Inadequate?

been there done that and I think all of us have felt inadequate at sometime in our lives. It is through tirals and difficulties that we learn. So many times as a parent I joke about the kids didn’t come with an instruction book, and if only I knew then what I know now things would have been different. It is through supportive friends that we are able to make it through our trials and challenges which I call growing seasons. Take it one day at a time and when you look back you will see how far you have come from where you have been. Hang in there!

Hi Eric’s Mom,
I second your feelings, I am sure every mom feels the same way.
When My Child entered the special Ed department I was under the impression that a Special Ed teacher looks at each child differently and sees how they learn and not only follows the IEP, but also if 3/4 of the special Ed class needs to take spelling test over again twice I think she or he needs to look at the curriculum and reajust things. or a friends childs teacher was out on leave and they had an aide teach the class for half the year.
It has placed more pressure on parents to make sure these teacher’s are duing what they are supposed to do and they are folowing his or her IEP because it is the rest of there life that is effected they are behind enough.

I also felt alone until I found this website. Thank God for smalll blessings.
WillowEric’s Mom wrote:
>
> Hello everyone! I enjoy reading the posts on this board.
> Some of you are so insightful and I have learned a lot.
>
> My son will be entering middle school this next school year.
> He is in a Fulltime LD classroom. I am trying to decide
> where to put him next year (which middle school, private vs.
> public, etc.)
>
> Do any of you just feel inadequate sometimes? I feel so
> burdened that choices I make for him will have an impact on
> him the rest of his life. His education is his future.
> Anyone else?
>
> Thanks for any and all replies.

there is no doubt that all of us have issues of adequacy with regards to parenting our children. pattim is on target about taking it slowly and one step at a time. we had good advice from someone a long time back when we were in the throws of fighting with our district… “don’t look too far down the road, just go from one stepping stone to the next and focus on what you are doing; if you look too far ahead and see an obstacle, you may trip way before you get there. just keep focused and do what you need to do that one step at a time”. It proved to be valuable advice. Because, like pattim said, when you stop and look back, you will see how far you have come.

Having fought with our district and attended countless meetings, you need not only feel inadequate as a mom, I encountered many of the same issues as a father as well. Sitting in meetings and going through due process with all persons having college degrees that get shoved down your throat was a concerted effort to make me (us) feel inadequate. When given opportunity, I turned the context around and questioned their ability to parent, their experience raising our son with his ld issues etc… and didn’t get too much of a response back. Clearly, at least in my opinion, even feeling “inadequate” cannot make a parent simply go away or clam up if their instinct is that their child is in some form of danger.

The biggest problem is sorting out one’s own feelings and issues from the complexities of the situation which can be fueled by high emotion when dealing with one’s child. That is where it gets pretty complicated. So many people who are not directly involved, or cannot directly relate, can only say things like “don’t take it personally”. Although it is correct advice, it is virtually impossible to do when in the situation.

For years, both during and after we dealt with our school district, I could feel my blood pressure go up when walking to our mailbox. It was like a trained response from some of the documents we would receive. Over time it has disappated, I guess that’s the good news, as the water/sewage has long since passed under the bridge.

There is no instruction manual. Thank God for bb’s like this that make it available to bounce experience and questions off others with similar experience. At best one can get some good advice, at the very least, one does not have to feel so alone.

I look back to when we had our special ed experience in school with our son. There was no internet, no bb’s, no parent commraderie… we felt so very alone. The simple access to special ed laws and counsel etc… you/we (the parents) have come a long way baby!

Trust your instincts, and try not to over focus on the subject to where it devours the rest of your family life. That’s a tough balance to find. Take regular breaks from the stresses of it all, and don’t worry, it will all be there for you when you return, well rested and better prepared.

Regards,

Andy

I an an occupational therapist who works in the public school system. I also have a child who is ld and add. I see both sides of the fence. It’s difficult. Just as any profession there are very competent and incompetent professionals out there, I’ve delt with both. Ultimately, it’s our job to raise our kids. I encourage parents to really know what the teacher is doing in the special ed room and regular ed classroom, it’s worth time off from work. If they are not following the IEP or child is not making progress you need to meet as a team and discuss why and what can be done. You have the law on your side. Know the special ed laws. However, sometimes you can’t make professionals be compentent even though you can educate and provide resources. Deteremine if there are special educators in your school that are competent, attuned to your child and his needs. If so let the administration know it. Do you want to take on the battle of exposing incompetence? Some times the administrators are just as incompetent and ignorant of special ed issues. Do you have the time and money? Ar you prepared for the stress? Sometimes people decide they do not and opt for a another educational setting. We definately need more learning options in this country both public and private. More Mel Levines Sometimes public magnet schools are good options. Network with parents, if there is a program or teacher(s) in the public system you feel could help in a positive way, request this. I recommended Mel Levines :”Schools Attuned” teacher training program to a principal and provided brochures and options for funding. The school sent some special educators to the training and it did make a difference in the quality of the special ed program.
Anyway, its a long haul, full of frustration but it also can be very rewarding. Usually, accomplishing anything worthwhile is full of hard work, perseverence and patience. I learn that everyday from the students I work with.

