Great special education law conference.

right:-)

Clue me in Rose. Just HOW do you get them to obey the law and the IDEA act for you and your kid when they do whatever they please and get by with it, day in and day out?I have quoted the law, displayed the law, they think it is for the other 49 states.

That’s fantastic that things went well! I wish they would have a conference in my area, it would really help parents with self esteem!

I attend weight watchers and the last few weeks the meeting topic has been self esteem and changing habits. This week she gave us two exercises to help, they are food related but can be changed into anything.

The first one is to write and action plan. Decided what you want and then right a plan on how you are going to get there. When you are done, post it somewhere you have to look at it everyday, for example, right next to the shower.

The second one is close your eyes and imagine the following situation. You are waiting in the hallway for the IEP meeting to begin. When you enter the room, the table is surrounded with the guidance counselor, the classroom teacher, the principal, vice principal, special ed teachers and aide, maybe the school district special ed coordinator. You are seated at the head of the table surrounded by all these people. You begin to speak and are cut off, every idea or question you have is shot down. No one is listening to you, you are getting upset. You begin to yell, which makes everyone listen even less.

No open you eyes and completely clear that image from your head. Start over, this time you are in the room first. When they suggest you wait you tell the school that you prefer to wait in the room where the meeting will be held. You are not alone this time, you have an advocate or your mother, your husband, or your best friend, even better you have all four. You seat yourself strategically around the room. You prepare you notes and the notes you have photocopied for all the teachers and administrations that will be there. When the meeting begins you are confident and you tell the group you will be heading the meeting and you have a specific list of concerns, quetions, and issues that need to be addressed before the end of the meeting. They can follow you along on the photocopied notes you handed out. You are dressed to the nines, your hair is done, your nails are painted, you are sitting up straight in you chair and you are not taking their crappy answer to your questions.

Now tell yourself five times, I can do it!! Self confidence and self esteem will win over, maybe not right away but eventually if you stop doubting what you are doing it will win.

I know everything I wrote is common sense but when my meeting leader made us do it, it worked. It has been working all week. Last friday, on the way to bringing my husband lunch, I remember that the road I was on had a great seafood resteraunt, a real Cape Coddy joint that serves clams and chowder. So I decided to stop and get onion rings, my summer time weakness. After I got my order and was sitting in the car, I realized what a stupid idea this was! I did the exercise above and when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t stand the taste or smell of the onion rings. I pulled over to the side of the road and through them out in the woods for the birds. I was pretty amazed that I had that type of self control and confidence in myself.

So anyway no that everyone things I am wacko, I am glad that the meeting went well and that you are ready to get what you want for your child out of the school!
K.

Hi Rose,

I would love to know too. I went to the Wright conference in Feb. in Chicago and did not walk away feeling that confident. There is too much to know. I found their book From Emotions to Advocacy to be of more assistance. But I too, like Travis’s Mum, have quote laws and encountered nothing but opposition and excuses. Then I’m at a loss for what to back it up with. I think the only way to get them to obey the law, without all of the double talk is to bring an experienced advocate or lawyer. The district knows how to get around these laws parents bring up and demand and they know that we are quoting from these books and what other parents are telling us to say. Please let us know how it goes and what was successful for you in the meeting. Good Luck!

Dear K,

You are not wacko, I think this is wonderful advice! I was right along with ya! I’m going to try it, after all it is all a mind game anyway, right? Thanks for sharing this.

I like your style K. Let’s see.. I show up early and of course with my babe’s agenda in hand. (that is why we are there; not to hear about what they can’t and won’t do) So I make out an outline of all the areas to be covered and what he specifically needs and pass it to them so they can ‘follow along’ Better yet, I have their sample IEP forms and I have written his IEP. Every item they agree to - is crossed off as completed and documented on the IEP. The items they balk or excuse at, I will ask for the specific reasons why and document it as such and it will also become part of the IEP as an ‘attachment’. Since I know the law and can bring it with me, I might even cite the violations directly on the form (such as Fed Reg. 341.23 Failure to provide xyz.). I then should ask for a statement regarding which particular Fed. or State laws do they feel they need not comply with today? So all the things that are discussed are covered and documented. Otherwise, when THEY run the show, they only document what THEY want to provide.
Over the years I have found many of my earlier requests that were laughed at to be quite reasonable and 100% legal and exactly what my kid should have gotten, but never did. When all you have to go back on is old conversations, you really have nothing, no proof and no recourse. If they say “He can have the ‘Fast For-word’ program, later, on another IEP” I need to document that they have agreed to provide it, But are NOT writing it on this IEP, or all I have is a promise to go begging on later.
I like your style K, and will try it! However, I still feel like I need to bring a really large ugly growlie dog and perhaps where a spiked collar myself.

