Thanks

I agree with the other letters. You may need some outside help. My 14 year old son also has LD’s and has always been very stubborn - others would say its an independent streak. He went through the 7th grade without any Spec. Ed. support.( He passed evaluations in 2nd and 4th grade) Although his behavior Outside of the house was perfect internally its been a struggle. He controls himself outside but brings all the frustration of the day - home with him. I have now choosen to approach him differently because nothing else worked. He tried to control the whole house with his negativity. Over the last couple of years, when he begins to yell at me, I look at him directly in the eyes and let him know I will not debate with him and when he can control the way he is talking I’d be glad to talk. Then I walk away. Sometimes he is still going but I ignore it. I also remind him if he needs my attention, I’ll be ready when
he is. This has helped alot. No ugly words get spoken, He knows I care but I have certain expectations with the way he addresses me and I don’t feel my heart beating so fast I can’t even breath anymore. (most of the time)
Because of the late diagnosis, He was understandably frustrated. He had a terrible start at a terrible school. We moved when he was in 4th grade. I felt guilty, sorry for him, angry with him, scared & all the emotions that a parent of an LD child can go through. Its so hard sometimes. Unlike your daughter, he is a middle child. I was fortunate that his siblings would back me up and let him know he was wrong. Another thing that helps him is sports. I think an outside activity that your child enjoys, does alot for the self-esteem. Its a place he doesn’t feel inferior & can socialize at an even level for a change. It also keeps him out of the house where his behavior can be down right nasty & extends his good behavior for the day. I know you said your daughter is having a hard time outside of the house too, thats why I would get the outside help. She needs to find something for herself. Like my son, she sounds like she tries to “control” the house - negatively or positively.
My niece, now an adult, has ADHD- and was diagnosed very late (middle school) & she just couldn’t control herself in any social situations. A pattern of behavior is hard to change & its tramatic to watch someone bury themselves in negativity. When you love someone you feel their pain and you want people to like them.
I know this is long but one more faucet of this is that you said you are a single parent & you are alone. I don’t know what happened to her father, but I was also raised by a single parent. My father was a “no show” in my life. I didn’t have any Ld’s & I didn’t want my parents to get back together either. but I also had feelings of abandonment from his absence. It blossomed in place of my self-esteem & reared its ugly head in my teenage years. Could her anger come from there too? “Why doesn’t He like me?” I should of been in counseling too.
–On a much much lighter note: Will you be “allowed” to date once she starts dating?” hopefully not too much longer -ha ha

A lot of my son’s similar issues were mitigated when he was treated by an experienced registered homeopath. Homeopath, not naturopath, not herbalist. I don’t know where he’d be today with it. Best wishes.

Yes, we all of us here definitely understand the desperation and frustration you are feeling. We have all been there. I have been in a similar situation. Not knowing what is wrong with my son. Besides his LD problems there were emotional things (major things) going on but the professionals did not see what I saw. He was able to hold it together enough at school but LOOK OUT when he got home. He saved all the “good stuff” for us. I recently discovered a book that has been a true revelation. “The Explosive Child” by Ross W. Greene. Ph.D. It is my son. I don’t know if this would be your daughter for sure but it might be worth looking at the descriptions of the book. It gives an understanding of this type of child as well as Dr. Greene’s approach to making life more bearable. Just a little description “We’ve all seen them, children who explode when they’re told to do something or when things don’t go their way. The ones who completely lose control and become verbally and physically aggressive.” There is a website for the book and its support group that’s great :
[email protected]. It has the characteristics and resources for parenting and teaching kids who display this sort of behavior. Good Luck and don’t give up, SHE NEEDS YOU!!!!!

AND don’t feel guilty…you have done the best you could do. My favourite aunt says ‘they don’t come with instruction manuals’ and that is the TRUTH, isn’t it!? You are NOT alone and you will get through this…but all the other posters are right, come here to vent and get support but you need someone in the ‘real’ world too.

Best wishes…don’t worry about ‘why’ just now, you can think that over when you are past this tough stage. It is quite possible that there is no ‘why’ and you can drive yourself nuts worrying about it. But I think it is universally agreed that this behaviour is not ‘caused’ by ‘poor parenting’, although there are things you can do to improve the behaviour and to protect yourself emotionally, (like Bren mentions, great attitude!) so GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK…you are a mom but you are a PERSON too!
Elizabeth

Just wanted to Thank You for sharing. Reading the comments helped me too. I am going to get The Explosive Child, as well. Trying new things help all the time. Wish I had this web site 12 years ago. Only found it 2 weeks ago and what a relief!! Thanks to all the writers! I can’t believe I’m saying this.. but its actually fun - maybe because I’m so happy about reading and sharing with people who really, really understand and care.

What is a registered homeopath? And what does this involve? How does it help? **And how long does it take to work, I’m kind of in a hurry??( ha ha )

Thanks for listening and sharing your advice with me.It has made me feel a lot stronger knowing there are other people in the same situation as myself that are willing to help and advise me.I am sorry that i can`t give you any advice on scools and grades etc i live in the UK and things are very different over here. Oh by the way i am going to buy the book; The explosive child as well. Maybe we should write a book between us as the author of the explosive child is going to make a fortune out of us lot. Ha, Ha, Ha.Bren wrote:
>
> Just wanted to Thank You for sharing. Reading the comments
> helped me too. I am going to get The Explosive Child, as
> well. Trying new things help all the time. Wish I had this
> web site 12 years ago. Only found it 2 weeks ago and what a
> relief!! Thanks to all the writers! I can’t believe I’m
> saying this.. but its actually fun - maybe because I’m so
> happy about reading and sharing with people who really,
> really understand and care.

I love that book. It gives really good, clear advice. It’s hard, though, to follow on your own without support so please have your relatives and friends who may be around her read it as well. It works best when there’s consistency among those closest to the explosive personality.