I recieved a phone call from the school two days ago, stating that my dauhgter had loudly said the word Fu— in class. Nothing but this word. I
drove to the school and asked the principle to call her up to the office and for him and me to talk to her together about this. At this time I was informed she has been using this word and a couple others for about a month. Although the princaple did call her up he gave us both the immpresion that he blamed me for her launage and that this was my problem not his. My daughter has never used these words at home or to my knowledge at friends houses. When asked she says it’s the only way she can get the teacher’s attention. I got another note stating she did it again today. I have punished her for this. But feel that problem has just started not ended. Any suggestions on this would be appricated.
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Is she a class clown type? I could see a child doing this to get the kids attention, or to be considered cool.
Maybe it is an attempt at fitting in.
I would talk with the teacher and make sure to come up with a solution. The discipline should be consitant from home and school. The teacher should know that you would support her efforts to handle this and that you will follow up at home if she does it again.
What does the teacher do when she does this?
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I could imagine several very different scenarios here, including:
—A Tourette’s like blurting of the word that’s got neurological roots
— A kiddo consciously “acting out” — hey, that’s what swearing is *for,* to express frustration in a way far more acceptable than breaking things or people when things get very frustrating.
— A kiddo who’s picked up the word and it came out when she stubbed her toe or dropped her books, who needs to learn that there are better words to choose
— a kiddo trying to be cool (and perhaps being successful).
I think I would try to figure out what’s happening here. It would be great if telling her that it’s people who need to *look* cool and tough, because they aren’t, who have to use the “bad words” — the really cool ones don’t need ‘em (or whatever it was that my parents used on me). But if your gut instinct tells you there’s more to this… I’d get out the good radar and maybe observe a classroom, really try to build some communication here with the kid, the teacher, etc.
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I personally think people pay way too much attention to swearing. On the very rare occassion that my 6 y.o. has used a bad word I’ve said, “I know you probably learned that from mom or dad but you should know if people hear you say it that they won’t think your very nice.” So far it’s worked. My parents swore and said it was okay to swear at home but not in public. That didn’t work for me because I wasn’t able to take time and place into consideration. The thing that has curtailed my swearing the most is having children. I want them to be liked. I think teaching acceptable alernative words to be used when a toe gets stubbed is a good idea. If swearing becomes an every other word form of speach it’s definitely time to get out the quarter fine jar. Not so much as punishment as much as to bring attention to over use. Meanwhile, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. As for the classroom, perhaps the teacher could use it as an opportunity to talk about social conventions, the image one presents and ways to express oneself that are more likely to impress.
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My daughter will be eight in a couple weeks. And yes it is proable true that it is the only way she can get attition, the teacher tends to ignore her as long as she is not getting out of her seat. Yes we do accosionally swear at home. I also think too much impish is put on swearing. No she is not a class clown, but she may be trying to fit in. This school from what I can see isn’t real bad about it but at the last school she went to it was very common. As for working with school this is why I went in there, however their position is that it is my problem not theirs. The teacher so far has immediatly stop class and taken my child out of the room to talk to her and then made her sit out of recess. And yes she does have both a lanuage and speech defict that causes her to say the inapproprate things, or to word things wrong. I am so far treating this as she is getting in trouble for breaking a school rule not for swearing. As she doesn’t do this at home I am at lost on where to go from here. Thankyou all for your comments.
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Even if that is the only way to get the teacher’s attention, the kind of attention she’s going to get will be unpleasant. What does she want her teacher to do? I’d ask her that. I’d also ask her if she wants to be in trouble at school as that’s where this is headed.
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Tell her directly that these are words that some people don’t like. No fuss, no emotion (the teacher has already overdone that by far anyway). Just that she is giving people a bad impression because people don’t like them.
Point out, repeatedly, that the attention she has gotten is not what she was looking for. It is a good idea to ask her what she does want from the teacher.
Try to brainstorm with her methods that will get the teacher’s attention in a less negative way — from the sound of it, this may be difficult, but discuss it in a reasonable way. Maybe if she just stood up quietly without leaving the desk? What do other students do? Does the teacher have a double standard (unfortunately many do) in who she will give time to and for what? If so, your daughter will just have to make it through the rest of the year, but you can let her know you support her.
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I will try this suggestion. And unfortunatly yes the teacher is one with double standards. As for most of the school year my daughter was pulled from all regular ed classes, the teacher is resentful that my advocate and I forced the issue on getting her back into class. Also unfortant is that my daughter doesn’t really seem to mind being punished, it seems that at school any attenetion is better than none. To be held in from recess isn’t so bad when all that happenes at recess is that you get picked on, and nothing is done until you retailate.
Several questions need to be answered.
How old is she? A certain amount of swearing is common as an experiment among teens and some preteens, more worrisome with very young kids.
What is the general language use around the school, i.e. do a lot of the other kids, especially the older ones, swear a lot? If she hears these words in constant use in the schoolyard and halls, then it’s just imitation. Go and listen a while and then tell the principal some home truths about what you hear, as your ears turn blue in many schoolyards.
Just for example, I am tutoring a Grade 6 student; the student himself is nice, but he has a friend who needs some discipline; last time I was there the friend asked if I wanted to hear a song, having experience I said “No” loud and clear, but he went on anyway and chanted an offensive rap about “big butts … in your face”. On a previous occasion he was talking most offensively about whores.I hope this kid will grow up and learn to be an acceptable member of society, but right now he is just asking for trouble. Alas this is fairly typical, and this is what your daughter is probably exposed to all day.
Do you ever swear at home? (and I won’t be judgemental either way; different communities have different standards) If you do occasionally, she may be just growing up and trying it on. If you truly never ever swear, she is just imitating and may not even know what she is doing.
What is her class atmosphere like? You report that she said this is the only way she can get the teacher’s attention — well, is she right? Many of us have tried everything and then gioven up on politeness when it obviously doesn’t work.
Does she have an LD that makes it difficult for her to understand social nuances? This makes it even more difficult to understand when and where and how it’s appropriate to use certain manguage or talk about certain subjects.