I had taken my child to last day of summer school. It was one week of hands on science,art and the last week was drama.My child did not want to go to the last day of school.She said she was too shy to perform in front of people.She had done well when she was there even asking for the main character role.I left her there telling her to work it out with the teacher maybe she could do something else. I left thinking I had better double back to the upper level so I could view her to make sure she stayed in the room.Sure enough she was running down the hall yelling my name and ran outside the school looking for me there was a school personal outside that talked with her walking her toward the parking lot looking for me. I got their attention and talked to my child about not leaving the classroom when I leave her there.My eyes start to fill up with tears and I think of the previous summer school class where she had left the classroom.Then I recalled the trouble we had with the start of school and my having to carry her into the psychologist office to get her to stay at school. I am having trouble trying not to cry and staying in control and the thought of starting the school year is making me feel so blue as I wonder will she run out of the classroom?
Re: Run Away Child
My 11 year old has threatened to do the same thing when anxiety at school is running high. The school assured me that he could not leave without them knowing but he told me how he would do it if he needed. I worked out with him, that if it got that bad, he was to come straight home and call me. I assured him that I understood his anxiety and how bad it can get and if running away from school is what he needed, then so be it. Just call me so I don’t have to worry. I also shared his escape plan with the school. He never did run away and stopped the threats after that.
One accomodation we had written into his IEP is a safe place. When he was feeling overwhelmed or anxious, he could go either to a quiet place in the classroom or to the nurse’s office under he felt under control. Maybe this would help your daughter to know that when she needs to, she can escape with out having to worry about her safety. Some days he spent half the day in the nurse’s office but his emotional needs far outweigh the academic. I also occasionally let him take “hookey” days- days off when it was just too bad. Knowing he had this out helped too. He really didn’t take advantage. Sometimes, offering the outs just let the kid know you understand.
Hang in there. Hopefully this year will be better.
Re: Run Away Child
My child is 9.The school psychologist had worked it out last year that if my child took the bus to school she would get a sticker.Sometimes she would remember to go the psychologists office and sometimes she would forget which is why I think she has trouble with behavior modification.. That had helped and after a couple of weeks things were fine.But as soon as they post the teacher for my child I am hoping the same voice mail will work from last year so I can leave a message so they will have a plan before something happens.The school psychologist was helpful for things that happened in school .I had gone to an outside psychologist and a play therapist,but I feel I got more info from reading books than seeing them.I felt like they gave me more burden than what I came in for.
Re: Run Away Child
I agree. Letting him know that I first of all HEAR his problems and then give him an out helps him know I understand and empathize.
In our situation, as well, he did not take advantage of this. I was fearful that he would, but I really think that he is sincere when he says he can’t take it any more and just needs a break.
I like the safe place idea for the IEP. Our experience in the past has been that the teachers just do not understand. I’ve had them tell me, “he just gets so nervous sometimes, can’t you talk to him and tell him not to cry!” –- WHAT?
My son has a very hard time speaking up for himself. Instead when he came home from school I would get the ear full of how the teacher basically doesn’t understand him and made him do this and that.
Here’s a prime example. I went over this with the school so many times I can’t even count. They were taking him out of classes he enjoyed to redo papers he previously bombed. This is our districts answer to resource help. But this drove him to insanity. The unpredictable “plucking” from the classroom was completely unravelling him.
I finally told him that he has to learn to say NO. If he doesn’t want to be pulled from computers to redo the reading paper he bombed (because this was convenient for the resource teacher) then tell her NO. I told him that there is a way to do it without being disrespectful, and we went over it a few times, not ever believing he would use it to his advantage. I also told him that I would back him up as long as he was respectful and was explaining to her (to the best of his ability) why he was refusing.
Well, it happened. I got the call at work from the resource teacher that he refused to go with her and he became very upset. She wanted to make sure she got her side of the story in before he got home to tell me. A side note: she has never called me otherwise unless it was to return my call that I placed to her.
From that point on, the shenanigans stopped. The pullout stopped, but now I am battling the martyrs who are pulling the “we tried to help him but he just wouldn’t let us.”
Anyway, I truly believe in empowering the child to speak for himself or have a course of action that makes him/her feel in control of the situation to what is reasonable for their age. It will only BENEFIT them in the future to able to advocate for themselves.
Re: Run Away Child
Thanks for the input from little lulu and Jean.I think I’ll try to get the outside speech instructor to get her to practice asking for accomodations with her so she’ll be more apt to when school starts.A safe haven on IEP is a good idea.Thanks for the ideas.
Hi Mom,
I’m so sorry that this is eating you up, the worry. I worry myself that my son will do the same thing although he has not yet.
I remember reading your posts about the psychologist. But, I’m sorry, I forget how old your daughter is? I’m just wondering what kind of advice or suggestions the school has offered you so far?
Is she seeing a private psychologist? That is what we finally had to do with my son who is now 10. The stress and anxiety of school got so high we had to do it just so that he would go to school.
I have to say, it truly made a difference and kind of takes the burden of guessing whether I am intervening properly off of my shoulders. Having professional guidance has been the key.