Psychologist ?

I’ve changed medical doctors when I didn’t feel comfortable with the either the doctor, the office staff, or even the way they handled insurance. The psychologist is working for you. You should be happy and comfortable with that individual. If you aren’t happy, by a all means, change.

Good luck,

Kay

We used a psychologist from OSU while we were waiting to get word on whether we’d be able to get our son in to see one of the two pediatric neuropsychologists in Central Ohio for evaluation last summer. Anyway, the OSU guy was waaayyyyy weird. I mean, total weirdo. He kept asking us about Kevin wetting the bed (at nine, Kevin hadn’t had a bed wetting incident since he was about three, so this guy’s obsession and apparent effort to make us “admit” to Kevin’s bedwetting was very strange, given that Kevin has never had any toileting problems or other problems indicative of any antisocial issues). It took us about four visits to figure it all out, but once we did, man, we made tracks.

I kept calling the neuropsychologist’s office that we wanted to evaluate our son (his waiting list was about a year long) and literally kept begging. Finally, a cancellation! We were there in a heartbeat and got the whole thing figured out (well, as much as anybody can).

Believe me, no offense intended, but many psychologists are strange. I have had an incident myself as an adult with a Ph.D’d therapist that went over the line, into the world of the inappropriate. When I filed a complaint with our state’s Board of Psychology, I learned through the investigator there that my experience was, unfortunately, not unusual. Don’t be afraid to follow your gut and don’t be overly impressed by “credentials” - that’s my advice for what it’s worth.

JAO

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Well, there is a certain school psychologist I personally can’t stand and won’t let near my dd. I found her offensive b/c her questions always led back to what were we possibly doing wrong w/ dd on the homefront.

If you don’t like the pscyh, definitely change. Does son like the psych (I would imagine not if he is refusing to talk?)?

Regarding doctor/patient confidentiality - I somewhat agree with not violating that. BUT, I would want topline verbal reports or some indication clinically speaking of what my child’s problems/issues are and how the pscyh was addressing them. I would think there is some sort of obligation there professional to parent/guardian.

I agree that if you don’t have a good rapport with the psychologist you should bail out ASAP and find someone else. My partner and I recently did that for our son. The psychologist should be giving you support too and helping you help your son.

Re: confidentiality. To give this psychologist the benefit of the doubt, do you think your son misunderstood and maybe the psych. was trying to tell your son that he would not breech anything confidential that your son told him?

If he told your son NOT to tell you what they talked about, that is weird. If he told him that your son could decide for himself what he wanted or didn’t want to talk about that would be okay.

Good luck!

Same exact experience with the school psych. She is weird. She has this flat affect and monotone voice. She tried to turn the tables when I complained that the teacher was not a good fit for my son. It had to be something we were doing at home.

She brought my son in for questioning and told me that my son said he had no problem with the teacher. Well of course he wasn’t going to admit this to the scary lady with the monotone voice who looked like her face my crack if she actually did smile.

I finally pulled away and share nothing with them.

She has her own issues and should not be dealing with children.

I agree with others about the confidentiality thing, your child may not be understanding when the psych. explains that what your child talks about is private and he (the psych) won’t share everything with parents without the child’s permission. Most younger kids are perfectly willing for me to discuss things with their parents, but I always ask first— it’s an ethics thing, even if it is a child. Of course there are exceptions where information must be shared, too. As for how you are feeling, what about coming right out and saying it? As in, “when (child) didn’t want to talk last week I felt as if you were blaming us…” “how do you think we should have handled that?” “I’m concerned that (child) says he’s not to talk about your sessions…” Communication is key, but it is a 2 way street. Just because he’s the professional doesn’t mean you have to accept what he does and says without question. If, after asking questions, you still feel uncomfortable— of course find someone else!

Thanks for all those responses ! Good to know I’m not the only one that has to deal with this. Something about this psychologist is creepy and I sense our child feels it. We had a dental appt today & he said he didnt want to go back but would if we wanted him to. I cant even say that I’m conflicted about this decision. No go on going back. We’ll find someone more comfortable to deal with the social stuff-maybe small groups of kids with similar issues. I have an email into nearby childrens hospital for some feedback on their programs. Wont be 1 on 1 therapy but maybe more comfortable. Thanks

Absolutely, a lot of psychologists are off the wall.

