entering the wonderful world of adolescence.

Mine has off and on tried to tell me he doesn’t want them or need them for several years, but he hasn’t the maturity ( or dare I say guts) to challenge any adult but myself about them. I let him try in 4th gr. to go a week w/o and he was totally not there. His body was in class but the rest of him was in space. The teacher let me know this, he would still be writing his name on a piece of paper while the rest of the class was halfway through the assignment. He is 12 also, has just passed me up in ht. and has made little remarks like ‘I could drive this car’. Oh no he can’t!!! He likes to challenge me on little things like it’s time for bed(he hides in my room or lays in the floor ‘I can’t get up’) just things that are annoying mostly. Ain’t it fun??? My mom used to joke about my dad and sometimes I use the same joke kid’s…can’t live with them…can’t shoot ‘em. I love my kids to no end but some days……I am so glad school is in, even with the new headaches, at least they are elsewhere for a while, summer was too long.

By the way, how did your son get to go to the amazon? That sounds like a really cool trip. We managed Spain and the French Alps(glacier) this summer but we are stationed in Germany so it isn’t too hard to get to those kinds of places.Anyway,good luck.

Ahh,the french Alps,COOL! When I was a kid we were stationed in Saudi Arabia,and went to germany and England,due to the close proximity too!
My boys 11 and 12 went with their school to Peru. They go to a very small private school,and all are very into reptiles and conservation,so they have this yearly summer trip. The director of the school also has a Phd in Marine Biology,so it’s heavy in the sciences. Which couldn’t be better for my two. It’s also a school that specializes in ADHD/GIFTED/LD etc. He,the director took 5 ADHD boys to the rainforest. More power to him. My 12 year old is usually very much his own advocate,and has defended his use of medication before? Don’t know what the sudden change is,but it surprised me,to hear,the” it’s all you guys fault”,stance coming out. Man,and to think, All the time I spent blaming my Mom for everything,is coming back to haunt me.

I have one question for you. If you can afford to send your two sons to a private school, and to the rainforest this last summer, couldn’t you afford the $90.00 doctor’s fee for your son so that he could have some private time with the doctor?

I ran into the same type of problems when my sons were turning into adolescents. It though was more that “I” didn’t feel comfortable to let the apron strings go. Your son made many decisions this past summer, let him make his decision about the meds. If he does well in school without them, then great! If he doesn’t, then he will feel it also and be asking for them again. His grades and teacher comments will show it. When my youngest son’s meds were being changed for over a year before we found the right combo., there was a 3 week period of no meds at all to clear his system of all of the others. It was during the 3rd week, that his high school counselor called and asked politely “What is going on?” “He can’t sit still, he can’t concentrate, he can’t finish his work!” She didn’t know that he was off the meds. Let your son experience it for himself. Then he will be happier with the decision no matter which way it turns out.

My son is only 9, not 12 but is already a wonderful negotiator. If left alone with any adult but myself, my husband and his teachers he could convince anyone that I was wrong and he did not need meds. This is part of ADHD from what I understand, these kids are very advanced negotiators and make excellent salesmen and con-artists (if allowed to become that way) later in life. The doctor should be well aware of this, and also a 12 year old should not be allowed to make decisions on his own anyway. In my son’s case, this stopped after his month long medication vcation thi summer-he spent 2 weeks of it with his father who was his biggest anti-meds advocate. After the end of that 2 weeks, I have never heard from EITHER of them that he shouldn’t be on meds. Myself, I would seriously consider a new doctor if yours is circumventing your authority with your child!!!

Just a note… Many doctors are not trying to circumvent the parent. It is just that too many parents try to “talk” for their kid when what the doctor wants is the kid’s answer. How can a parent know exactly what the kid is trying to convey. At 12, he should be able to express himself without a parent’s interference in his answers. He can ask for the parent’s help if he wants it. The doctor is already well aware of the ADD issues. He is the one who prescribed the meds. Without mom or dad in the room, he can sometimes get more information from the child than if the parent was in there also. Sometimes, children are “afraid” to express themselves totally truthfully to their parents because the parents are seen as authorities. A doctor is most times considered more of a friend or helper. Some one who is not a parent. That is why even regular pediatricians like to have some “private” time with their adolescent patients. The kids might be more apt to talk about “certain topics” with the doctor than the parent. Give the doctor a chance with your son alone and see what come of it.

