I have been on sites specifically for NLD and do not like the forums as much as this site but I haven’t seen much on the subject. My stepdaughter has NLD but was in a school with a 15% ESL population so she hasn’t gotten any help because she was getting all A’s and B’s since the school graded on a median curve. She is more than a year behind the state curriculum but is changing schools this next week. The new school is in the same district but no ESL students whatsoever and the ESPA scores for that school are so much higher than her old school that I see her finally getting classified, or at least placed in Basic Skills.
We have been trying to review, but she forgets everything she learned last year. I review division and multiplication and she “remembers” that day, but the next day she again skips half of the steps. This has been continuous through the summer. She has also been babysitting her PDD stepbrother all summer and is speaking most of her sentences backwards from talking to him. Her verbs are in the wrong place and she uses “since” instead of “until” and verb tenses are completely wrong. In her mothers home she has been “the smart one” and has a hard time sometimes in our house where her younger stepsister (I hate saying “my daughter”) is identified as Gifted and is in a pull-out after scoring a perfect score on an IQ test, and an ADHD stepbrother who is Gifted/LD, very advanced in Math and only 6 weeks older than her. I am afraid that this sudden switch to not being on the top of the heap will kill her already extremely fragile self esteem.
Any ideas, advice, or just someone to chat with who has been there.
Re: Anyone with an NLD child??
Hi Beverly,
There are several of us here with NLD kiddos. And several more with “NLD-ish” children. (I’ve got one of each) But I have to say that the problems you mention with your step daughter are not typical NLD problems. Most NLD children have very good rote memory and language skills. Of course, it’s entirely possible to have NLD and some other problem as well, but these are not problems typically associated with NLD. Additionally, let me say that the bsic intelligence level of NLD children runs the whole gamut of the “normal” IQ range. Many of them have above average to gifted intelligence levels.
Karen
Re: Anyone with an NLD child??
The only IQ test that was ever done was a TCS2 and that is not a test that I trust. Her issues are more, as I put it, “an inability to remember how to remember”. She learns something but if it is not something she does daily, she loses it. Rote memorization skills have gotten her through so far but it is at a point where she can’t do that because she has overloaded. Her verbal skills are normally very good, I think what is happening right now is from talking to her stepbrother all day without talking to other children or adults. If anyone spends a few weeks in the South or Great Britain, they begin to develop an accent, and that is similiar to what I think has happened here.
A main concern is that she doesn’t “make friends” very well. She was in the same school since Kindergarten and had the same friends. When I have taken her to the pool when the other 2 children aren’t home, she stands in the middle of the pool looking lost. We tried working on how to approach other kids and how to make conversation but she looked like she was ready to throw up so we just stopped going to the pool when the other children weren’t home.
She always becomes the “teachers pet” because she is so likeable and well-behaved. She has memorized the rules for multiplication and division, however sometimes you have to skip one digit and place a zero in the answer….she forgets that you out a zero when “you can’t divide it”. She’ll add instead of multiplying in the middle of a multiplication problem. Word problems are almost impossible for her to do, last week she didn’t remember that the word “difference” in a problem is a clue to subtract.
I don’t have any issues with her IQ, I am sorry it read that way. I am afraid she is going to feel bad when (or more appropriately if) she can’t keep up. I am worried about her suddenly getting lower grades and not understanding that she didn’t change, the expectations of the school changed. I am worried about her social skills in a new situation. Sometimes she is standing in the middle of a room trying to remember what house she is in so I am concerned that she will be overwhelmed by a completely new school. Right after her mother moved in January, she woke up in the middle of the night at our home to go to the bathroom and got lost (the bathroom is directly across from her bedroom) and ended up wetting her pants. The neuropsych says this is to be expected and the only way to really prepare her is to tour the school ahead of time but her file somehow never got transferred so she was just registered in the correct school last week and there isn’t an orientation day that we are aware of. I have been trying to call the school and arrange a private tour but there isn’t an answer and we live 70 miles away so I can’t just “drop in”.
She is such a sweet kid and the look she gets on her face when she is in a new sitaution almost rips my heart out. She looks like she wants to let the earth swallow her up. She looks like she is going to throw up or run. Sometimes that is something that I do not know how to help her with because the other 2 children are so social and I am very outgoing. I am hoping that another parent has gone through a major change like this with a child with NLD.
Re: Anyone with an NLD child??
Now that you explain more, I can understand what you’re talking about better. Yes, many NLD kids are very good mimics, so I can see how she’s picked up the “baby talk”. OTOH, you’ll see it fade just as quickly when she’s in a different environment. As you’ve seen, NLD kids are very often weak in math, so it’s not surprising that she needs support with that. You don’t mention her age, but her academic problems are likely to become more noticeable in upper elementary school or by middle school at the latest. Most NLD kids need at least some academic support by that point.
