My eighth grade daughter, who is dyslexic, has completely stopped trying to succeed. She has a very helpful EEN teacher and we are helping her at home, but she is doing everything in her power to sabbotage her success. She has resorted to hiding assignments, even if they are done correctly. She is lying about where they are. We modify her homework, the teachers modify the assignments. It just seems she has given up and sometimes is down right defiant. I have talked about this to her pediatrician, and he wants to put her on more medicine. She takes Metadate CD daily and this seems to be working fine. Any helpful advice would be appreciated.
Karen
Re: My 14 yr old seems to have given up
We have a similar problem in our house. We have noticed that this year he is starting to become less interested in scholl and shutting down. I can’t blame him, he gets barely any help at school except for one teacher.
I would also suggest homeschooling or cyber school. Maybe taking her out of the enviroment would help?!? What about visiting her school, if she is agreeable. I know that one of our problems is that the school paint a glowing picture of all the help they provide and then when I question my brother about the day or the help it is completely different. It always turns out they are really not as great as they appear. Maybe seeing her in her school enviroment would help.
Thanks
K.
As I see it, this is a strong sign that her needs have not b
over such a long period of time that she has no hope of anything better.
Personally, what I would do is pull her out of school and start homeschooling. A “rule of thumb” is to allow any child coming out of a public school environment one month of “down” time for every year spent in public school — just to de-compress and allow time for old patterns to dissipate. A child such as you describe would probably need even more time than that to get over the public school experience of little failures repeated on a daily basis. You could use that time to study up on curriculum options (there are many sources of information on the internet). Homeschooling doesn’t necessarily mean you do everything yourself. There are distance-learning and correspondence schools that work well for some families.
Pediatricians have no training in learning disabilities. Medication is not the solution to every problem.
Mary
Re: My 14 yr old seems to have given up
Sometimes its 8th gradeitis and spring fever combined. Talking to her seems the best place to start. Tell her what you have observed and see what she thinks and how she reacts. If she talks well with you, you may be able to come up with some shared decisions to try and then re-evaluate. If she is not able to sort things out or gets too defensive to develop a plan, you might want to try an outside counselor of sorts. My son had a supportive person at school that he could talk to and then he also went to a counselor once every other week. Is 8th grade the final year at her school? Does she go to high school from here? Some kids separate by pushing everyone away. It’s easier to say goodbye. I will tell you that I am not a fan of homeschooling. I know it works for some families and everyone must make their own decision. I just think there are steps to take first.
Re: God bless you, Mary
I needed to know that, I really did. I homeschooled my daughter grades five through seven, then enrolled her in public school eighth grade and began the ARDuous process of trying to get her educated.
Two years later, end of ninth grade, and I withdrew her from public school back to homeschooling. She’s lost so many skills, especially the ability to concentrate and think for herself. I want her to think, to use that wonderful brain she’s blessed/cursed with, but the public school basically turned off the spigot.
I needed to hear that it will take time to get back into the flow. She needed me to hear that. I thank you so much.
Bonita
Re: My 14 yr old seems to have given up
metadate is a new form of once a day methylphenidate. I think it is newer than Concerta.
Re: My 14 yr old seems to have given up
I know with my son 13, sometiems he seems to give up too. I think it is from so many years of failure. As for hiding the papers, she probably feels pretty good about them, but then figures if she turns them in, they’ll be F’s too….so why bother. I don’t really have any answers for you,just wanted you to know I know how you feel and I’ve been there too. Just love her and support her, not matter what. As far as the medicine…..we didn’t have very good results with medications, heck, they could be causing the defiant personailty you’re seeing. But that’s just an assumption….and remember, regardless of what anyone tells you…..YOU know your child better than anyone. Good Luck
I don’t know Metadate. Is for ADD or for depression or something else again? The answer to that would certainly affect mine.
Students, LD or not, sometimes do give up on school. 12 - 13 years of it can get old. Both my own sons gave up in the 10th grade but fortunately with patience and support rallied to get through 11th. Everybody gives up in 12th and pretty much coasts through that last year.
Her behavior certainly indicates that something is wrong but whether it can be addressed only through medication is another question. What does your daughter say when asked why she’s doing all this? Is she asking to withdraw from school? (sometimes possible through homeschools, cyber schools, charter schools, alternative schools) If she could wave the magic wand over her life or school, what would she change?
Start from there and see where you end up.
Good luck.