LD: the speaker reminded us that surrounding ourselves with positive human contact is essential to survival. As he put it ” one dead battery can not charge another”. Everyone has an opinion, we know the system is broken and we need to save our energies to share with our children as they turn to us for solutions and strategies. All the answers you’ve gotten so far do seem quite positive; meditation and prayer can never hurt. Good luck

And…. recognize that the total burn-out feeling does pass (and look for cycles & patterns in your feelings… not to necessarily *do* anything like get them “diagnosed” but to understand them.)