I visited this BB a while back because I was having troubles with my 6 year old. I got really great advise from all of you but everything has been on hold. Originally my son’s school didn’t think he was showing enough symptoms to think he had a problem and recomended observing him for a while.
Well, last week we had a confrence and the school recomends holding him back next year to start first grade over and today I got a call saying that the phsycologist has been observing him in the class and believes now he has a problem. He is requesting permission to test him and even said if the test end up showing an attention disorder he will probably recomend testing him on “drugs” for 30 days to see if there is any progress in his behavoir.
Well, I have thought deep down for a while my son had something going on in his little mind and body that none of us understood. I truly belived it was possibly a learning disability or even ADD. No one wanted to listen. I kept being told that the fact that I remarried and he was depressed. Or I wasn’t strict enough, or I was too strict and had to let go. That I needed to put him in sports for some kind of control. I have heard every excuse you can think of and was starting to believe some of them. But deep down I knew none of these things were true.
My son if a very good child. He isn’t violent. He doesnt’ misbehave in a mishcheivous manner. He doesn’t treat others with disrespect. He doesn’t yell or talk back. He doestn’ have alot of friends but all the children like him alot. He just doesn’t seem to care to spend too much time with just one child. He likes playing with differant children every day. He does though have a problem sitting still. He can’t focus on anything but his crafts or t.v. for more than 10 minutes. He understands and read o.k., but can’t understand anything at all in the class room. He drifts off into “another world” when he gets board or doesn’t understand well enough. AFter a few minutes he just can’t control himself or his mind and just starts acting really “hyper”. A short story turns into a long conversation with so many details and twist that my mind can’t even keep up with him. It is almost like his imagination is so wild and strong that he can’t even keep up with himself sometimes. Even simple directions he gets the first part right but can’t understand all of them. He can’t seem to stop talking either. No matter how inappropiate or how much I bribe, reward, punish, talk to or anything else I do he doesn’t care. He doesn’t respond to either negative or postitive stimulants. But he is very loving, caring and compashinate. He loves to be touched like tickling his feet or combing his hair. He loves giving big hugs or picking me flowers. HE is very nice to the neighbor hood children and yo very rarely see him do anything mean to any kids. He even cries if we kill ants.
I am so frustrated yet I am scared of the out come of the testing. The school now thinks there is a definate problem and even thinks drugs may be needed. I am just scared if it being something he may need to deal with for the rest of his life. This is so hard. What can I do to help him. Have I done anything wrong?
Any suggestions would be great.
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
The symptom of inattention is associated with a number of known neurological conditions such as ADHD - Inattentive and other types - and also some kinds of epilepsies like absence/petit mal.
Occasionally a small number of those with ADHD or absence/petit mal will respond strikingly well to the right medicine (an anti-ADHD med or an anti-epilepsy med). Some might see some minor improvements. In some cases, the medicines do not work well or work at all.
With the mildest types, a choice can be to be medicine-free.
The symptom of being a space cadet/drifting into another world can be a symptom of ADHD or absence/petit mal/other type of epilepsy; in some cases it can be normal behavior for a bright and gifted child.
CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder) is a symptom seen in some children and adults with ADHD (not all).
Some very conservative physicians tend towards developing a good, detailed, and refined diagnosis over time but they are reluctant to prescribe powerful medicines to very young children. They sometimes choose to monitor the child over time waiting until the child is a little older before engaging a short-term trial of medicine.
Regarding the very mildest known treatments which can help a very small subpopulation of those with some types of ADHD (not all), a whole foods, additive-free nutrition approach can help a handful of children who are not really ADHD but are extremely chemically sensitive to a small number of food additives - taking away the food additives (generally the artificial colors like red, green, yellow, and blue) takes away the chemicals to which they react; other children with classic ADHD can respond to the mildest alerting agent/stimulant known - coffee - caffeine compounds - which is known to work in a few cases better than Ritalin. Sources: Domeena C. Renshaw, M.D., Anita Uhl Brothers, M.D.
The odds of a whole foods, additive-free nutrition approach and/or coffee - caffeine compounds - working is quite, quite small. For the vast majority of those with ADHD, medicines like Ritalin/other treatments work better.
In some cases, children gradually realize that they will have to work a little harder and longer to help overcome some of the neurological challenges they have which other children blessed with the gift of perfect health do not face.
There are no easy answers in all cases.
That’s my opinion.
Best wishes.
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
Note also that people can have CAPD (auditory processing disorder) without ADD/ADHD — the behaviors can appear the same. Schools/educators are far less familiar with CAPD - speech and hearing folks can evaluate for it. Don’t count on school system paying for it if they’ve not heard of it. You can read up on CAPD on this web site in the LD in depth section under processing deficits.
