I am concerned about what the ridicule that has been going on on my dd’s bus and in places like the lunch room at the school and the apparent apathy of the school system towards this. Mos tof it is not actually directed to my daughter. She is in a self-contained classroom for one hour per day because of that she is freinds with many kids who have a harder time than she does. There is a boy, I’ll call him Jay, on the bus who is picked on constatntly. They do small things to him physically, they call him names (fag, retard, etc.), they take his possessions, they destroy things of his and on and on and on. My daughter tries to stick up for him. She tells them to stop and to leave Jay alone. Then they try to pick on her. They kick her or step on her feet or accidentally pull her hair or make fun of her, etc. One boy even told Jay that if Jay touched his stuff he would kill him. My daughter and Jay went to the counselor because she has overheard what happened. The counselor acted like it was no big deal. Similar thing happen with another boy at lunch time. A girl asked my dd why she was talking to a retard? My dd asked that girl what business it was of hers who my dd talked to? I’ve talked to parents of several special kids and this seems to be pretty prevelant. One girl won’t even ride the bus. Her mom or aunt always bring her to school, and her grandparents pick her up.
It just seems like there is something I should be able to do? Am I overreacting, or should the school be doing something to help the situation? I know that they can’t totally do away with kids making fun of other kids, but this seems excessive. Thanks for letting me rant. Maybe you all will have some suggestions
Re: What to do about ridicule? (kind of long)
As long as the school system doesn’t make a stand against this type of behavior, it will continue. Why should kids learn to be tolerant and kind if intolerant, unkind behavior is considered acceptable?
We are fortunate to be in a school system where this kind of behavior is not tolerated. Children who had physical contact like this with another child on the bus would be given a warning. With the second offense they would be off the bus for a month. With a third offense, they would be off the bus for the remainder of the school year. Threats of physical violence are handled the same way.
In addition to a policy of no tolerance of bullying, all teachers are trained in the “Open Circle” social skills curriculum from the Stone Institute at Wellesley College. (You can find this on the web) All children in every class from K though middle school participate in this program. It seems to make a big difference. For the most part, our classrooms are a much kinder and gentler place than I remember from growing up.
But the bottom line is that if it’s not made a priority by ALL the adults in the system, there’s not much hope that some kids won’t become bullies, and others targets.
Karen
Re: What to do about ridicule? (kind of long)
I think I”d send something in writing to the counselor about your concerns, and the fact that in your child’s perception, the situation was taken lightly, and gee, you hope that was a misperception on her part because it is a serious concern for you and that these days bullying is a growing concern, and you’re sure the counselor as well as other administrators share your concern and will act on this.
The ocunselor will hopefully suspect that more letters to other admins are following that would say “gee, I wrote the counselor, who sat on it.”
Re: What to do about ridicule? (kind of long)
You’re not overreacting - the school is underreacting. Sadly schools get jaded from this kind of thing and the bus ride to school … - well, it’s kind of fuzzy as to whose responsible for the well-being of the students on the bus.
Bus drivers these days are asked to do a great deal besides drive the bus. Some are up to the task and others aren’t. Could Jay sit up front in the bus? That can help sometime. It’s also possible sometime to insist that Jay be allowed to sit up front.
Where are Jay’s parents on this issue? It may be hard to do much without their support.
If it were my DD, I’d do this. I’d call the principal - nicely. I’d explain that my daughter (I would not mention Jay) was sometimes being physically abused on the bus - kicking, pulling her hair. That she hasn’t been hurt but that you’re calling to find out from him who you should call. Tell him if it were happening on the playground, you’d call her teacher but since it’s the bus, you’re not sure who to call.
See what he says. I’ve met some principals who will take care of it themselves but, at the least, you’ll leave your conversation with him with the name of a person you can call and then say, “The principal told me you were the person to call with this and who could take care of it…”
Good luck.
And now a word from "the counselor"...
I hope I would not have handled the situation in a way that made the child think it was no big deal, but…. this is a disciplinary issue which needs to be handled by a principal or vice. As a counselor it is not my role to deal with discipline. If children come to me with problems related to name-calling, teasing, etc. i talk with them about their feelings and ways in which they can handle these situations in the future and I may call the other child in and help the two of them talk it out. This has obviously gone beyond what children should be able to handle by themselves and would be a violation of our district’s policy on bullying and harassment. It should be referred to whomever handles disciplinary issues at the school— usually not the counselor! (Sorry if I sound defensive!)
Re: about the bus!
You made a very good point about the bus driver having to do much more than drive the bus. We constantly have problems on our buses as well and of course I complain. The prinicpal’s response is always, did he tell the driver/what did the driver do? WHAT????!!!!!!! The bus driver is driving the bus. There are up to 70 children on a bus. Imagine 70 children in your minivan (okay lets be realistic with max capacity of 7). If they are acting up while you are driving what can you possibly do? You are driving. How can we possibly expect a bus driver to control the behavior of a bus load of children while safely driving a very large vehicle. I don’t even know how they drive with all of the normal commotion and screaming. It definitely affects my driving when my kids are acting up in our car. What the schools expect from the drivers is absolutely ridiculous. There needs to be a behavior monitor on each bus to guarantee a safe ride to and from school. We have 3 buses at each of our schools and each route is approximately 30 minutes. It seems practical to me that a teacher or aide (who are required to stay at the school until a certain time each day anyway) could ride the bus as a monitor to guarantee the safety of its students. I am suggesting this to my district. Just thought someone else might benefit from hearing my idea (other suggestions welcomed) because the bus situation is ridiculous.
Re: What to do about ridicule? (kind of long)
What do you do if the ridcule is coming from the teachers.My nine year old son is dyslexic .I just hired an attorney because my son can barley read. I have been trying to get a good reading program for him.(Orton Gillingham or Wilson) Since I hired an attorney I have noticed and so has he they treat him different.Whan he comes home from school he says the teachers are mean to me or they yell at me.Yesterday after he went to school I started to cry. It is so horrible I don’t even want to send him any more.Does anyone have any advice?Also is Reading Reflex a good program for a dyslexic? I could use some friends to share stories with.Fell free to e-mail me. [email protected]
Thank you,
Rachel
My non-LD teenage son was so tired of watching
the littler kids get picked on during the school bus
ride that he came home, picked up the phone and HE
called the district.
(I had complained before.)
They were shocked to hear from him!
Did it do any good?
No, the situation is still bad.
My 16 yr old finally switched to a different bus
with older kids.
Your daughter is a dear.
Anne