Thanks

Great, Kathy! Sometimes a letter is all it takes to improve things. No district really wants to go to due process if they can avoid it. You were not asking too much. And on your part, I think it is appropriate for a parent to try and help give incentives for good behavior at school. Hopefully, things are back on the right track for your son!

Janis

Yes incentives are good. Bribery works! But sometimes the frustration of a smart kid struggling an a system stacked against him gets to be too much and he can’t help but act out. Keep this in mind so you can take it in stride and together get him through in a good way.

Iagree lots of the issues with his behavior are….because he’s a 13 year old boy. He is very popular with his peers, and they all get into the same amount of trouble, which doesn’t take much at his school. I expressed this to the super. too. This is how bad the detention issue is at his school, His lunch period is shared by three grade levels, 6th, 7th, 8th. That’s 6 classrooms of children, on any given day there might be 4 classrooms full of detention servers. Do you really think there are that many “bad kids”? Another point I brought up was, he is with the same group of kids all day, they have one teacher, who is very good, she actually teaches and the kids understand, he has never been given a detention from her, but another teacher who he has only for study hall gives him one almost daily. I know what the problem is…..to much time. He can’t complete the work by himself, because of his reading ability, so he sits there bored doing nothing and gets into trouble. I know he has to be responisble for his own behavior, but I also know how I react to a situtation when I’m bored and have nothing to do. Does what I’m trying to say make sense?

Maybe your son would do better in the resource room for study hall. Chances are there would be someone there who could keep him on task. It’s a shame to waste a study hall just because you need a little help with getting your homework done. better there than at home.

To have 2/3 of the kids serving detention sounds crazy to me! It sounds like there is a strange school culture going on here not a very healthy environment.

Helen

I’m sure a resource room would help, if one were available. Our school doesn’t offer that.

You’re right, it’s strange. They use detention for every thing, such as the day he was leaning back in his chair in the library. Now I know, that isn’t something they can let kids do, for risk of falling. But at home if he does something like that, you just have to say don’t do that, and he stops. But they never even try that approach, all they know is detention. I just think there are better ways to handle somethings, how about if you can’t keep all four legs on the floor then stand up the rest of class?

I kind of ran into the same type of situation with my youngest.
When I asked for the behavior policy,funny thing there were upteen different things they were supposed to try before a detention. Have you looked at your school policy?

I’ll have to look into that, I don’t have a copy of the school policy, that was probably one of those papers that never made it home LOL
Socks, it seems like you’ve been through everything with your son, I go through with mine. Question is…..did you ever just get tired of the battles? and if so, how did you keep yourself going? I get so tired of always being the heavy…..I don’t really think I’m asking for that much, I want my son to be able to read and write, to be able to fill out a job application, to go in a resturant and be able to read a menu. Doesn’t seem like such high demands to me, but to the school system, I’m a b with an itch, with unresonable demands. GRRRRRRR!

Heck Yes I got tired of the battles! I have two sons. I went through it twice:-) No,I guess that isn’t true either,I went through it myself first.

Part of my resilience,is in my personality,part of it is due to being dyslexic myself,and part of it is being obsessed with the school’s stupidity and my undying ability to be a royal thorn in their side,because I refused to allow them to forget I was there.

My boys never had trouble reading,or learning to read,but I did. I remember all the teachers who tried, and failed. Who tried and gave up, and who tried and blamed me for not trying. As a matter of fact,I was day dreaming the other day,after reading your post about your son,and how once he gets organized,BS.
I can remember vividly being in 2nd grade. The teacher coming over to me,almost like she was sneaking up. You know the “slowly she crept,bit by bit”,this is how she came over to my desk. Now bare in mind,words are all pictures for me,as well as most dyslexic see them. Once you can get a picture,it becomes a vivid colorful experience. Dyslexics don’t see the words they feel the words,if this makes any sense at all. The reason I couldn’t seem to learn to read was how do you get a feeling about “the”? How do you see “this”? And there are soo many more of those kind of words. Anyway back to my 2nd grade teacher,here she comes sneaking up,telling me,”I have a really NICE book,it is a really easy book to read,and your going to read it today!” Big ol smile, bless her heart. Now being in second grade and hopelessly dyslexic I invisioned fairy dust,she would sprinkle this magical dust over my head and BAM,I would read this book. WOW,wouldn’t this be something:-)

NO,I didn’t read that book,but she read it to me,and I made it my business to memorize every last word,so by god I would read it the next day. Too bad there isn’t any fairy dust.

