Missing the bus

Lori,

This is just a shot in the dark, but is there something going on during the bus ride to school that he might be trying to avoid? I have an eighth grade boy myself and I am not sure he would volunteer that kind of information. I’m a believer in the idea that kids behave the way they do for a reason. Usually they do things because either they get something from doing them or they avoid something by doing them. The mystery, of course, is what they are getting or avoiding …

Andrea

Interesting. Is he late for other things? Does he tend to be late? Or is school the only time’s late? And has it always been this way? Has he always been dilly dallying before school in the morning or is that new?

Those answers would help before brainstorming through this.

Dear Andrea and Sara:

Thank you for your replies. This problem of dilly dallying around pretty much spills over into all facets of his life. Consequences and fear of consequences do not seem to change his behavior. I guess that is the part that I don’t get. Any ideas on how to get him motivated?

Is he avoiding something? Good question. I’ll try to pry something out him to see if that’s the case.

Thanks,

Lori

I have a husband like this and he isn’t ADD!!!! My husband always seems to think things will take less time than they do. A friend’s husband has the same issue so I wonder if it is a trait of people always late. My husband often had to walk to school and it obviously didn’t change his behavior!!!

Good luck with your kid. My son is a procrastinator from the minute he is supposed to be out of bed. He always has been and always will as far as I can see. He just about drives me crazy always being 5 or 10 minutes later than the time I gave him to be ready. I handled going to school when he was supposed to take the bus with where it “hurt” (motivated) him the most. If he missed the bus, or needed me to bring something to school after he was there because he forgot it, then mom’s TAXI service came to the rescue. Mom’s taxi charged the same amount that the regular taxi would. (I called and got the price from the taxi company.) The only difference was that he wouldn’t have to wait for the taxi to arrive. If he was late to school, then I let the school handle it. If he earned a detention for being late, then he had to serve it. After a couple of “taxi” rides and detentions, he made sure he got to school on time. The fare for the taxi ride was just a little too high for his comfort. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work with everything. He is now in college. There, they don’t even care if you attend the class or not, so if he arrives a little late, so be it. He is doing well in college and his lateness doesn’t seem to hold him back. I just worry about when he goes out to work at a full-time job. I’ve told him, he better make sure that he doesn’t have to clock in at his job or he will be fired the first week for sure!

I started doing this too!! It worked really well and then my husband didn’t want me to charge him. Now we’re back to the nonsense.

If your husband doesn’t want you to charge him, then have HIM come up with an alternate plan. I figured that if I was being the one inconvenienced, then it was my choice. I was the one that had to put up with the mornings not him. My husband always would tell me, let him learn by letting him walk to school. Of course, he wasn’t there in the mornings to deal with our kid. I was! I refused to let a 11 year old kid walk 2 1/2 miles to school, but I could charge him to drive him if he missed the bus. We also had a problem with him missing the bus after school and me having to come pick him up. We solved that problem by my agreeing to always pick him up, but then he always had some small “extra chore” that he had to do as soon as he got home from school. I figured that if I had to pick him up which I considered a “chore” then he could also have something to do in return that he would consider a “chore”. He wasn’t always real co-operative with the extra chores, but all I did was remind him that if it wasn’t done, then I wouldn’t do my chore (driving) either the next day. Boy, did the chore get done without much more discussion. You might want to try something similar if you end up driving him in the morning. He does a chore the night before, and you drive him the next morning. (if you don’t mind doing it!)