I am a sped teacher - primarily with LD kids and I would hope at every venue you would approach the schools as a partner. I often read on this bb the anger towards the educational system and get very frustrated. What happens when a parent approachs a school with a wall already up is to then cause the same response. Unfortunately - that is a human reaction. I also realize that parents are frustrated that their child isn’t like the gen. ed. population and so their options are more limited. I get the feeling that some of these negative parents are so disappointed because their children won’t be able to follow the expected route to independent life - the college scene. From the time our kids are born we set our sights on what they will become and when the prospect of that not occurring becomes reality - they begin to attack the school. There are many options for kids with sped needs post-secondary but creativity needs to occur in some cases. I also think that the parents who are angry feel like they will be taking care of this child forever and that scares them. Go about the next level with an open mind - don’t attack people who may not agree with you, but find a middle ground. And for heavens sake don’t go marching into a school waving ADA legislation and demand your rights be honored - your child will sufer from your behavior. I know there are those who post here who think they have somehow done right by their child with this type of behavior but I can guarantee you that their children suffer from this behavior. After all, the school is a building with no emotions but the people who make it run, even with it’s faults, are human.

I think you did a good job in your post explaining our frustration with the school.
It is exactly that presumption that has lead to most of my frustration. I have proven that presumption wrong time and time again.
My son will achieve, will go to college but not because of anything the school did. They have no idea how to truely remediate deficits.

My dh has LD. He is a highly successful vice president of a major corporation. No one takes care of him, he takes care of everyone else.

I am glad that his parents always knew he would succeed despite the difficulties.

Your message is a good one for parents to hear. Ultimately its our job as parents to teach our children how to survive and adapt to the world. The school can (should )be a useful tool although many times it is not. Outside tutors, educators and professionals can also useful tools. Parents are the ones that carry and manage the tool box, all the while teaching their children to eventually manage and carry the box.

You know, it’s kind of funny to look back at things from the perspective of experience. I can only speak from ours.

When our son was diagnosed by the district as ld, the word “dyslexia” was not used or mentioned. When the district mis-diagnosed his ld, their solution was to place him in special day class if the resource program was not working. We watched our son’s esteem and IQ plummet.

We went to the school and begged for help. The parental abuse we received when we questioned what the district’s motives and intentions were was astounding. The level of deceit to which some of the administrators stooped was beyond belief. Records were tampered with, lies were told and on and on. I know it is not like this everywhere, but certainly, you can admit that this is not an isolated case. We had no idea there were rights, as no one told us about them! It took well into disputing what was going on before a school psychologist asked the principal if “these parents were ever advised that they had rights”.

So I take exception to your comment about walking in waving the ADA and insisting on our rights. I take further exception that any professional would actually retaliate against a child in need because of any action a parent has taken. What happened to what is appropriate or in the best interest of the child? The origional concept of education is to teach, not punish children.

For as many parents as there are out here/there fighting for thier child’s rights to a FAPE, there are districts who blatantly manipulat the system, abuse the blatant imbalance of authority and power, and clearly violate the law with no cause or concern for repricussion.

Maybe it’s time the teachers realized that parents are fighting for their children’s lives here, not to dispute a specific teacher’s methodology of instruction. If the square peg doesn’t fit in the round hole, why can’t the child’s need to be educated take a precidence over ego and the daily attendance dollars for that district?

I think the administrations that baulk and fight with parents love to see the dispute change to parent vs. teacher, because it is the classic smoke and mirror switch from the origional problem and where the focus should be.

Being an ld adult who is gainfully employed, I am not afraid of what the world will do to my child. In fact, our greatest fear was only that he be able to survive school, which was and is mandatory by law. The first 12 years are nothing to worry about, as long as he survives it.

I never got involved or attended any meetings until a program specialist brought my wife to tears by attacking her verbally regarding our need to basically “butt out” and let the “professionals” do their job! Our kid was floundering, and we were begging for help. This lady brought our son in (3rd grade age) and accused him of “acting”. Furthermore, the district began implying that there were problems at home and it got only uglier from there. If there really were problems, do you think we would be dumb enough to bring district attention to it? Come on now, it’s not all that bad, is it?

Why aren’t district personell reaching out to help and protect those who need the help? Why are there consultants hired to abuse parents when they question what it is the district is doing? Not all parents are good parents, nor are all district personell bad; but that doesn’t mean lose prescious time when a child’s future is at stake.

Seems to me there should be more compassion from the “professional” side, understanding that parents who have the courage to stand and face a beaurocracy and challenge the system should at the very least be given some lateral leeway with regards to understanding that they are fighting for what they believe to be their child’s very well being. Maybe a little more sensitivity instead of defensiveness would go a long way to making things more peaceful.

Maybe instead of towing the administrative line of looking out for the district’s financial gain and for the more appropriateness of the program for the child would be better for all parties.

Ever hear of Sheilla Hopper and her case as a teacher who worked in the LA Unified District? You should check out what happens to a teacher who stands up for a ld child. Her case went all the way to the Supreme Court. Maybe someone should question the union and why it will not protect a teacher who stands up for children in need.