One of the weirdest I met was unfortunately one of the first, when I was fifteen and there supposedly to get help with stress and family relations. (a) He insisted on having my mother in the room, a very bad move for a teenager who needs to talk confidentially, especially when the problem is the relationship with mother. (b) I was wearing a pink frilly blouse, one of the most girlish things I have ever owned (I am very big-boned and tend to active hobbies) but he took issue with the fact that I was wearing jeans — it was a Saturday and this was the sixties, not the twenties!— and literally spent the whole fifty minutes yelling at me that I was becoming a lesbian. I was brought up very old-fashioned and barely knew about straight sex, much less anything else, besides the fact that he was at least thirty years out of date. And this was in front of my mother. Luckily, although we bug each other, she is smart and she did tell me he was an idiot; otherwise the damage could bave been even worse.
This had a very negative effect on me for the rest of my life, making me even less sure about who I was when I most needed support, pushing me to act out and prove to myself and others that I am straight, adding all sorts of layers to the stress, and making me very very antsy around psychiatrists/psychologists.

The school psychologist who was supposed to test my daughter for giftedness lied and broke the law and all professional codes of conduct. I specifically wrote on the referral form that I was requesting testing for academc level only. He *whited out* this specific request and did his own preferred Freudian counselling, decided she was “too attached to her mother”, and advised the school to do everything they could to break the relationship between us. This made for a lovely time for a couple of years and caused problems that affect us to this day.

The counsellor who was supposed to be doing couples counselling with me and my ex (ex because the counselling did not work) did not react when he crossed out my words on a mutual survey we were supposed to be doing; her partner didn’t understand what was wrong with him spending every waking hour that he was at home playing computer Risk, and repeated one of his most hurtful and life-destroying comments to me as if it were a fact of common knowledge.

I generally avoid questions about psychologists because, yes, I am antsy about them.
After many years and many bizarre experiences, I have come to the conclusion that I am a square peg and that these people have dedicated their lives to getting people adjusted to being hammered into round holes, so even the best of them are working at cross-purposes with me; they want me to be a different person than I am, and I want a real life and not more failures at playing pretend, and never the twain shall meet. And the worst are an awful lot crazier than I am.

Yes, run like heck away from that one. And before you sent the child to speak to another psychologist, interview him for a while yourself and make sure you and he have the same goals.

One small caveat: it is OK for the child to have some things confidential with the psychologist. This is kind of the point; the child can talk about very very private feelings, including family conflicts, and know that the psychologist can be trusted not to tell all the secrets in public. You and the psychologist need to set guidelines on what is or is not confidential; anything relating to safety such as suicidal or self-injuring thoughts, for example, needs to be shared with parents; and school issues need to be discussed with you and/or the school.

Late yesterday we told the psychologist that we would no longer be requiring their services. Going to try for a more comfortable fit. Even put this in writing, cancelling appointments by date. He was not happy but seemed to let it go even said he’s heard that line before.

Now theres a message on my machine from this person saying they just called my childs teacher and had a long talk? This is not a school psychologist-our money, private insurance. He requested we call him back immediately to discuss todays conversation with the teacher. Frankly I dont know what to do with this person. After hearing his voice my first thought was crank call, after listening to the message a few times my second thought went to restraining order.

He was uncomfortably weird before but this is entering a new dimension of strange. Help!

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I would be outraged and in major high alert.

You “fired” him yesterday and today, whether you were still a “client” or not he called the school without your knowledge and agreement? Unbelievable.

That scares me - so if you are looking for a reality check - you shouldn’t be second-guessing yourself.

I’m a bit devious so I would call him back and listen to everything he had to say about the teacher conversation. Take notes, listen, let him do the talking and don’t react even if really really tempted. When you get the sense that he is done, make it clear in no uncertain firm terms that you want no further contact between him and you/your son and….

Without sounding like the hysterical mom, escalate the following threats as necessary - not only are you reporting him to the insurance company, but whatever state medical board applies and potentially legal action too. He is also never to contact your son’s school again. I’d follow-up with a faxed very short letter (saving the fax receipt) stating “as discussed services no longer required as of yesterday, no further contact with son’s school like today’s contact which was done without my knowledge or consent”. Careful how you conduct yourself b/c you don’t want any actions or statements in writing that could be misconstrued and turned around on you or your son in the future.

Put a call into the teacher, LISTEN to her recount of the conversation and briefly but firmly explain the pschychologist was dismissed, he contacted her w/o your knowledge and in the future please only discuss your son with non-school “professionals” that you will alert her in advance in writing.

I’d be reticent about a note to the school on this, should they use it against you in the future (“Dear Principal X, Please note I fired my son’s crazy psychologist” can sound as wierd as this situation). But if if it becomes apparent during these conversations that you should, I wouldn’t then hesitate.

Let us know!

Call the teacher and explain your discomfort with this. Explain that you had cut off ties with this person because you were uncomfortable with much of what he said and that you would like the teacher to disregard anything he said.

