stuck in the "anger phase" and can't get out

I would say find a school that you like either in another district or private school. Request a hearing to get the district to pay for it.

It sounds like they are not providing the appropriate education that your children are entitled too, by law.

Stay calm. Just go after them in a systematic, proffessional matter.

They won’t think you are naive when they see you professionally present your case to the judge.

Does the neurospychologist have recommendations? I would call an IEP meeting and take her as an advocate to make sure that your son gets what he needs. I wouldn’t worry about spoiling things at the school when you are obviously not being served well. Other options: pull him out and homeschool him, enroll him in a private LD school and a. eat the costs b. take the district to due process, have him moved to another school or district.

Now I did do exactly what I recommended to you except it was a slt who I took. Maybe a neuropsychologist would have had more weight!! Anyway, they wrote the IEP just the way she requested but then proceeded to try to implement it using the same ineffective programs!! I eventually pulled him out of school and partially homeschooled him. I decided against legal action because a. I couldn’t take the stress b. we didn’t have a clear cut case—we had already done some private remediation and I was unwilling to subject him to their programming just to prove it was ineffective. However, if it can already be documented that it is ineffective, then you have a different situation.

Beth

A cool, calm, collected letter that documents their failures to meet your son’s needs might help clear your sinuses; (or a not-so-calm one that you don’t mail :-)) it’s a *huge* step unfortunately, to get past that feeling of betrayal and the feeling that *somebody* should step in and straighten things out. Don’t know of a 12-step program for Sped Parents Anonymous but you could probably write the steps out, starting wiht accepting that you don’t have the power to change the schools and teach the teachers…

Don’t feel alone. They kept telling me my daughter was fine - I knew she wasn’t. When I walked into the principal’s office with my (private) evaluation she took one look at it, called the school psychologist and said “Does this say what I think it says?” Needless to say, I had a lot more weight at the IEP meeting that we had because they realized that I was right, and obviously knew my daughter better than they did. To be honest, after I did that, wrote several letters, provided my own specialized tutoring (declined their services) and got my daughter accommodated with assistive technology, they had a whole new “respect” (or fear?) of me. WHen I write a letter (every yr) requesting a certain kind of classroom for my child, I remind them that “because of the private intervention we have provided, she is making outstanding progress”.

It might be worth it to now try to work with them again - if not, you can always go elsewhere. I think they will look at you now in a whole different light knowing that you obviously knew more than they did about your child - and they’re supposed to be the professionals!

Wow, little lulu, that is exactly my story. The school failed my child by declassifiying her right before kindergarten. Now at the end of that year through private and indep evals her learning disability is not only proven, but proven to be signifiicant. (Superior intelligence, below average skills). I too was so angry when this happened, but more frightened. Who whould hlep my child??? The answer was, ME. Let the anger work for you, channel it into determination to get the appropriate education for youyr son. A great source of help for me to come to grips with this was Wrightlaw’s From Emotions to Advocacy. It helped me to focus off my anger, frustration, fear and dissapointment ( with these professionals in the school) and use it to advocate effectiveley for my daughter. When our children are done so wrongly, failed so miserably and left dangling in an atmosphere that DOESN”T GET IT THROUGH THEIR OWN IGNORANCE, we race into the mother Lion defending her young mode. Use it wisely, channel it effectively and positively. Always stay focused on the child, not the incompetency that you muck through to help them. (Okay, maybe I too, am still a little sore, but this is a great place to vent that, maybe the most appropriate place ) Remember, ALWAYS THE CHILDREN.

Anger.

Anger that they are willing to not evaluate.
Anger that they are willing to literally break the law.
Anger that they have the audacity to speak to my kid the way they did.
Anger that they are willing to look you in the eye and lie.

Anger that once you get angry,and tell them how you feel,it is your problem.

Anger that other parents just do not understand why you are making such a fuss.Anger that your relatives see you as over protective,over reactive,dramatic,and less then effective disciplinarian.

Anger makes you read,research,and obsess over making sure your rights and your kids rights are protected. Anger makes you hang onto what is right and fair.Anger makes you desire for someone to see the errs of their ways. Anger makes you want to change the system.

