any alternatives to pull-out?

What about before or after school? My boys hated being pulled out in elementary school, too. My younger son really shut down and felt ‘dumb’ too. What grade is your son in? When they got to middle School, they had a designated “class” 3 times a week. They would miss alternate Chorus and gym
classes. This was much better than being “pulled” out of a classroom in front of their peers. The younger one still didn’t like it, but he realized He wasn’t the only one in his group attending the class and it gave him a chance to grab any notes he missed or make up tests, etc. I find the balance between maintaining
self-esteem and academic LD’s the hardest thing of all - and the most important.

Thanks for your reply. He has one before-school sessions on Thursdays but thats where the battles of not wanting to go to school come in. The LD teacher pulls him out of class when she sees that he’s struggling with something they are working on. He absolutely hates this. We have told her that it really upsets him. He’s 9 years old (4th grade) and since 2nd grade he has been resistant to help of any kind. At the last IEP when I suggested a tutor after school instead of pull-outs, the team reacted as if I stood up and shouted a four-letter word. We are between a rock and a hard place. He really does not want the help. I am tempted to “deny THEIR SERVICES” and see how he does on his own. It really upsets him that much. I’m just afraid that if I do, they will take me to due process and then end up doing what they want with him anyway. Do you know if that is true?

Knowing he hates being pulled out- Why do they do it in the middle of the class? I don’t understand. I understand they probably want to “catch it” right away, but can’t they designate a specific time of the day instead. Imagine how he must feel - eyes always watching his every move, looking over his shoulder.I would hate that too. He must be afraid to “look confused”! And futhermore, he misses what comes up next in the class & gets further behind when he is removed.
I honestly don’t know much about the laws, but why couldn’t a tutor be an option for your child. I don’t understand their reaction either. You may have to pay for it yourself & get cooperation from his teachers to find out what he needs - which can be alot of work on your part. But considering the fact that your child is not ready to deal with his LD at this time, how much effort is he able to put into the extra help he is getting in school, when he shuts down & resents it. How will he learn to ask for help when he is so upset; He will learn to hide it. The aides in the classes here did mostly in-class help, not out of class and my boys still hated it. They also assured me they help ALL the students in the class - LD or not. Any new concept introduced can be difficult for any child. It sounds like your son gets ALL the unwanted attention!
I believe in choices for children. If you can set up the tutor etc. then go for it! Before finalizing everything, talk to your son and tell him you have a choice he can make. After school tutor or in-school support like he has now. He needs to feel he has some control. He’ll probably choose neither, but that is not an option. Maybe I’m a soft touch, but LD’s are not a life sentence for everyone- its just a period of time when everyone is focusing on academics. Explain that to your son. He is not alone either.
Pulling him entirely out of a program he needs now can reek havoc in middle and high school. If he doesn’t get the foundation of elementary school down now, it will only get harder later. note: my younger son was able to get through it and by 6th grade passed the evalution & “graduated” out of Sped. program. My older son did not get sped. help in elementary(title 1 reading only) and his grades are falling apart in High School. Think of it as: if hes pulled out now, he won the battle, but he will lose the war later. Maybe other readers out there have pulled their children out & will give feedback.
I wish the teachers & psych. would offer you other alternatives, than “just deal with it” - Alot easier said than done. Loss of Self Esteem is related to future drug use, behavior problems,suicide etc. Why aren’t they addressing that?? Isn’t that important too?

My son hated being pulled out too until he got used to the routine. That I think is part of the problem here. No child should have to just be pulled out on the whim of someone else. Do you have the same problems if it is routinized? Could you set up a time that is regular on Fridays? My son knows he goes to resource room for reading first thing in the morning and then to speech on MWF. He is used to it and no longer fights about it. Quite frankly, there are kids coming and going all the time.

If you really feel like it is counter productive, then you could drop the services and provide them on your own. I don’t think you can legally force the school to provide services after school with a tutor because of your son’s preferences but I may be wrong.

We found the same thing. My NLD son was extremely negative about the idea of academic support outside of the classroom. So we sort of incorporated a couple of different ideas in this thread. We asked him which of his “specials” he liked least, and wouldn’t mind giving up. That was easy. He really disliked the Health teacher. So it was set up that he would go to the resource room at the same time as all the other kids went to Health. The other kids actually envy this, so he doesn’t feel bad about it. After he settled into the routine, he started to realize how much pressure this took off in class, and he started to actually appreciate this time. (it helped that he also likes the SPED teacher)

He also sees the school psychologist once a week, and again, we didn’t want him pulled out of class for that either. He helped make the decision that rather than give up art, music or gym, he would go eat lunch with her once a week. He wasn’t thrilled with tthis either, but has accepted it because he got to at least be involved in the decision as to WHEN he would go.

He also goes to keyboarding followed by “homework help” 3 days a week. This went over like a lead balloon when we first told him about it, but again, once he was into the routine, and realized that he usually has little homework left to do on his own on homework help days, he has accepted it with good grace.

I think he would HATE being pulled out at random, expecially during academic class time. Transitions of any kind are tough for him. Transitions without warning, and to something he doesn’t want to do, can be really, really hard.

Karen

My son never really liked it either.
He did like the teachers, wonderful women, so that helped.
This was in elementary school.