This isn’t supposed to be a parent vs. teacher thing… we all got into it for the same reason. Why has it gotten so twisted?

You want to know why some parents get mad? You want to know what really pisses off parents, get vindictive, manipulative and retaliatory towards their handicapped child (be it ld or physical, or both). We aren’t going away, and I doubt we will ever be quiet. I will add our story below, again, for those who care… and for those who don’t, just as well.

I wish it didn’t have to be this way, we already have a life with it’s problems and challenges anyway. I was not looking for trouble or more complications when we went through what we did. I already had a job, mortgage, marriage and all the other baggage one has with living.

Andy

==================================

Attn: LDA, State of CA
GRAM PUBLICATION OPEN LETTER TO PARENTS

Re: What was learned from the nightmare of a Learning Disabled Parent of a Learning Disabled Child attempt to obtain a FAPE in our local district.

To Whom It May Concern:

First, I ask your patience, because I, like my son, have a learning disability. I have difficulty with handwriting, so I always type. Typing makes the words legible, spell check makes the paper presentable, however, unfortunately, they have yet to invent the program to unscramble the word processing of a dyslexic mind.

Anyone who has lived through / survived the hellish experience of help seeking within the public school system for a child will know that this letter has the capacity for a 1000 page novel; I will do my best to be brief.

Our son was diagnosed with “LD” by the public school Psychologist in the 1st Grade. He was given an IEP, which was to begin his 2nd Grade year. By the 3rd Grade, with minimal and no provision of the services specified on his IEP, our son was floundering terribly. His areas of deficit were dysgraphia, dyslexia and other assorted invisible disorders, which clearly affected his performance in school.

By the second month of his 4th Grade year, having no RSP (as specified on his IEP), and no Counseling (as specified on his IEP), our son tried to slam his head through a window at home. He told us, with tears streaming down his face that he would rather die than go back to school, “where the teachers did not understand, and the kids were so mean about this handwriting”. He was 9 years old.

My wife and I sought help from the school; and the rest is documented history. Of course, it is also documented that the school claimed he was doing fine in class, the problems were coming from the home.

We (my wife and I) attended countless IEP Meetings (with and without advocates), we have attended Mediation Conferences (with and without advocates), I have represented my son in State level Due Process Hearings, and I have represented our son, alone, in Federal Court.

I know what it is like to be a learning disabled parent, seeking protection for our learning disabled son from a system that allows a school district to hire the representation of a “consultant” whose sole purpose is to keep the district from providing those services which are due the child by law. (I could go on and on about this one extremely unfair practice that is tolerated, the fact is, everyone knows this happens, and the child is still left without help, unless the parents can afford the services of costly consultants or attorneys).

I know what it is like to have an inexperienced advocate intervene and represent our son at Due Process Hearing, and have to sit back and watch an absolute kangaroo court in progress, while the Dean of the McGeorge School of Law presided.

Perhaps I need to digress for a moment and explain that during this time I was working, and unemployed at times, in the construction industry here in Southern California. It is common knowledge in the business world for sub-contractors to be loyal to the general contractor; the reason is simple, future contracts mean more guaranteed income. Even in the blue-collar world of construction, it would be abundantly clear that if the “inspector” worked for the General Contractor, the quality of homes could be jeopardized by the “partial” decisions made by a biased inspector. How obvious must it be for a law school like McGeorge School of Law to be a contractor with the State Department of Education to side in behalf of school districts whenever possible?

In June of 1991 McGeorge’s Year to Date Statistics show that the total number of Due Process Hearing Decisions rendered, parents did not obtain the services they fought for in Due Process 70% of the time!

If the hearing Officer finds the district to be within compliance, then the State does not have to enforce any “laws”, because there was no violation! This is absolutely ludicrous. The burden is entirely on the parent, and the power is entirely in the system.

I speak from experience. I will gladly provide a list of all the names and numbers of “protective agencies”, government employees, political figures etc., who were well aware of our son’s predicament. This is not limited to, but includes Chief Liaison to President Clinton, the Federal Dept. of Ed, State Dept. of Ed., Protection and Advocacy, the Governor’s Office, Congressmen, Assemblypersons, Senators, local agencies, OSEPS, OSERS, Office for Civil Rights (the list is endless)… The bottom line is there is no help, only a terribly tangled web of beaurocracy the feeds off of our taxes, and is simply impotent, inept and incapable of enforcing the laws that were written to protect children. The blatant and total failures of these public officials to enforce protections is disappoint, to say the least; corruption of this magnitude would not go on, if it were not tolerated at the higher levels.

I have scores of letters I sent to attorneys and agencies (and their responses) from across the country, begging for help for our son. My only request was to either enforce the law and provide him the FAPE he required, or release him from the system, and provide us with the funding to ensure he be educated and not destroyed.

One of LDA-CA’s past presidents, Joan Esposito, had written a GRAM which clearly outlined the problems parents like us have experienced. She is one of the only ones who understood the frustrations of what we were going through. (I can only imagine that she has an entire file cabinet with our son’s name on it!) I continue to thank God for her strength and compassion for our kids. The gauntlet is excruciating, the retaliatory actions of a school district are disgusting, and designed to exhaust parents. Our son’s last “active IEP” was his 4th Grade IEP, which was never enforced. He is currently going into the 10th Grade!

