Major homework problems- need advice

Blunt reply. In the real world, most school districts/teachers may not care. Some of them care only about bottom line results. Of course, they generally will not admit that but rather say they deeply care and then bottomline, they may do nothing/almost nothing at times to accommodate the student.

You might try to explain that life sometimes consists of a series of sometimes unpleasant hoops to go through (some of which make no sense and some of which will never be used later in life - but that’s how parts of the system work).

Some children (not all) respond well to the ADHD meds which can make the process of doing the homework easier for them.

At some universities students need to study an average of four hours a day seven days a week. That kind of very, very intensive study can slowly produce a Ph.D. over eight years or so.

Some students have their peak times very early in the morning; others at different times of the day. If a person tends to match homework with a peak period, the process of doing homework can be a little easier.

What you describe is typical of many students who have ADHD; they find the process of doing homework most challenging and often discover it takes them far more time to do it than other students who are ADHD-free.

Sorry about being so blunt. There may be no easy answers. Good luck.

PGD, thanks for the “blunt” reply. At this point, I welcome blunt. I have no illusions left about schools and teachers. I know they are human and some care, some don’t. That’s life, and my son needs to understand that.

He has been very lucky through most of his school years with teachers who have put a great deal of time and attention into helping him along. Once he hit middle school, that basically disappeared. Even so, he managed through 6th grade pretty well. It’s just this last year that has been so difficult and most of the problems revolve around homework.

My concern is trying to help keep him liking school (which he has always done in the past) and keep the teacher off his and my back about homework. We have even thought about just having him turn in what he has done and take the low grades. But, that seems like a cop-out and giving him a bad message. On the other hand, we don’t want him to hate school so much by the time he is in high school that he wants to drop out.

Guess there is no easy answer here…

Funny but the very same thread was on the message board for teaching LD kids. A teacher posted about how do you get a student to remember homework,etc. This is a hard subject,and has no easy answers.

1. He has the right,to a 504plan or an IEP. Either plan he has should specificly address what amount of homework he should do,and how to get him there.
It’s not about whether he needs to live in the “real” world,it’s about how do we get him into the real world arena? We teach him skills to do this.
2. Homework is highly over rated and over used to the point of discrimination.

The best homework system were ones that was classroom wide. An email system,voicemail system etc.

If it is any consolation I would think everyone suffers through this. What I always tell my kids is,I don’t care what your grade is,I don’t care if you complete the work etc. If I saw you try,then I am proud of you.

You don’t say if your son takes meds for adhd, I find if there is a small amount of homework it isn’t necessary, but if my son has a lot of writing or reading, I will give him his 5mg ritalin nlt 4:00 and he is usually ready to tackle things by 5:00. I actually did an experiment with him one weekend on a writing project and the difference between the Sat. w/out and Sun. with meds was amazing. We have similar experiences as far as how middle school has gone, our biggest problem is getting my son to turn in homework. He is very bad at getting things in their proper section so he can find them when he needs them.

For these guys there is no easy answer, I am sure there are plenty of kids w/out adhd that are doing this too. We all remember homework not being something we looked forward to doing. Back when I was in school, we didn’t have vcr’s or cable, video games and all that (the horror!). Maybe it is harder for us parents now to compete than when our parents were raising us. I know my parents never spent any time with me on homework or even made sure I did it, I never needed a planner ( well, maybe I could have used one :o) I am add too) I never needed a 40lbs backpack either. I still made it through school with decent grades even with undxed add/inattentive. So, in part I think school has been made more challenging at younger ages than when we all went to school.

Not sure I helped with the homework problem except to say that for my son, the avoiding behaviors stopped when he started taking his meds in the afternoon. They help him pay attention in sports too, instead of the coach trying to reach him or him laying down on the 2nd base instead of being ready to catch the ball. Never did figure that one out. Best wishes.

Amyf, socks, thanks for the answers.

My son does not take meds. He did up through 6th grade for school only, but had horrible side effects. Even when his meds wore off around 3:00 up through 6th grade, homework was never a big issue, and he managed to stay on top of it. There is so much more this year. He quite often has homework in reading, language, algebra, science, and social studies all on the same night. The math teacher alone espects 45 minutes, and the reading teacher expects at least 20. It is simply too much. He just turned 12, but will actually cry sometimes because he knows there is no time to play.

