Angry at being LD

Part of being LD for my son was being oblivious to certain things. He was initially oblivious to the fact the he too was off the charts in performance in K and at the bottom of second.

As he was remediated he started to realize a few things. It was then he wanted out of sped. I wonder if this realization is part of remediation. They are less oblivious to the work and less oblivious to all the ramifications of having an LD.
It is a double edged sword.

I would say to just try and stay focused on the positive aspects of what has happened. Try to give him a little perspective on how far he has come and that he is still very young and will make even greater progress over the next few years. I always point to my very successful husband as an example for my son. He had difficulty in school but has done very well in the real world. We talk alot about the real world versus the school world.
I also think that every once in awhile it is just time to take a break. How about a week of no remediation? Tell him he earned it for coming so far.

You know you are saying the same thing that his Neuronet therapist told me. She told me that she thought it was progress because when she first saw him he was pretty oblivious to the world. Now even then, he didn’t like being pulled out and put into resource room but I think it was simply because it made him different. I think you are right that he really didn’t understand how different he was in other ways.

We did do a six week break from all therapy a few months ago. At that time, I was more burned out than he!! I do think the passing of standardized testing (the next two weeks) should help him. They are doing nothing but drill at school.

Now, what I want to know is what can we do about the anger. He pounded on his K aged brother yesterday when I told both of them to get out of the sandbox because they couldn’t get along. He really was out of control—we had to grab the younger one who was hurt. And, unfortunately, this is the second time in a month something like this has happened.

Beth

We went through a phase of this not too long ago, pounding on the little brother. It really can be a nightmare.

It has passed but I honestly can’t tell you what made it pass. It did coincide with the stress at school. Maybe just getting him out of that stressful class is what made the difference.

To start with, I would suggest you get a good advocate (experienced) to help you begin negotiating with the schools to prevent FCAT from holding your boy back. I believe that Federal Law (ADA and IDEA) will supercede State Law. In no way, shape or form should any testing of this nature be used to retain students who have a legitimate reason for exemption. Personally, I would go as far as filing a suit if need be to prevent this from further damaging your child. (I don’t blame the schools for idiocy like universal pass or get held back testing, that belongs squarely on the Legislature/Governor).

What is your school/IEP team’s position on this? If you have to, call an emergency meeting to discuss this ASAP *be sure to file your notice of intent to tape and do so*.

You did not mention what his disability is. Have you searched for any outside therapists to assist you with this? Perhaps you can get him some additional help outside of school to help him get closer to par?

Does he have a strong subject? Or perhaps a different talent/skill that can be developed? Sometimes a reason to feel good about yourself can keep anger over bad stuff a little more in check.

As far as the little brother business… No matter how bad things get, it (obviously) will ever be ok to take out anger and frustration on an innocent third party. Consider installing a body bag in the basement/garage/recroom for him to whup on when his Irish gets up. Nothing like a good expenditure of energy to take the wind out of your sails.

I was going to say the same thing as Linda F. Keep up with the positive focus. Don’t let the FCAT get him stressed. I just can’t believe they would really hold him back if he didn’t pass? Not to let him worry about that?

I’m amazed at how much progress you have made with him. He should be very proud of himself! I remember when you first started posting and where you started from.

Maybe it’s time to take a year long break? That’s what we are doing - kind of scarey, but I think we’re still hanging in there. Do you think therapy would help him?

It could also be that hormones are starting to kick in? I saw more ‘out of control’ kind of emotions happening with my son around that age. Peeking more now, but 5th grade is when it starts. All the ‘neurodevelopmental’ therapy he has had, could be stimulating early kick-off of those pre-teenage hormones.

I think you have to really make him feel happy with himself. Work on self-esteem.

