My husband and seven year old daughter have ADD

Both my sons have ADD although they manifest differently. My husband must have ADHD to move at the pace he does and I know I have ADD as well. It’s been interesting.

I can say as my boys have gotten older, they deal with it much better than they did when they were very young. I did have one of my sons on medication for a while and that helped a great deal.

Our lives have been circumscribed by ADD no doubt. We live in a whirlwind of disorganization and restlessness but I’ve found it also has its good moments. We can all keep moving (until we drop) and there’s some value to that.

It helps to have a certain structure in place although structure comes hard to us. We each have places for our important things and that has helped us all with losing things - although we still misplace things fairly often.

It has got to be very hard for you. I had to actually encourage my sons to watch television (!) so they would be still and focused for a while. I had to find things that held their attention and they were not good at entertaining themselves.

Have you gotten in touch with your nearest chapter of C.H.A.D.D.? Do a websearch and you’ll find that and other organizations which have support group meetings for families with ADD.

Good luck.

Hi,
I am in the same place and some days it can be maddening. My son is doing well with alot of intervention. My husband still has alot of trouble and because it was not dealt with early he has not ha dthe same opppurtunitys as (i hope) my son will. You can e-mail me if you want because I may not find this board again.Good Luck

Hi,
I am in the same place and some days it can be maddening. My son is doing well with alot of intervention. My husband still has alot of trouble and because it was not dealt with early he has not ha dthe same opppurtunitys as (i hope) my son will. You can e-mail me if you want because I may not find this board again.Good Luck

Both my sons have add one with H one without.They are both on meds during school, seem most days to be ok w/out them during the summer. I am add w/out H, tried Wellbutrin it did ok for what my son called being agitated(a 12 yr olds words) but not much for focus and follow through. Classically, I have now proctastinated for 2 months about going back to talk to the doc :o) My husband also is add with H, he had no interventions as a kid, was a poor reader (still is to some extent, calls home for spellings of words) however… he is a very successful army officer, working on his master’s with a 4.0 gpa. He felt like he didn’t need meds, the doc was helpful in giving study suggestions to him. I believe it is his energy, and quick decisions(and willingness to own those decisions) that have been a part of his success. Those are things valued by the army, quick thinking and being on your toes. Kind of like Thom Hartmann’s hunter you might say. On the other hand, he can run you over in an argument, usually I give up unless it is actually important.He is also impatient and moody. In addition to being spontaneous and funny. Lots of endearing qualities. He is also known at work as the hamster because he seems to be nocturnal. He will get an idea in the middle of the night sometimes and if he can’t get back to sleep he just goes to work and works on the idea. He has workaholic tendencies too.
My older son who is not H has had difficulty with academics, however with intervention and medicine, he is finally mostly caught up, he is currently going into the 7th grade. He finally made the honor roll in the 6th grade and was on it twice. An amazing fact since he had such a hard time learning to read.My younger son hasn’t had the same problems, he is just very active and talkative.He has been an A B student since he started getting grades.He is going into the 5th grade.He has the annoying habit of trying to help the teacher teach while he/she is teaching :o)
Needless to say, we have interesting days, as far as the boys, some days their add feeds on each other. The oldest is more likely to be irritable and the youngest is irritating so it goes on and on. I have a hard time with time mgt, and follow through so it is sometimes hard to get stuff done or be consistent with the boys. And of course it is summer and we have no structured time so that probly makes it worse. Dad has been on trips lately so there hasn’t been too much of his add in the mix. I firmly believe that his frequent trips in these past 15 yrs are the reason we do well together, if he was home all the time, he would make me nuts, as he can not do leisure.
Well, I have rambled on , I hope I gave you some idea what things are like in a family with multiple adders.Basically never a dull day but we haven’t had the problems that I have read on numerous other bulletin boards.Thankfully I must say!! Best wishes!!!

Just wanted to add one note, this bulletin board is the best I have seen so far, it is mostly positive, people are willing to help out if they can and always willing to give support. A lot of knowledgeable people here. Please don’t hesitate to come here, I wish I had know about this back when my 12 yr old was first diagnosed at age 6. So much I have learned since then.Good luck to your family.

ADD/ADHD is a family issue and not just an issue for the individual because it effects everyone in the family and because MOST of the time, someone else in the family has it as well. My 9 year old son was dx 3 years ago with ADHD, at which time it was also discovered that my husband and my ex husband (my son’s father) did also. In the process of trying to deal with some issues my 9 year old stepdaughter had, we discovered she has NLD and is suspected of having ADD (no H). Prior to that my son was found to have a VPD. Only my 8 year old daughter seems to not have any symptoms, and is in the gifted program at her school.

