Hi, I have a 12 year old son who was diagnosed with severe ADHD about 5 years ago (and was re-evaluated with the same results about 1 1/2 years ago). He ranked in the 99th percentile for ADHD and is considered severe. He is a good kid that seeks approval from everyone and does very poorly in school. He is desperate for other kids to see him as cool and this leads him to do a LOT of stupid things. Like the time the older kids dared him to shoot a penny at a window. It broke and we had to deal with that. There always seems to be something. Last week he left the after school program to go to a friend’s house. For this he was grounded.
He always seems to gravitate toward the “trouble” kids. Most recently, he has been talking about his new friend who wears an ankle bracelet because he is under house arrest for theft (or something). I told him this was no friend and he was not to associate with him. Anyway, these are the kids he ends up with all the time.
So today I get a call that he had a knife in school. He was showing it to all the kids and trying to show how “cool” he was. Of course, someone told the teacher. (I have no idea where the knife came from, it didn’t come from home) The school’s policy is to call the police for any weapon, so that is what happened. Now my son is at the station being “processed” and I have to take him to the juv. detention center tomorrow for a hearing.
I just don’t know what to do. We have family therapy once a week and I thought that was helping. But between his need to be “cool” and his complete lack of “think FIRST!” he gets into deeper and deeper trouble.
His bio father is in jail for drugs and theft. Though my son has never met or even heard about his bio father, he has a stepfather that loves him and is a good parent. I believe I am a good parent. My biggest fear is that I can’t battle his genetics. Should I resign myself to the fact that this 12 year old will eventually turn into his father - a criminal? I can’t think that way, but then I fail to see any hope sometimes.
Re: 12 year old with ADHD Arrested today ~ Please help
I certainly understand your concern but as a mother myself I also understand your reluctance to resign yourself to the idea that your son will follow in his bio father’s footsteps.
Has you ever considered medication that can help with ADD? Medication is a big step but bringing a knife to school is a bigger one.
Does he have any other activities other than school? He’s young for a part-time job but anything that would give him a sense of belonging because that’s what he’s looking for when he hangs out with the troublemakers. Troublemakers have a strong image even if it’s a negative one.
Is there anything he really likes to do? If there is and some more time could be given over to that, it might help him to keep out of trouble.
The teenager years are hard ones. Kids need a lot of actvity and more than a few turn to activities that aren’t good for them. I’d might take a second look at the after school program he’s in too. Too many of them don’t plan activities for the kids but rather just have them hanging out which leads to easy boredom.
Good luck.
I wanted to make sure I responded to you. Although my boys have never been to jail,I too have dealt with the wanting to fit in and be “cool” motive.
I do not believe in genetics,in this instance I believe a Mom and Dad who love and stand behind me,wins over genetics anyday.
Family therapy is a good idea,but maybe he needs therapy on his own? Your doing the right things,keep up the good work,this too shall pass.
My hear goes out to you,I just wanted you to know,you are not alone. Feel free to email if you need a friend.