Beth,

Have you considered having him talk to a therapist, or even a school counselor? Sometimes just a few sessions with a pyschologist or other therapist can really, really help. During my son’s dark days, he saw a psychiatrist weekly for counseling. It seemed to me that all he did was build with legos, or look at books with her, but after those sessions you could see how his burden had been lifted. He felt so relieved he would literally skip and jump on the way back to the car. The real purpose of this play therapy (mixed in with a little cognitive behavioral therapy) was to give him an outlet for all of his frustration and worry and to help him think about himself and the world in a more positive way. My son was never thought to have any kind of psychiatric problem. He wasn’t clinically depressed and he didn’t have an anxiety disorder. He was just a stressed out little kid with inattentive ADHD and severe LDs, who had to spend a lot of time in a place he hated (school) doing things that were either too hard or too boring. Counseling was a great help to him and it gave him the resources to maintain a positive outlook, a skill he retains to this day. Just a thought …

Andrea

In today’s Orlando Sentinel, there is an article about Massachusetts parents fighting against their version of the FCAT and how Florida parents are looking at their strategies to see if that might work here. Might possibly be helpful. (Might not.) You should be able to find it at orlandosentinel.com.

Well, I am angry that these tests cause such needless anxiety in children! First of all, at least in our state, they CANNOT force a child in special ed. to repeat just because they don’t pass the test. I think we have already talked about that. Is that true in FL? I agree with Dad that the IEP takes precedence over the state test. But I do know if we want a diploma, the final exit exam must be passed, unless that can be overturned before we get to that point.

Beth, you do really need to read the book “A Mind at A Time”. Honestly, Dr. Levine is a master at helping children understand their strengths and weaknesses and helping them to not feel inadequate, dumb, or worthless. While one may not agree with every single point he makes in the book, it is worth it to understand this approach. The other valuable thing is that he goes into these deficit areas in much greater depth than I have ever seen. The book ought to be required reading for every single education major in this country. (And he is against the very kind of testing we are discussing.)

He is very idealistic in his views and obviously his utopian school will never exist to a widespread degree, but oh, if it could, what a wonderful thing it would be for our kids.

Janis

One thing that is important for you to do is make sure the school isn’t treating him differently. My son also, is a student in florida and he is now a senior. He started in ese classes in the second grade. When in fifth grade the whole fifth grade student body was going to St Augustine for a trip. All but the ese students. The school told me when I confronted them that the ese students didn’t do a report on florida so they could not go. I told them that if they got the parents involved that the ese students would have done one. I told them by excluding the ese students they were sending a message that they were dumb. My son also had problems with the FCAT test. We had to finally opt for a special diploma because there was no way he was going to make the reading level.
One thing that would help is try to main stream your son in some of the classes, if he’s not already mainstreamed. Remind him how good he is doing. Keep his self esteem up because when that goes down they give up trying hard. I learned from my son that I should have gotten outside help along with the schools help. I should not have helped him read but push him to try and sound things out more. And finally to watch the school (teachers, administrators, and students) so they aren’t treating him differently.

Sounds like his plate gas gotten full. Time to unload some of these,before the plate gives out.

Sadly, ocmost, your son is fairly typical. Kids who are not able to make it in regular classes by middle school probably will never make it in the regular diploma requirements. I have seen this over and over again. Many of them see this writing on the wall and go ahead and drop out at age 16. Some will try the GED instead, but I understand it has been revised and is harder than it used to be. Resources like this board were not around when your son was little, so you were basically at the mercy of a school system which ultimately failed your son. All of us here are trying our best not to let our children be victims of the same thing. But we are very fortunate to have resources at our disposal that you did not. The sad thing is, as parents, we are still a minority. I do not see a massive movement among the special ed. parents here trying to reform a failed system. They trust the school to do what is needed. And that, unfortunately, is a deadly mistake. They don’t realize until high school comes along that the child cannot possibly meet the diploma requirements. I think special diplomas are very nice for educably mentally retarded children, but they are unacceptable for an LD child in the vast majority of cases.

All I can say is, I await the day that I am no longer employed by the public school system, because I have a bit of Socks in me rising to the surface.

Janis

I have NO idea what happened. One slip of my finger and the post got posted?