I discovered that the stress level I had that was driving everyone else batty prior to that was caused by the fact that I was trying to “fix” the problems. I was also working full time. It is a full time job just making sure that everyone else in the family is on-track. It is my job to be the center-to make sure it all runs smoothly but to assign certain things. Everyone gets “gentle”reminders but I do not do what was their job. Procrastination is a way of life for my husband who was not dx until 38 but I am making sure that the kids learn to work with what they have. My solution was to quit full time employment at a job that didn’t fit me and become a substitute teacher for their school district (they even have me specializing in SpEd due to life experience) and am beginning work on my Masters in School Psychology next fall-everyone is being groomed to deal with certain aspects of family life while I am in school so it had to planned very much in advance so that everyone is prepared for it.

My husband has a pocket organizer that beeps when he is supposed to be heading somewhere so that I do not have to remember to call him at work or leave notes with his cereal. My son and stepdaughter carry datebooks around with them to help remember which day is CCD, what day is piano and who has what practice and what weekend they are going to be where so that I do not have to remind them on the way to the bus. I am the one who reminds everyone to sit down on Sunday evening and “organize” themselves based on the FAMILY calendar that I keep but from there it is their responsibility. There are lists posted on the refrigerator of daily chores (including taking medicine) that are expected to be done before anything else. There are post it pads available in dozens of locations in the house to help when things “pop in and pop out” of ADD/ADHD heads.

We have found that organization is what works best for us. Obviously things fall apart and my ADHD son does not deal with that very well at all. But then again neither can I, the overorganized mother who pulls it all together with a mild case of OCD. Everyone has their jobs in any family, things just aren’t as blurred in an ADD/ADHD/LD family.

try being the disorganized one. i have adhd i never seem to be organized.
my mom used to say i’d loose my head if it wasn’t attached. my husband agrees. i fianlly after 11 years got him to take over the checkbook, I can’t tell you how many times i screwed that up. i have no self esteem my 8 year old doesn’t either she is adhd also our therapist thinks our 5 year old is too

try being the disorganized one. i have adhd i never seem to be organized.
my mom used to say i’d loose my head if it wasn’t attached. my husband agrees. i fianlly after 11 years got him to take over the checkbook, I can’t tell you how many times i screwed that up. i have no self esteem my 8 year old doesn’t either she is adhd also our therapist thinks our 5 year old is too

try being the disorganized one. i have adhd i never seem to be organized.
my mom used to say i’d loose my head if it wasn’t attached. my husband agrees. i fianlly after 11 years got him to take over the checkbook, I can’t tell you how many times i screwed that up. i have no self esteem my 8 year old doesn’t either she is adhd also our therapist thinks our 5 year old is too. my poor husband puts up with me i don’t know how some days my life is caos
24/7 i was the mom who did too much girl scouts pta never said no.
i learned how this school year no is the word for me plus the principal and i don’t see eye to eye. she suspended my daughter 3 times from school.
the one good thing that came out of it was our 2nd grade teacher. she was a god send. and guess who else didn’t like her. so unfortunately she left our school. i don’t know what i’m going to do for her this year. all of our 3rd grade teachers like to scream well that just does not work with her. it has neg. responses from her. my 5 year old who our therapist says is adhd is just the opposite. mean spiteful doesn’t care about the consequences. so they work off each other never a dull moment around here plus i’m a stay home mom with no support system at all. in-laws do’nt reaaly spend much time. my mom is deceased, dad well he might as well be. m is whiny sensitive to the point of making me crazy. beca is just the opp. gets into everything on her own,doesn’t care if i’m in the room or not. i’m trying the natural approach no meds for us.
patience which i never seem to have and love well there’s plenty of that.
i know how everyone on this board feels. we were just dx this past year so this is all new to me. but it’s nice to know i’m not alone in how i feel and that other people feel it too. i trust to easy get myself into friendships that are bad for me.
people can be cruel i trust they use that trust to hurt i tell them intimate thoughts just to have them usede against me. so i guess this feels safer. no offense to anyone.
good luck to all

Alice, try not to be so hard on yourself. I finally went to the doc this spring cause I was tired of never remembering to do stuff, never finishing anything, you know all that stuff. I kind of have gone the other way, I don’t tell anyone anything about myself, I have a hard time getting close to folks, I usually end up with one friend I do stuff with but being military, I always have to leave that friend after a couple of yrs(or she leaves). I did a trial of Wellbutrin, it helped with what my 12 yr old called ‘my agitation’, didn’t help with focus, follow through. Predictably I have now procrastinated for 3 mos going back to the doc for a follow up. I know how it feels to have no patience for the kids especially when they are feeding upon each other’s add symptoms, it can get crazy. Since you don’t want to take meds, maybe a homeopathic doc could help with herbs or natural meds. I don’t know how long you have seen the therapist, give it a chance, I really feel how down on yourself you seem, maybe it’s just today, but try not to be so down. Also don’t hang around people who are whiners and negative, it really can be contagious. I am 38 and have always been this way, as I have grown up I am not so self conscious about some of it. I still don’t invite folks over much though because the house is usually a mess :o)

As far as school, I know my kids don’t respond well to screamers(my oldest had one for 3rd grade, a terrible yr, we were the 4th family to try and get our kid out of the class, we weren’t able to). Maybe talk to parents whose kids have been in the classes and see which seems to be the least objectionable. A big thing to help is to volunteer in the classroom, or in school in general.It really makes a difference when the school sees you everyday(or thereabouts) My kids always seemed to get more attention, simply because I was there a lot and always asking how things are, not just seeing the teachers and staff in crisis situations.