After 6 years of attempting to “right the wrong”, and taking both the local school district and the state dept. of Ed “to task”, I have only learned that I could do the impossible for our son. That was to survive the stress of war, stay married to his mother, see that he finally get an appropriate education (outside of the system), and move on with our life.

I have since passed on my “law library”, a virtual war chest of cases, laws and protections for learning disabled children to a local (San Diego) advocate. She has my permission to copy and pass along any and all data I compiled; including phone numbers, addresses etc. My hope and prayer is some other parents may get the help our son never received. It was quite a paradox to find all the protections, and rights our child had, yet been completely incapable of finding any authority to enforce the law!

My wife and I went to a leading “special education attorney and we begged for her to help; she felt to “untangle this case at this stage” it would cost an estimated $70,000.00, at least. It might as well have been $70,000,000.00, if you can imagine the devastating news to hear such a proposal. The up front money was to be a minimum of $15,000.00. I don’t know about anyone reading this letter, but that is a substantial amount of money which we did not / do not have! It is probably noteworthy to mention that there are not very many lawyers who specialize in the highly complex field of special education law; and those that do, usually work for school districts and the states, those that don’t are extremely expensive!

Out of necessity for our son, I virtually became the closest anyone will probably come to being a lay-lawyer in the highly specialized field of Special Education Law. For over 2 years, I stood alone, as a parent, in Federal Court, without an attorney, and did the best I could. With my wife’s help, we won some Motions, lost a few, and even had Court Decisions OVERTURNED, without help from attorneys! Truly, I will admit that the damage and suffering of such battles was more psychological and detrimental to peaceful family existence, and the fall out was financial, emotional destruction. It was as close to divorce and stress that I will ever hope to experience for the rest of my life.

Ultimately, the Federal Court Judge Ordered me to find an attorney for our son, because, if I did not, he said that our son’s case would lose at the Appeals level, due to the child not being properly represented in Court. What an irony, even if we could have won at the first level, they would have had it overturned because of how he was represented. Again, after an exhaustive search, we finally located a young, fresh out of Law School attorney, who offered to represent our son “pro bono”. Remember, we had been in Federal Court for over a year prior to her having even graduated from Law School! Within 3 months, our son’s case was closed, and the State Dept. of Ed and the local school district were absolved of any responsibilities.

I believe it is important that you understand the following, which is of public record in the Federal Court system in Southern California:

1. The District admitted to not providing services on our son’s IEPs.
2. The District could not provide original copies of documents where my name was added to agreements. (Reviewed by a documents fraud examiner).
3. The District failed to properly diagnose our son’s disabilities.
4. The District contracted a Dr. (for $14,000.00, on record)) to diagnose our son during the pending court case, to determine “what would have been appropriate 3 years past; when this same district had tested him 7 times within 12 months during the time in question.
5. State level investigations were useless.
6. OCR findings were biased and inaccurate.
7. McGeorge School of Law hearing transcripts are of record, and the Hearing Officer’s failure to acknowledge or address blatant violations of Special Ed Laws are abundant.
8. Numerous other violations of Education Law were proven clearly on Court Records.
9. Our son NEVER had another “active” IEP from the time when we filed for Due Process; the two parties (parents and district) could never come to agreement, so…

Our son’s case ended over a year ago. The scars my wife and I carry may never go away. Time is the healer and seeing our son doing well as a soon to be 10th Grader is the soothing ointment to assure us we did the right thing. He has no IEP, he gets no special help, and he is working very hard. He is alive, healthy and we are grateful. We stood by our child and did what we thought we had to do, protect him at all cost.

Adding insult to injury, after the case was closed, we received legal documents from the school district’s attorneys’, attempting to bill us for the legal costs they incurred! Some of these costs included the depositions they took of our son’s “expert witnesses”, a document fraud examiner and a Neuropsychologist; both who are highly qualified specialists. These testimonies clearly demonstrate among other issues the district’s blatant failures to diagnose our son’s disabilities, their (district’s) inability to explain how my signature ended up on a copy of an education contract that I had refused to sign. The irony is the district DID NOT enter these depositions as evidence after their attorneys deposed these witnesses, I DID!

My advice to anyone who will listen. If you are an advocate, thank you for your strength, courage and perseverance, and for trying to help protect our children. To you parents, until there are drastic changes in how the laws are enforced, do what you have to do to save your child. Our experience dictates that it might be wiser to pull your child and put him/her in a safe non-public environment as soon as possible. The money will be more effectively spent there, and less stress placed upon your family.

You see, for those of us who do not have a lot of money, we need to determine where best to spend the limited resources we have on what we find to be most precious to us, our kids. Moreover, for those who have enough money for attorneys and consultants why would they spend it on fighting a system? They can afford the tutoring, counselors, private educations…

Absolute power corrupts, and all the laws in the world are useless, until they are enforced. God bless you Joan, Mary Ann, Chris, Sandy, Adele (retired), and the rest of you advocates who fight for our kids!