The Anger never goes away. It isn’t a stage,it is always just under the surface.
Somewhere between frustration and sadness.

Anger gives you the fortitude to move forward. To smile when you want to do something with your hands rather then sit on them. Anger allows you to sometimes see the absurdity of the situation. It allows you to understand how the system works and doesn’t work,in order for you to manipulate the situation,to best get your needs met.

Yes,it is a dysfunctional system. It is a display of less then stable behaviors. It makes you sometimes question your sanity..

You start seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel,the school finally starts to realize that you aren’t going away,that you know what your rights are,and you will insist on protecting them. They understand that you willing continue,that your anger is focused,and they are not waiting you out.The little quips aren’t working,the advice of waiting and see what happens is not working,they are buried in paper,they give up first…

You are elated,you realize that finally, that your kid is going to get what he needs,they are now very respectful,aplogetic,they know you,and you know them.Sometimes a state complaint or two later,they come to understand what you expect out of them. Those parents who patronized you before,they are calling for advice. Your relatives,they are now saying,gee,I wish your sister would talk to you about her kid,because they really need something…

Your job is over,the anger is still there. It doesn’t burn quite so hot,your kid is doing okay. The school still pulls things now and again,you remain ever vigilent. You finally come to realize that you will advocate for them until they are not longer in the system…

The anger becomes retrospective,you start helping other parents,those parents start helping other parents,and together the system changes,slightly..

As an expert on anger as I’m always pissed about something. Your pissed about an injustice. Telling the slacker at your sckool howyou feel will only make those insufferable hens feel good because then they’ll have something to talk about. Take some kind of concrete action. Anger is not a bad thing but letting it fester is. Laying Them out in pansy purple will make things worse on your son. Will they ever do the right thing? Probably not. Then perhaps a little do it yourself justice is in order. Trick or Treat? As juvenile as this sounds it will make you feel great and it will keep the hens honest. Going through “channels” will get you nowhere.

ball wrote
>>As an expert on anger as I’m always pissed about something.<<

lol!
Yes, but your heart is probably always in the right spot.

Anne

I keep a file on my computer of letters I write when I’m mad but I don’t send them. Just writing all the angry feelings down makes me feel better. A few months later, I like to go back and read them. Some are quite funny—“Ms Principal, you are such a baffoon” is one of my favorites. I often tell people that if I had all the time and money in the world, I would love to drag this through court but I don’t. I am choosing to focus my time, effort and money on my child. We use private tutoring. We fought for several years to get one on one tutoring at school. When we finally got it, we realized the tutor was not qualified and was doing more harm than good. We told the school to forget it. We were glad we had kept up with the private tutoring. If my child had a serious illness such as cancer, I would find the most qualifed people I could to treat her. This is no different. I want the best people I can find to tutor her. Someone also advised me that the cost of a private school or a lawyer will buy a lot of private tutoring. Everyone has to choose the road they can best handle. I feel much more free since I have let some of my anger go.

Well said Socks. That’s pretty much how I got over my own anger too by taking all that energy and devoting it to helping my daughter.

We could’ve spent $ on an advocate but chose to spend it on a private tutor instead. I stink at diplomacy skills, but learned that I can smile charmingly at and agree with a patronizing principal - if that is getting the classroom teacher my daughter needs. I always think of the right comeback well after the fact, but have learned to (very diplomatically) toss challenging questions right back in the special ed director’s lap at the right moment. I’ve learned to control my emotions at an IEP meeting and not make a fool of myself by crying, but handle it like a business meeting. I’ve actually learned (to my surprise) that when the sp ed director says no, I can get her to change her mind when I relate an accomodation back to her original diagnosis. I’ve learned to stop an inexperienced school psychologist dead in her tracks, when the school declared there was nothing wrong with my daughter and to wait another year or so for help from them, but hinted that maybe her pushy overprotective mother was the cause of her diminishing self esteem. Oh yeah, it’s been a “fun” ride and a huge learning curve for me - but my sweetest revenge and what makes me happiest - was my daughter’s progress and now her success. I too will remain vigilant on her behalf until she is out of the system and discuss my experiences with any parent who asks.