Anyway,they can NOT retain him for his scores on the FCAT. If necessary,I will come to his next IEP~! Hell, I might even bring some friends.

I will check into somethings,but I will say,I forwarded your post about the denial of tutoring for your son,to someone who might be interested in it:-) As soon as I hear something, I was planning on letting you know. (I’m thinking a letter detailing how they denied him access to the tutoring,but plan on retaining him,cc’d to Shan Goff at the DOE , OCR in Atlanta,and Shiela Friedman at OSEP( Dept of Education, office of special ed programs) might be a good idea. I can smell the hickory smoked ribs now:-) If you don’t think your son would understand this,I think your wrong. Time for knowing how to advocate for himself. Healing happens when developing skills on how to deal with being different occurs.( my humble opinion)

I am angry about the LD too! It is damn unfair to learn differently and everyone telling you it is not normal,it’s wrong,your abnormal,screw them.( okay,well don’t tell him I said that) Of course he is angry. He has never been oblivious,he is getting closer to the realization that no matter how hard it is,he will always be different in his learning style,this is making him angry, anger is a part of acceptance. Someone, somewhere needs to cut him some slack. The best thing you can do,is do what you are already doing. You are standing up for him,he knows this.
Beating up on his brother? Not acceptable,he knows this too. Give him ways to get the anger out that is acceptable. My kids can’t be in a sandbox together,they can’t sit together in a car. Don’t know if this is because of the LD or because they are only 15 months apart. Counseling might be a good thing at this point. I am a firm believer in it. Spent many years there,as well as my husband and my kids. Groups where he can feel like everyone else,for a change can be a great help. Look into Dan Marino Center,they might have resources of some groups for you. I would certainly allow the school district to pay for it!

Give your kid a hug from socks. Tell him to email us anytime. I got two boys in the same boat,and I certainly remember how he feels.

Thanks for your post.

The school, in the end, provided him the FCAT tutoring. It seems my phone calls changed their ways—the resource room teacher told me that she had been begging for extra help for “her kids” but to deaf ears until I called. I told her that I got mad—she told me I ought to get mad more often.

Why do you say they can’t hold him back? I was told that by current law they can—once between K-2 and once between 3-5 for ESE kids. I guess the bottom line is I don’t know I want to face this all again next year.

I think not feeling different is the big advantage of a school like your sons are in. Unfort. there doesn’t seem to be a place like that here. I spoke to a consultant about placement earlier this year and she told me my son was doing too well (he really now is in the curve for his grade) for any of the schools here.

I don’t about the school footing the bill for any counseling. They’d probably say it was me—I have pushed him too much. But he is only doing as well as he is because of my intervention.

I agree that the anger may be part of coming to acceptance. I also think you have a point about the hard work part and the frustration about that–my son has really worked his buns off but it still isn’t easy for him. The other day we were doing FCAT reading homework and he was having a lot of trouble reading the passage. So I read it to him, figuring he could still work on comprehension skills. He said to me, “how come it is so easy for you to read that. I will never read like that” What could I say? I told him reading was always easy for me and he is probably right, it will never be as easy for him.

Your kids are lucky to have a mom who has overcome her own learning issues. My son is the only one on either side of the family to have such issues. I am sure it is isolating. How have you helped your sons come to terms with their own LD?

We’re going to the beach this afternoon. Maybe the sun and sand will help clear his head.

Beth

I have considered it. How did you find someone? How did you make him not feel more different by going to see someone?

Beth

We’ve had a lot of outside help. He is doing very well, considering where he started. He is classified as having a specific language disability. He has right brain deficits as well. In other words, nothing at school is easy for him.

There is a lawsuit pending about the FCATs—not for the issues you raise but because the schools are demanding accountability from students but the schools don’t have to include FCAT scores of ESE students in their scores. I don’t know if it will be settled in time to matter.

Thanks for your support.