As far as social skills are concerned, first remember that not even all neurotypical children are outgoing extroverts. Quite aside from the NLD issues, if your step daughter is shyer and more retiring by nature, the recent changes in her life would throw any child for a loop. Most schools offer social skills “lunch bunch” programs lead by the guidance counsellor, and a group like that can go a long way toward breaking the ice and helping her make friends.
My son has never been through the upheaval of a divorce or changing homes, but yes, we have certainly gone through the upheaval of changing schools. One thing that is very common with NLD kids is that their processing speed and ability to cope are severely compromised by novel situations. She will get up to speed again, but she will also need some hand-holding through the transition. If neither of her biological parents can handle it, then it might be you who needs to do it if you care about her, and it certainly sounds like you do.
NLD children need a LOT of support, and a strong parent advocate to be their champion at school. Even if the school is 70 miles away, if this were my child, and I couldn’t get through to the school, I’d load her in the car, drive to the school, take her by the hand and walk into the office. Even if the school is locked up tight, seeing the outside of the school and finding the front door will help her somewhat. If you can get someone to let you find her classroom with her, show her the cafeteria, gym and nurse’s office, so much the better. Best, of course, is if you can take her over to school when her new teacher will actually be there. Nothing helps set an NLD child at ease more than having a familiar face they can turn to when they are uncertain.
My NLD son just started middle school this morning. We’ve been over to the school several times, and walked his class schedule. While the reg. ed teachers weren’t there yet, he has met the guidance counselor and his SPED teacher. I’m not convinced that he can find all his classes, but I do know for sure (we tested it) that he can get from the front door to his home room, and from there to the resource room. I made up packets for each of his teachers (dropped off yesterday) which contain a letter introducing myself and encouraging them to call with any questions, information on NLD and a single page of information specific to my son’s needs. He is on an IEP, but I think it’s easier for teachers to have a single page to refer to in a pinch rather than needing to wade through a 10 page document.
Even so, there will inevitably by some glitches. It’s so easy for people who don’t know the NLD child well to misread and misunderstand their actions. But my experience has taught me that this amount of pre-planning really pays off.
Your step daughter will become more independent and more flexible as she matures, but NOT on the same schedule as NT children. Most experts now agree that NLD is a developmental disability, and I’ve heard a rule of thumb that I think is useful in establishing what level of maturity and independence might be appropriate for an NLD child at any age. The rule of thumb is about 2/3d’s their actual age. So, for my almost 12 year old, if we think of what an almost 8 year old should be expected to handle, that is pretty close to what we can expect of him. He actually does a little better than that, but I think that is at least partly because of all the pre-planning we do and all the support he has had all along.
I’m sure if your other children are neurotypical, and you have just taken over with your step daughter, you feel like you’ve just been shoved into the deep end of the pool. It WILL get better, and she WILL learn and thrive with your help. She’s lucky to have a step mom who cares about her enough to go the extra mile that NLD kids need!
Karen
Re: Anyone with an NLD child??
Thank you so much!! Sometimes I feel like a salmon swimming upstream. She is at her Mom’s right now but we pick her up Friday so I think I am going to get my husband off work early and go plant ourselves at the door of the school like you said.
She is 10 and going into 5th grade, she is still in elementary in her district-thankfully. Next year she goes to Middle School. I had noticed some problems early on with taking things literally but at the end of second grade I started getting more concerned when she couldn’t “get” regrouping. When she still didn’t “get” regrouping at the end of 3rd grade and some other things happened I cam on here and asked for input and I was given some direction by a Mom who posts here a lot and after researching NLD we saw a Neuropsych who did diagnose the NLD. My son (easier to use this right now though I hate the “my” part) starts Upper Elementary and we went for his orientation today. He is the same age but the thought of her handling 2 different lockers every day and changing classes frightens me whereas my son doing it doesn’t even make me blink.
The guidance counselor idea is excellent as well. I will try to reach her and/or see her on Friday. Even if they don’t have a specific program, I should be able to get her/him to understand and maybe take her under their wing for a few days. And thinking about it, the “baby talk” should go away after a week or so of being around her peers. I just found out today that she will be taking the bus to school and she has never done that before, but I think I am starting to borrow trouble.
Thank-you so much for the support and all the great ideas. I needed someone to tell me to quit whining and thinking about it and JUST DO IT!! I’ve tried so hard to prepare her here but she needs to be prepared there. If you have any other ideas, please let me know. Thanks so much for understanding.
Sort of. My daughter and I fit almost all the qualifications for most LD lists, except that we’re very good students. Poor early writing, vision field problems, directionality, organization problems, and so on.
Check the other sections on LDOnline — I know there has been a lot of discussion of NLD on several of them.
I have to run out and cross the border twice right now so no time to talk at length — I’ll try to get back to you later and you can email me (although I don’t check on a regular schedule, so reply time may vary, don’t worry.)
Good luck.