You do not need to explain anything to the psycho psych. Calmly request that he not discuss your child with anyone ever again. Then let it go. It sounds like he is being manipulative to try to continue a relationship that no longer exists.

Just stay away.

Kris: RUN. Then, when you are far away, call the board that licenses this person and report him. Send a letter to him, copying that licencing board telling him that his conduct took place without your permission, and that you are considering legal action. Then consider it!

That psychs tend to be weird is a given — that is not new. But this one is OUT OF LINE!

Just my opinion — but I’d be freaking and thanking god that my son’s godparents (and legal guardians should hubby and I meet an early demise) are lawyers!

The (excellent) sexual abuse program in our school teaches children to listen to those feelings — not just about sex, but about anyone who gives our tummies those ‘unsafe’ feelings…seems to me you and your kid have right-on intuition.

I’d also (maybe) call teacher and try to get info. Smells like this guy makes a fair bit of his practice from the schools, and has the power-trip ego style…BAD fit for an LD parent and kid!

BEST to you and your little guy — the right person is out there. I’ve had one GREAT counselling experience — so go with your gut feelings after an indepth meeting, as others suggested.

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Really good advice from ‘devious d’! I LOVE IT! (I’m LD in devious. unfortunately, which is a handicap as an LD mom!) By the way, the lag in posts does not seem to be happening — I didn’t ‘register’ either as I can’t figure out how to do it…LD in that too!

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I agree, devious d figured it all out.

I have to save that one and use that technique when I deal with the school.

out of curiosity:
Did the psychologist and the teacher had your permission to talk to each other?

Make sure there is no paperwork at school that allows the school to talk to the psychologist.-I had to sign a paper for the school to be contact from my outside tutor and for them to give info to the tutor- I would think that that is pretty standard procedure .I would think the teacher would not have been able to talk with him unless that teacher had that paperwork.

Both to cover your own back, and to help other parents along the way, you need to put a brake on this guy. Write a tactful but direct letter to the state licensing board, malpractice office, ombudsman’s office, the school board, and the insurance company, and anyone else you can think of, that he broke confidentiality rules, as well as ignoring a specific parental directive concerning an underage patient. Request answers in writing. Also write to the psych and tell him that you plan to hire a lawyer (or give the name of your lawyer if you already have one) and tell him in no uncertain terms that any further interference will be a cause for legal action for malpractice.

Even if you did sign something at some point stating that the psych and school personnel could communicate, you can rescind it in writing at any time. Make sure you’ve got that base covered, and if you do, report this guy to your state’s Board of Psychology. Be prepared though, if you choose to go farther and actually persue sanctions against him. It took me two years to get a disposition by our state’s board on what was a very obvious breech of both the law and universally acceptable conduct by my psycho psych. Be aware that the board is made up of psychologists, and they tend to cover each other’s butts, if they possibly can. It’s really unbelievable. Thank goodness the board’s investigator was on my side. If she hadn’t kept pushing it, I’d probably still be waiting.

Good luck!

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I wanted to thank everyone for all the advice & experiences shared. I actually took notes! Hopefully we can put this experience behind us soon. I was wondering if anyone here requested a copy of their childs medical record from their psychologist & if so how is that done? Thanks

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I used to work in a mental health clinic. If a parent wanted records, they were asked to put the request in writing. I don’t know if it’s the same in all places.

I’ve been thinking a lot about your experience. Unfortunately, many people, including myself, have had negative therapeutic experiences.

I once witnessed a patient die in a medical doctor’s office. The doctor had poor judgement and poor emergency procedures. This experience did not keep me from going to doctors, but made me more careful in evaluating who to trust to provide me with medical care.

I truly believe that children can be helped by therapists who are caring, supportive, and who have good skills. The ability to form a good working alliance with children’s parents is a skill needed for effective treatment to take place.

If, at some point, it is in your child’s best interest to receive psychotherapy, I hope you will be able to consider the possibility of someone with whom a good working relationship can be established.

I have a friend who had a very negative therapy experience when she was a teenager. She thus avoided therapy until she was in her fifties. Fortunately, when she did make the decision to try again, she had a very positive experience. Her life has literally been turned around.

Whatever you decide in the future, I wish you and your child well.

Thanks. We still feel therapy is a good idea, however we need someone more comfortable to handle it. I’m going to use this down time to interview & look for different approaches to social therapies for really shy children too. Hey it could be a good thing that we’re no longer trusting everyone as qualified based on a piece of paper. Eyes wide open now. May take some time but we’ll find someone in sync. Thanks for the good wishes!