Beth

Maybe we need to see Dr. Levine!! Nathan doesn’t really have any academic strengths and I think that is part of the problem. The other thing that is really bothering him is how slow he is. It just takes him a lot longer to get things done. He has extended time on FCATs but I think being slow makes him feel stupid. If he then did excellent work, it would be easier to deal with, but that isn’t always the case.

I think I will go out and repurchase the book. You have persuaded me.

In FL by current state law, ESE students can be held back two times because of the FCATs, in addition to not getting a high school diploma if they can’t pass the exit exam.

Beth

My son is in a regular classroom for all but an hour a day. During this time, he gets reading assistance. He has gone on all field trips, except we aren’t allowing him to go to St. Augustine. We didn’t allow our daughter when she was in fourth grade either. He has been to St. Augustine with us as a family though.

Thank you for your support and I wish you and your son well.

Beth

We have come a long ways. He wasn’t even in the curve in a regular room when we started. Unfortunately, he still isn’t average and I think that is the source of a lot of his anger.

I don’t think we can take a year off right now but we do need to back off a bit, I think. I will consider counseling if we don’t see improvement after the FCATs have passed. I don’t know how much is due to FCATs, but I am sure it hasn’t helped.

We’re going to the beach this afternoon. He is 10 today.

Beth

Beth,

Yes, I think every kid would gain a real boost from having that talk with Dr. Levine where he shows them that they have value. Honestly, that part of Dr. Levine is inspiring.

But he is not just looking at academics. Sure, a child can be low in all academics, but Dr. Levine’s profiles are neurodevelopmental and are much broader than what we need for academics. He shows the child his real strengths and tells them that there are jobs out there that will not emphasize the weak areas but will emphasize the strengths. For example, he might tell Anna that she would make a super hair stylist because of her great fine motor skills. Her weak academics just won’t matter in that job as long as she can read the hair color formulations! Lol! (Wouldn’t want mistakes there!). She won’t be LD in her career if she chooses one that makes greater use of her strengths. Dr. Levine insists that all LD kids have strengths in their neuro-developmental profile. It is just very rare to find a testing team that can give this kind of assessment. And he emphasizes that it must be a tem approach because single evaluators are always looking at the tests with their own specialty’s bias. And I will mention again, he definitely talks about remediating the weak areas while strengthening the strong areas. Now I’d like to find that school, but that’s another problem.

Janis

I just wanted to tell all of you who responded that even reading your messages made me feel less alone. My son is the only LD one on either side of the family so these are not problems that I ever anticipated having. All of you are wonderful—full of good ideas and sometimes most of all, moral support. I would be a lot less effective mom without you.

Beth

I feel the same way, Beth, and let’s face it, an online support group is cheaper than a psychiatrist!

Janis

Hi Beth,

I pretty much echo what Socks said about the issue of anger and LD. Anyway, your son is lucky to have such a supportive mother.

Also, as an unemployed adult with NLD/ADHD, I wanted to disagree with Dr. Levine’s premise that it is easy to find a job using our strengths and one that minimizes our weaknesses. In this rapidly changing economy (some might say what change, it is slow as mollasses), the job you were hired to do might completely change in a year. Also, many companies are combining job functions to save money, which of course, makes it harder for someone in my situation to find a suitable job. I am not saying it is impossible but just like someone felt Dr. Levine’s ideas about schools were utopian, I would make the same claim about his ideas regarding work.

PT

“I wanted to disagree with Dr. Levine’s premise that it is easy to find a job using our strengths and one that minimizes our weaknesses.”

I do not recall anywhere that he says anything is easy at all. But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to agree with his real point, my kid will be a better hair stylist than teacher of Russian language. She’ll be a better graphic artist than a tele-marketer. A problem like ADHD makes all jobs more difficult, and as a matter of fact, he points out that some people simply cannot hold a regular job with regular schedule and do better as self-employed. Have you actually read the book?

Janis

Beth,

we had also used psychiatrist with my son for almost a year already. Recently I had asked whether we can change from weekly to biweekly since my son is in a really good mood lately.

As Andrea said- I only knew about them playing board games, but between the new school and seeing the therapist he is doing much, much better.