My dad use to tell me that I was born in the wrong era,because there wasn’t an issue to fight for in the 70’s,not like there was in the 60’s. He called me the rebel without a cuase. I suppose he never realized I would eventually have a cuase to fight for.Maybe I always knew it existed. Boy would he be surprised:-)
Along came my two wonderful boys and they were important enough to fight for.

Kathy I guess I fought so long and hard,because I felt their pain. Maybe I felt it when no one else could? Maybe I am insane.

Yes,I got tired of the fight. As a matter of fact,I finally realized the fight was still not going to get my kids the education they needed. We left the school system two years ago,and they are in a small private school for kids with LD’s The state is paying for it,we opted for a state voucher. It was without a doubt the best thing I have ever done. It was either this or homeschooling. It was either one of these two options or a mental health facility for mommy.

I no longer have to fight for my boys,but I still feel it. I know how hard it was,and I know how much this board and others helped me through it. Believe me,all the people responded to your posts are some of the same people who responded to me and gave me advice and support. It just my way of giving back what I was given.

Thank you so much, you and the others here, give me the strength to keep fighting. I’m glad you mentioned the not trying thing, that’s all I ever hear. he doesn’t try and as someone told me once, if you exposed to reading everyday, you couldn’t make yourself not learn to read, unless you had a problem.
After my talk with the super. the other night, I told my son they seem to think you don’t want to learn to read, that you won’t help yourself. He looked at me with tears in his eyes (you know the kid who doesn’t care) and said, do they think I like to go to school everyday and feel stupid, to leave my friends and go to the “stupid class”. I just said I don’t know what they think, but you know what, you’re not stupid, but they are.
My options are so limited because of the rural area we live in, so I have no choice but to keep fighting, and with everyone’s help here….I will.
The other night when talking to the super. she said your sons handwriting is horrible, she made it sound like that was his fault.
Well, I need to go start the time to get up for school battle, I wonder if he’ll have a stomach ache or a head ache today? LOL
Somedays, I just let him be sick….he needs a mental health day every once in a while.
Thanks again!

Your welcome. The one thing I always told my kids. As long as they keep fighting and trying,I would too.

Spent a lot of time trying to explain ,”well this is the way they want you to do it. I know you can draw and listen to music at the same time,but the teacher wants you to stop drawing and go over and listen to music at music time.” It started in Kindergarten. Good ol American school system. It’s either there way,or ……

Do it. Make it a constructive day — not a vacation — maybe even a day to learn about something in a way *he* can learn like a trip to a museum or planning & cooking a meal.

He didn’t end up having a headache or stomach ache today, but it was “awful cold to go to school”. I just told him to dress warm, so we didn’t have to waste a mental health day. His mental health days usually come on his step fathers day’s off, and then they do things around the farm, it might be cutting down a tree and stacking brush, or maybe even tracking deer tracks, But he learns, he can identify all kinds of trees, by the bark and leaves, which are skills he will probably need in real life more often than learing to build a rocket. He’s really such a great kid, I only wish the teachers knew him like we do.
ON a positive note (which I know I seem to have few of), last year he had a teacher who was great with him. He moved him back by his desk and told the kids, it was because he needed him to help the teacher with some of his work. If one of the kids picked him to read aloud the teacher would say, pick someone else, he’s helping me do something. The teacher would talk to him about deer hunting, playing football, riding 4 wheelers, anything that my son liked. My son tried harder for that teacher than any he’s ever had. I wrote the teacher a thank you note at the end of the year and told him, that I had read a quote once
” A child might not remember what you said to them, but they will always remember how it made them feel” When I first read that quote, it made me think of all the negative things teachers had said to him, but this teacher turned that quote around for me. He made my son feel important.

What a sweet and touching story! If only every regular teacher could be like that! And if only the resource teachers could have the knowledge of those on this board!

Janis

I loved the quote…

” A child might not remember what you said to them, but they will always remember how it made them feel” When I first read that quote, it made me think of all the negative things teachers had said to him, but this teacher turned that quote around for me. He made my son feel important.

I had to copy this quote to send to my son’s teachers from this year and last. His teachers have been very kind and supportive. It makes a world of difference when your child’s teacher really cares and shows genuine interest and optimism towards your child. Thank you for sharing this quote. It is a good reminder for me as a parent too.

Rosie