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Interesting you talk about extreme shyness. It runs in our family. My daughter was always very very reserved in starting a new class or activity. Since I moved frequently, this happened even more often. Every single time, the teacher or whoever would contact me and say that she was not joining in the group, and I would say to just wait and give her time. Then every time, a couple of months later, the teacher would tell me how wonderful it was that she had “learned” to interact better. Actually, she is a very social person, it is just her preference to be extremely private about her own feelings and to understand a new situation before diving in. For myself I still suffer from shyness but have learned to become extroverted, a weird mix but oh well. I still have the problem of being invisible — I have a habit, learned young, of standing and sitting very quietly, and it is apparently easy to overlook me, something odd considering my size and loudness — and regularly in stores, classes, whatever, I have to point out that yes, it *is* my turn, thank you. When my daughter was young I had to run interference for her now and then if she was being pushed out of her fair place, but now she has learned to do it for herself. It used to embarrass her when I played dragon lady, but then she started to thank me and even can sometimes be a little pushy, although she usually does very well by being a lovely person with a dazzling smile and still very very quiet in public..
Anyway, as far as your child, I would say that yes, you should take action if the shyness is really interfering woth her ability to enjoy life, but I would let her be herself if it is just that she is not exactly like all the other kids.

Everythings in writing, talked to the psychologist, the teacher. The teacher & I agree the psychologist is getting weird. He called our home twice today saying I need to call and re-cancel appointments with him personally, not his office or in writing. Left a different telephone number from his office, not sure what number that is, may have my husband call him or his boss. I’m seriously considering a restraining order but dont know whats entailed. Help!

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That does sound weird. The psycho psych I had a problem with once told me when I attempted to cut off contact with him (I had realized he was a weirdo and had found a same-gender LSW with whom I was much more comfortable to continue my therapy) that if I did terminate my therapy with him, he had the power to call “the authorities” and tell them that I was a danger to myself (I had never had suicidal ideations). I asked him if that wouldn’t be a problem for him, given that nowhere in my patient record should it state that I was ever suicidal, and he replied, “Patient information can be recorded retroactively”. Huh? Anyway, I told my new therapist about it, and she’s the one who encouraged me to file a complaint with the State of Ohio Board of Psychology, which I did. He didn’t bother me after I told him I was planning to do that.

I would put in writing to this guy to “buzz off”, and if he continues to harrass or phone you, call your state’s board overseeing psychologists.

Good Luck!
JAO

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I’d suggest calling the regulating agency (either state licensing or the American Psychological Association) and asking them what you should do. If you’ve told him that you’re ending treatment, his behavior sounds totally inappropriate. (To contact you to reconsider might be appropriate under certain circumstances, but what he’s doing certainly does seem very strange.)

I personally wouldn’t want continued contact with him. I don’t think I’d return his call.

My concern is what will happen if you’re billed for sessions that you don’t keep. Do you have proof that he received a letter stating that services were being terminated?

In speaking with the regulating agency, ask what you can do so that you’re not billed after terminating with him.

File complaints? It sounds way too weird for my liking.

Thats what is so weird. When we spoke last week he acknowledged the fax I sent cancelling each future appointment by date. Now he is calling acting like it didnt happen. I confirmed with the office staff today that our appointments were canceled & they used the same fax I sent over terminating services. The psychologist gave them the fax. The only person that seems to be in denial is the psychologist. I am going to contact the state board & see whats appropriate in this situation. Thanks!

This is only my second time to this site. I am a 40 year old who has been diagnosed with both ADHD and LD. I have my MSW and I have been working as a child and adolescent therapist for 13 years. If you feel uncomfortable with your child’s therapist you may want to schedule an appt. for just you (and significant other, wife, etc) to discuss this and confront him/her about your concerns. If you still don’t feel comfortable I recommend you change therapists. Also, there have been many times my clients have not felt like talking and I have not forced the issue. You are right, it’s not a big deal. I think you handled the situation well by leaving and not making a fuss!

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It sounds like he’s the one making the fuss, not Kris. What’s up with that?

jao

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Unfortunately phd is still fussing.

Another call today on the machine re-stating I need to talk to him by tomorrow regarding the next appointment or he will cancel it without speaking to us? All appts were canceled in writing last week.

What part of services no longer needed, ALL appointments canceled doesnt this guy get?

I’m going to stop by the local police dept tomorrow to see what they say.

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GOOD, Kris…this is NOT professional behaviour. It’s like he has a short circuit, or something, but why?? I maintain that your original gut instincts were right on…cops should at least be consulted fora reality check and to start a paper trail. If the cause of this weird behaviour is what it appears (psych NEEDS a psych!), the obsessive and inappropriate actions may escalate. Good luck!

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