Ewa

If there is a school counselor, s/he may be able to meet with him on a short-term basis and/or refer you to a counselor in the community. I always suggest that parents contact their health insurance provider first to find out what types of services are covered. Often it takes a diagnosis (LD or ADHD usually suffices) but not always. As for feeling different, I do think kids need to participate in the decision… let him decide after 2 sessions whether he feels it’s helping and wants to continue. If you’ve found a good match between your son and a counselor, he will! As a school counselor, I am still surprised at how easily many of the tough looking and acting 5th graders open up and share their feelings the minute they get in my office. Another way to approach it is to involve the whole family in a few sessions— this takes the focus off your son as the “problem child” and helps the whole family to function better as a unit. (sometimes a hard sell for dads, especially— but worth it!)

I like Levine because he helped me to understand specific deficit areas. The school told me that my son had a visual motor deficit. Helpful but where do you begin.
When I understood (because of Levine’s book) the very specific issues sequencing, visual spatial, etc I could go after them one at a time.

Beth,

We asked our pediatrician for a referral to someone knowledgeable about working with children with ADHD and LD.
Andrea

And you don’t have to schedule appointments!!!!

Beth

Good idea about having him participate in decision. I force an awful lot of things down his throat because “they are good for him.”

Beth

Hi Janis,

Sorry, I wasn’t clear in my post as I should have said, I felt he was inferring it was easy to find a job using our strengths and minimizing our weaknesses. You’re right, he didn’t explicity state it was easy.

No, I haven’t read his book, but I have read quite a few of his articles on this issue. The reason for my opinion is I feel essentially he is stating that things are tough for kids with LD in school (I know he doesn’t use the term LD but I am using it just as a point of reference) because they are forced to be good at everything. Once they are out of school and in the work world, it is no longer that way.

My point in disagreeing is that actually, alot more jobs than ten years ago, do force you to have alot more all around skills. Perfect example are computer and library jobs. Previously, having good people skills wasn’t as important but now, they are considered a vital skill.

Obviously, we see this issue differently but I honestly don’t think I am being unfair in my disagreement.

PT

Hi Linda,

In spite of the disagreements I have with Dr. Levine that I mentioned in my replys to Janice, I definitely agree with you that his strengths are in being extremely specific on the deficit areas. For example, I learned more on his website about my memory deficiencies than I did from the professionals who diagnosed my LD/ADHD.

PT

HI Beth,
My child is also angry because work is harder and she has a harder time grasping the work. She said she doesn’t want to be in that small class she gets teased and the kids set her up as how to spell a word and then say. She is in Special ED. Well I said,so you want to be in the other class with the other kids and she said no they are learning hard work and have more homework the only reason she wants to be in the typical grade is so she wont get teased.

Maybe if you show your son this site or maybe they should devolop a site for the kids LD Kids. I hate lables.
Fourth grade is hard because kids treat your kids like
they
have a highy contagious disease. They have maybe one friend and you hear other kids talking about what party they are going to,your
child socialy is outcasted
Willow

Linda,
Can you tell me what book help you learn about to pin point you childs specific learning ways? Dr. Levine wrote a few books.
Willow

Yes, and that is exactly why I will always now recommend that parents get a private evaluation in addition to a school evaluation. In all the IEP meetings I have been in, I have never heard of many of the areas discussed that Dr. Levine goes into. Memory is such a critical area and schools just don’t deal with it.

Janis

Willow,

I’ll let Linda answer for herself, but his latest book, “A Mind at a Time”, is one you should read. I imagine it has components contained in past books, but this is a reference I’ll use for a long time.

Janis

One issue I had was that he does not get into how to remediate each type of deficit. I actually found out that information on this board. Haven’t found a single resource that goes into specific deficits and then matches that insight with specific remediation.

I do believe in his philosophy that whenever possible and especially for an older child you need to focus on the child’s strengths. My son is young enough and had severe enough deficits that we needed to do some remediation first.

His book is a must read for anyone dealing with ld.

