I was wondering what other people think about what happened with my son last week. He is in 6th grade, gifted/LD with a generalized anxiety disorder and childhood depression. He was called down to the guidance office because another child reported that a month ago, he threatened to kill himself. His counselor was out, so another counselor talked to him. She had him sign a safety contract that stated he would not try to hurt himself and if he felt he was, he would find an adult or go to a crisis center. She also told him that at the crisis center they would do a psychiatric eval and if that deemed him unstable, he would be place in a psychiatric hospital. He came home scared that if he made a mistake, they would commit him. He didn’t want to go to school the next day etc. He has a therapist that he sees regularly and a psychiatrist for meds. Any thoughts on the necessity of explaining the psychiatric process to him?
Re: what do you think?
Jean:
Hello, I have a third grader who is dx with generalized anxiety, depression, adhd, ocd and has been invited to the gifted program. I find that my son does best with an explanation of the process that remains “age appropriate”.
I would be concerned with the “if you” approach that was taken. If you are deemed unstable then…… With my son’s level of worry, that kind of talk actually increases his anxiety. Being unstable is not something he can guage or control. He can however control who and when he tells of any worries or harmful thoughts. Now the school staff handles the immediate issues and then together we all make long term plans.
Also, my son is allowed at any time during the day at school or at daycare to call ME if he has these thoughts and his other “adults” are not available. He does not so this often but it has given everyone involved a greater comfort level.
One other bulletin board that I found is comprised of supportive and knowledgeable parents: www.conductdisorders.com
Gfgmom
Re: what do you think?
I SOOO agree with this post…I am concerned that this person is talking to children and has demonstrated such poor judgement: “DON’T think about suicide or we’ll do ‘X’…did anyone ever refrain from suicide because someone THREATENED him with dire and terrifying consequences??? Somehow, I think that would more likely give one the feeling, on a bad day, that life is even LESS worth the struggle…just my opinion, but !!!
OCD and anxiety are hard to understand, but those who don’t should get some training! Especially when dealing with CHILDREN!
My first thought was ‘report her and make a BIG stink’ but then again, the above post is probably much more appropriate. I’m still really concerned that he is given this type of ‘adult’ as his ‘safety net’, tho! I think I’d be considering a cellphone, tho ordinarily I don’t ‘believe’ in them…
Best of best wishes to you and your son…
Re: what do you think?
Well, I’m going to take another viewpoint.
When a representative of the school is notified of a comment related to suicide, they are most likely under a legal obligation to take an action. Certainly ignoring the comment might lead them into a legal liability for doing nothing. If that is the case, they may even have a well-defined process for what they should do when this situation occurs, and this counselor may have followed that process.
Do I like how it made your son feel? NO! You may still be right that the counselor didn’t handle it very well, but not having been a fly on the wall during that exchange, I can’t be sure.
I really like what Gfgmom said in her post. She has apparently explained to her child that suicide is not an appropriate topic to discuss with just anyone and she’s even designated who the appropriate people are that her child can talk with about it and what to do if they aren’t available.
Re: what do you think?
Thank you all for your responses. I feel better knowing that others agree that this was not the best way to handle this. I talked with the school today, and for legal reasons, they have a protocol. I requested that if it happens again, and his counselor is not available, that a teacher that knows him well, talk to him. They agreed. I also requested that he be allowed to call his therapist which they also agreed with.
In response to who he can talk to, we did discuss the ramifications of these statements and that it is not something you can discuss with other children. I do want him to have the support available at school as long as they understand how to talk to him. This event did make his anxiety level rise significantly. I also stressed with the teachers that if he really was contemplating suicide when he told the other child and the child waited a month, the damage would have already been done. Talking to him a month after the fact was ineffective.
Also, he has not made these statements in several months and is otherwise doing well.
Thanks again.
Jean
Re: what do you think?
Jean, Thank YOU for your calm and rational response to the school. I am an elementary counselor and am obligated to respond to any statements a child might make about harming himself. This is personally one of the most difficult parts of my job. I am required to notify parents (unless the reason for suicidal thoughts is abuse, etc. by parents), even if I am sure that it is one of those “off the cuff” comments (how many of us have said, “I’ll kill you….” and not meant it literally?). I am also ethically obligated to let the child know what will happen. I imagine that I might have given similar information if the child had asked me in the course of our conversation, what would happen at the crisis center. Was this counselor aware that the child had a diagnosis and was in therapy?
Re: what do you think?
No, the counselor was not aware of the diagnosis and that his is in therapy until he told her. I think that was my biggest concern. She wasn’t aware of his issues and may have done something different if she was. I understand the legalities and know the school has to cover thier butts, I would just like to meet both his needs and the school’s.
Jean
I’d certainly not hesitate to explain that the counselor who saw him wasn’t very skilled in working with children. I’d let him know that counselors are there to help children with their problems - not to make them feel as if they will be locked up for having them.
What psychiatric process was this counselor following? If your son sees a psychiatrist and a therapist, let them know what happened and they can also help him with this.
Did you want the counselor doing this to your son? If so, fine. It would bother me a bit that any other child in the school could report my son and that another child’s report would let loose the dogs on him. And is what the counselor said remotely true? How many children have been removed from their home against their parents’ wishes and placed in a psychiatric hospital who have done nothing of harm to anybody?
Maybe I’m missing something here but I sincerely wish for your son’s well-being. Good luck.