I know about saying yes too much, pick one thing a week that you can plan to do and make that your thing. I used to serve cake and koolaid at kid honor receptions(called myself the koolaid lady) and even though it wasn’t much, I was at school and was recognized by the principal so the other teachers saw me too. Also the bookfairs, to help the kids pick out books. It is helpful, doesn’t take a lot of organizational skills, and not so much time either.

I guess I just identified a lot with what you had to say, I hope I helped out some and come back to the board often, you are very welcome here. Best wishes to you.

amyf
i guess i’m like a piece of glass peolple who know what i’m going through see right thru me. we live in erie pa. what a hot one it has been 92 humid as all get out feels like 112 my kids i guess follow after me in not being able to do well in the heat and to boot we have a big pool. but we all know they love to fight so no matter where they are or how cool they are but the heat just makes it worse no cool air in sight for 2 more days ugh.today was a better day,i guess i was at the hospital for the better part of it, one good thing air cond. aah. my sister who is 21 and just like me when it comes to stress. she doesn’t say much always depressed no self esteem. well it bit her today well her stomach anyway. she had an ulcer rupture which she didn’t know she had. so i guess that was good for me my wonderful neighbor took my kids so i could be there.and i got some much needed time away. although my neighbor informed me that m put a play gun to her head and her mouth and said she was going to kill herself what a kicker thank goodness therapy session fri. i asked her later if she ever thought about wanting to die and i know she lied she said no. you could see it all over her. i don’t know why she sees her dad handle guns he’s an avid hunter. she knows how to handle one but thank goodness she doesn’t have access to them the key is always with him to the safe. so she can’t even get close. but scary none the less. it’s still hot and sticky. and yes your words were comforting. it’s a nice feeling knowing someone cares.
and yes i will be back, i marked this bulletin board in my favorite section.
thanks alice

Man, sorry to hear about your sis, hope all is going to be better. A good thing about the therapist and m, that you will be visiting this week. The gun thing would scare me, it is one of the things I had read about is kids with adhd getting depressed and that lack of impulse control.I worry about my older son because he doesn’t always think through some of the stuff he does. My own son in 3rd grade told me one night after a bad homework episode that he was ‘dumb and stupid and should just go kill himself’, we went to counseling very quickly, mostly he was just so angry and not at anything specific, mostly himself and having such a hard time with school. Something to take seriously for sure. Good luck with therapy.
Well we live in Germany, I guess we had summer in July, cause for 4 weeks it was about 85 to 90, and now in August it is back in the 70’s. We’ve been watching the news, you all watch out in that heat, it can sure be dangerous when you aren’t used to it.
Alice I will be thinking of you all, let us know how things are going. Yes, we care, look forward to hearing from you again.

amyf thanx she is doing better still in the hospital. ruptured ulcer at 21 and i thought i couldn’t handle pressure. although dr. says no clinical proof stress causes ulcers yeah right! she’s in good spirits. stomach still hasn’t woke up yet. they have her on a nutrition bag. goes straight to her heart.m is pushing all the buttons today ugh. my last nerve is gone. trying to find it. couldn’t talk to the therapist about m’s incident she was in the room the entire session. plan on it though. dad says told ya yelling doesn’t work alot support there. well he was stressed about it she’s his baby. he says i need to find more patience. well he’s right. i try that’s the best i can do. and knowing i’m not alone helps. i just get tired of all the crap she’s very argumenative and so am i talk about clashing i finally told her today she wasn’t sucking me into another fight today. all she has done is pick pick pick. argh!!!!!!! i get so wound that i can’t stand it. i thought when i became a parent it was supposed to be easy, well to bad kids donj’t come with instructions. my husbands is great at it. he doesn’t think so but i can sere it . he has a laid back attitude very mello calm easy going look at life nothing seems to bog him down. i tell him you must really love me to stay. he’s says he wishes i would find my sense of humor i had before we had kids i tell him they sucked it out. i’m trying to find it, but it’s hard. i look in the mirror and wonder who is standing there. school in 2 weeks on the 27th yeah. 2 in school all day. beca 3 days pre school m w f 9-11:30 can not wait my aunt says find time for me. and i will the first day beca is in school i am not doing anything!!!!!!
but sit on my tookas. not til sept for her though.well germany my husband would love the food he was there once for work 2 years ago. brought me my coocoo clock. weather finaaly broke. been cooler. tempo. in the house has dropped. well rambled enough take care alicef