Parents who refuse for their child to be tested for a learni

there is a feeling out there that labels are bad and follow kids through school. Personally, I find that hard to believe as it is a rare teacher who actually reads a new student’s records. Many will tell you of having to go in and tell teachers several weeks into the school year that their child has an IEP. But that ‘idea’ persists. In truth, labels open doors;they dont close them.

Some may have had a bad experience with an older sibling who they dont feel benefitted from the services provided;some may feel they did poorly in school and it is inevitable for their children to follow suit

Mostly, its a process. No parent wants/expects to hear their child is anything less than perfect. They have to come to terms with that news in their own time and in their own way. No one can rush it. And they may change their minds numerous times to boot!

To a teacher, it may seem crazy, but for those of us who have been there, its simply ‘part of the process’

The parents you are referring to may request testing next year-or the year after that. All you can do is keep them informed of their OPTIONS-make it clear it is an option-and keep a smile on your face no matter what they decide.

In addition to being the parent of a LD child, I do early intervention with 0-3 yr olds. I just met with a mom of a 2 mo old with Downs. She still, in her heart, does not believe her child has the disorder;she is trying to convince us he is indeed ‘normal’. In her own time, in her own way-she will get there.

I think a lot of parents are suspicious of schools. I have had several teachers and former teachers tell me not to have my son tested, labeled, placed - anything. They talk of schools who want more money, special ed staff who need more students to ensure their return next year, and administration who want to get lower performing kids placed in special ed so they don’t lower state test averages. They tell me that labeled kids are assigned the worst teachers every year - or the brand new teachers.

I think - in the end, over time - kids truly in need will become obvious to all parties involved. Course, it may be 2-3 years later. And those kids who in 1st grade struggled, but by 3rd were fine, the parents will say, “See there was nothing wrong with my child!”

They may help the child or they may hurt the child. I do believe that LD’s need to be identified. My specific experience is that schools don’t do a very good of identifying or addressing core deficits.

Sped can do more harm than good. I personally believe that parents will more often than not do better getting help outside the system.
I do however believe that parents should not be in denial and some truely are.

to quote my ex-sister-in-law. No label = no problem for a great many parents. The parents here are the opposite - those who struggle to obtain the correct services for their children.

My personal opinion is that there is a growing segment of America that is deeply, deeply distrustful of schools. to the point of antagonistic from the start-even popular women’s magazines will have titles like how to take on your school. The counter agrument, I suppose, is that schools have failed so many, so badly, and for so long that there is bound to be backlash. But I find the distrust to more than backlash-its part of a growing distrust of government and society-people who find school an intrusion on the family. I also find the big supporters of testing are testing the schools and not interested in the children.
Only a personal opinion…

It’s easier to do that than to have to change her 1/2 through the year :-)

When I was trying to get my child tested through the school, I asked the teacher, what steps would be taken to help my child in the event there was a learning disability. She said I was the first parent that didn’t ask how the label will affect my child. She said that alot of the times she tries to explain to the parents that the child will be labelled whether or not the child gets help. If the child receives services and gets help the child will be labelled learning disabled. Otherwise, because of the type of society we live in, the child will be labelled: lazy, stupid, slacker, not perform up to expectations. So, if the school has a good program it is best to get the help.

That’s exactly my reply to folks who don’t want to ‘label’ their child. The child gets a label no matter what. I know I would rather it be one that gets them help, not that hurts them.

I am one who has become completely distrustful to the point of disgust with my son’s school.
I used to volunteer, class mom, book sales etc. Now I don’t even do that anymore. I can’t stand even going into that place.

The last IEP meeting made me think, “So this is what an abusive relationship is like.” I really feel like those people are competely out of touch with what kids need.

The relationship is just SOOO antagonistic. I must constantly have my guard up and be ready to fight them at every turn.

I was nice for 2 months while my son was with the teacher from hell. It took me getting mean to get them off their buts to do something.

I really did not start out this way.

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We, too, are decompressing after a year with the teacher from **** and that was a year and a half ago. The whole family still flinches at her name! I think the people on this board are those who have probably tried to make it work. But there is definately a core group who start with the premise of being unhappy with the whole thing. There is for many a basic distrust-these are not the room moms or book sale helpers-these are the people who never darken the door even for open house or conferences and then say there is no communication!

Now that I think about it maybe they are still so scarred from their student days they are still uncomfortable!!!

I tried to get services for giftedness for my lovely and cooperative and bright and moderately dysgraphic daughter — the one who could easily read the daily paper but still didn’t space words or use capitals in Grade 1-2. She could have used OT, which she didn’t get, and she needed intellectual stimulation, which she also didn’t get from the school.

What I got was a Freudian psychologist who out and out lied and then went to great effort to destroy our family relationship, quite deliberately and openly. First I wrote on the testing form that I was specifically requesting testing for academic giftedness; he covered my words with white-out and then did his own Freudian interviewing. Yep, illegal — but hard to change after he’s already done it. He decided my daughter was overly attached to me. The fact that I was a single parent and we are all the family each other had, as well as the fact that we were a different ethnic group and family tradition from his, were entirely irrelevant to him. He chose a teacher who agreed with his views and arranged with her that they would try to separate my daughter from me — he even wrote this on his report. They didn’t succeed totally but they caused a heck of a lot of tension and they did teach my daughter to lie to me, a problem for the rest of our lives. Oh, yes, and the principal told me quite seriously that they were trying to slo her down and make her “normal”.
(And this was in the better of the two schools in town — the other was even more insane and less responsive to needs!)

And I am a professional teacher and tutor, and no, I have no faith at all in schools and their testing programs and policies, thanks. When meeting guidance counsellors and school psychologists, I start from a background of having met a very large number of them over my career as student, teacher, and parent, who have spent their careers destroying kids’ chances — placing them in low tracks, advising them to drop any academically challenging classes, using all the art and practical programs as dumping grounds for illiterates, lying to parents about the kids’ progress until it’s too late to remediate the problems, misdiagnosing, warehousing, placing all students in their pet programs so that all the testing was a farce, and on and on. I *have* met a few good ones; my daughter lucked out with a good counsellor in high school and we stuck to her like barnacles; but she was a rare exception.

In fact if I had it to do over, I never would have had my son tested through the school at all…we paid for all the private tutoring ourselves, did the work at home and I never saw my son as different from his peers except in academic areas. He did not have social or behavioral concerns and the school really did nothing to help him academically. Perhaps if his problems were more global I would feel differently.

Amen to that!

It’s not all bad, having the reputation of the Mother-from-heck.

Barb