I have been doing some visualizing and talking things over with friends helps as well. We bounce IDEAs off eachother all the time. One of them came to the conference with me. I was going to have her watch my children during the IEP but now I think I may have her attend it with me. Especially since one of the placements they may offer my child is one her child is in now. My child has had 20 hours a wek of early intervention for almost two years now. After the first year he was only slightly further behind his peers on the bell curve. Now they are saying that he only needs 10 hours a week and, by the way, the 10 hour classes are only offered in the afternoon when all of his after school activities are available so he’d have to give them up. But they will say that the 10 hour a week program is better for him because there will be higher function children and they will be better language roll models. I know for a fact that isn’t true. They will say that the smaller class size will benifit him but they have no cap on the size of the class and the classes always get bigger as the year progresses. There I go, ranting again. I really do need to and will spend time writing everything down in a clear and organized way so I don’t need to argue with them about why they are wrong. I’m in a better position than most. My husband is a trial attorney so I have a head start in understanding the laws and the school knows it. Unfortunately, my husband is in trial and there’s very little chance he’ll be able to attend the IEP but he is in 100% agreement with me about our son’s placement. If I argue with the school about my son’s placement, I am giving them the power of my wanting them to agree with me to validate how I feel. Legally, they can not change my son’s placement without my permission. They don’t have to agree with me about it. They just have to leave well enough alone. Is it the perfect placement for him? Of course not. There is no perfect placement. The classes all have too many children, there aren’t enough classroom aides and even fewer good ones, there is very little communication facilitated between the children… I haven’t been asking for anything extra. There is nothing for them to say no to. Perhaps I will come in with a few possible alternative placement plans… all much more expensive to them than leaving him in his present placement.

As I stated earlier… I have the advantage of my husband being a trial lawyer and also I’m not asking them for anything they can turn down. They can’t change my son’s placement without my signature and it’s just fine with me if he stays where he is for another year. I know that early intervention is a limited time opportunity and that there will be challenges in the future that will be more complicated. Hopefully I’ll have the experience and resources neccesary to deal with them. If the schools won’t provide appropriate educations for my children then the schools will end up paying for someone else to do it. Going to court takes time and money but if you are willing, ready and able to go… you probably won’t end up needing to. We’ll see if I still sound like I’ve got any confidence left after the IEP a week from friday. Alex’s teacher made it pretty clear today that I can expect a fight.

Perhaps you should seriously consider rescheduling the IEP when pappy can be there with his suit/tie and legal pad. Even if he says nothing, his presence will set the tone, they will not pull the same stunts with him there.
As far as being with the higher functioning kids line as an excuse to axe 50% of his services, I would make use of all the “high-functioning” play groups,mommie & me,cousins, neighbors, etc. and tell them YOU are already providing that “at your personal expense” . You prefer to get the academic or pre-academic help he needs at school. After all, your primary purpose of using a school is to educate him, not socialize him, right? Otherwise, we could all just hang out at the park, mall, beach etc. and have a blast.
My girlfiend has a very high functioning Autistic child and she allowed that Autism Spectrum label to be used in preschool. It turned out to be a very wise move. He may /maynot be truly Autistic now as he appears in 3rd grade but he does get Speech/Lang, and one hour daily with the LD teacher 1:1. Without the label, he would be lost in the crowd, I am sure. This more intensive quantity of services has helped him tremendously. They do periodically try and take his status away, but mom/dad hold their ground. BTW, his mommie volunteers continually at the school to make sure he really gets the time. In some places it is essential to play “I Spy” the spec. ed. teacher to ensure your kid receives services.