Medication can certainly help a lot of kids - it helps mine. But it is not a decision to be made lightly, should be made in consultation with a pediatrician or psychiatrist, not just because the school thinks it would be a good idea. It is your decision not the schools.
You should also know your rights when it comes to school system testing your kids - some do a good job, and other schools have pretty incompetent folks in them. This web site can also get you info on that.
Your little boy sounds delightful - your faith in his personality and abilities will carry you both a long way on this journey of “figuring out what’s going on and what to do about it.” Good luck.
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
I agree with amyf - don’t beat yourself up! You have been keeping a watchful eye on your son all this time and you haven’t dropped the ball. Let the school do the testing. (In my school district I had to beg to get an LD evaluation for TWO YEARS and even then I only got it because a teacher was leaving and she told me the “magic words.”) So be glad they want to test. You don’t have to agree with any results they give you, and they can’t force you to medicate your child. But medication can be a good thing for some children. For ours it made a world of difference and our son’s self-esteem is only now beginning on a road to recovery (in 6th grade) because he is now able to concentrate in school. If I could do it all over again, I’d like to recover the years he went untested so his self-esteem hadn’t been taken down so low in the first place. I kick myself for it now. Hang in there!
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
It might help to first understand that everyone’s attention span improves with age. Very few things present in childhood need be thought of as permanent in a person’s life.
From what you say it sounds as if your son might have what’s now thought of as attentional issues of inattentiveness.However repetitive that may sound, it’s a very different presentation that the child who’s constantly on the move and shouts out interrupting others. Your son drifts off and so is not tuned in the teacher’s voice and instructions.
Medication is sometimes helpful with this issue but that is your decision to make, not the psychologist’s. Moving your son to a seat in the front of the classroom can also sometimes be helpful. If, in fact, your son does have this kind of attention span it does not mean that his adult life will be affected by it nor does it mean you’ve done something wrong. People are born each very unique from the other. We all have different kinds of attention spans. Some people are very focused, sometimes compulsively so, others drift in and out of attention. Some people are easily bored, others not so. Some sit still and watch tv for hours, others need to be outdoors taking a walk.
In the ideal world, a school classroom would be able to work with all these different kinds of attention spans but sadly we don’t live in that ideal world yet. It is commendable that your son’s school takes this kind of notice of him. Other schools might be content to allow this quiet child to simply drift away.
Consider all the options. Talk to your son’s doctor. Do a search on the web to gain information about attentional issues. Observe him in the classroom yourself one day to see what you see and figure out what you think he might need to help him be and feel successful in school.
Good luck.
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
My Child wad just diagnosed with add/ld yesterday. While it has been a very hard time for our family, we now have an explanation for his sometimes distressing behavior. What you described concerning your sons behavior mirrors my son. He had repeated PreK (private school) this year and has seem to do much better. But he still is a bit behind the other students at times. He is having difficulty with memory retreaval. He may know something at home and when questioned at school the following day, he has no clue. It has been very fustrating for us as well as for him. I began to notice that his self esteem was beginning to fluctuate and that really began to bother me. I have had to keep reminding myself that he is only 5 and not to pressure him or make him feel like he has done something wrong. We knew that he had issues, but the reality really hit home. Almost like a ton of bricks was dropped on my head. My son seems so bright, but I knew in the back of my head that something was not clicking at the time for him. We have an appointment with our pediatrician this afternoon to discuss medication. The last thing that I want to do to my child is to medicate him, but at this point I feel as though this would be the best thing for him. I think that it might be in you and your sons best interest to have complete testing for everthing and get it all out on the table. Then you can deal with it and move on. I just feel for these children because they must feel so tormented at times. I am confused and devistated but relieved that now we can make the adjustments and begin to deal with the situation at hand.
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
Sondra-I wish my son’s school would be so willing to test my child for ADHD. I’m really having a hard time just getting him assessed. I don’t want my son’s behavior to become worse and yet, I’m having to do a lot of research in order to get him help. Take all the help you can get for your son’s sake. You did nothing wrong. Just love him like you have and remember that everything happens for a reason. God bless.
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
I had to hold back the tears as I read your reply. The frustrations and feelings you have gone through seem as though they are very much my own. I have always known my son is extremely bright and very smart. But since he was very young there has always been that little voice in the back of my head telling me that there is something differant about him. I noticed it first around the other children. What I had seen has “normal” behavior was very extreme compared to every other child around me. All the children I have seen show alot of the same “symptoms’ my son has but it seemed like my son was always one degree higher than every one else.
