My gifted/nld son is constantly being called “gay” by his friends and sometimes his cousins. And gay is the mildest- he has been called other related things that I don’t want to post. This is very upsetting to him. He is very sensitive, caring and sometimes “girlish”. Girls love him and he plays with both boys and girls although wants to be part of the crowd with the boys. This has led to some very sexual based jokes on his part (I believe to convince the other boys that he is not gay). He takes it so personally and I think fears homosexuality in a sense. His talents are also different- gifted singer, diving (he has to wear a speedo which causes much teasing), classical music, cooking. Any suggestions on how to help him handle these taunts from other boys? He is already seeing a therapist but the therapist is not here when he comes home crying that they are calling him names again! Any ideas?
Jean
Re: teasing and name calling
Inform his teachers, inform the counselor and inform the principal.
Then call up the parents of each child and relative and inform them.
Be specific and DEMAND that it stop. NOW!
I had an academic team that I coach get in the habit of calling
people gay and I sat them right down and really let them have it.
Under no circumstances would I allow that and if I ever heard it
again their parents were being called, they would be sent home
and kicked off the team.
It stopped right away.
Anne
Re: teasing and name calling
Thanks for the response. He is 11 and the kids that are teasing him are neighborhood kids ranging in age from 12 to 16. So they definetly know what they are saying. Do I talk to the parents? There is one kid on the street that does not tease him(he is 15) and I was going to ask him to stick up for mine. The other kids seem to look up to this one so maybe peer pressure could get them to stop. What do you think?
Jean
Re: teasing and name calling
We had this problem in our neighborhood when one of the older boy’s was taunting the younger boys and calling my son gay. This went on for weeks and finally in a pique of anger I walked up to his house and asked to speak to both his mom and him. I wasn’t nasty or angry just sincere and told them basically that I was upset because he was participating in this type of behavior and that it was unacceptable. The mother got upset at me and said, “your son is not perfect either,” And I agreed but I felt that we needed to work as a team of parents to curb the name calling and suggested if she heard my son saying anything nasty to call him on it and if I heard her son doing the same that I would call him on it. Her son, started talking back and out came something like……”you are so gay or that is so gay!” The mother turned red….grabbed her son and took him in the house and just chewed him out…LOL The behaviors stopped shortly thereafter.
On a side note, five years have passed since this happened and now my son and the name caller are friends..
Re: teasing and name calling
Jean,
I like the idea of talking with the parents and the boys, or just arranging to get everyone together. I think everyone talking about it might be the best approach. Also, I personally like to make lists beforehand on what I want to discuss, that helps me communicate more effectively, and in a tense situation such as this (one in which I’d be likely to turn into a “mother bear” with fists flying! :-o Not really!!! But I can imagine it) writing it out helps me be more organized and effective.
Good luck to you! I can definitely understand and imagine how frustrating and painful that is for both you and your son.
Re: teasing and name calling
He’d be smart to serve his cousins a knuckle sandwich. Could he actually be gay? It’s not a crime or a sin unless you’re Jerry Falwell and he’s a closet queen. Fat lips shut mouths. Sounds like his cousins are a bit jealous. He’s getting all the girls.
My 9 year old son came home one day saying that some boys were calling another boy “gay”. My son said “I don’t know why they are calling him that. He (the boy) IS happy all of the time!”. My first point being, I don’t know how old your son is but some kids don’t know what this even means.
I went to talk to the teacher who said that she did not know that this was happening and was glad that I told her so she could put a stop to it. Have you talked to the teacher? My son said that that put a stop to the name calling.
Donna in MO