I visited my son’s special ed preschool. The director said Alex is getting bored and we should start weaning him away from the program. He’s been at the same school 3 years and in the same class for 2 years. This year’s students are lower functioning so the teacher is playing to a more disabled audience. Apparently, his teacher is unable and/or unwilling to provide my son with an appropriate education and my son is getting “bored.” A little history… I used to be the classroom mom. I prepared all the holiday parties, donated supplies, etc.. I thought I had a good relationship with the teacher until we got into an IEP dispute that set everybody against each other. The teacher turned her back on us, refusing to say what she had recommended to us for our son. I went to her afterwards and told her that I had argued with my husband on her behalf. My husband had told me she would say whatever she thought the administration wanted to hear and I had argued that I was sure she had too much integrity to not tell the truth. I then told her that it was the first time in ten years of marriage that I had ever been wrong in an argument with my husband. Okay, so I flunked diplomacy 101. But she was responsible for setting off a chain of events that, after many months of IEP meetings (at which she was a real b!@#c), ending in mediation. We hadn’t spoken since last October until I gave in and volunteered to do the Easter egg hunt for the children. I got there and the aid asked me to run to the store and get a cake because the person who had volunteered to bring desert flaked. I got angel food cakes, filled them with whipped ceam so they looked like nests and then I put little yellow marshmellow chicks on top. Anyway, I thought we had reached the point at which we could at least be civil toward each other. Boy was I mistaken. Yesterday, I went to visit the class to observe closing circle (after asking the director’s prmission). As the class was going out to meet the busses, I asked the teacher if I could talk to her for a few minutes. She, very curtly said yes but that I’d have to wait ‘till she got the children on the bus. 15 minutes later she walked by the class on her way to the office. 5 minutes later she came back and very, very curtly told me she didn’t have time to talk and that I’d have to schedule a meeting. I tried to explian that I only needed a minute to ask her a question but she cut me off every time I openned my mouth. It was a simple question about Alex being able to bring in train stickers to share with his classmates because they’re doing a unit on transportation. I stomped out with steam pouring out of my ears. I didn’t send my son to school today. Tomorrow, I will hand deliver a letter that to say that we will “wean” our son from the class but that we are giving “ten days” notice because he is not receiving FAPE and he will not be coming back after the ten days. I may add that he will only be attending on days when I can stay and observe the class to make sure that my son is being treated appropriately. Meanwhile, I’m looking for the most expensive private school and one on one aid I can find. Okay, I’m ranting. Maybe I’ll cool down a little before I end up costing my school district a fortune. Did I mention my husband has his own law firm? I’m just sick and tired of getting grief from the people who are supposed to be helping us.
Re: need to vent
He was supposed to be mainstreaming into kindergarten one day a week but they started him out at 45 minutes once a week and only last week were ready to allow him to be there 1 1/2 hours. Alex is high functioning autistic. He would not have been able to benifit from a regular preschool without support and our county doesn’t do that without a lawsuit. There is no system set up for that kind of situation and finding someone qualified to facilitate is next to impossible. We felt we were working against the clock to get Alex the intervention he needed. We also didn’t know the school was going to place so many low functioning children in his class this year. The question is where did all of the higher functioning children go? Probably determined uneligible for services because there wasn’t room. Most of the children in Alex’s class are not autistic but have severe speech and language disabilities. I may hate the teacher as a person but the truth is she is very good at dealing language and behavioral issues. I’m hoping a small local preschool will have an openning for him. The teacher has special ed experience. I know her from work she’s done with a friend’s HFA children. Or maybe we’ll even try a gifted program. Alex has very uneven strengths and weaknesses. Academicly he’s quite gifted. He just can’t hold a conversation or deal with a change in routine and has a few other quirks.
Maybe we need another thread for advocacy?
Two things I think of off the cuff:
1) They probably don’t want your kid in the class “too much trouble”. What you need are the services that get his progress up so he could mainstream to a regular class, at least parttime, and posibly with an aide.
2) If he is gifted, you could find a local GATE school in your area, one that specializes in dual exceptionalities would be your best bet.
3) Your husband’s an attorney? He needs to get join one of the special email groups for special ed. I just went to a conference in Orlando and many parent attys are turning the school boards upside down.
