3rd Grade Son Bit Child & Got Suspended!

: The note of apology is an excellent idea. It helps to smooth ruffled feathers, looks good at school, and is seen as an admission that he shouldn’t have done this.Your son has ADHD and thus has trouble controlling his behavior. Nevertheless, it’s important for him to be helped to understand how important it is that he try to control himself. And that sometimes are more important than others. When he feels the urge to bite another child, for whatever reason, that is a time, he should know, that it’s very, very important to control himself and not do it.Biting another child, I would tell him, is not like running in the house and breaking Mommy’s vase. It’s serious. People get very upset about things like this. The school is so upset that they have told him he may not come there for two whole days. That’s a sign of how upset they are that this happened. And that the other child did something to him, doesn’t matter. (It doesn’t) When we bite another child in school, we will be seen as being in the wrong.After I told him all that, I would have the house mood be very solemn for two days. I would direct him to quiet activites. I would tell him that, if everything had gone as it should, he wouldn’t even be home now. He’d be in school so he needs to do the kinds of things he does in school like reading or building with blocks. No tv, no video games, no going outside to play while school is in session. If you have time, you could do things with him but I’d make the mood serious but not scary stern. On the afternoon of the second day, I’d take him out walking in the park and tell him while you’re always happy to spend time with him, you’re not happy with how this time came to be. And although you’re always glad to see him, you’re not glad to have seen him this way.The loss of his perfect attendance record is a consequence of what he did. The “good teacher” won’t always be around. We don’t not bite people because of the good teacher, we don’t bite other children because biting other children is the wrong thing to do. Period. Tell him he’s lucky he only lost his perfect attendance record because when we do things without thinking and without controlling ourselves, we can lose more than our perfect attendance records.Good luck.in the wrongHow should I handle this? Principal just called to say my adhd/gifted
: son has 2 days of suspension because he bit a kid right before
: they got on the bus this afternoon. Apparently my son was at the
: computer in the classroom and this child messed with the mouse. My
: son has been excited about working toward a high score on the
: computer game lately, and upset that the kids called him dummy and
: said he couldn’t win the game, so they have been distracting him
: and teasing him when he’s working at the computer. They’ve had a
: substitute all week, which is bad because his regular teacher is
: GREAT with our situation, rewarding good behavior, redirecting him
: and giving him special projects when he breezes through his
: assignments. Prin said he didn’t cause bleeding but he did break
: the skin (is that possible?) and policy states 3 day suspension
: but he’s only going to do 2. I told him that at this time of the
: day, he’s about had it because he gets another 1/2 pill when he
: gets off the schoolbus.: This is the same prin I’ve posted about before. We have the worst
: problems with him sitting the adhd kids at the “trouble
: table” at lunchtime because he wants them to bother each
: other and not the good kids. And he knows NOTHING about adhd. He
: just wants to punish, punish, punish. So here I am, standing up to
: him all the time, and now he has the chance to call and let me
: know my kid bit someone. Yay.: My son hasn’t acted like this for a LONG time. We had trouble like
: this back in daycare, when I first suspected something was wrong.
: But we’ve been under control for several years now.: How should I handle this? Should he be “grounded” while
: he’s home? If I let him act like it’s a vacation from school,
: he’ll just think it’s playtime and no big deal that he’s home.
: Except that this blows his “perfect attendance” record
: for the year, and I’m sure that will make him mad. Should I have
: him write a note of apology to the other kid and parents?: Well, he should be home any minute. I would really appreciate any
: ideas on what I should say to him and how this should be handled.: Thanks! Jill

: Your son has ADHD and thus has trouble controlling his behavior.
: Nevertheless, it’s important for him to be helped to understand
: how important it is that he try to control himself. And that
: sometimes are more important than others. When he feels the urge
: to bite another child, for whatever reason, that is a time, he
: should know, that it’s very, very important to control himself and
: not do it.: Biting another child, I would tell him, is not like running in the
: house and breaking Mommy’s vase. It’s serious. People get very
: upset about things like this. The school is so upset that they
: have told him he may not come there for two whole days. That’s a
: sign of how upset they are that this happened. And that the other
: child did something to him, doesn’t matter. (It doesn’t) When we
: bite another child in school, we will be seen as being in the
: wrong.: After I told him all that, I would have the house mood be very solemn
: for two days. I would direct him to quiet activites. I would tell
: him that, if everything had gone as it should, he wouldn’t even be
: home now. He’d be in school so he needs to do the kinds of things
: he does in school like reading or building with blocks. No tv, no
: video games, no going outside to play while school is in session.
: If you have time, you could do things with him but I’d make the
: mood serious but not scary stern. On the afternoon of the second
: day, I’d take him out walking in the park and tell him while
: you’re always happy to spend time with him, you’re not happy with
: how this time came to be. And although you’re always glad to see
: him, you’re not glad to have seen him this way.: The loss of his perfect attendance record is a consequence of what he
: did. The “good teacher” won’t always be around. We don’t
: not bite people because of the good teacher, we don’t bite other
: children because biting other children is the wrong thing to do.
: Period. Tell him he’s lucky he only lost his perfect attendance
: record because when we do things without thinking and without
: controlling ourselves, we can lose more than our perfect
: attendance records.: Good luck.: in the wrongHow should I handle this? Principal just called to say my
: adhd/gifted

