Many of you have kids in the 9-13 yr old range and I’d like your insight into how they are improving their verbal social dialog and social relationship skills. In particular how are they making or keeping friends.
Most of us have had progress with LD issues and success with remediation programs like FFW, IM, PACE etc. but if you have a kid with verbal processing issues or planning/attention issues…it is hard for many LD kids still not to be percieved as weird or slow etc. by other kids as they get more street smart and more articulate in middle school.
My daughter sometimes seems almost autistic in her interactions with peers. But I think the issue is processing specific and a delayed social intelligence due to LD and verbal processing issues. She is slow to get the bigger picture or redundent in talking about something…or not good with leading a dialog
Specific deficency issues we are dealing with are implementing peer level conversation stratgy, reading body language, use of appropriate bonding cues, appropriate eye contact intensity, the use of language and questions to improve social encounters, transition processes for changing the subject…or starting common interest questions…etc. In general, all stuff that a normal kid does naturally to fit in and be cool ….as well as fun to be with.
What is working or how can I help her? She is last to get picked or called for anything and her brothers are always called for sleep overs and popular kid stuff. Breaks my heart to see the social isolation and her lack of success implementing peer level social relationships.
boy do I relate to that!!
My 11 year old has a language LD, and his self-esteem and confidence is quite low (used to be called “shy”, but it is much more than simple shyness.)
I don’t have any suggestions, would like to hear more from others. It kills me that he has no friends. He likes to play with younger kids, but this is limiting also. I think it’s ok if the kids are no more than a year or two younger. It looks strange if they are too young.
Are there any ways to meet parents like ourselves who have great kids but few or no friends? Maybe these kids could do some socializing together.
By the way Phil, I agree with you. The LD/academic part seems easier to improve than the social piece!
This breaks my heart!
This doesn’t help the underlying issues but I try to help my youngest by getting very involved in any social/play things that interest him.
This year I coached his drama team. The school was happy to have me as they are always short of volunteers. We only had seven kids so were I was able to set up situations were each child, in turn, could shine. We spent a lot of time talking about how each person has his/her strengths and how David’s is usually thinking up clever plot lines but that he needs time to think about it. After they got used to it, the other kids were able to work him in using that as a handle. It raised his esteem when he saw the others putting on his play ideas.
We also have the coolest swing set in the neighborhood. Others can use it but only if everyone is included in the play.
Again, only band-aids on the problem….
Barb
Social Dialog....
I would suggest that you use a two faceted approach. First continue with her pragmatics and social training that you are currently using, then I would also approach the peers to try and get them to buy in with her issues. I would approach the teacher and suggest that she implement a program called The Sixth Sense. It is available thru Carol Gray (graycenter.org) and or Future Horizons (futurehorizons~autism.com). The brief module explains to the peers, without the child present, about social skills. It is an awesome module and can be done in two to three hours. Once the children realize that lacking social skills is equivalent to a learning disability then the children are more empathtic and can assist your child in social skills.
Good luck.
Re: Social Dialog....
Thanks for your comments and ideas. I’ll follow up as suggested. The challenge I see often is that she can not process speech, body language and content in a way that is proactive or intuitive. She is often just using very basic comments and very delibert statements. Not much fun and not too cool for peers at age 11…but easy to be with if you like quiet as an adult. The same problems show up in group events like sports when real time responses are needed to be successful.
I have had her in friendship group training and she has had SPL drills on some related items…but she can not seem to accellerate it all into live social situations. When she does try…she is so eager and interested to please…it turns off other kids. She is often too nice or too interested.
What a mess…socializing is supposed to be fun and relaxing…as well as help you blend in.
I have not found any formal programs addressing the topic and no real pre/post testing data to show what works and what doesn’t.
Re: Social Dialog....
I just wanted to say that middle school is the worst for girls. They are catty and intolerant of differences. The social skill expectations are greater than what you require as an adult. I must say that even now it was the worst time of my life. High school is much better. She hopefully will find a small group of friends.
Beth
Your daughter would really benefit from therapy with an SLP to teach her pragmaticskills, ways to deal with her peers socially. She can arrange for her to have therpay isn a group setting as well. I would look into this if you haven’t already.