Question for others with Tactile Defensive kids with "c

With my son, we had to decide which battles were worth fighting. We definitely decided that the clothing one was not a priority. We make sure his clothes are clean and neat, but stick to the types of clothes he is comfortable in. (in his case, 100% cotton knit shirts, no collar, no buttons and HAS to have horizontal stripes ;-)

Karen

My oldest son does not like the feel of jeans and refuses to wear them. He chooses clothes are a bit loose but not too much so, likes plain colors, hates buttons ect. I let him wear what is comfortable because some battles just are not worth fighting. He generally wears plain color t-shirts and dress pants. Actually if I work it out right he can look pretty good.

This is definitely not a battle worth fighting. Let your son “win”. Our son was so distracted by the way certain articles of clothing felt, that behavior became an issue (fidgeting, grumpy behavior, an ever higher level of distractability, etc,). These children are having so many more daily difficulties than other kids…let clothing be one of the difficulties that he can control.

Forgot to add that these sensitivity issues will abate slightly as your son gets older. I had sensitivities as a child and outgrew most of them, although any tags or irregular stitching still drive me wild! Youngsters are so much more receptive to everything, though, it’s like every nerve in their bodies are exposed and raw, and there are so many more important things on which they need to focus!

>>Or do you allow him or her to “limit” their wardrobe according to their sensitity?>>

I allowed him to wear what he felt comfortable with.
He finally started branching out into jeans (instead of
sweat pants) when he
was 12.

Now he is into color sensitivity - white tshirt, jeans,
gray sweatshirt for about two years. We are now seeing
variations in the tshirts.

Anne
(I am this way too and the
irritation I can go through with one of those fishline threads
that I hadn’t managed to find when I take out the tags!
I now use fingernail scissors, tweezers and a magnifiying
glass to get the things. I’d be perfect for the Princess and the
Pea fairy tale - now where is my castle and tall pointy hat?)

With my boy it was only cotton for the most part, although he also like sweats. We had to cut tags out of the shirts, make sure that we only used certain detergents, etc.

My boy also showed other signs of tactile defensiveness, and his OT put him thru a program to address this. We used brushing and deep pressure to desensitize him, and after about a year of patience and doing this (we did it at home as well as his two sessions of OT each week) we found he had overcome much of this.

He still has his favorite clothes (that he will try to wear even when they are filthy), and prefers certain colors to others. We allow him this choice, a small enough matter in the grand scheme I am sure all of us will agree.

If you have not addressed tactile defensiveness thru OT, I would suggest looking into it. Brushing and pressure brought a great deal of improvement to my boy, above and beyond the immediate impact of eliminating most of his tactile issues.

So far I’ve pretty much given-in to my son’s fabric sensitivity. But for awhile it was very very difficult.

For example, in the beginning he would wear some of his shirts (like 2!) and the rest he wouldn’t. I’d go out and buy new shirts at places like Gymboree and Gap (because they claim to have “soft” cotton) and my son would cry that they scratched him. I’d try washing them every day for weeks, using fabric softeners, you name it! And he still wouldn’t wear them. For a couple of years I relied on thrift stores for his clothing (since it seemed like he only liked extremely “worn” clothing!). I’d take him to a thrift store, we’d stand next to the shirt racks and I’d have him put his arms in and feel every shirt to figure out if it was “soft.” I used to joke that my son would make a perfect “homeless” child!

Anyhow, one day in frustration about his clothing (when the last few shirts had way too many holes) I finally figured out what all these shirts had in common…at least some polyester! Now, try to find shirts with some polyester!!! Almost every t-shirt is 100% cotton! Finally, after looking everywhere, I found shirts 50/50 or 70/30 at Kmart (I just pray they don’t go completely out of business!!!).

So we’re quite limited on clothing. Once when he was going on a field trip at school and all the children were suppose to wear a red shirt, I could find NO red shirts at Kmart! His teacher was very understanding, but sometimes this whole thing is very frustraing!

Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!

Thanks for the suggestion. My son saw an OT when he was a toddler, and was brushed (but not regularly enough!). I’m looking into having him see an OT again.

Interestingly, we’re looking into vision therapy and the vision therapist told me that their therapy can help with tactile defensiveness.

Well the good thing about thrift/consignment shops is it helps w/the expense of tutoring!

Ok, I am big with my opinions today. I am a tactile defensive adult. Please do not make your son wear stuff that makes him uncomfortable. I promise you it will cause him difficulty with himself, with self esteem and in your relationship for years to come. My mom did not know anything about SI issues and nobody much did when I was growing up (I am 28 and work with SI kids as a speech therapists). I was thought to have OCD among other things. I was also deemed to be fussy and disobedient and rather a pain. Those feelings have stayed with me all my life and it has taken working with kids with SI to finally come to terms with why I was like that. I wish I had known about it then (mom still only half believes me) and had gotten Occupational Therapy for it. But I didn’t. I can’t tell you your child will soemday be free of the issue as I am not, but then I didn’t get good SI therapy. But I can tell you making him do it will not get him used to it and may cause other problems. Making me wear stuff did not help, I was just irritable and then bad all day because of it. I still can’t wear wool or linen or some kinds of socks. I still can’t wear pants that go up to my waist. And you know what, I have no propblems finding stuff I can wear now that I know what it is. Your son needs more options yes (I have a patient who couldn’t wear loose shorts and stuff but SI therapy and notn forcing her helped. I recommend a private OT who can teach you the Wilberger brushing protocol and will work with you to decrease tactile defensiveness slowly. Please please don’t force him.

Wow! Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s difficult to understand, or know what is best. I agree that self-esteem is much more important and I do think it’s much easier for all of us if I just get him the clothes he feels most comfortable with.

Soooo….if Kmart closes I’ll just have to buy as many shirts as possible in future sizes! ;-)

Again, thanks for sharing!