incentive chart

I can’t remember how old your son is, but I agree with you; we are struggling with our “normal very bright” 9yo who can not remember to bring his agenda, reading book and violin back and forth to/from school. I made a BIG keyring that says agenda, book, violin on the pull of his backpack as a visual reminder to him as he zips it at the end of the day. So far so good. I can’t tell you how many times my bright husband has left his cell phone or lunch at home in the morning! How about just rewarding him for each week of remembering(it really takes a lot of consistent successes for things to get into long term memory).

thats based on my kiddos response to similar charts. I think the key is to have a long term reward-ten stickers equal a candy bar, not an immediate reward he ‘loses’ every time he forgets, which does seem like punishment. “Wow, I got this candy because I remembered 10 times-good for me”

Yes, there is a REAL problem here, but he has to learn to live with it and develop working strategies. If this will motivate him-and it stays a goal to work towards, not a privillege to be taken away, I would support it

My son, who also has memory issues, has responded really well to his fourth grade teacher’s rewards for remembering things. She has made a big deal about how it is their responsibility to get things signed ect and I have been amazed at his follow through. She gives them clips as rewards which then can be turned into candy or the like when they collect enough (they get clips for other things too). I think for my son it has made something mundane important to him.

Now he has always been able to remember some things—the things important to him (which usually did not include books or assignments but did include money for a party). If your son can remember things at all, even if not consistently, I would give the reward system a try. Assuming it is structured as a reward— if he gets x number of stars he gets something else, you might be surprised.

Beth

Since you are dealing with issues that will be with him for the long haul, it is good to develop flexible plans for dealing with memory issues. This might be a key ring, or a zip-lock bag, or a chart, or a folder. Some specific place where he and you too for now can look for and find important items. Try out a system and talk about what works and what doesn’t. I believe in openly sharing that returning work on time is an important issue and together we are all looking for a way to help you do that. You are not “bad and wrong” because you forget, just what can we do to help you remember. Would you like a chart where the teacher can recognize you when you remember? Do you have a special place and/or system for things he needs to remember? I say “flexible” so that your child who has perfectionist traits, learns that he is moving in the direction of coping with situations and sometimes they go well, but sometimes they don’t. Richard Lavoie ( FAT City) does a wonderful explanation of an “autopsy” - the patient died, but what can we learn and do differently next time. I believe that the teacher is looking for ways to recognize and build success. Help her develop a plan that will encourage your son. Your input and your child’s input are crucial to feeling like you are a team working for his success.

Not getting a star on an incentive chart would be punishment and many (most?) kids have a hard time seeing what’s so great about earning stars anyway. There’s a subtle message that the teacher won’t respect the student unless he earns stars. This goes against the student’s intuitive (and correct) feeling that he is entitled to the teacher’s respect simply because he is her student.

Awarding a child points for a desired behavior that he can use to acquire a desired object, however, can be a postive motivator that works with some kids. My experience is that sometimes how the points are rewarded is very important. Some children have a hard time connecting the points or stickers to the desired object and quickly lose steam in trying to get the points. I like the idea of giving tangible objects like clips.

The only system I’ve had any success with with my son is of course more work for me. I scan the desired object and print out the image. Then I cut it up into puzzle pieces. A point is given as a puzzle piece. When he completes the puzzle, he gets the object. (Puzzle pieces are kept in baggies in one place so they don’t get lost.) With this approach, he has embedded in the point itself the reminder of the goal he is working toward, plus the added little excitement of putting the puzzle togther. If you were so inclined to go through this, you could send in two baggies to the teacher—one with her name on it, and one with his name on it. She could transfer the pieces into his bag as he earned them and give him the bag to take home to you in exchange for desired object. If you took this tack you would have control of what the desired object is, as well as how many points it would take to earn it. (This may positive or negative from your viewpoint.)

The number of points its takes to earn something is also crucial to the success of this kind of system. This depends on a host of factors—how difficult the behavior is for him, how quickly he needs to earn an award to stay interested, and what type of reward and how big it should be for a given number of points, taking into account your family budget and culture. It may take a lot of trial and error to hit on a formula that produces results. Ours that worked for a year (but now has lost its sizzle): 25 puzzle pieces for a DK Eyewitness Book, pieces awarded for each homework assignment finished by 7:00, bonus piece for having all homework done by then.