Sincerely,

Andy

Ps/ Everything we experienced is of public record; I wish (pray) to God somebody had the time, money and courage to look at what clearly was the “Anatomy of a Public School’s Failure”. What has happened to my family, and specifically to our child, is the story of one; however, it will clearly show what happens to all who get involved and try to help a child (anyone’s child

Wow, what courage. I hope your son will appreciate the sacrifices your family has made and may others benefit from you experience.

Amazing story! I have had to push my rights. I wanted him out of sped and away from a teacher that believed that sped kids are doomed for failure. Getting my son away from a teacher like that was the best thing I ever did. His current teacher adores him and does not retaliate. She sees him for the intelligent, adorable, kid with the great laugh that he is.

Even within an ineffective system there are teachers who care. I have made it my personal goal to make sure my son is with them. If I have to wave a bunch of laws to make it happen I will.

Amazing to me that someone would come on this board and admit to doing this. At least we get to see the truth about some. I refuse to believe that all are like that.

well said Andy!

Oh, Andy. I felt heartache as I read your post. You certainly have great courage and commitment to your child. I am thankful that your family survived this trauma. I could not help but wonder, how did your son make it? Did he graduate from public school? How did you get help for him educationally?

Janis

HI Samantha,
Well I did pay for an Educational Consultaion from a Special Ed, Teacher.I have my child tutored and I take care of my Child.
I expect certain things of the school. That is to teach my child.
Is it teaching my child to have an aide write up the lesson plan and to teach my child and when I approach my childs teacher stating they are loosing skill she still doesn’t teach him.only to check his report card form another teacher to find out how he is doing. That is only one situation, The other is trying to lie and CYA ,when the parents approach the school on what one of their consultants recomended because the school didn’t want to cover the service they lie and try to cover up the recommendation.
Also some SP ED teachers feel like why try the kids is LD.
Well My child is LD but is smart and yes I am always going to have them try just takes longer.
So When Parents go in communicating there rights, there is most likly a reason why they feel they have to, not to cause trouble who needs that, I don’t.

Samantha, I suppose you’re trying to say that when a teacher feels threatened and intimidated by a parent — or by administrators who may make his/her life even more difficult by making impossible demands based on what parents ask for — that the teacher won’t do as good a job wiht the child.
Or perhaps it really was what it sounded like — that the teacher will get mad at the demanding parent and take it out on the kid. Maybe you can rationalize it as okay because you’re “only human ” — but humans are capable of being adults and if they’re in the teaching profession, they owe it to the students.
Hope it’s the former.

It is a sad time when a parent places there child in a Special Ed class thinking that that Special Ed teacher is dedicated to teaching the child taking there time and helping that child learn. Only to find out that that teacher takes on the same thinking that Samantha takes on “They won’t be able to go to college “
Well, thank the Lord that there are SP ED teacher who give the kids a chance and realize our children can go to College they just need someone to believe in them.
Willow

Janis,

Thanks. We pulled him from public school towards the end of 4th grade. IEP was never updated and that was the end of it with public school except for the battles. We placed him in non-public parochial schools from 7-12th grade, and a non-public school for ld for 5th and 6th grades (too expensive for us).

He graduated on time in 2000, and has been attending a local community college and loving it since. He is 2 classes shy of completing his AA degree, and has been working about 32 hours per week around classes. Turning 21 in a few months and seems to have his head on pretty straight. LD factors have not disappeared, although neither have mine either!

We didn’t really get any “help” for him educationally, other than working with teachers, ensuring a smaller classroom environment and encouraging him to advocate for himself when he got to the point where he could/would. At the JC level, they encourage him to use the computer lab, he has qualified for non-timed tests when requested and that type of assistance. Once you get out of the k-12 level, the academia world’s behaviors towards ld seems to change for the better. Surviving the first 13 years is the toughie.

So again, thanks for the kind words. There is light at the other end of the tunnel, even after the train is heading towards you!

Andy

Sorry, but I disagree. My daughter does have rights under ADA and IDEA and I expect the school to fully comply with the LAW. It’s that simple.

Low expectations are our children’s greatest enemy, not their LD.

Andy, I think you saved his life (well at least his self-esteem) by pulling him out. I have a much better school situation for my child at the moment (charter school with a psychologist for the principal), but the minute it becomes more negative for her than positive, we’re out of there!

By the way, I have a son exactly the same age. He had some problems, too (too much to tell now), and I regret not removing him from public school. He is also attending the local community college and I hope will transfer to a university next fall.

Thanks again for sharing your story!

Janis

Low expectations and terribly inadequate methods and poorly trained teachers= our greatest enemy= failure

Hi Andy,
You are amazing, I have a question how could your son go from third/fourth grade not making any progress and be in regular Ed with no services? I hear the same thing also it is appauling when the child isn’t on grade level and they all say the same thing “OH they are doing wonderful.
Willow

Hello all! Turned into an interesting thread! :)

I am wondering for those of you who put your children in private vs. public schools. My son will be entering middle school and I’m torn with the idea of sending him to private school. Don’t they have higher expectations of students? I’m concerned he wouldn’t be able to meet that….he is about 1 grade level behind in mathmatics. Do they make accomodations for LD kids??? Thanks -

IN my last meeting with the school principal and my son’s teacher, the principal said: “I realize you don’t wish to ‘designate’ (label LD in our district — gets IEP but no services or at best tiny tiny time for pullout, just enough to embarrass child but not enough or appropriate to help) your son now, but you really will have to think about it soon — he’ll never manage the gr. 10 literacy test’!