tHIS HAS JUST RECENTLY HAPPENED TO ME AND MY SON ONLY HE BIT THE TEACHER AND BROKE THE SKIN SHE HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL (UGH) THE SHERIFFS DEPT CALLED AND I HAD TO TRALK TO THEM AND THIS WILL BE ON RECORD! (OHMY) wITHIN THE LAST 2 MONTHS HE HAS BEEN SENT HOME FROM SCHOOL 3 DIFFERENT DAYS! HE WAS ON ADDERALL CLONODINE AND ZOLOFT…I TOOK HIM OFF THE ZOLOFT AND HE SEEMS TO BE DOING MUCH BETTER IN SOME WAYS HOWEVER I THINK HE NEEDS A COMPLETE CHANGE OF MEDS..ANYHOW MAYBE THE MEDS ARE NOT WORKING AS THEY SHOULD ANY MORE MAYBE HE NEEDS SOMETHING DIFFERENT…I KNOW WHEN MY SONS MEDS ARE NOT WORKING WELL ANYMORE HE GETS VERY AGRESSIVE TOWARDS OTHERS…JUST A THOUGHT AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!

PASSWORD>aa.DTL0Jd9yjMFirst of all, if your son is classified (you didn’t say), he cannot just be suspended. A meeting has to be called to determine if his action was a result of his disability.That said, and I say this in all kindness, it seems you are more concerned about how much the principal/substitute teacher are wrong than the severity of your son’s actions. Putting myself in the position of parent of the child who was bitten, I would be livid and I would probably demand a blood test (you never know what an individual may be carrying).Your son has adhd with impulsivity and it is understandable but even with that as a given, he needs to be taught some limits. For example, using words (not curse words), hitting a desk (not a person), calling for a nearby adult, stamping his feet, etc. Even with medication, therapy is always a good idea in helping your son to deal with the dichotomy of his adhd and giftedness. He is most likely a very frustrated and angry young man.He needs to own his actions. If he hears you blame the principal, blame the teacher, etc. he infers that this wasn’t really, completely his fault. And maybe his frustration wasn’t completely his fault but his reaction to it was way over the top. He messes up his perfect attendance?? So what? He bit someone!!! He needs tools to handle his feelings, he doesn’t need excuses for it. He really should be dealing with this in a therapeutic environment. You are really lucky that the other parent didn’t involve the police.: How should I handle this? Principal just called to say my adhd/gifted
: son has 2 days of suspension because he bit a kid right before
: they got on the bus this afternoon. Apparently my son was at the
: computer in the classroom and this child messed with the mouse. My
: son has been excited about working toward a high score on the
: computer game lately, and upset that the kids called him dummy and
: said he couldn’t win the game, so they have been distracting him
: and teasing him when he’s working at the computer. They’ve had a
: substitute all week, which is bad because his regular teacher is
: GREAT with our situation, rewarding good behavior, redirecting him
: and giving him special projects when he breezes through his
: assignments. Prin said he didn’t cause bleeding but he did break
: the skin (is that possible?) and policy states 3 day suspension
: but he’s only going to do 2. I told him that at this time of the
: day, he’s about had it because he gets another 1/2 pill when he
: gets off the schoolbus.: This is the same prin I’ve posted about before. We have the worst
: problems with him sitting the adhd kids at the “trouble
: table” at lunchtime because he wants them to bother each
: other and not the good kids. And he knows NOTHING about adhd. He
: just wants to punish, punish, punish. So here I am, standing up to
: him all the time, and now he has the chance to call and let me
: know my kid bit someone. Yay.: My son hasn’t acted like this for a LONG time. We had trouble like
: this back in daycare, when I first suspected something was wrong.
: But we’ve been under control for several years now.: How should I handle this? Should he be “grounded” while
: he’s home? If I let him act like it’s a vacation from school,
: he’ll just think it’s playtime and no big deal that he’s home.
: Except that this blows his “perfect attendance” record
: for the year, and I’m sure that will make him mad. Should I have
: him write a note of apology to the other kid and parents?: Well, he should be home any minute. I would really appreciate any
: ideas on what I should say to him and how this should be handled.: Thanks! Jill