The hardest part about all of this is the blame. The blame others have placed on me, and the blame I have placed on myself. I have found myself thrown into a state of depression and at times feel guilt because I am so down over the situation. I need to keep my spirits high for my son’s sake but am so tired and sad all the time. I feel like I am always having to defend my child. I am almost at times like a warden and have to keep him under lock and key just so others wont treat him so harshly. I understand and know how my son is but to a stranger they think that it is my fault as a parent. I should control him more. I should disapline. I should show him more attention and love. I should be a better parent. I have even had the teacher tell me that if I didn’t work I could have more time to be a better parent and my child wouldn’t behave the way he does. I almost almost releived that there is a problem. It’s not me. It’s not my son’s fault either. But it is still hard. I don’t know what to expect or how to handle this.
How do I teach him at home to help him at school? How do I help him learn to control himself and his mind? I do help him become a better student? How do I teach myslef to be a better parent and how to handle him? How do I get through all this? How can I stop feeling so depressed and be a better parent. This is my son’s problem and yet it is affecting me so much. I too had alot of problems in shcool and was told I had a learning disability. I don’t want my son to indure the problems and emtional torment that I have suffered. He deserves more. He is a very intelegent child.
THank you for you reply. It’s nice to know I am not alone
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
Bonnie,
We had to use testing resources outside of our school. My son attends a private school and they have a particular person that they work with. She too has another doctor that she works with. The testing that they did works together to find out what was going on. It was very expensive, but worth it. If we had not done this we may have not known the extent of our sons problems. Although I did not want to know everything that they told me I now know what is up and what needs to be done to make my sons life as “normal” as possible. It has opened up many doors for us. He attends a wonderful school and they are going to do every thing that they can to keep him there. At least we know and now we have many options. As hard as it may be to find out that there is somthing different about your child, at least you can move on in the right direction.
Good luck
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
Testing is great, but besides that there’s one thing at home you can do to improve his concentration. Make sure he gets more sleep, at least an hour or two more. The symptoms of insufficient sleep are identical to ADD/HD. Serve your evening meal earlier, and then have quiet play and/or reading to help him doze off. Strictly limit television watching.
After getting the results of the assessment, make sure you have a copy and make copies of it. All teachers over the years should get one with the recommendations of what is good for his learning. It is your responsibility; schools frequently don’t do it. Remember: the only stigma is failure, not the MLD label.
Good Luck,
Batya
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
I have read trough all th ereply, but have anyone ever tell you that your kid may be Gifted and Talented. Because that will explain some of his behaviour problem.
My son was on Ritalin since he was 5 and not until entering 1st grade. The education department did an IQ test and proved that he is Gifted. And now he is 7 and recently being tested for LD and found that he is normal. So my only advice is try a differ approach and you may be supprised what you may find. On the other hand a lot of loving will do the trick. Don’t try to stop him talking he is trying to exploy something unknown to him.
Don’t give up!
Re: Just signed permission to test for ADD
My daughter just completed testing. The two children sound very similiar. She was diagnosed with ADD and a language processing disorder. She has been on Ritalin for 6 weeks and she is doing much better. When I found out the results, I was crushed. I cried every night, but with counseling I came to understand that early intervention is much better. I will probably have her go into the basic classroom and have her mainstreamed later. Just remember that you are doing this for your child’s future. Good luck and I wish you both well.
Sondra, my son was diagnosed with inattentive ADD when he was 6. He was given Ritalin at 5mg 3 times a day and we saw amazing results in just one day. It is not a decision to make lightly whether or not to use medicine and you should look up as much info as you can on the different types used. This website has some info plus links to other sites, it has been a lifesaver(sanity saver?) having this site to go to.The big thing though for you is you did not do anything to cause it if he is found to have ADHD. When my son was diagnosed I grieved, I cried, I wondered if I caused it during pregnancy or if he had been injured at birth(he did have a scraped/bruised forehead from a failed trial of forceps, ended with c-section) and finally after reading about ADD as much as I could I decided not to worry about the past and focus on the now and the future. It isn’t always easy (you can tell by my posts:o) ) and it seems just when you have a handle on things they change. However that is part of life I think, you just have to stay vigilant and trust yourself no matter what some of the so called ‘experts’ might tell you. It wasn’t until my son’s 4th grade eval that finally I felt like my worries had been justified and I was’t crazy or seeing problems that weren’t there. One side effect of Ritalin is supposed to be smaller stature and although my older son is at the small/med range my younger son(also on Ritalin) is at the med/tall range for his age. This is most likely normal since I am only 4’9”and dad is only 5’10. The other side effect is small appetite but my kids eat like horses when they are on the med and don’t eat well when off. So…go figure.All kids are different and respond to different things differently.
I guess my best advice is to not beat yourself up over how your child is doing and just see what you can do to help him succeed. Testing hopefully will help you find out what is wrong and just as important what is not wrong.
Also make sure you are getting a full evaluation from the school, that would include speech and language, educational as well as the add eval.You want to rule things out as well as find things to address. Good luck to you and your son, and come to back to the bb here, all seem welcome and there is lots of good advice and comraderie to be found here. Best wishes!