This is a 9YO dyslexic fourth grader, who after much hard work and attention outside of school, is reading well and whose writing improves daily, who is now lagging in math but who has agreed to give up his summer for math remediation, as he gave up summer after Gr. 1 to LEARN to read (in 4 weeks, after no action for 9 MONTHS) and after Gr. 2 to consolidate his skills. WHY oh WHY would we predict illiteracy for this child??? Well, of course, we can tell he is an artisan type and is obviously headed for applied programs in HS — only 20% of applied students can pass said literacy test…so of course, Principal IS basing his prediction on usual stats. Much as this is accurate, I believe it is ludicrous to predict illiteracy for someone who is 9, even if he is not yet reading AT ALL. And yes, before I was a mom I was an adult literacy tutor, helping people learn to read after the school system DID NOT TEACH THEM.

But, if only 20% of students are passing said literacy test, is anyone out there blaming the KIDS…or do any of you, as I do, feel that the SYSTEM is at fault…and the educators within that system BLINDED by its very inadequacy and the inadequacy of the teaching provided by their College and the training/planning/guidance provided by their School Board…

Sorry, RS…I’m with Linda F. Yup, we lie awake at 3am worrying about retaliation, and we know it’s alive and well at all schools. We do what we have to do, and pray to help our children deal with it, because we want an education for them. My child will be a literate adult — and he’ll have great skills for dealing with bureaucratic bull***t as well. If he wakes up in a Nazi regime some cold day, he won’t listen to ‘authority’ and turn in his neighbours, either, no matter HOW many people tell him he should!

Leah,

wanted share a quote I have hanging on my refrig. by Colin Powell

“Challenge young people by having high expectationsof them; engage them with the opportunity to realize those expectations through constructive, character-building activities.”

We try to live by this. LD, ADD or just a plain ole kid everyone will live up to their full potential if the people around them give them the opportunity and expect the best from them

I totally agree with both of you. The biggest burden my son has had to bear has been the burden of low expectations.

He will never enter a sped classroom again. I will homeschool him first.

EricsMom,
Yes this is an interesting thread…
I am somewhat in the same boat you are fixing to be in. My son is a 5th grader at a different school than last year with new teachers, new methods etc. I have struggled this year in the issue that the school he attends this year seems to not expect as much as his previous school (even though these school are in the same school zone). At first I thought that may be what he needs instead of feeling behind all the time but as a ADD child and ld in written expression it is EXACTLY what he doesn’t need. I have addressed concerns that I see as a parent about my child to his teacher but because the school “doesn’t expect much” I don’t get much response (I think they think I shouldn’t have a problem). Compared to some of the other students my child is one of the ones she feels “doesn’t need help”. Scary thinking about the other children. Our biggest battle right now is the learning/studying environment is too rowdy for my son. We (my son and I) are doing a little “study” on how much noise is in his class on a daily basis. I have mentioned that he has trouble hearing her, the principal has sat in the class (only for them to return to loud after he leaves)… I think the teacher needs a whistle and I have offered to buy her one.
I realize this hasn’t answered your questions but I would suggest looking into private schools and seeing what they offer for ld. I only wish I had done more to try and get my son into a “more challenging” school like we were in K-4.
Good Luck

I think you missed my point. My point is not to wait on the school system to teach your child everything he knows. It is parents responsibility to get it from the school system if you can’t, litigate, or go elsewhere. Don’t sit back and let someone do it for you because they won’t. I too, have an 8 yo daughter ld/add who we have spent approx. $7000 in tutoring/redmial programs because the schools programs were not adequate or enough. The school offered resource once a day for 30 min., but my daughter did not want to be pulled out. To save her self- esteem, we opted not to go with pull out services. Her regular ed teacher is wonderful and gives her what she can in regular ed. the special ed teacher comes in the clasroom and works two times a week. I’m not thrilled with the special ed. teachers instruction. I know this is not enough so we, her parents, have had to supplement, but this is our choice.
My point is that if I waited around for the school system to know and give her what she needs, it would be too late. I think the schools and parents need to partner together if possible. In my situation I feel the school system is doing what it can given its financial constraints/resources. I realize that others may not be in the same situation. If the public schools gave every child exactly what they needed ( which ideally i think they should) we would be paying 80% of our wages in taxes. However, the prisons and courts may be less full. I don’t have the time to wait that long for my child to learn to read. So I do what I can.

Sorry, RS, I goofed big — meant to direct my disagreement with Samantha, the poster who spoke about retaliation on children by school personnel — with remediation at home, I agree totally! I’m in Canada, so we have no choice but to do so — up here, we get what they give us and have no choices, since we cannot sue them.

