My child is in 6th grade, dysgraphia, Ld etc - average to above average intelligence. Working with school system has had many ups and downs. Middle school is a nightmare, passing but holding on by a thread. I basically find if we get a teacher who is mindful about learning differences and provides accomdations things go well, if not all hell breaks loose.
My child is frustrated, comes home with headaches every other day, one minute at home happy one minute mad as heck, throws things and mouths off, homework can go okay depending upon the assignment other times just one big tantrum and fight. Behavior in school described as good. Really likes one teacher, the other is okay. God knows what is in store next year. School is not used to parents asking questions, they like to do their own thing. One therapist on caseload who has a clue but their meeting a lot of resistance from reg ed teachers.
We are thinking about enrolling in a school which is private and has a strong resource program for kids with mild ld. It would mean moving going to school out of our town. Anytime we chat informally about it my child tells me they wants to stay and be with friends at their school.
The school just tells me I am over reacting, and ruining my child - there are so many other students who are so much more ld they tell me and she is passing.
I too will admit I am fearful too, I keep hoping the local school will work but there is so much they need to learn and they are not really eager to do it. The principle just keeps saying your child does have a little problem but you are making a big deal of it. Their is plenty of documentation which says her needs etc..
How do parents deal with all this? It never ends. I’d like to hear from parents who did make the decision to remove their child from their local school too. I hate to remove her if she could be successful at her local school, but I suspect as the grade level goes up it will get worse.
Thank you.
I can relate to that....but change can be good and just what
I have taught in middle school and am currently working in a high school with kids who have given up and don’t want to be at school. I tutor mostly middle school students and it is frustrating to deal with their hormonal issues at times. Yes, things are relative and yes, I know there are kids with worse LD issues than my daughter but my main concern is my daughter and I know that you feel a similar way about your own child. You want what is best for her.
Before my daughter was going to start middle school I decided to pull her out because she was failing most of her subjects, depressed and not applying herself. Homework was a struggle, it was essentially a nightmare. I found a learning center with a LAB class that we took her to at our expense that was 50 miles one way from our home. People at the school district thought I was nuts to do what I did but it was the best decision I ever made for her. I told my daughter, “Trust me, we are going to get to the bottom of this and if we work really hard this year you will be able to go back to middle school to be with your friends.” We traveled 5 days a week to this learning center so that she could attend this special lab class for kids with dyslexia. The other thing we did was took her to a specialist for ADD because that was also part of the problem with the outbursts, mood swings and depression. She couldn’t focus. Once we put her on meds she told me. “Mom, I can finally focus!” and through the structure of the LAB class she was able to “catch” up with her skills. Now she is back in the middle school and is making B’s and C’s and is a happy camper. We still struggle with her attention and impulsivity but considering where she has been she is light years ahead. I have learned if I want to teach her something it can’t be after her meds have worn off, and if I try to she becomes an ornery, obstinant young woman who refuses to listen to reason. She is a morning person and not a night owl…LOL
Make it a matter of prayer and you will find ways to help your daughter, that was what I did and it made all the difference. Good luck to you and if I can help you further please feel free to e-mail me. I have been there and I can relate in someway to your frustration.
Re: a parent afraid of change
First off I would need to say that I never trust what the school says. They are obligated to say certain things by law. They are obligated to see things from a certain point of view by law. Their opinions and statements are greatly colored by the need to speak, act, and think within a certain framework. They represent the school - they do not represent your child. If your child is ‘barely passing’, how can the principal say ‘there is a little problem?’ Barely passing suggests more than a ‘little problem’.
And I would not expect that there will be great change within your school. And what are they doing right now that will improve your child’s skills so that your child will be better able to meet the demands of next year’s curriculum?
Consider spending a day and observing next year’s possible teachers. You have a right to do that. See if they’re very different from this year’s teachers. As you say, it’s often luck of the draw as to who they get for their teachers as to whether the year goes well or not as their is no embracing philosophy of instruction in any public school.
