Yesterday I had my youngest sons IEP it went very well and I am pleased. One thing did happen though that disturbed me. There was a student sitting out in the hall next to the principals office—must of been a time out thing. The principal was standing there with the child. I was directed to go into the library to wait for my turn at the IEP. While waiting I heard this guy tell the kid “do you want me to stuff you into a box?”, “you have chosen the wrong person to mess with.” Never did I hear anything from the kid so I assume he was not being still or something that made the guy mad. I flet this individuals tone and words were inappropriatte. I just froze did not know what to do. I was unable to concentrate at my sons IEP. I went home and still could not forget, here it is next day and it is still bothering me. Since it is the principal who would I complain to? Would it be the superintedant or someone else. I know children need discipline but this did not seem right, I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?
Re: I disagree
I disagree with not saying anything. This is how abusive situations are uncovered, by accident. I’m sorry, but no CHILD (problem or not) deserves to be talked/treated to like that. I have been in a similar situation with a teacher on two separate occassions. I told the parents (since I knew them through school contact) what I had heard and saw. The first time, the parent was very grateful that I had told her. She had been suspecting that something was up because her kindergarten son all of a sudden did not want to go to school. She took it from there. The second time was just weeks ago. The mom (different child/mom) was grateful that I told her what I saw, but said that she did not mind her son being talked to that way. She seems to feel that he responds better to “that way.” I know my child would be horrified by such treatment and I WOULD want to know if that was going on. My son will not be exposed to that teacher. If you do not know the parents, I would definitely make a casual call to the super’s office out of concern. I never hurts to make your concerns know when it comes to the well-being of any child. Do not carry the burden, let someone who has the power to do something make the judgement call. Who knows what the history is.
Re: What would you do
This was not a hardened teen this was by size a kindergartner or 1st grader. This school is pre-k to 4th only. I dont think this young of a child should be talked to in this manner. I know if it were my son he would of took it as he would be stuffed in a box.
Re: What would you do
Interesting, when I read your post I thought middle school
as I’ve heard this kind of stuff from many middle school
principals (I work as a sub SE aid in different schools).
Usually happens after one child physically attacks
another child - voices are raised.
But when I heard it was a younger child….
hmmmm, that makes you think.
But without knowing the whole story.
Could be the child actually stuffed another child into a box!
I have seen elementary children who are capable of it
and much worse, unfortunately.
Anne
Re: What would you do
Lisa,
I would call the school Superintendants office and ask that they not use my name. I would explain the situation to them exactly like you explained it here that you are concerned for the child’s feelings.
Re: What would you do
Maybe the child did stuff another child into a box but too say, “You picked the wrong person to mess with!” That is not appropriate for a child of any age.
I would also agree that calling the superintendant and not using your name is a good idea. If you don’t do anything it will continue to eat away at you.
Then again I might not be the best person to answer this questions since I have a notoriously big mouth!!
K.
Re: What would you do
i would suggest that you contact the principal for a meeting and discuss your concerns about what you overheard. if you are not satisfied with his response, then go to the superintendent.
Re: What would you do
A couple of things you stated in your post disturbed me.
This gentleman sent you to the library to wait your turn at the iep? Then right outside of the door tells a student,you have messed with the wrong person,and do you want to be stuffed into a box?
Number one,YOU are an equal member of the IEP team,nothing should be discussed without your presence there. You should not be waiting to speak your peace.
Number Two,this person chose to speak knowing or should of known you were present or in ear shot.
The other thing that disturbed me is the fact that you state you could not concentrate on what was being said at the IEP. Now not wanting to sound too darn parranoid,two things occur to me,
Does this principal have so little respect for me as a parent to shoo me into a room,and then berate a student within ear shot,is he trying to intimidate me prior to the IEP? Would he speak to my child in this manner?
As a result of this happening, do I feel the IEP was successful or was it beyond my undivided attention?
If I felt that I did not or was not given the opportunity to participate fully,I suppose I would have to asked for another meeting,probably put a lot of people out.
The principal was inappropriate,whether or not the child’s parents feel this way or not.Whether or not the child “deserved” being spoken to in this manner,whether or not the child just stuffed another kid in the box.
Biggest thing is,would he speak to my child in this manner? If it was my child would things have been done differently?
Of course this crossed your mind.
Children are not owned by the adults around them,children are not little adults,children are children. Children are indivduals deserving of respectful treatment,especially if this child needs to learn not to stuff other children in boxes.
I believe children deserve our protection. Protection from individuals who misuse their authority over them.Unfortunately this person,if meaning to intimidate you or the child,will be defensive in respoonse to being questioned.
Depending on how you feel,or what kind of relationship you have with this person,letting him know that you overheard what was being said,the lack of privacy the child recieved,the language that was used with this child,and the fact that you as a parent would not be tolerable of him speaking to your child in this manner,can easily be related to him by,coming into the office,or running into him in the hallway, in a informal manner,and saying,yeah,wow,I heard what you said to that child the other day,wow,what did he do? I felt bad for him,what did he do, to be told you would stuff him in a box?, I KNOW my child would take you literally….
Re: What would you do
No, the office personell sent me to the library, I do not think the principal knew I was there. This school is one with few rooms that have walls. The library does not even have 4 walls. The “IEP room” does, it is off the library. They were running behind so asked me to sit in the library. The reason my IEP went ok, although I could not concentrate, is that I had received a copy of it before the meeting and had several discussions with the teacher so I knew what to expect. My conscious did get the better of me and I spoke to my sons teacher since we get along well. She conveyed that she agreed this was inappropriatte and told me other parents who had heard also reported it. He was speaking very loudly. This principal is temporary as the orginal was fired for forging signatures. They are in the process of interviewing for a new principal. The superintedant was made aware of the situation by other school personnell since a few parents brought it up. I am glad school is almost over and he will not be there next year. As far as my sons IEP went I got more then I asked for. They qualified him for summer school and are requesting an OT eval for his poor handwriting skills. His teacher introduced him to keyboarding and allows him to do his sentences on the computer. Although my IEP went well I left feeling bad. I am glad I reported it.
Re: What would you do
I think we would probably all be amazed at what goes on at school, when we aren’t there. My son once came home a couple of years ago and told me about how the LD teacher got mad at someone and kicked a chair across the room. I think my son was in the 4th grade then, the LD teacher is 6’4’, 250 lbs. Imagne how that made those kids feel. The other day my daughter who is in the 11th grade came home and said, she got hit with a trash can at school. It seems a teacher got mad at another student, and kicked the trash can and it hit my daughter. I was upset and thought about calling the school. She begged me not to. I’m still considering reporting it, but honestly, probably won’t do any good, I’m sure that teacher has tenure. Seems once you get tenure, you can do about anything. Bottom line though, what does this type of behavior from a teacher, teach our children?
perhaps the principal was speaking in a vernacular that this kid understands? Sometimes kids will push and even the best of parents and educators say things that are not appropriate at one time or another, sometimes they have to deal with sarcasm and attitudes of hardened teens with tough love and words that they can relate to.
Eavesdropping is uncomfortable, we hear things that we can’t totally put together and sometimes we jump to the wrong conclusions due to our missing bits of the conversation and situation. With that in mind, I would be wary to say something that opens a pandora’s box of gossip without knowing the history of this child and the principal’s style of disciplining, as one might be reading more into it than there is.