I have a 6th grader with classic ADD (and she is delightful, I might add! ) and I think she too, has slight dyslexia. She always walks in a room and has no idea why she’s there. She almost always switches D’s for B’s. Through painful re-examination in the last month, I now think her unwillingness to do Summer Bridge Books at all, is because she probably has ODD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder. There are discarded flash cards,100s of dollars worth of computer learning programs and extra study grade books packed away now in boxes. Somehow, through the grace of god and divorced parental suppport, she has been a B-,B,B+,A- student. Her elementary school teachers flexed perfectly with her, despite her great difficulty and hate for school. She has allergies, she was the picked on “nose picker” of the school, she is big for her age, and it’s a miracle she has a smile on her face at all.
We changed to Middle School this year and we changed School Districts, to a smaller, supposedly better SD. ((I now think they are better because they push extremely difficult math and science for better overall School Test scores which looks good on paper and to taxpayers)) My child fell into a black hole. She and her teacher are a bad personality match, despite the teacher’s saying she is proactive with Special Education. Because her teachers flexed with her in the past, no where in her records does it say ADD. Luckily we have had her independently tested all through the process. We finally met with the IST teacher 5 weeks after we requested evaluation. She absolutely must get Special Ed. protection now, because they say 6th grade is nothing compared to the difficulty of 7th grade. They told me she must fail before she can be deemed to need help! I told them, she won’t be failing anything, because I will put her in Cyber Charter School before that happens. She has personally failed and struggled so much, I will not let her fail anymore. However, I work, how in the world will I homeschool her? Also, I am also extremely tired of 6 years worth of too much homework and busy work projects that a normal kid struggles with, let alone mine.
At one of our crisis meetings, the principal said, ” I don’t know if you have been a parent advocate”, suggesting that in 6th grade I had just started to help my ADD child! I took his head off in that meeting. (He says he ran a Special Education School for 15 years, watch out) I have now become a less cooperative parent, and a very vocal parent. However, I have learned, a loud parent gets action.
To those of you wondering whether to label your young elementary students because of peer pressure, take heed. I resisted having her “labeled” in the first few grades. Later in 3rd and 4th grade, I would say “Enough struggle! She needs to be Special Ed.”, and the teachers would flex another way and we’d get through it without the IST. Now, I see the transition to Middle school would have been much less painful had I pushed for an IEP back in Kindergarten.
RE: "I Hate School" & "Beware of Middle S
How lucky she was to have teachers that cared about her regardless of her nonlabel. Trust me when I say not the very best IEP means a thing if you have a teacher that won’t follow it. Don’t feel defeated your long from finnished. So your at a point where you need her evaluated. Even if you chose to homeschool,you really don’t know what help she needs. Right? Maybe she is dyslexic,maybe she is ADD. It really doesn’t matter as much what she is,but how to help her learn. I would march into that school,nice or not,and request that they do another evaluation. You want a qualified person to diagnose dyslexia and ADD. If there is a concern about her educational progress they are obligated to evaluated her.
RE: "I Hate School" & "Beware of Middle S
It took two evals and teacher support to finally get my oldest son found eligible for sped under ohi(4th grade). He was so angry with me, said he ‘hated’ me, didn’t want to go to the ‘retarded class’.Obviously I explained over and over that mentally retarded children are in a different class and that smart kids with learning differences were in the class he would go to. It was a nightmare especially as I had agonized over whether he would get help or not.Lots of pepto bismol :o)
Believe me, he came a long way after his year in resource room for 5th grade lang. arts even though he was upset for a long time that he had to go. It was worth it to get him in, he got the help he needed and was prepared to enter 6th grade.He is now in 7th and has done pretty well both in 6th and 7th with classroom sped support. It takes being in the school and keeping up with him and the teachers, the sped teacher helps to keep everyone informed.
This year is actually better, he has only 2 teachers teaching 4 core classes, his others are art and pe, it is easier to keep in contact with these 2 instead of 4 to 6 like last yr.
