Hi all,
I don’t really know how to start…I have a son with ADD, LD, OCD who is 16. He really is a good kid, but just gets overwhelmed at times with all of his problems, and then shuts down and does the minimal amount of work. He escapes into his video/computer game world apparently to stifle all of his worries. I know that there are things that I also do to stifle my worries about him. Up to about 2 years ago, I believed that he was progessing, slowly getting up to grade level. Each year, he was promoted to the next grade, and received his sped help. We thought the school was doing the best for him. At the end of 7th grade, we were told that he was doing 7th grade math, but not consistently, and could go into a regular 8th grade reading class due his his increased level. We requested that he be kept in the sped class due to the teachers who taught 8th grade reading. He was in a small class of only 3 students who all was reading on the same level as my son, but had difficulties also.
At the end of 8th grade, we found out at the IEP for high school that he was really doing math at the beginning of 6th grade level and reading at the middle of 6th grade level! This after another year of sped help! He went to an advertised learning center for the summer but didn’t really make any noticeable progress. They start below the student’s level to give him a sense of achievement before they start the new information. We asked for and received 2 math classes and 2 reading classes his freshmen year, to try to get some intensive remediation and hopefully get him closer to grade level. Unfortunately, it didn’t occur due to many reasons, some his, some the schools.
This last year was a diaster. He started out strong and received “B’s” and “C’s” on his first semester report card. The last one was “B’s” in resource room and gym. “C” in sped physical science (he got the highest grade on the final for his class) and the rest of his classes were all “D’s” with him bombing the finals big time.
I have tried to find something that he is good in and can excell at. So far, from the multitude of classes, sports, etc. he hasn’t shown any yet. He is only interested in his games, but even limiting him on them did no good. I took away the controllers and locked them in the car, had a password put on the computer, etc. but he always found someway around the limits. If he had spent so much time studying, he probably would be a genious.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to motivate a 16 year old? We are in counseling and have been for the past 5 years, He is on multiple medications for his OCD and ADD. It really hurts me to see him throwing his life away like this. He has no friends due to his being different than the regular kids in school. He blames God for all of his troubles with OCD, ADD, and LD. His wish if he could have only one …to have his OCD, ADD, and LD problems disappear. Anyone with any help?
Re: teenage boy and talents
I would love to build on his computer efforts, but I guess I am just comparing him to his older brother. His brother was taking apart computers, building them and trouble shooting them by the start of high school. By his junior year, he taught himself how to network, start from scratch, upgrade, etc. He is a true wiz on computers. Everyone in the neighborhood asks for his help. The son I am having trouble with, learned just how to connect things up differently. Nothing really hard or fantastic. When something goes wrong with his computer, he gets frustrated, then bangs and blames the computer. No patience at all.
I am trying to get him to stay away from the games. He uses it as an escape to be alone. How many other high schoolers enjoy playing games like Mario, etc. I totally will not allow “killing” games in my house.
Re: teenage boy and talents
>>I am trying to get him to stay away from the games. He uses it as an escape to be alone.<<
Kids, especially LD kids, need to relieve stress.
LD kids work so hard to try and reach normal,
get so little right, have felt stupid forever and
then have the weight of everyone’s expectations
on their shoulders at school and at home. Heavy duty stuff.
They all have different methods to relieve stress -
one of mine plays his guitar, his twin sister
reads and little brother, the most LD of them all,
plays computer games.
Think if it this way. What do you do when
you are overwhelmed. or what is the one thing
you like to do when you have free time?
Now imagine some authority figure says you
shouldn’t do it, takes it away and locks it up.
Me, I read. If my books were taken away
I think my brain would implode ;-)
Anne
smck wrote:
>
> I would love to build on his computer efforts, but I guess I
> am just comparing him to his older brother. His brother was
> taking apart computers, building them and trouble shooting
> them by the start of high school. By his junior year, he
> taught himself how to network, start from scratch, upgrade,
> etc. He is a true wiz on computers. Everyone in the
> neighborhood asks for his help. The son I am having trouble
> with, learned just how to connect things up differently.
> Nothing really hard or fantastic. When something goes wrong
> with his computer, he gets frustrated, then bangs and blames
> the computer. No patience at all.
>
> I am trying to get him to stay away from the games. He uses
> it as an escape to be alone. How many other high schoolers
> enjoy playing games like Mario, etc. I totally will not allow
> “killing” games in my house.
Re: teenage boy and talents
Yes, my freshman son loves to play Mario brothers games. He still likes Pokemon, dragon-Ball Z and the like. He too is very good at gaming and has people call to advise about games. Another thing we have noticed though is that he has great eye hand coordination, very strong visual skills, and excellent problem solving skills—all very valuable ones to have. Unfortunately though his reading skills and other skills valued in school are below grade level. His love of games and strategy thouugh shows through on his achievement testing in that his thinking skills score and research skills scores are the 75th percentile. Although he reads indepentally below grade level his comprehension far out exceeds his ability to read. His teachers say is uneven profile is typical of LD students and that we need to learn to teach him to use his strengths to help with his weaknesses. They went on to explain that the games he plays in moderation have likely been very beneficial to him because it allows him to have sucess and a topic to discuss socially with his peers. Maybe you could make an exchange with your son-I will allow you to play your game for 1 hour if you read for 15 minutes. You may have to read with him if he is far below level but it will help get him started. Try strategy guides for the games he is allowed to play as a reading resource. Just some thoughts.
Re: O.K. Look for games to teach
Kids can learn alot from computers I would go to the biggest, best computer store I could find and try and find some really cool creative stuff he would like.
Re: O.K. Look for games to teach
If possible,an animal may help. My LD son has had great sucess with animals. I know it’s not possible for everyone but we show horses and he is just sensational. His trainer calls him a natural.We show at the Pinto World Show at the end of this week. Since we’ve been doing this I have met SO many LD horse people. My son also has 2 dogs that own him and love him with everything they have.
teenage boy
You are doing many good things and others have given you good suggestions. I’ll add, we built on our son’s interest in movies by helping him organize a video club at his school. Now he can eat lunch with others and watch 15 minutes of a movie of their choice. Some schools have video game clubs. Our son also really enjoys audio books. Sometimes he turns off the volume on his video game and listens to a book while he plays. He often listens to that classic “The Power of Positive Thinking” when he feels stressed. He does an hour of homework with me nearby for support and sometimes more. Otherwise, we make sure he has time to relax and have fun.
What is he good at? The computer! He found
away around all your restrictions.
He feels calm and safe on the computer and
he is good at it – don’t
take it away!
This is also my son’s area of primary interest.
He knows he can kick digital tooshie on it
and other kids ask him advice and request
disks of his collected secrets on games.
What an esteem booster.
I would build upon his computer interest
as much as possible - find out what classes
are available at school in these. If he doesn’t
have the ‘requirements’ demand that they be
waived.
Anne