Well, I had another meeting at school, mainly because my son’s science teacher wasn’t following the IEP, such as modifying assignments by 50-75% as stated in the IEP. When the special education advisor told her she had to start doing this, she said, well do I grade him like he’s only done 50%, in other words does he only get 50 points for a 100 point assignment. I’m afraid I lost my patience at this point…..I said the whole idea is to help him, how constructive would it be for him to know that he was going to do an assignment that would be failing before he even started. She looked at me like I was the stupid one. Then she said, he does very well with hands on experiments, so I ask if she could grade him on those things, her comment was “you want me to give him an A for showing up and having fun”. I guess once again, my emotions won out, I said,”why not, you give him an F, for showing up and trying” How do I get through to these ppl, I’m really feeling frustrated.
Re: Frustrated again, after another meeting at school
Hmm,welcome to the game of throw the parent off focus.
You went to a meeting because this teacher was BREAKING the law. Noncompliance with the IEP.She had an admin telling her that she is indeed BREAKING the law,and she said what? PLEEEAAASSSE give me a break. She is lucky you only said what you said. Personally friend,you showed great restraint.
She was defensive because you were holding her accountable for not following the law.
The bottome line,the real issue? He NEEDS accomodations. He has an IEP,this means the federal laws and your State agrees he needs them. WHAT are they going to do to help him be more successful in school? They are responsible to him for this.PERIOD. Fit or no fit,whine or no whine,snide remark or no snide remark. If it is any consolation,you made a very good point and you got to her. You made a dent,keep chipping away.
Re: Frustrated again, after another meeting at school
Somewhere, online, there is a website titled MOTHERS FROM HELL.
The group was started by some very frustrated moms with children in SE.
They sell tshirts, and other products. When I read your post I was reminded
of one tshirt that had this saying on it:
WHOSE IEP IS THIS, ANYHOW?
Or something along that line.
I’m glad you said all that stuff - somebody needs to say it
sometimes. I wish we could have all been there with you!
Anne
And here is their address...
What a wonderful idea- I had to go find them!
http://www.mothersfromhell2.org
Robin
Re: Frustrated again, after another meeting at school
Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Next time make sure to ask her if she’s read the IEP. Ask her if she would like to read the specific recommendations from the ‘professionals” (emphasize that word) who have performed the evaluations in order to better grasp the situation, and then, turn in frustation to the pricncipal and ask point blank “how do you discipline a teach who refuses to follow the law?” Then stay silent and expect a reply.
Re: Frustrated again, after another meeting at school
Thanks to everyone for all the positive feedback. This board has really been a saviour to me. Although, my son’s step father is as concerned as I am about the situation, he gets as upset as I do, only he gets mad at the system….so I make him stay home. It’s nice to vent to someone who cares but is emotionally removed from the situation. So after all this….I have to confess to you one more thing I said at yesterday’s meeting, the teacher said that my son seems to refuse help from her, I said yes he would rather bring it home for my help or take it to the LD teacher, he feels this way, because she belittles him in front of his peers. She then said, well I don’t know what I”ve done to him, but he doesn’t like me. My only comment was….You’re right. So maybe I didn’t do so bad….because I had to hold my tongue to keep from going off on her, but I didn’t.
Re: One more thing
Many mothers have the experience of additional power and respect from the principal and teachers when the visibly angry father accompanies them to the IEP meeting. Even a silent foreboding presence seems to work. Think about using this tactic. The belligerent and loud father can work well also, as long as he stays in bounds.
Re: Frustrated again, after another meeting at school
It almost makes you feel sorry for her. It sounds like someone who really has no clue what to do.
I also agree with Osi in the lower post. I too,had great success taking my very dramatic,BIG ,husband to the meetings. I used to leave him home,until he did so good at a meeting we had on eval results,that I started bringing him along,and soon we made a deadly duo.
Re: Frustrated again, after another meeting at school
Hi Kathy,
Presenting a united front is a strength. What is said in the meetings is heard by not one, but by two advocates for your son. You have two people taking in what is being said (or not said) getting feed back, asking questions and making suggestions.
Keep in mind that some students begin to see mom as a “protector.” They can start to believe that they can’t be successful unless mom is involved. Or they may figure out how to play mom and the teacher against each other. In the process, dad can feel left out and resentful if mom is “handling” everything, but coming home ticked off and angry. You might want to think about how your husband sees this, especially since he is a step-father. If he feels you are shutting him out, and that this is a problem you and your son “share” while excluding him, this may not be a good thing for your marriage OR your son. Your husband WANTS to play a part in your son’s life. I agree with the others who think he probably belongs at those meetings with you. Good luck. JJ
It is frustrating. Some people just don’t get it. They are concerned with their idea of “being fair” and school is a place of work assigned and collected.
The idea that school should be a place of help and healing is sadly foreign to many teachers. To them school is a gauntlet to be run.
It helps to be able to keep your emotions in check but I find that very hard too in these situations. When she said you want me to give him an A for showing up and having fun, an answer might have been, “Isn’t there learning in the experiments? I would think there’s learning in them or you wouldn’t do them.”
(That a science teacher thinks experiments are “just for fun” is also sad)
Forgive yourself those small outbursts. They’re understandable.
Good luck.