Disciplining an NLD kid

My now 17 yr old was at his worst in 6th grade-not that the teen years have been easy but it took me by surprise because I was not expecting it that early

I think we as parents tend to give up on discipline methods too early. I see this in others before I see it in myself, of course, but I know I do it too ;)

Pick the method that seems most likely to work and stick with it. Escalate it if necessary(instead of a day w/o playstation go to 3 days-just dont say youre tossing it in the garbage and then not do it-my hubby is good at that one)

For us, loss of computer privileges is pretty effective. I also have had success with rewards-a sticker or marble in jar when they have had a day without incident(or a meal or an hour)10 marbles means a reward of some sort(I try to make it more trips to fave restaurant than material goods)

I did a 1-2-3 scenario w/my boys at the mouthy stage. They tended to do this in public knowing it would be awkward-before we left I told them #1 would be a warning, 2-dire warning, 3-loss of privilege-video games-whatever I had made clear before we left. Then, not a word-I simply got their attention and held up the appropriate no of fingers. THIS worked very well-within 3/4 public appearances, the behavior was gone!!! I think getting me riled up in public was their big goal :)Sue wrote:
>
> Does anyone know how to effectively discipline an NLD 10 yr
> old. He is usually very good. Always good at school. But
> sometimes at home its like he turns into a different kid. He
> can be very mouthy and will even call his mom and dad names.
> We’ve tried different things to see what will sink in - we’ve
> tried time-outs, rationally explaining why he cannot talk
> that way, taking away the TV and playstation, washing his
> mouth out. Nothing seems to really work, but then eventually
> he’ll turn back into the good kid again. I’m sure sometimes
> he gets stressed out at school and needs to release some
> steam but he needs to do it in a more acceptable way. Is
> this normal type of behavior for NLD or does it not have
> anything to do with it? Thanks for any insight!

We had a very bad year last year (age 9); very similar to what you describe. It really turned out inadequate school environment. He was able to keep it together at school (out of fear of the teacher’s wrath) but had total meltdowns (out of the blue) at home or in public.

Same thing here. He is normally my most behaved and most rational of my three kids.

Things really escalated last year. Everything came to a boiling point and he blew!!! We did two things. We started private counseling which is really helping all around. And I also read the book ‘The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children’ by Ross W. Greene. It described my son’s occassional outbursts perfectly. Dr. Greene has a very humane philosophy on discipline and dealing with such behavior.

I found the book to be very helpful and he gives a few strategies to use since all kids do not respond to the same methods. Of couse he does have some critics who believe a child should be bullied or beat into submission, but I’m going with Dr. Greene’s theory.

For a preview check out the book review online and he even has a website with a parent/teacher bulletin board at www.explosivechild.com

The difficulty for us has always been 1) our NLD daughter doesn’t make much connection between cause and effect in the best of circumstances — losing priviledges for bad behavior never resulted in much behavior change; the rewards and punishments of traditional behavior mod never worked well 2) there are very few things she values — she loves computer games but can live without them — isn’t a tv watcher, doesn’t do much socially or with sports (reads a lot) — so it was hard to identify what to “withhold”

It definitly sounds like your kid is just losing it because he knows is will be tolerated. Key for us is managing the environment 24/7 to lower stress. And ignoring (a la Greene) a certain amount of crap that ain’t worth fighting over.

I think it’s Rick Lavoie video — check out the “LD STORE” box on the top of this page and look for it. It’s all about social skills and gives lots of good strategies for dealing with behavior.

Hi Sue,

The others have given you some good input. But I just wanted to weigh in that as long as your SURE it’s not spill over from a stressfull school environment, I’d chalk it up to “double digit syndrome” which is a normal part of growing up.

My older (NLD) son went through a period of defiance that was probably mild in comparison to many kids, but was completely out of character for him, and took us by surprise. He was in a safe, nurturing classroom at the time, so we were pretty sure it wasn’t school-induced. The teachers and I talked about it, and handled it the same way, so that the response he got was consistent on all fronts.

Someone else pointed out that “consequences” (like losing Nintendo, etc.) were not very effective with their child, and we found the same. What did work, though it wasn’t a quick fix, was consistently responding the same way. We would calmly tell him that disrespectful behavior was not acceptable, and he could go to his room until he was calm enough to discuss (whatever the current issue was) in a respectful manner. As I say, the behavior didn’t disappear over night, but when it didn’t get him anywhere, he started to realize that this wasn’t an effective way of getting what he wanted.

Now, at 11 (he’ll actually be 12 at the end of November) we are seeing less of these temperamental flare-ups. I think part of the improvement is that he’s learned better ways of communicating, but part of it is just plain growing up a little more.

Karen