You are upset, but I’ll bet the mother of the injured child is even more upset! A third grader, ADHD or not, has no excuse for biting another child. It is indefensible. If the parent decided to take you to court, I’m not sure how the ADHD defense would stand up. Set aside your anger and work with the school on this one. Your son absolutely must understand that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated under any circumstances. If he doesn’t get the message now that he cannot harm other people, you could be setting yourselves up for some major issues down the road. I would add that his therapist needs to know about this. Did your son bite the child while they were at the computer, or did he wait and do it while they were getting on the bus? JJ: How should I handle this? Principal just called to say my adhd/gifted
: son has 2 days of suspension because he bit a kid right before
: they got on the bus this afternoon. Apparently my son was at the
: computer in the classroom and this child messed with the mouse. My
: son has been excited about working toward a high score on the
: computer game lately, and upset that the kids called him dummy and
: said he couldn’t win the game, so they have been distracting him
: and teasing him when he’s working at the computer. They’ve had a
: substitute all week, which is bad because his regular teacher is
: GREAT with our situation, rewarding good behavior, redirecting him
: and giving him special projects when he breezes through his
: assignments. Prin said he didn’t cause bleeding but he did break
: the skin (is that possible?) and policy states 3 day suspension
: but he’s only going to do 2. I told him that at this time of the
: day, he’s about had it because he gets another 1/2 pill when he
: gets off the schoolbus.: This is the same prin I’ve posted about before. We have the worst
: problems with him sitting the adhd kids at the “trouble
: table” at lunchtime because he wants them to bother each
: other and not the good kids. And he knows NOTHING about adhd. He
: just wants to punish, punish, punish. So here I am, standing up to
: him all the time, and now he has the chance to call and let me
: know my kid bit someone. Yay.: My son hasn’t acted like this for a LONG time. We had trouble like
: this back in daycare, when I first suspected something was wrong.
: But we’ve been under control for several years now.: How should I handle this? Should he be “grounded” while
: he’s home? If I let him act like it’s a vacation from school,
: he’ll just think it’s playtime and no big deal that he’s home.
: Except that this blows his “perfect attendance” record
: for the year, and I’m sure that will make him mad. Should I have
: him write a note of apology to the other kid and parents?: Well, he should be home any minute. I would really appreciate any
: ideas on what I should say to him and how this should be handled.: Thanks! Jill

: First of all, if your son is classified (you didn’t say), he cannot
: just be suspended. A meeting has to be called to determine if his
: action was a result of his disability.: That said, and I say this in all kindness, it seems you are more
: concerned about how much the principal/substitute teacher are
: wrong than the severity of your son’s actions. He needs to own his actions. If he hears you blame the principal, blame the teacher, etc. he infers that this wasn’t really, completely his fault.TWO really really important points, well said. I wanted to say these same things from my experience. First, if he’s in special ed, you do have discipline rights. And even more important than that, be careful in your words and actions that you don’t make your son a professional “victim”. I don’t mean that in any mean way. I have a grown ss, and did the same thing with him. At the time it was out of pure love, defense, and full understanding of his disabilities. What I didn’t understand till later is that HIS perception of my actions (always defending him and fighting the schools for him) was that he was a “victim” that I would always defend. I finally learned the hard way, the happy medium, making him own his actions, and working with the school in a more discreet manner away from his ears.Good luck, and the best to you and your son, CC

PASSWORD>aaypjoGdHk2QkI really appreciate your validating my post. Sometimes we all post messages and no one responds and you wonder if what you said was accurate or appropriate. We do learn from each others experiences. Thank you.: TWO really really important points, well said. I wanted to say these
: same things from my experience. First, if he’s in special ed, you
: do have discipline rights. And even more important than that, be
: careful in your words and actions that you don’t make your son a
: professional “victim”. I don’t mean that in any mean
: way. I have a grown ss, and did the same thing with him. At the
: time it was out of pure love, defense, and full understanding of
: his disabilities. What I didn’t understand till later is that HIS
: perception of my actions (always defending him and fighting the
: schools for him) was that he was a “victim” that I would
: always defend. I finally learned the hard way, the happy medium,
: making him own his actions, and working with the school in a more
: discreet manner away from his ears.: Good luck, and the best to you and your son, CC