Beth,sorry I didn’t respond sooner. The question regarding retention. If the child is a child with a disability,and has an IEP, they are protected from this BS.

It MUST be the decision of the IEP team on whether or not the child should be retained. This is why you will notice in the Memo from the DOE it states,
a couple of times, in accordance with IEP,etc.

Basicly they are trying to make school district accountable to make sure kids are getting rememiation who need it.

http://www.firn.edu/doe/commhome/progress/DPS-Memo-03-024.pdf

Everyone is always saying what can and can’t be in an IEP but you have an out with this one. In the IEP you can list that he doesn’t have to meet certain requirements in order to progress to the next grade level. If some of my students had been required to learn their times tables rote - they would be in 3rd grade still (most are 16 years old). Certain criteria can be listed that students don’t have to meet. We write alternative graduation plans for those students who need it to graduate - this isn’t any different. Glad your phone call worked - we need more who advocate in this manner.
thanks

my guess is there are many more family members with areas of disability but they have developed compensating strategies. A learning disability is a learning disability for life!

This is another mel levine book that was recommended to me by several professionals. I think its a little more detailed than “mind at a time” and its been very helpful.

I understand PT’s point. Maybe Levine could elaborate need for being competent in areas of need or using adaptations/.assistive technology so you are able to adapt or perform adequately in changing work environments. I personally agree with most of Levines work and like the way he discusses specific areas of need - visual motor, graphomotor, phonnemic awareness difficulties. Much better than what you get with the typical school system eval - reading disability. Knowing sspecific areas will guide you in how to remediate or compensate.The Big debate in special ed is whether too many people jump to compensatory strategies and do not spend enough time on remediation. I think that might be PT’s point.

Sorry to be late in responding to this. I’ve been busy looking at real estate because we thinking about moving closer to ds’s new school.

We’ve seen a lot of anger, sadness, and acceptance this year. Oh and anxiety too. I’m a believer in good psychotherapy, and I think it has really helped my son. It gives him a place to work through these emotions outside of the relationship with me, which is loaded. After all , his LD affects the whole family.

I think also, that acknowledging the anger is important, even if you don’t have a solution. I used to try to solve my son’s emotional pain , but I was advised just to accept it. So now I tell him “yes, it is unfair” or ” of course you feel sad and angry”. It seems to help him that we just listen sometimes.

Yes, that is one thing people must understand before reading this book. This book is about diagnosing learning and behavioral disorders and identifying strengths (he calls it neurodevelopmental profiles). It is not a book on remediation. He does point out that certain deficits can and should be remediated, but that is not the purpose of this book. I’ll have to agree with Linda, the foundation of what I have learned on remediation (and specific programs) has been from LD Online.

Janis

I agree that Levine is too heavy on the compensatory strategies. In his book he described a person with a visual spatial deficit needing to use their sequencing skills to order things.

My son had both deficits so that just wasn’t going to work. He can now sequence and has developed visual spatial skills. There was just no working around that one we had to go through it.

My son has great audtiory comprehension and a gifted vocabulary. I don’t want him to lose that while we remediate the deficit areas. We get books on tape and I read to him books way above his actual reading level. He needs to have that stimulated too or it will be lost. He needs to function at the level of his strengths without the hinderance of his disabilities whenever possible.

>

Hi RS,

Thank you for trying to understand where I’m coming from. Actually, not knowing much about special ed since I was not in it as a kid, I’ll leave that debate to the parents and teachers. So no, I wasn’t commenting on the remediation vs. compensatory strategies issue.

I just feel alot more jobs today than even five years ago force you to have more all around skills. While I agree the situation is still better than what the school systems do, it is becoming tougher. On an Asperger Syndrome Board I visited this morning, one of the posters complained about the computer field being harder for Aspies due to the increasing demands that computer professionals have good social skills. This used to be a natural career field for folks with AS due to their excellent computer skills and usually weak social skills (don’t want to make generalizations) but unfortunately, that has changed.