Okay let me first start by setting the record straight. I CAN NOT afford a private school. I requested participation into a statewide voucher after I filed a formal state complaint on behalf of my children. The complaint had to do with years of inadequate evaluations,(my children also have dysgraphia)years of lack of progress. I moved jobs after working ten years,could not afford the new jobs health insurance,so I find myself without it right now.I pay out of pocket for ALL meds,and ALL appointments. My boys went on a school sponsored trip,we paid part of it,so they could be included in this trip.I worked many hours of overtime,it was worth it. Now,with all this said,
I absolutely agree that my kid should be part of the decision regarding taking meds or not. I absolutely agree that he should be allowed to speak with his physician alone. A. The physician could of done it then? I would gladly have walked out so they could discuss it. B. I am willing to trial him without meds,why could we not of just done this? C. I was really only venting,about this time in my kid’s life. He doesn’t know what he wants,he just knows he wants it to be his decision.One can only truely hope that educating them,and teaching them to be their own advocate,will help them make the best decisions later.

This adolescence thing is new for all of us, I know we are all doing the best we can. Good news, my son actually went to the teacher and asked to be moved away from a kid in class instead of just sitting there or complaining to me. This other kid is a neighbor who along with his little brother tried to start stuff with my kids last spring. The older one even told his mom that my son was on drugs!Well I guess technically he is, but not what the kid meant. Chris is standing up for himself and I am so glad. He has always been shy and wouldn’t say boo to a teacher.

My oldest this morning asked me (after I was starting to get annoyed with some boy talk) on what scale from 1 to 10 were they being annoying, at that point I told him they were at 7. The first time he has ever asked that, of course the third time I told his brother to go brush his teeth I did get a little burst of temper, Chris joked ‘Mom I think he just hit 10’. We were able to laugh and the morning ended calm.

Do you moms of boys have a problem with too much boy talk? Their dad has tried to impress the difference between what they say to their friends and what they say to mom but sometimes the penis jokes just get too much.Like most adders they just don’t know when to quit!

Anyway, y’all have a great day, mine are at school and oh is it bliss!

YES!! Have a big problem with BOY talk.And they never start in front of theirFather? I asked them that the other day,why do you guys ever do this in front of your Father? My Twelve year old has gotten especially more verbal about the jokes.

On the “they are on Drugs” comment. My 12 year old again,wrote an essay on this for current events last year in school. Which is another reason I was floored with the “you guys have been pumping meds in me for years ” comment. It was an editorial about the too many kids on medication stance. It had a cartoon,where kids where standing in line with the school nurse,and behind them was a poster,which said,just say no to drugs. My son brought it to me and said,it isn’t drugs we are taking it’s Medication,There is a difference. So he wrote about this for his current events that week.

For your son to request to move his seat is GREAT! He is headed in the right direction:-) I would tell you to give him a hug for me,but He is 12 right? Give him a pat for me,okay?

Hi Socks,

How does this strike you? I think this doc was giving your son the clear message that he’s listening. He wants to be able to work with your son on this important issue, without having your son feel he’s in a battle with YOU. This is not about your authority. It’s about your son’s stage of development. Your son is entering into a time when his “job” is to become more independent and begin to separate from parents. He’s getting ready to be his own person. It is very difficult for everyone, but also normal!

I think it’s GREAT you’ve found someone who is looking at this from a developmental perspective. One of my favorite professors when I was studying social work had a great line. She said when adolescents start distancing from parents, they want parents to know “I’m not YOU…and let me prove it!!!” The more important the medication issue is to you, the more likely it is your son has found a “button” he can push. The desire to stop taking meds is very common when students get to be in middle school. They don’t want to be “different” from peers. They are also well aware of some of the negative stuff that is out there in the popular press about “over diagnosis of ADHD” and “over medication” or even “drugging” of students. I’m guessing this doctor knows exactly what is going on with your son, and will address it. You may find that the price of an office call will be money well spent. Good luck. JJ

JJ AWSOME post ;-) Couldn’t agree more. Surprised over the “my son is growing up”,part. I do believe the Dr. is coming from this perspective. He always has. He talks with me then brings my son in ,then he talks usually exclusively to my son. Maybe he should do it the other way around? Talks to him,then brings me in and talks with both of us? 90 dollars is a lot of money,JJ,yes it would be well spent,but I will do it only once.Then me and the Doc. are going to come up with a better plan on how we do the visits. Thanks for posting,of course you are right:-)

Hi! New to this board, but I can’t keep my nose out of the discussion! LOL I have THREE sons! They are all so much fun! The oldest is 23, the next is 20 and our Little Boy is just about 12[dx’d ADD], so I’ve been doing “boy” for a looonngg time! I would like to suggest some reading material for you moms of boys. I know how hard it is to find time to read, but I think you will find these books are really worth the time! First is REAL BOYS by Dr. Wm Pollack-this really helps us ‘women’ understand guys! Next is RAISING CAIN by Drs Kindron and Thompson-YOW, this one is great, too! NOT about raising boys, but about how males think. I’m sure all of you know they think differently from US! LOL The third, and especially interesting during adolescence is GET OUT OF MY LIFE, BUT FIRST CAN YOU DRIVE ME AND CHERYL TO THE MALL by Anthony Wolff-this one really lays it down on paper! Like how important it is to turn and walk away, shut your mouth and bite your tongue, stuff like that!