All parents want their children to be successful in school. We’d also like our children to be happy with school as they spend so much time there. The school is comparing your child to other students in the school and saying you should be happy your child is not like them. What?? So they’re saying ‘Be satisfied - it could be worse.”
Of course they don’t want you to complain or ask for more. So they say ‘be satisfied - it could be worse.’ Are you satisfied with that answer? Will you always be content to have your child ‘barely passing’? Barely mastering the curriculum? Barely able to feel good about the results of his/her efforts?
Have your child spend a day at the private school. Many children balk at the idea of moving to another school but from that change can come growth and the ability to meet change. And it sounds as if your daughter will receive better services there.
Forgive the length of my post and my outspokenness. It’s clear your child is privileged to have a caring parent and with that no matter what you do, it will be the right decision.
Re: change - how things are brought into balance
I can so understand your situation. Very difficult to deal with the condescending attitude of the principal. I got the same with my then 6th grader. Well, what I did was to pull him out and homeschool him. It took 6 intensive months and lots of work on both our parts and help from people who could advise me (Sue Jones, www.resourceroom.net was one) and it wasn’t easy.
But you know what? He went to the Junior High in 7th and he started doing so much better…there were teachers who had a handle on what was needed and how to work with the other teachers, his homeschooling had really paid off, and even tho there were still plenty of issues (teenagerhood being one major one), he is now in 9th and doing pretty good.
Prayer can guide you best.
Re: a parent afraid of change
I hate hearing stories like yours, it is such a shame the things we have to go through to try and help our kids.I have a 5 th grader with mild dyslexia, we found out at the beginning 4 th grade. I had her tested privately because the school made me feel like I was crazy for thinking that something was wrong. As luck had it someone told me about Scottish Rites Learning Center. I called them and they have guided me into making the right choose for her. She is attending classes with them 1 hour 5 days a week for 3 years, she is half way through the program. Her handwriting has improved, she is more organized, more sure of herself, her spelling has improved (but don’t get me wrong she still mis-spells words but it is better) & etc.She also is wearing Irlen Lens which have stopped the headaches and keeps the words still on the paper. In between the Irlen Lens and Scottish Rites our life has imprved. Homework most of the time was a nightmare, the temper and out burst were terrible. These things do not happen with us anymore and life at our house is a lot different and more enjoyable. If you can tell me the area you live I will give you a phone number to call Scottish Rites. Also it is free. Good luck. Dona
Re: a parent afraid of change
I am interested in Scottish Rite in Charlotte, NC. What are the requirements? Must a family member be a member of Scottish Rite?
Re: a parent afraid of change
We have friends who have sent there son to an LD school at the other end of the city. They too struggled with the problem of taking their son away from his friends and the mother had nightmares before school started that her son was being held prisoner in the basement of the ld school, etc. Well, after 6 months, the kid is doing great, loves his new school, classmates and teachers. It was the best decision they have ever made. We have applied to this school and are waiting to see if our son will be accepted. I too am nervous, hate to take him away from his friends, the thought of driving so far especially in winter doesn’t thrill me, but at least we have someone to carpool with.
Could you ask this school for the name of a family with a child in this school that is in her grade level to contact and maybe you and your daughter could talk to them and discuss your fears? We all fear the unknown, and it is hard to make important decisions without knowing much about the school. Glossy brochures are one thing, an honest testimonial is another.
Re: a parent afraid of change
I have two boys both are Ld and ADHD and gifted. Don’t know which affliction was worse for the school to accomodate. Their LD is dysgraphia. The school could not figure out how to accomodate a intelligent Lder. They just didn’t.
We placed our two in a small private school that specializes in gifted lders,and or ADHD. It literally saved our lives. They have been there two years now,and truely love it. It allowed them to learn in an enviroment that could accomodate there interests and their learning differences. I am glad that we made the decision. My oldest was exhibiting anxiety issues,and my youngest have developed behavior problems. All of which has basicly disappeared. They absolutely would not go back to public school,they have friends and do not want to leave school at the end of the day. My oldest missed school so much over christams vacation that he called his teacher at home! All of these things reinforce the decision for me.