Even at the middle school level, if you believe your daughter needs further evaluation, then go ahead and do it. I know how hard it is to deal with hard headed preteens but you need to go with your gut, even if you end up the bad guy for a while. I have had my share lately of kid logic. My son had to have a bladder xray which included catheterization(not fun). He cried and whined and said I didn’t love him and I am a bad mom because I was going to make him do this test. Of course he brought up everything I have ever made him do that he didn’t like, sp.ed, bladder xray, braces on his teeth,glasses. I told him to rethink his logic, a bad mom wouldn’t care if he succeeded in life, wet the bed til after he is married, and had crooked teeth and couldn’t see. Anyway, I know I have rambled on just wanted to let you know they do eventually come around even if they don’t especially like the choices you have made for them.
Having the sp.ed label on my son hasn’t hampered his social life(he met his best friend in resource plus others) and the teachers are aware of him and me, so he doesn’t get left behind and he doesn’t slide by on his schoolwork. The best decision I ever helped make. Best wishes.
RE: "I Hate School" & "Beware of Middle S
All I can add to the other posts, is be certain to put your request for complete and thorough evlauation in writing, and have a copy for yourself that is date stamped and acknowledged by the district as having been received. Your request should be without emotion, no explanations, simply direct and to the point regarding your request for a complete and thorough evaluation to assess your child in all suspected areas of difficulties by someone who is qualified to administer such evaluations…
The “label” is not as important as the appropriate program and teachers who are able, and willing to help design and follow up implimenting the IEP.
Don’t get caught in the storm of being labeled as a “difficult parent”. One of the biggest issues I have with the whole ld school thing is the beaurocracy feeds off of the conflict it promotes between parent and teacher. I sometimes honestly think that the administrators tell the teachers that the parent has said bad things about them, thus putting the teacher on the defensive from the get go. Things can get so ugly so quickly, adults get their feelings hurt and then the bloodshed starts; focusing gets more on the battle than the child. Administrations dig thier heels in, lock arms and goose step to the tune of the mighty beaurocrat, teachers either jump in behind or know if they speak up they can get crushed in the system, parents scream bloody hell, take the beating, withdraw and disolve and what ever happens takes place; however, in the mean time, time moves forward, the child grows up, precsious time is wasted and that’s not even considering the collateral damage of emotional devestation, financial instability and general destruction of “normal” family life. (I know this is a huge run on sentance, but you get the picture).
Your issue, as is with many, is you, the parent, are saying your child is failing within the program they are providing. This has nothing to do with the teacher’s abilities (or lack there of). This is the old “square peg doesn’t fit in a round whole” dilema. The public system was designed to teach the masses; well, reality dictates that not all kids learn the same. Hmmmm, huge concept, I know!
All I am suggesting, is don’t get caught in the role playing, or feeling like you need to be a certain way. Simply stay honest, forthright and do what needs to be done. Remember your initial objective; helping your child. If someone is being rediculous, be polite, courteous and call them on THEIR BEHAVIORS. Be forever vigilant and document what goes on. If someone gives you the impression they are not to be trusted, then LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS! This may mean more letters, no phone calls, tape record meetings and other tools you may need to impliment to stay the course.
“When you are up to your a— in alligators, it difficult to remember your initial objective was to drain the swamp” pretty much says it all (if circumstances warrant it).
So, go in hoping for the best, be prepared for he worst, and do what you need to do. I conclude with how I started this response to your post:
Make your request in writing.
Best regards,
Andy
RE: "I Hate School" & "Beware of Middle S
All of you help so much by letting us hear what you’ve done. It’s so hard to do these hard things. It gets me down. It helps to persist to learn what you do and watch you go on.
Carol
Don't feel too guilty...
… sometimes that early sped label can mean that little or nothing is expected of the kid. The label that would have made this part easier might have had more dire effects in what she learned.
My triangle kid doesn't fit in square kid box....RE..Beware
Thanks to all of you who responded. It helps so much to hear from others in the trenches. And thanks to SueJ for telling me hindsight might not be right after all. We did the very best we could all along the way. It’s horrible to have gotten this far and then have this new school question and discount what had been done for the last 5 years.