Also, www,Wrightslaw would be a great place. I’m a legal assistant and have had good success with the SB using Peter Wright’s books (NO, this is not a commercial advertisement). I’ve met him, he’s wonderful and straightforward. Coming to Jax, FL in May if you’re interested, for a 2 day conference.
You need to become knowledgeable about spec ed law and how to stay calm and still get your child’s services. Peter Wright’s book, “From Emotions to Advocacy” is outstanding.
Re: need to vent
Im sure they werent thrilled about that many lowfunctionning children in one class either
I work in early intervention(0-3)and recently attended a transition meeting with the schools. They are begging us to let them know ASAP about possible incoming children. They CANNOT turn anyone down but would like to spread the more challenging children out into different classes. Autism-the full version-is very need intensive and they are actually losing staff members due to class loads
As parents, its easy to demand what we want for our kids but remember those teachers have a VERY tough job. The powers that be see no difference between a preschooler with a moderate speech delay and a child with full blown autism;I imagine everyone on this board knows enough to know how unrealistic that is.
You need to advocate for your child but that woman needs to keep her job and put food on the table for HER family. She is going to be as defensive of her job as you are of your child.
When you find a sympathetic staff member, you use them to get as much inside information and advice as you can but you NEVER expect them to side with you against administration-IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN!!! And you lose your inside track!
If its not too late already, wait until Monday to do anything. You may feel better by then.
Good luck
Re: Maybe we need another thread for advocacy?
Despite that the county we live in is quite afluent, there are very few educational options here. Our GATE program is very limited and doesn’t start until the children are older. I’m well aquainted with Wright’s Law. I’ve ave been to one of his conferences. I wasn’t aware that there were special ed law sites for lawers. Do you know how to reach them. My husband recently added a lawyer to his staff who used to be a special ed due process hearing officer. We are well on our way to becoming great advocates wether we like it or not. But the expert advice will always be from the collective experience of you parents.
Re: need to vent
I think it was too late about a year ago. Fortunately we won’t have to deal with these people much longer.
Re: Maybe we need another thread for advocacy?
I was thinking of COPAA (Council of Parent Attorneys & Advocates). They have a list serve and a website - but you have to be a member - I think it’s $50 a year. Much interesting information
Re: need to vent
Rose,
I am a speech pathologist in the public schools who works with children of all ages(including autistic kids). I’m also a parent of two special needs kids who I have had to advocate for to get services. I had to fight to get services (and I know what their rights are and how the game is played).I had to walk a fine line of insisting on appropriate services without creating a backlash. It’s not easy!
You are the best advocate for your child. No one will ever care about your child the way you do. There are more and more children with all kinds of needs requiring services. There are only so many classrooms and teachers. The unfortunate truth is that special ed funding gets the short end of the stick. Additionally, more and more teachers and therapists are leaving the profession, because of the demands that are being placed on them by administration and parents.In my school district there have been 7 openings for SLP’s that went unfilled all year. The budget just cut all of the 0-3 staff for an entire county. Teachers love the kids and want to help them, but their hands are being tied more and more.
As parents, we want what is best for our children and we need to push for it. Being Mr. Nice Guy doesn’t always work, but burning bridges means that our children get hurt. It’s a delicate balance, as you’ve learned. Learn from this experience, educate yourselves by talking with other parents and legal advocates to learn how to help your child, and realize that you will win some battles and lose some.But don’t lose the war! When you feel that you have to pursue mediation/due process, everyone loses. You may get the services that you need, but the defensiveness that builds up on the part of staff may negate any positive benefits.Good luck to you and your family! I hope you find a good place for your child!
Re: need to vent
Sounds like a vieled threat Diane. Why in hell can’t people just do the right thing in the first place? Could it be that they are just flaming douche bags that need somebody to slap them really hard about 100 times?
Or do they need to act like such power hungry jerks that a disgruntled student shows up with an AK47 and goes ape @!#$?
rose go to the big cheese and tell him he’s starting to stink!
Rose,
I remember talking with you before, but I do not remember exactly what your son’s problems are. It would not be good for him to be in a preschool setting where the other children are more disabled than he is. Normally it is beneficial for children to be around typical peers and then pull-out for services like speech language if at all possible. If you can possibly separate out the conflict with the teacher and look only at your son’s needs, I think that would be the best thing to do.
Janis