Re: a parent afraid of change
Look to the future. What will it hold for a child barely passing 6th grade? With exit exams and withholding diplomas in many states what will lie ahead for your child? We were able to maintain our son through middle school, because I taught at the school and could hand-pick his teachers. For high school, though, we sold our house and moved 100 miles away to an apartment within walking distance of a college prep high school for ld children. We are almost at the end of the first semester. Our son is doing very well and we feel we have done the right thing. The move has been hard. We are lonely and unfamiliar, but we are all in this together. Time is flying by and we have left behind the ineffectual, negative public school environment. We have hope again and help.
No
If they’ve got one near you it’s worth checking out, but not all of ‘em have a dyslexia program. It’s spreading, htough. There’s info on the web, too.
Re: a parent afraid of change
Anne,
Thanks for your thoughts, been there done that. Since the principle sets the tone and his tone is not helpful it has not helped. We have plenty of noncompliances all adressed, a great ed plan, but basically they don’t care.
Re: a parent afraid of change
Have you tried going up the line?
In our district we have a head of Special Services.
Interesting to read all the different responses!
Hope you find a solution.
I am going on my third month of pushing for a
change for my son – this week we’re tyring to
coordinate schedules to meet. The principal is
our sticking point (and I already am good friends
with the head of Special Services ;-)
Anne
Re: ahhh...the principal
In the ongoing saga of my niece’s IEP, the mean and confrontational principal was very instrumental in halting the completion on the initial IEP. He said no to the aide everyone wanted. That was so good because now he looks like the jerk, my sister is off the hook with the teachers for now (as it turns out, they were planning to put my niece in a severely handicapped environment with downs and autistic and some seriously braindamaged kids with no additional aides. Thank you principal.) She really needed more time, and she got it. The special ed director gave her what looks to be carte blanche to go to whomever she wanted for the IEE. How nice of him.
So, my point: each person is playing an important role in the unfolding of the perfect iep and placement for your child.
I would not move your child unless your child wants it.
A friend’s daughter went into a deep depression when
she was moved against her will. Her psychologist told
the girl’s mother that middle school is the worst time to
for a child to move.
Fix the problem you have at the school.
I’m paraphrasing, here, from a post someone put up recently and
thought made so much sense….
Start with the IEP - what accommodations does it spell out?
If you have a teacher who is not following the accommodations then
call an IEP mtg, ask the principal be there and don’t have the mtg.
if the principal isn’t there.
Ask the the teacher why he/she isn’t doing such and such.
Let the teacher answer.
If the answer is not acceptable (I won’t do it, I can’t do it, this
student doesn’t need it) then turn to the principal and say,
my child’s IEP is not being followed…. what are you going
to do about it?
And if he hems and haws and looks like he isn’t going to order
the teacher to follow the IEP, then say, “Looks like we are going
to have to go to the next step.”
That next step should be listed in a document on how to fight
the school system. In our state, and probably in all, the school
district must advise you of your rights.
Also let them know, in an unemotional tone exactly what is happening
to your child. All the acting out is a stress reaction to the school situation.
Ask that your child have access to counseling immediately. Put it in writing.
The stress some children face in school is enormous. Our school lost a child
to suicide because of it.
When my son stressed out over spelling I contacted his LA teacher and
said, we are not going to do spelling anymore. (Then had it put in his next
IEP.) I explained that memorizing
20 words he could not read was causing him much harm. Better to concentrate
on teaching him to read at higher than a 4th grade level before asking him to spell
words at a sixth grade level.
I also modify work at home and tell the teacher after the fact. So far, nobody
has challenged me ;-)
Hang in there. It is so tough, so take extra good care of yourself in this
important work.
Anne