Early in this process, the guidance counselor at this school questioned my daughter about why she wasn’t keeping up with her homework (she was sick several days, it was a brand new school with radically different situations and my daughter just shut down for the first 3 weeks). The counselor said in her sing -songy voice, ” I don’t know what they did at your old school when you didn’t do your work, but at this school we hold kids back!” She actually told me she said that to my daughter, and that she tells alot of kids that phrase. Yes, she is as much of a ditz as you would think. She also told us the school psychologist would be contacting us for the evaluation, when in fact, that wasn’t the school’s procedure at all.
Oh, and just a tidbit to make you all smile. In those first few weeks of school my daughter got far behind. I spent one entire weekend catching her up, and when she got to school that Monday, she was still 18 pages behind in Math in just three weeks of school (this is the teacher who doesn’t like her). Because we were so frustrated, freaked out and panicked as the teacher continued to pile on the work and tell us she was failing, we took the— probably unorthodox route— of handing the letter of request for a Special Education Evaluation to the principal on the night of OPEN HOUSE! It got everyone’s attention. :) However, it didn’t help. We still haven’t seen a consent form and won’t have an evaluation until Christmas. Yes, that’s against the 60 day rule. But hey, I decided a C or D from this teacher isn’t going to mean anything to my daughter when she’s 31. I tell my daughter that, but the sad fact is these negative experiences will carry through to her adulthood. She absolutely positively hates school and learning and all it represents! That is criminal.
Today, my daughter is sick, without a fever. I had to send her to school anyway, because the last time I kept her out, they thought she was faking and I was babying her. Even her Dad (ex-husband) sided with the school. I just got a call that she has been at the nurse two times today, the nurse tried to call her Dad and he was out at lunch. So she is miserable, the teacher is irritated, the nurse, who is less than sympathetic is dealing with her the hour and a half it took to get ahold of her Dad and I feel horrible that I have to play the game this way. All because school has to move at warp speed and don’t get sick or you’ll get left behind so far you can’t catch up. Makes not one ounce of sense.
Thanks to Emma who said the school doesn’t see the sweet, funny kid she sees on weekends. I too, have a sweet, funny, loving kid who watches documentaries with me, goes on road trips in the car for hours and revels in the new discoveries we make, and always keeps me interested with her three dimensional thinking. Yet her father and the school are trying to beat this triangle kid into a square kid box. why? I hope my delightful triangle kid makes it in one piece through childhood.
Thanks again to all of you for your encouragement and help and insights. This website is wonderful.
Re: My triangle kid doesn't fit in square kid box....RE..Bew
Document everything - keep a diary dated as to each event.
Steps to take:
Meet with the principal - put all discussion in writting with your written complaint. Send a copy to the principal
Make a complaint to the school Board - once again everything in writing.
Get in contact with the State Department of Education and request the procedure to file a complaint and do so. Everything must be in writing and sent by certified mail.
Become an expert on I.D.E.A. and A.D.A 504. Know that the public school system is set up to serve the most kids as efficiently as possible. That does not put the focus on an individual child. That is your job after all you are the expert on your child.
Messages like this are encouraging to read. I’m a nice person, easy to get along with, unless you ask the people in my son’s school district. They think I’m a horrible pain in the neck (or other body parts). Since he was in first grade I nagged, whined, and generally bugged them into action.
The end result is that he has an IEP, he’s got the label (OHI) and is getting help, even though “he doesn’t qualify” (he may not qualify on paper but he needs the help). I’m getting used to the look that tells me they want to run the other way when I approach, but it’s still hard to deal with. I’d like to tell them that I’m really a nice person, but nice doesn’t get what he needs.
I’d also like them to know the sweet, funny kid I see on weekends, away from the school pressure. Unfortunately (for them) he is angry and I am a pain and that’s all they can see.
Reading messages like yours makes me realizes I’ve done the right thing. Thanks.