Sorry for the confusion — we had a terrible Gr. 2 year, which DID include extremely unprofessional behaviour on the part of the teacher, so when someone mentions retaliation by school personnel, I kind of revert to my ‘tigermama’ stance and my memory reacts accordingly!

Understanably, I am all for parents and teachers trying to work things out peacefully and even compromising when appropriate however, sometimes parents do need to force the issue. I work in the system and I know. I try to do all I possibly can for students and parents. Most of them appreciate and understand when it is a system issue that is beyond my control. Believe me I let the admin. take the heat.

I really am on the same page with you RS. I have found sped to be demoralizing and mostly ineffective for my son. The only value I have found has been the OT he has received there. The school takes my stance that I choose to remediate outside of school as some kind of insult and have made things difficult at times. I am pretty much the opposite of those who fight for services. I just want them to give him a kind teacher who won’t treat him like he is dumb. I mostly just keep my head low when it comes to the school as long as he is happy there. I don’t expect remediation from them. I learned the hard way that we would all be old and gray before real remediation would happen.

We thankfully have a wonderful teacher but Andy’s post had me losing sleep last night at the thought that they might try to pull something for next year. I really just want them to give him someone who cares and that is all. I don’t need them to spend money on him I am spending quite enough.

My son is very sweet and a very hard worker. I don’t want them steal that from him with their half baked behavior modification. In sped he got in trouble for getting up to get the thesaurus. The implication was that third grade sped kids don’t know how to use a thesaurus. I wonder sometimes why it seems like I am asking so much when in reality I am asking for very little.

I’m glad you have found a situation that works - I think that is what we all want. I’m glad you had a positive experience with an OT. I am an OT and sometimes I hear horror stories about some of us. The one thing that really made me a better therapist is my child and her having LD/ADD. I can really empathize more with parents of children with different needs. Positive outcomes are born from adversities.

The paremntal anger you describe comes from faith, trust and allowing the “experts” to do their job for YEARS and finding out that it was all a bust! How would you feel to find out your child was further behind in grade level after years of special ed than he was going in? THAT is the typical scenario, not what you decribe at all.

Hi Elizabeth,
I agree with you,I am tutoring my child outside of school once a week for reading and math, I don’t mind I am her parent, What I mind is that the school can’t educate yourchild in nine months but they gain a lot more in three. Why is that? I know it is my responsibility but all I want is the school to do theirs job. because they are in a LD class doesn’t mean they can’tand won’t learn. One teacher SPED. told me “Oh I don’t have to meet the time lines the other Reg.Ed does.” This is the same teacher who has the aide write the lesson plan and teach them. and “Oh the kids want to lean times tables” I said WE can try it but I don’t know” No you tell the kids sure lets look at the tables.
Kids want to learn but it has a lot to do with the teachers and the parents.They are in school six to seven hours home three or so at night.

They need teachers and parents to be on the same page with modivation.
Willow

There were certainly times that I’ve felt I just couldn’t go on. I felt emotionally and physically inadequate to the task at hand.

When deciding between the schools, one way to approach it is to pretend that they are all free. And then pretend they are all close to home. Sometimes that can clear up the water and help you to understand what would be your first choice for him. And then you can go from there to figure out second and third choices and start to weigh the priorities.

Good luck.

Linda,
How did you get him out of the sped classroom my child is one and a half years behind, We tutor, I ask if she wants to see if I can move her to the other reg ed class and she said no, the work is too hard and so is the homework s also, it does take hours with homework even when I write notes stating we spent too
long on on area so we didn’t finish it. She said the only reason I want out is because the other kids tease me. So I want her out but I am afraid she is too behind, I guess when they get ot middle school there are more kids in her class
Learning support. She goes out for art, gym ,music ect. Was your child in an all day Special ED class? or a Spec ED for Math Reading and Test?
Willow

I taught sixth grade at a parochial school for a year. There were at least 3 students who were coming into the school that year specifically because middle schools were a zoo (this was Baltimore) and these kids had ADD/LD issues… but the structure and support makes a huge difference. All depends on the individual teachers and admins, of course.

For second and the beginning of third (this year)my son was in an inclusion class. This particular inclusion class had two teachers all day, a sped and reg ed teacher. My son had the sped teacher with the sped kids. Some subjects were taught by both but it was pretty obvious who was sped. It was like a resource room without walls. My son hated it. He kept saying they give me too much help, I want to do it by myself. The teacher was into putting yellow coins on his desk if he didn’t get his book out on time or if his desk was messy. It was nuts, he was so focused on worrying about the coins and the myriad of other psuedo behavioural modification going on that he couldn’t even focus on the work.
He would cry about going, fake stomach aches, etc. He was very tense.

