I attended a mandatory class for my state nursing liscence renewal. You would think I could just do this without getting myself in trouble!
The class was a mandatory hour in education regarding domestic violence. Obviously a subject needing education on,being able to identify flags in children is very pertinent in my current position. Victims of domenstic violence have signficiant needs,and can have significant impairments due to observing,being involved in and victimized by persons who are violent. God help these kids.
Now here I sit listening to a degreed professional give a presentation who is employed by a very well known shelter and facility designed to help people involved in this situation. They do a great job,know what they are doing. Time comes to discuss characteristics children will have who are victims of domestic violence. Right smack dab in the middle of the 10-15 year old section is Learning Disabilities? Hmm,so wait a minute,are they actually sayiing that a learning disabilitiy can be acquired? Being one step ahead most of the time,I decide to wait and see what she says. Surely they meant the symptoms of a learning disability. “and Learning Disabilities, can be a result of domestic violence”.She states. What?! Oh great,I think. Not only do these people in the very room I am in, have a problem judging without thinking,here is this person telling them LD can be acquired,like a bad cold. I look at my watch,I have just an hour to spend away from helping my kids school play get ready for their dress rehearsal,do I jump,do I walk away…
Like the Nestea plunge,”I would like to talk with you,if I may”. “Sure” she smiles as everyone else is leaving the room. She turns to face me,” I take exception to something you state in your presentation,and I would like to ask you about it,if that’s okay?” “okay” she says as her eyes narrow. ” well ,you stated that Learning disabilities is a characteristic of a child victimized by domestic violence”. I begin. “Yes” She says. “A true learning disability is hereditary,your born with it,it can not just be acquired.” I tell her “Yes,it can” She says. “You can develop learning difficulties,you can have significant problems,you can have symptoms of a learning disability,but you can not acquire a learning disability”.I say. “These are red flags for people to identify kids who might be in trouble,this isn’t stating that all kids with LD are victims of domestic violence”,she offers. “well if you had stated this in your presentation we would not be having this conversation,but to blanketly place LD on a list of characteristics and not explain this, isn’t fair”Her eyes glaze over, and she says” if it helps one kid who is a victim to get help then it is worth it” In resolve I say” well,okay,I feel the need to say this,I have a personal interest in this,I am dyslexic,my two children are LD, none of us have been a victim of domestic violence,I only want to impress upon you the importantce of explaining that not ALL kids with LD are victims of domestic violence.Here you state that being a professional in the medical profession,that I am suppose to report any sign or concern that a kid might be abused or being abused,and then you place under signs of; Learning disabilities?” Makes a parent sort of nervous.” ” Well these are just flags” She spits out and walks out. Fast.
Jesus,I am probably gonna be in trouble. I have been on Vacation for a week so I haven’t be at work. We’ll see what monday brings,but one more person out there either thinks I am crazy or is thinking about what they say,and how they say it??
Re: the latest in many.....
Way to go socks! If the facts don’t fit the theory, then we must work harder at changing the facts!
I think Susan is on target about the semantics, but further, I think the teacher is not aware of the impact of her lesson if she thinks it’s no big deal. If a student takes to heart what he/she hears and then identifies a child with ld as a potential child in danger… I am well aware that was the tract you were headed on.
No, I haven’t figured out the appropriate way to approach people and tell them that I think they are wrong and I am right either :) But, I think you did a good job and a good service in bringing this to that teacher’s attention. You have no hidden agenda, and your intentions are not to embarrass or hurt, so don’t waste too much time perseverating on ‘what if’s’. If someone at work brings it up, just smile and say you were thinking of yourself and your family, and that with 2 ld children at home, you certainly don’t qualify as abusive parents or a home of domestic violence; in fact, it would be a tremendous waste of funds to investigate all families of children with ld’s. Money would be better spent looking into the homes where the abuse is occuring.
This is not to say that ld homes are abuse free, as I am certain this is not the case. But as you were pointing out, ld is not a biproduct of abuse, that’s all.
I would be curious to find out where this teacher got her statistics or the information that led to the findings where this became “valid information” to pass out to you all, that might be something for those who question your motives to spend some energy on. All in the concept of getting the appropriate information out to the people who they are trying to teach.
I suppose you could carry a small peace flag in your purse and come forward waving it nex time. It’s “just a flag”.
Take care and quit being so hard on yourself! :)
Andy
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A white flag! Now that’s a good idea:-)
Okay, to walmart ,to get a bigger purse!!!
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Socks, you were awesome (as usual). On another board I have read of a few parents who have been investigated because their kids have adhd, one because the doc and mom were changing meds in the attempt to find the right dose and med and the school was ‘suspicious’. I think what you did was absolutely right on.
Amy
Go for it!! We NEED you!
Yes, as a single parent with an “unusual” (gifted, dysgraphic, allergic, respiratory-troubled) child, I got quite a lot of grief. The Freudian counsellors more than once tried to make me look bad and put me in the wrong so they could “fix” us. I kept my nose really really clean and fought back at the slightest instance, but yes, many parents and their children have suffered from misdiagnosis. Socks, you did the right thing. If you can face even more hassles, I would ask you to put your comments in writing and send them to wohoever operates these programs.
Re: Go for it!! We NEED you!
I agree,
The catch 22 for me has been that recently my son made great progress. So, maybe he wasn’t disabled. Maybe you did something to him initially. Maybe you are doing too much for him now.
It never ends. I have taken a major step back from the schools. All the talk in the media is about dysfunctional families. We need to talk about dysfunctional institutions.
Re: Go for it!! We NEED you!
So here is a twist for you! I have an ADD, OCD,etc kid and a and now a second child with ld….and am a survivor of domestic violence.(The kids were 1 year and 1 week when I left).
Imagine how the socail history and initial child study team meetings are going.
Affected by, related to, treated together….but not causal…. no way!
Way to go there girl!
gfgmom
parent's fault
I have a great friend and former next door neighbor who is a primary school teacher— She has had many LD or ADD students over the years and has never been anything but positive with them in the classroom. She is talented, funny, and really knows how to motivate the children. But even she really doesn’t understand — especially ADD— more than once I heard a child’s difficulties blamed on poor parenting. However, unlike many other teachers, she was really anti-meds. If a child had tics b/c of a new med or dosage etc, I just knew she thought if only the parents could straighten up, the kid wouldn’t be ticking.
So, I am not suprised to hear it blamed on poor parenting–heck—sometimes I blame myself. If only I hadn’t had that beer on the 4th of July, or if only I didn’t request an epideral, they wouldn’t have needed to use forceps……if only I had realized my husband’s uncle had an LD, or that I am clumsy….If only I had known, I would have started baby yoga and actually listened to Mozart when I was pregnant. I could have had puzzle time each night…….
Everyone on this board is a fantastic paretnt.
Margo
Good for you, socks. The woman did a poor job of explaining and half those folks probably now believe LD is caused by a blow to the head or some post-trauma stress syndrome.
People who go through big stress *often exhibit* LD-like characteristics that can persist for a long time. It is one of the things we try to rule out in schools when diagnosing LD—is some emotional problem the root-cause of failure to learn, is an injury the problem, or is it some neurological condition.
As usual, you took the plunge for a good reason.