As I write this, I can’t believe how much detail I’ve given. I think the point is that incentive systems, contrary to what your son’s teacher appears to believe, are not as simple as drawing up a chart and giving stars. There are many nuances to be considered in coming up with an effective one and how they should be dealt with depends to a really large degree on what your child will respond to.

Yes, This is really good advice.

So much of planning really depends on developing good systems that work. For example, always do certain things the same way. After returning from the lunch room immediately return your you lunch bag to you knapsack. Don’t put it under your desk which would require you “remember” to look for it later. At home immediately after homework is done collect all the papers and return them into the knapsack, put books and all other information that needs to make it back to school in there as well. Do a bag check to make sure you have everything. Do this the SAME WAY, AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY. The child will have a reliable system that he can rely on so that he doesn’t need to rely on his memory. Once these systems become automatic, little thought is involved. One key is to not do it for him but certainly model this behaviour in the beginning. It is of the utmost important that the child own their system.

Absolutely have the child develop the systems that work but help him to see the need for such basic systems.
I used to do this in the business world. I used to help department heads evaluate and streamline their systems to improve work flow and efficiency. It is amazing to me that it really has value in every area of life.

Thanks for posting this. You helped me resist the impulse to put my son’s spelling folder in his notebook when I came home after teaching last night. I have been trying to teach him routines this year (as opposed to doing it for him like in the past) but it is easy for me to pick up for him when he forgets. This morning he asked me if his spelling folder was in his backpack and I told him I saw it on his table.

He is also making his lunch now, after I resigned. He was leaving half the lunch uneaten and so I told him he could eat school food. He told me he’d make his own lunch instead I told him he needs to put his lunch box in his backpack after he is done to make sure it gets to school.

We moms sometimes need to be reminded not to do too much!

Beth

Our school uses a homework log in which the child writes down the homework for the day. I initial it every evening and use it as a communication log to the teacher.I write down if child has finished homework and is in pocket of folder (In the binder is a folder that one side says bring home the other take to school) that way teacher can remind child to turn in homework.Incentive charts never really worked for my child or for long . My husband would’nt give our child her allowance unless she asked for it ,she’d never remember without a reminder and she usually never got one.-Having a box for school stuff so backpack could be dropped in and found next morning was best solution for us-

Oh Beth,

I love the lunch idea. I am going to implement that. I am definitely a Mom who does too much. I need to constantly remind myself that sometimes being a good mom means making him do things for himself.

Maybe their wives will thank us someday.

I can’t handle the stress of lunch making or trying to make sure THEY remember, so they both just buy lunch. (I write a check once a month, which I can handle)

They ARE 100% responsible for making and taking a snack if they want it. I have no feelings of guilt over them missing out on snack if they forget it, and they are pretty motivated to remember it, beacuse they feel bad if everyone else has a snack and they don’t.

As far as the back pack thing is concerned, with my younger one we are constantly trying to balance his need to learn to organize himself better with his anxiety, which, if we push him too far can end up with him spending the day hiding in the bathroom. (why he finds that preferable to admitting that he forgot his homework is beyond me, but…)

With the older one, (6th grade) organization is a must, and it’s NOT easy. There’s a lot of it. He really can’t do it by himself. But I don’t do it “for” him either. The SPED teacher helps at school, and I do it at home. We go through his back pack together, and piece by piece decide what needs to be put in subject folders, what papers are finished and can stay home, which papers are homework that need to go back to school, (those go into the homework folder) etc. I DON’T do it without his help and cooperation. If he showed signs of just leaving it up to me, or if if he resisted my help, I’d let him learn the consequences.

But I know from the 11 years before this that he needs many, many repetitions and good modeling before a routine becomes automatic. Threats don’t help, consequences don’t help. We do reward programs on some things, but only when I’m _sure_ he can really handle the task by himself.

Last year was a little easier because the SPED teacher he worked with was only dealing with two general ed teachers, and she designed an organization model that EVERY child in both classrooms was expected to learn and use. It was the same for each subject. This year in middle school, he has 5 different teachers with 5 different expectations regarding organization. One wants a loose leaf notebook with dividers, two insist on separate spiral bound notebooks, one checks to make sure that all papers are kept organized in a folder, and that counts toward the grade. They work on a 6 day cycle, and classes rotate position during the day through the cycle. So EVERY day he has to figure out what order his classes are in, which materials he’ll need for the next set of subjects, etc.

