My son has been recently diagnosed with many symptoms of NLD but he is not a classic case. He also has some symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome but is also not considered a true Asperger’s child. I would love to hear from anyone with any tips on dealing with children who suffer from NLD. His teacher is very receptive and interested and willing to work with me but I don’t have enough information. I have researched on the site and found some very valuable resources, but I would like to hear from other parents who have had success dealing with their own children so that I can learn from their experiences. My son is a very capable and intelligent child but also very defiant, stubborn and negative. I have tried to work on his self-esteem but his attitude makes it hard for me to keep that in mind. There are times when he is a wonderful, hard working child and a real joy to be around but for the most part I find him diffucult, sullen, rude and defiant. I want to be able to communicate with him better and have him respect his teachers, me, and the property of other people. Any and all feedback/information/suggestions are welcome.
Thank you
Re: NLD
Hi Helen and Jean,
There is also a great website called www.nldontheweb.org that has a great bulletin board full of parents who have children with NLD. Like this website, it has been a great resource for me.
Re: NLD
ALso check out nldline.com also has bulletin board. There is also an NLD list serve you can sign up for via that site (parents exchanging info).
My 11 year old NLD daughter is not so different from your son. She has come a long long way from first dx at age 7, and we have a long way to go. Keep reading and researching, find out what works for your son, and communicate that to other people who ultimately and often don’t really get it about our kids (even when they are well intentioned).
She has benefitted from OT, speech and language therapy (for pragmatics, tone of voice, humor and slang expressions, reading comprehension etc. ), writing tutor, now working with organizational tutor, years of “social skills groups” for girls (basically now more like group therapy); also individual therapy with therapist who specializes in kids with ADHD/LD issues.
I have benefitted from a very supportive spouse who is an amazing father, a monthly support group of parents of kids with special needs, and now I’m in an every other week therapy group for moms of kids with these kinds of behavioral/emotional/learning/life issues. Don’t forget to take care of yourself when you’re taking care of your kid. Good luck.
Re: NLD
Hi Helen,
The others who have responded have given you good resources on the Internet. I would also strongly suggest that you pick up copies of _The Source for NLD_ by Sue Thompson, and _Living with NLD_ by Pam Tanguay. Both are full of common sense approaches to dealing with daily life with an NLD child. Pam’s book is mostly targetted at younger children, but I found a number of useful tidbits in it for my 10 year old too.
I belong to two local NLD parent’s groups, and have found them to be invaluable. One that I belong to is larger and more organized, with monthly speakers, web site, mailing list etc. The other is just a small, informal group of 3-5 moms in our town who get together for a cup of coffee once a month. This small group allows us to get to know each other well, and makes it easier to discuss school related issues, because we are all dealing with the same school department.
If you can find a group like the first one in your area, it can be a tremendous resource. If not, think about starting a coffee klatch type group, even if it only starts with one or two other parents. I think you will find it a great support system.
As far as your son not being “classically” NLD, in the past year and a half, since my son was dx’d, I’ve met a LOT of NLD children. If there’s one thing they have in common, it’s that each and every one of them is an individual, and each presents a very different “picture” to the outside world. That’s part of why it is difficult for others to see that the underlying neurological issues are the same. It also means that just because someone says that they are familiar with NLD doesn’t mean they will know how to deal with your particular child.
A neuropsychologist who spoke at our last meeting explained that while all these kids have neural pathways that are not working correctly, each kid will have a different pattern of impairment. A pathway that works for one won’t work for another. Children also create new neural pathways as they learn to compensate for some of their issues. But that take longer than the typical learning pattern, and the connections will always work a little slower and less efficiently than the normal one would have. That, plus basic personality and IQ difference, and differences in life experience makes each child very, very individual.
As far as the stubborn, defiant behavior is concerned, I am sure that there are NLD children where this is just part of their basic personality. For many, if not most, though, this type of behavior is fall-out from the tremendous pressure they are under day in and day out. We found that with my son, as soon as we were able to reduce the stress he was under at school, those argumentative, stubborn behaviors evaporated. He became more focussed at school, and actually started to produce much more work than when he was being pushed and prodded.
Karen
Re: NLD
Karen,
Do you mind my asking what area you live in? I’d love to join a group like yours but I haven’t found one in my area.
Hi Helen. I also have a child that is NLD and very smart. He also has an anxiety disorder and childhood depression. He can be very stubborn, oppositional and defient as well as manipulative. At 10, he still will melt down into crying fits or gets extremely angry. It could be that your son is reacting to a very frustrating learning disorder and his opposition and defiance is his way of overcoming his frustrations and gaining some control in a world where he has none. Have you read about NLD? It is very frustrating for my kid, because often what he is having the most difficulty with is easy and comes naturally to other kids. My son was first diagnosed as having an oppositional defiant disorder but was later changed to NLD and depression. The behaviors were his way of telling me how bad things are for him. Now my kid is recieving therapy from a psychologist who specializes in LD and he is doing very well. It may be worth seeking psychological intervention because corresponding emotional issues such as anxiety and low self esteem often accompany this disorder. Hope this helps. Good luck.
Jean