When he got to middle school he was put in study skills.
He was really bothered by the off the wall behavior of some
of the kids. He didn’t get any real help for his reading and
writing so he would just do his honors math and science
in that class.

We pulled him out and let him take art, home ec and
technology in that time.

We are now negotiating, going on our _fourth_ month
of taking him out of music appreciation and having
him on a computer program which he can do on his own
and is tailor made for dyslexics.

This might be an option for you.

Anne

After school private educational therapy is what I have done with my kids when they have struggled. Yes, it is expensive but it is worth it. The tutor works on the whole child, not just the ld issues but the self-esteem and teachers them how to learn.

Does your son have any ADD issues? That was one area we overlooked in our daughter and after we got help for that the educational therapy started going in high gear.

My dau also struggled with not wanting to be pulled out. We moved to another district, and here they do not pull-out after grade 4. They have co-teaching teams with a spec educ teacher in class with the LD kids. She floats around the room, helping kids when necessary. For tests, she does pull out her kids to read the test to them, but just into an adjacent work-room, my dau doesn’t mind it, it also has computer and board games..
Marla (MI)

My son is still in elementary school (5th grade) and I shudder at the thought of working this all out at the middle school level. At least the school system seems to be sensitive to the problems of the transition from elementary school to middle school, and the SPED coordinator has already told me that we will have a team meeting in May or June just to work out the details. (like helping an NLD kiddo learn to navigate the school building and learn how to work a combination on a locker!)

Karen

Thanks for your reply. No, my son has no ADD issues but he does have perception problems, reading and writing disablities. After reading everyone’s wonderful replies I’m sorry to say that we have tried most of what has been offered. I am really considering a tutor as the next step. Any advice on how to narrow down the search for a good match? Who should I be looking for? What kind of qualifications should a tutor specifically for the learning disabled have and where do I look? Being the middle of the school year I honestly do not look forward to an exhaustive search by trial and error. Any advice? Thanks.

Thanks for your reply. I dread this transition too. My son has one more year at elementary school before he goes to the jr. high. Thats why I’m hoping to get this ironed out (what works best for him) before we move over there. Although maybe it won’t be an issue for him since they change classes every period in jr. high anyway. I do not look forward to 5th grade going the same as 4th has been going so far. I’m just sure how far I can push the issue with the school though? Any advice on that?

Thanks for your reply. Right now we have it set up that he goes to resource before school every Thusday or more if needed. That way none of the other kids see him come and go and it is his choice to some extent as to how much he needs her. He still resists. On Thursday mornings we battle the dawdling to get ready so that he could possibly be too late to see her and then the refusing to get out of the car once we get to school. He is not like this on other days of the week. If he does get taken out for anything during the day, that’s all we hear about for the rest of the night. I believe you are right about not being able to make the school pay for a tutor (fine with me) but if I drop services, can they still go ahead and do whatever they feel they need to do without my permission by taking me to due process?

I suppose it is possible but not likely, in my mind. Schools don’t like due process and I would think if you were providing the services, they would be just as happy.

I have been asked if I wanted to remove my child from resource room. He can keep up with the slowest reading group now. I said no. But it makes me think that you could manage it privately without any negative outcomes (other than to your pocket).

They aren’t going to go to the expense of due process! They will just be secure in that if/when your child flounders, they can smugly say “well, we don’t have to do anything because you don’t want to do what we are willing to provide.”
I can understand that they are reluctant to extend a teacher day because a child is resisting help during the school day.

I certainly don’t think we have all the answers, but I can tell you what I do. I prioritize what I think are the MOST important things for my son, and then I am polite but relentless with the school people.

I think that the school people respect me. I try very hard to be fair with them, but I expect them to provide the services my son needs to succeed in the environment that makes the most sense. And I use an educational advocate to watch my back ;-)

How it will work in middle school, I’m not sure. I’ll let you know when we get there.

Karen

Because the transition from Middle Sch. to High School has been overwhelming for my 9th grade son and discussing & reading options with you over the last couple of days, I just hired a tutor. (My son is getting at least one F) Although he is studying, his notes are unorganized and his processing is getting in the way. He told me he is ready to give up studying because 4 hrs. of studying still gets him an F on the test. The High School motto for spec.ed. here is “Independence”. Great if you don’t have a ld, not helping my son at all. Half the time, he doesn’t realize he is missing anything. So, I hired my daughter to tutor him; she is one grade level above him. Mature, kind and high honor student who is motivated to make some $. She is going to go weekly to the sped advocate & science teacher to make sure she has all the proper work needed. I have to coordinate with teachers first though. (this also helps with “embarassment of mom” showing up to pick up the paperwork!! and he liked that part.) I asked them both if they thought this would work before I do anything. She knows his personality, and pulls him back to task quickly. There are High School students out there who want to go into education, some specifically spec. ed. Call the High School, Try one of them. It may be alot cheaper & your son might feel like a “big shot” with the older student - therefore the effort increases. I would definetely recommend observations of the tutor, especially at the beginning. I am also considering the tutoring to take place at our local library. Public place, but a good environment for learning. Sometimes a little help, goes a long way. I know some ld’s require more professional guidance, but alot of it is reviewing, reminding & organizing time. ps: its kind of fun to hear her say, “so how did you do on the test?” He is not so defensive with her, I’ll let you know how this works out.