He was also doing poorly in class but better at home. I would ask, “Why can he do this at home but not in school.” I got alot of blank stares. He got a 50 on the math placement test. He got the easy problems 5+8 wrong but the 3 digit addition right. I kept saying, “Isn’t this a red flag when a child can do something but isn’t.”
They didn’t want to move him. I had to write a letter stating that I felt the environment was damaging and not the least restrictive environment. I cited alot of specifics and was very clear about what I was requesting. I wanted him in a regular class and was refusing sped services except for OT at this time. Sped is optional they would have had to take me to court or arbritation to keep him in. I documented many conversations with the line, As per our conversation, you stated…..
It was scary to do this but I knew it was the right thing for him.
He is in a new class where the teacher is very open, flexible and kind. She thinks my son is adorable. She always says he is the best behaved in her class. I asked her how his math is going she says, “Fine.” Now this is a kid who couldn’t do the dumbed down sped math but does, “Fine,” with regular ed math and no support. He is able to do his math homework most nights without help. The only thing he needs help with is long written assignments. He does fine when asked to write a series of sentences for spelling.

I did alot of remediation of his specific deficits to get him to this point. I don’t do actual academic tutoring (with the exception of one program that got him reading) but rather have worked on his underlying deficits through various programs and therapies. That is another post!

I think getting a kid out of sped is a worthwhile goal but it should be done when the child is ready and has gotten enough of the proper remediation. I wouldn’t count on this proper remediation coming from the school. My school has more sped classes as the grades go up. I guess that means more are going in than are getting out.

Its wrenching to make major decisions for your child knowing that you don’t have adequate information nor is LD (and your child’s specific version) your area of expertise. A lot of people make calls based on gut feelings/instinctual knowledge of their child and many of them are entirely right. But how many nights do you wonder ‘did I make the right call’???? Many.

This is really preaching to the choir because the people who hang out here are the people who are frantically self-educating on Lds, remedial curriculums, legal rights, etc. This board has been invaluable to me and my education. LD casemanager was one of the jobs I didn’t know I had signed up for under the heading of parent. In the end, I think I made very good decisions for my child because I was deeply concerned and involved in my child’s well-being. Which is exactly the same motivation that will make you do the homework on your local middle schools, parochial schools, etc. and their programs for your child.

Actually, I think the parents here are a sped teacher’s dream come true because these are the parents who will sign on for testing, who do take their kids to the doctor, who actually check the homework assignment book, help with the project, review the spelling.etc, etc, etc. I think most of the parents here hold up their end (and then some!).

But don’t you wonder about the parents of the other kids stuck in a woefully inadequate program? or the parents of the other kids stuck in the class of the screamer teacher? I, too, have been told that my language disordered child “isn’t one of the ones in the class needing the most help” and I know that the others are not identified. Where are their parents? Do we end up with programs that have no expectation for kids because so many parents don’t have many expectaions either? It must be mission-impossible teaching sped or LD kids whose parents don’t want to be partners.

So going back to the thread, my inadequate worst is a lot better than someone else’e apathetic nothing.

We pulled him from public and placed him in private school, with a few months of home school in between. My wife/his mom, had been doing tons of reading and started working with him with manipulatives among other methods and we just held on for dear life. The fact of the matter was those who were responsible in the district simply refused to do anything because we disputed what they were offering/doing.

That’s all.

My son’s current resource teacher loves me. But I will tell you that the one before her despised me. I somehow didn’t subscribe to her idea that I would drop off my son and pick him up at the end of fifth grade. I caused trouble, made waves, made phone calls, and fought for my son. I had district people telling me she didn’t know what she was doing (well, they said she wasn’t implementing the program correctly)

On the other hand, his current teacher has told me there are parents she has never met, who never sign their kid’s planner, whose kids never do their homework.

Beth

I agree, Beth. The majority of my students’ parents I see once a year at the IEP meeting. They are just not very involved. But I have had a few that are just wonderful. They are involved, supportive, and help their children in any way they can. I am picking up a new boy this week with APD and a reading disorder and his mom brought me some things he likes for my prize bag. She told me she was going to bring them over and that she was going to bring me lunch! I’ll have to say, I have never had that happen in my entire career. She is thankful that there is one person in the county who can do PG with her son, so she is being very supportive. On the other hand, if I did not do a good job, I’d be in deep trouble!!! But this kid will be one who makes it, because his parents will see to it that he gets what he needs, one way or another. And of course, that is what most of the parents are like on this board. But I’ll have to say, the majority of parents are not like these here. Neither are the teachers!!! (Many are caring but they don’t have the tools to remediate).

Janis

You should feel empowered that you have choices; in our case, our system uses full inclusion, there are no resource rooms, there is one 750 student middle school for the town and private school is not a financial possibility for us. Take what you’ve got as choices, research them and talk to other parents.In the end your child will make his own choices and his own future…we all have to let go and middle school is when it starts.

“in our case, our system uses full inclusion, there are no resource rooms”

Well, they are just asking for a lawsuit with that scenario. What are they thinking???

Janis

I was thinking the exact same thing. How can one have an IEP when there is only one choice?

Sorry I did not see your post before everyone had a chance to tell you how limited your cognitive skills are in the issue. The school’s have lied overtly to avoid spending money for years, they often have union minded staff who are not motivated to improve anything, the school forces the parents to teach and reteach educational content they fail to deliver …..and then they get away with a lame IEP performance with nobody meeting the goals. When do they ever fire anyone for the sorry a— performance that any other business would do in a week? Why can they get paid even when they have no customer satisfaction?

My kids LD problems are much less a problem….then the idiots I’ve met running the public school education process.