My son is 17 and we discovered he had ADHD at age 6. His entire childhood we did everything to help him succeed. He hit adolescence and the anger came out. Low self-esteem, depression, etc…at age 15, the anger was explosive with people in any role of authority but the behavior was usually seen at home. Now, the anger is at school where he has exploded to the sound of a special ed. teacher telling him he was lazy a year ago, to me, his mother, for anything that made him really mad, and now a teacher who he verbally assualted. A behavior clinic for a week helped but did not eliminate behavior, constant counseling for the last 4 years; medication changed several times due to a weak stomach and infection; As a parent, I met with the teacher today to apologize for the explosive behavior and the teacher told me that my kid was smart and that he didn’t believe he had a “learning disability that my child was a manipulative young man who will have his butt whipped in the real world”. My son is working on an IEP diploma to graduate this June. Yes, he is smart, no, he is not lazy, unmotivated, and I am sick of hearing what the problems are.Any advice? He has been diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and teachers try to tell me that he does not have a learning disability???? The real catch is, I teach special ed. at the same High School. In 1989, I enrolled in college to help my son as I felt uninformed when dealing with school administrators. I just finished my certification in LD, I have a Masters in Sociology, and I am two courses from my Masters in Special Ed. I am sick to my stomach of other people (without the education) telling me that my son has no disability that he is smart but just doesn’t want to do the work. Any advice?
Re: ADHD and Explosive Anger
What else does he have going on in his life? If school isn’t working out comfortably for him, does he have any activities that are a source of pleasure or self-esteem? Does he have interests?
If he does, I think I’d direct energy, time and money to helping him get something positive going outside of school.
I’d also direct time, energy and whatever money I could to helping him be successful in school and keeping teachers off his back. I’d do his homework for him if I’d have to so no teacher could ever again say he’s lazy. Clearly his teachers are not going to be able to help him.
Does he have to go to this school? Could he do a GED? Is there anything positive he’s getting out of the school? If there is, great. If there’s not, I’d try to everything I could to make sure they had few opportunities to hurt him anymore.
Good luck.
Re: ADHD and Explosive Anger
Dear Carol: I had to chime in…first of all because I have a problem with teachers who can namecall a child (to me this is UNACCEPTABLE in adults OR children) and yet gets to crit the child when he BLOWS…disgusting!
And, being a mom whose dyslexic child is getting the “oh he could but he just WON’T” crap makes me even more sympathetic.
I just read a good book that might help you both: “Learning Outside the Lines” by Jonathan Mooney and David Cole. Cole is a severe ADHD person and Mooney is a severe dyslexic — they both got through college at a very high level, and what they have to say about the inherent sickness in our school culture was amazing. It opened my eyes, and though my son is in elementary school, I found their book helpful to me now.
They go through the ‘attitude’ in their own backgrounds in a positive way that is sure to help people in your son’s position, and teach how to BEAT the ignorami at their own game with excellent study tips and suggestions for making it ‘work’ at school. They teach how to take control of your own learning and education. The book is aimed at young people just heading into higher education, so I think it would be perfect for your son.
And for that teacher: frankly, IMO, it is more likely that your son will ‘whip the world’s butt’ so let’s teach him how to do that constructively — instead of modelling the behaviour and attitudes of ignorance and intolerance…SOME PEOPLE, GRRRR….
sorry, I got it out and THANKS for listening…good luck to your son!!! (and you — who will turn your tough parenting journey into help for others!)
Best wishes, Elizabeth
Re: ADHD and Explosive Anger
Regarding the ignorance of ADHD - ADD at the high school level today, I recall talking to a vice-president of a hugh high school in southern California who had zero (my view) idea of what ADHD is at all. He was the person who often met with parents about challenges their children faced.
My personal observation is that this administrator was a really a politician who understood how to work the system for himself, that is, not rock the boat ever.
His primary goal was not to advocate or represent or problem solve for his students; his primary goal was to create the illusion he was advocating or representing or problem solving for his students. The administrator had zero understanding of any neurological challenges including epilepsy, ADHD, and Tourette’s, it seems to me and his primary role was to stay at the high school until retirement (doing as little as possible) but always putting the best face on his high school as its public relations representative.
Re: ADHD and Explosive Anger
Of course your son has developed into an angry young man. You are sick of hearing about how “lazy” and “unmotivated” he is so just think how many more times he has heard it than you. I agree with Sara that I’d try everything I could to make sure they had few opportunities to hurt him anymore by removing him from that verbally abusive environment.
Carol,
I can understand your frustration. Have you thought of pulling him out of this school? But then, it may be too late since he is almost ready to graduate. I have a five year old son who has alot of emotional reactivity. So far he is not really defiant, but I am afraid of what might come. He is too easily upset and throws tantrums. Mostly he just withdraws and cries, but he can lash out verbally as well. He can spew language that would make a sailor blush. So I can understand what you are going through. If the school is really that ignorant and ill informed of ADD and the fact that ADD children are not lazy and unmotivated, then you should do what is best for your child and not fight them. Get him out and work on building a positive sense of self esteem in him, which has been damaged by that school. That is far more important to your son’s future than how much facts he learns in school. Look at the big picture.
LizB