Your point about Mel Levine elaborating on the need for AT in the workplace is an excellent idea. Unfortunately, when I emailed his office about the possibility of somebody doing similar type of work with adults, I received the usual boiler plate response of contact your local LDA office. So I am guessing because of the response I received, Dr. Levine would not have an interest in following through on your suggestion but I wouldn’t mind being wrong in this case.

Also, AT can’t solve every problem although a tech nut like me sure wishes that it did. For example, in an attempt to quickly find a job, I have looked at receptionist positions. But unfortunately, alot of receptionist duties are being combined with Administrativve Assistant duties which would be a disaster for me. I am quite knowledgeable about AT but because of my particular weaknesses, even that would not be enough in this situation.

Back to Mel Levine - I wish I had seen someone like him when I was diagnosed with a non verbal learning disability. I am about as border line as you can be with this diagnosis and I also have dyslexia and possibly undiagnosed CAPD. But because the clinician was so focused on NLD and how my future was doomed, he neglected some problem areas I had in reading perhaps because they didn’t fit the NLD profile. I would have been better off with someone like him defining my weaknesses and leaving the labels out of the equation even though personally, labels don’t bother me.

Also, it seems my experience with a bad evaluation through a private diagnostician is not an unusual experience unfortunately. So RS, while I know that doesn’t help you if your child was evaluated through the school system, at least you can take heart in knowing that alot of private evaluaters aren’t much better. Of course, I know there are some good ones out there and I don’t want to make generalizations but sometimes, it is hard not to when I keep hearing about so many bad experiences.

By the way RS, in my evaluations through the state voc rehab department, I received a diagnosis of a developmental reading problem by a psychiatrist who never even provided a formal reading test. Obviously, he wasn’t totally off base but frankly, I found that quite surprising and not the least bit helpful.

Sorry RS, this post was alot longer than I intended.

PT

Hi Beth,

I just remembered this particular site on LDpride, http://www.ldpride.net, about accepting LD might be helpful as it includes the stages of grief as they pertain to LD. Of course, it is geared towards adults but obviously someone like you would know how to adapt it to your son.

There is an additional nodule that is a small charge, according to Liz Bogod, the owner of the site. But I still found alot of the information on the site to be quite helpful.

PT

Samantha,

In my state you can certainly defer those things for a long time on the basis of the IEP, but in the end, the child still has to pass an exit exam to get a diploma.I’d like to see that overturned, but so far, it hasn’t been.

Janis

Samantha,

“A learning disability is a learning disability for life!”

I actually do not think that is a true statement today with what we know about brain plasticity and the ability to improve underlying processing skills. I know we don’t often see it, but some children actually do have underlying processing skills remediated to the point that it no longer can be considered that they ahve a disability.

Janis

I have always agreed that it was unfair ect. But the latest round of despair just has seemed deeper. I was trying to be logical in my responses—explaining why he wasn’t stupid, while agreeing it was unfair. Today I was a bit fed up. He started going on about being stupid. I said to him “OK, you’re stupid, and your brother can’t do anything right. Some family we have.” (my youngest whine—which at first we responded to but then decided he was manipulating us everytime he got in trouble). Nathan started laughing. I think he could see how he was acting just like his younger brother.

I got a name yesterday for the name of a therapist. If this doesn’t pass, I will pursue that route.

I think one big advantage of the route you are going is your son will feel “normal”.

Beth

Thanks, I will look.

And by the way, I understand where you are coming from vis a vis Levine. I bought his book, read a couple chapters, and took it back because it made me mad. I felt like he was saying that everyone had all these strengths. At least academically, my son has none—he has difficulties to greater or lesser degrees with reading, writing, and math. It just reminded me of this idea that people with LD are gifted in other areas. It just isn’t necessarily so.

And I worry about my son in the real world for all the reasons you cite. He doesn’t have the visual-spatial strengths that allow many people who are dyslexic to go into the trades.

But Janis persuaded me to go buy the book again. I could use some of his positive attitude.

Beth