Anyway, meds aren’t an option for my son. Since coming off meds for school, he has to be reminded to not talk out more often (he is impulsive). However, other than that, he has come a long way in getting asignments written down and getting his work turned in, so it seems he is learning to compensate which is what our pediatric neurologist told us most kids learn to do by 13 or so.

I guess this is just something we have to struggle with…

One thing my son’s middle school does is a block schedule so that usually he only has 2 subjects a day that are difficult. (lang. arts and science one day, world geo and math the next, it gives 2 days to get homework done if needed)
However, you may need to talk to his teachers and let them know that what they are expecting from him is too much and needs to be cut down. A lot of us parents here let our kids do a certain amount and after so much time has passed, we let our kids stop, but also write a note letting the teacher know how much time was spent( I also write if tears were involved). They need to know how hard he is working and that it is taking a serious toll on him. I hope they will listen, if not, maybe it is time for a bigger meeting. I know I would have a hard time if I was expected to do that much work all in one night, I can only imagine how a 12 yr. old must feel.

AmyF, I couldn’t agree more! I feel like crying right along with my son. I have a home business and work about 4-6 hours a day, about the same time my son spends in school, and I’ve had it by then with my work. The last thing I feel like doing is hitting the books with him. I know he wants and NEEDS time to chill out and play and be the kid he is. School doesn’t make that easy.

I have begun to do as you suggested. If he is putting in good time and energy with his homework, we call it quits after abour 45 minutes, or as long as he can tolerate it. I type just about everything that needs to be written to save him time and have actually done some of his algebra problems in the past.

Thanks again for the advice…

Have you asked him what the difference is between the days he buckles right down and the days he doesn’t? Does he have more homework on the days he finds it hard to buckle down and get it done? Does he have more projects on those nights as opposed to worksheets? Those would be good things to know.

He isn’t alone in his resistance to homework. Few, if any, students actually like homework. Some students dislike it so much they’re willing to pay the consequences of not doing it.

Usually there’s more homework in middle school than in elementary school. Middle school these days is more like high school than elementary school and many children sadly lose their taste for school in their middle school years. Does it go better on the nights you help? I found with my own son that with my help he could face homework but without it, he couldn’t. I would have liked him to be independent too but that independence would have come at a high price to my son’s success in school.

That a middle schooler doesn’t like homework or finds it hard or distasteful doesn’t mean they’re not motivated. I’m a motivated person but I don’t like doing dishes. There are other tasks to which I rise but doing the dishes isn’t one of them. That your son cries and whines about homework or that he doesn’t get it done doesn’t mean he isn’t a motivated person with goals and interests. School may just not be one of them or it may be that something about the homework and school is knocking the wind out of him.

How are his grades when he does the homework? If they’re good, he’s getting that postive reinforcement. If they’re not, he may not feel like the homework is worth it. How long do the teachers say the nightly homework is supposed to take? If its two hours or more, they’re asking a lot of 7th graders and he may discouraged even before he begins knowing the majority of his evening is going to be spent working - after a day spent working.

Good luck.

I’m really sorry for what your family is going through. It’s so hard to watch kids struggle. My 11-year-old is in 5th grade and I’m really not looking forward to jr. high.

One thing that has helped us a bit is using the Simpsons reruns as a reward for getting homework done. It comes on at 5 p.m. here. If he starts homework by 3:30, he can usually get it done by 5 on an average night. If he doesn’t, no Simpsons until its finished. This sounds really awful, but it does motivate him. Saxophone practice is after the Simpsons, to get him away from the TV again. I, too, need to be at his side to get homework completed.

Last night there was no TV. He spent a half hour at a neighbor’s house. She’s a photographer and needed to get some shots of kids his age. And I let him play in the snow for about 45 minutes with his best friend. It was the first snow storm here. That meant we were still doing homework at 8:30. I agree that there is too much homework at too early an age. Sometimes there is so much I wonder what they do all day in school.