It’s a LOT for any 11 year old, I think, let alone one with NLD. In his case, an incentive paln would not improve anything at this point. He woudl just fail if he wasn’t given the same amount of support he is now.

Karen

Karen,

I agree about the incentive plans. I guess they work for some children for whom motivation is the issue. My son is very motivated and external incenitves just add pressure and don’t really teach him how to become more organized. It is a skill that he needs to learn not a motivation issue.

When my son did interactive metronome he got to the point where the therapist was asking him to get certain results to win a very special prize that he really wanted. He did poorly because he was more focused on the prize than on doing what he need to do. The next session she said I just want you to do the best job you can. He did much better.

I am all for buying lunch on a monthly basis—we did it until this year when he decided he didn’t like the cafeteria food!!! I can’t say having him make his lunch is much better than me making it timewise, but at least he is eating it!!!

I agree that incentives only work when a child is already capable. They do seem to spur my son on to bigger and better things. I think, in his case, organization and everything else requires more energy and he’d rather not expend it. An incentive seems to help him focus his energy.

I just talked to his teacher about spelling and she told me he requires two desks at school to keep his stuff minimally organized. I laughed and told her I do too–and I am not LD!

I shudder at middle school. We are working hard at getting the homework in one place where he can find it with one teacher!!

Bethi

With IM the big prize (a video game of his choice) was tied to just finishing the program—not to any specific score. He had some dollar prizes that he got for getting certain scores—nothing he wanted that badly, although he enjoyed getting them. So one thing you might think about is using incentives just for doing things and trying hard as opposed to specific scores. Of course, if your son is just naturally cooperative, you may not need them but mine really focuses better with some prize at the end. Sometimes, if it is really hard, he needs something just to keep going each day. When we did Fast Forward a couple years ago, I was handing out pokemon cards daily for awhile. Then as he started experiencing success from the program, he went much longer for incentives. He bet me breakfast once that he could beat a certain score (his idea—not mine!!).

Of course, if a child can’t do something on their own, nothing will help except time, teaching, and practice.

Beth

Beth,

My son got a unhappy face coin for not getting his book out on time. His desk is very neat but he is a wreck. This is not like him.

I don’t understand the emphasis of punitive actions for being disorganized. I really don’t understand the whole emphasis on organization. It seems a little over the top especially what I have been hearing about middle school. I think they need to lighten up. There are many brilliant successful people who never really got the whole organization thing down.

These people have what are called secretaries or executive assistants.

So, our boys will never be executive assistants.

That’s my kid too. At least the older, NLD one. The younger one, it’s harder to call. He SEEMS less internally motivated, but I think his XF issues are even worse. Certainly external motivators just increase his already sky high anxiety levels.

Karen

Oh yes, we do use motivators of that sort, just to sort of “sweeten the pot” for things that we think they need to do that they aren’t keen on… Like keyboarding. We don’t have any set achievement goals, but we do have rewards for just sitting there and sticking with it.

Karen

I think punitive actions like an “unhappy face” are very destructive. OTOH, I think it is imperative that our kids be taught good organizational skills. But I do mean TAUGHT, not try to beat it into them. Even if only a small amount of it rubs off, some is better than nothing.

While my kids have a very difficult time with self-organization, being DISorganized adds considerably to their stress level. They really worry when thy can’t find something they know they need. There’s a big difference between being disorganized because it doesn’t bother you, and being disorganized because you don’t have the skills needed.

It’s sort of like someone who dresses funky or a little odd because it’s their personal style and they CHOOSE to, and those who just don’t know how to dress properly.

Karen

My daughter’s teacher says, “Anytime you do something for your child that he is capable of doing for himself, you are teaching him that he is NOT capable.” Hmm… I kind of like that.

know better than to start a chart system because it would not work in our own coping systems. I have trouble remembering my own head, never mind someone else’s homework and stars on a chart. As a child, I always found these charts insulting to my intelligence anyway.

I just tell people that my own learning disability makes charts etc. impractical.