Socks, your doctor sounds like he does know what he is doing! At this stage, they want to be treated more like adults, even though we know they aren’t, they still need it! My son’s Ped usually ignores ME when we go in! Well, he will look over my son’s head to see my reaction, but I usually don’t say much. He really understands that boy’s need to stand up for himself.

While my two older sons were growing up, we didn’t have health insurance at all. I finally had to go out and find a different job just for the benefits! I know it’s not possible for everyone, but I felt it was something I had to do! My motto: “A woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do!” I’m sure you have sat down and really gone through your real medical expenses a year and compared them to the cost of insurance? Have you added in the cost of “emotional stress” because you have to worry about the cost of taking your kiddo to the doc?

BTW, my middle son was never dx’d with ADD, but I KNOW he has the inattentive type! I tried to get a dx, but the school fought me as hard as I fought them! I am so glad they have finally come out of the stone ages concerning treating kiddos like human beings instead of automatons! I am 47 and remember my 5th grade teacher had a “thing” about everyone having their feet flat on the floor in front of their desks! I am so glad those days are gone!

Prayers for strength, peace and grace,

Deanna

socks wrote:
>
>
> Okay had the 4 month visit with the developmental pediatrician.
> My,”I know everything” 12 year old had business to discuss
> with HIS physician. Okay,made me very frustrated,even though,
> I suppose I perpetuated it.He went to a summer trip to the
> Amazon Rainforest and when there decided not to take his
> meds,insisted he did just find without them,and wants to
> discussed not taking medicine anymore. I told him this would
> be something to disccuss with his DR.,but maybe in school he
> would still need the medication. He started school two weeks
> ago. First week,he did go without meds,I didn’t have a script
> yet,second week he had meds. Teacher honestly stated he
> didn’t notice too much difference. Not to him,but to me.So
> there we were in the Dr. office,he starts by saying” okay,you
> people have been pumping meds in me for years,and I don’t
> think I need them anymore”.The Dr. took the bait. He told
> him,”I understand you didn’t need them in the amazon,but you
> need them to focus in school.” Now my son. Narrowed his eyes
> at him and said,oh yeah? Well in the Amazon, I had a
> flashlight,and in a split second after hearing a noise
> flashed it and I saw a Cayman! I had to be VERY focused,to be
> aware of my enviroment!” The Dr. bless his heart,said,”well
> very good point”,and if you lived in the jungle and had to
> hunt for your food you would have to be aware of evrything
> around you.It’s not that you DON”T pay attention, it’s that
> you pay attention to everything. And in order to focus,you
> might need your meds”. He,my son,was having a difficult
> understanding of the Dr.’s definition of focusing.He then
> tells him,”okay why don’t you give it to me straight?”NOW we
> are bordering on disrespect. So I jumped into the
> conversation,and said”He is son”,he is trying to say,that
> when there is noise in the classroom and you have trouble
> focusing only on Math,the meds can help this”Well,instead of
> being thankful to me the Dr. says,okay,I want to make an appt
> in one week with just your son.Not with you,just him!
> GREAT,except his fees are high,and I don’t want to pay an
> extra 90 bucks so my kid can agrue the points with him. Okay
> with all this said,and I did make the point with him later
> (my son) that pumping meds into him,was a decision made that
> helped him ,and he of all people knew this.And yes,It hurt my
> feelings,that I have gone through great lengths to help him
> understand the use of medications,and he knows all about
> them. I believe at some level, the point he was making was it
> took many different meds,before we found one with A. no side
> effects, and B. one that would last long enough for him.
> Believe me when I say He was totally a part of the
> process,and I educated him about the meds,and why they work
> etc.Anyway,I am wondering if anyone else out there has dealt
> with an incredibly intelligent preteen,who wants to make a
> decision about his life,that really isn’t mature enough yet
> to make?

Deanna, thanks, now that the boys are in school again, I have time to read. I usually do housework on Monday and call Tuesday my day off!

As our adventure unfolds, Wednesday the boys were horsing around, my oldest bruised his toe. Thursday, I agreed to watch my neighbors’ little boys cause one was sick and the others’ babysitter was sick.This was just before my boys went off to school. Just after lunch my youngests’ school nurse calls and he is throwing up. Then an hour later the oldests’ school nurse calls cause his toe is really hurting and turning more bruised,could be broken,can I come pick him up? Long story short, I had a crazy morning, I had to drive to pick up the hurt one with a kid who was throwing up and another who had diarrhea in addition to a baby. What fun!!
Turns out the toe isn’t broken(trip to er with only 2 kids) and today the other one isn’t throwing up anymore. And now it is a holiday so we’ll see what lies ahead :o) Y’all take care now.

Oh My… God Bless Ya girl. Makes my day seem better some how?

here here. god bless you amyf! sounds liike a day like mine!