Accepting my ADHD Child

I hurt for you, redz, yet I have to tell you what I tell my 11 year old daughter: ADD also makes her wonderful, funny, creative and as her 2nd grade teacher said, “a child with high level thinking skills.” ADD did that. ADD also makes her a social outcast and it breaks my heart everyday when she hurts. But she is a gem, and if ADD had a hand in making her that way, I embrace that too. I am frustrated and made tense by her almost constantly, but there is also a sense of great joy that oddly goes hand in hand with the stress.

But, my main frustration comes from other people’s rules, too much homework and making her fit into the school box ( I like to say…ramming a triangle kid into a square hole). Her maturity level is more than two years behind her peers, yet her size makes teachers expect her to act like the other 11 year olds. She then becomes the odd, childish kid who can’t fit in.

I gave into medicine in second grade and I haven’t been faithful with it, because I won’t drug her on weekends or the summer. But this year, 6th grade, she had to have it. And yes, it helps. You MUST have a pediatrician who is a serious advocate for ADD/ADHD kids and keeps up with that medication. They do exist, I found one last year. Earlier in this string you will find a discussion about Concerta and Metadate. We are currently on Metadate which is an 8 or 9 hour pill for school only. As I said in an earlier posting, Concerta wired her something awful, but I absolutely know it helps her concentrate in school. This morning, she couldn’t remember what she forgot, and I knew she hadn’t taken it.

The main thing I learned way back in 2nd grade, is that it isn’t the fixall for the problems, and it’s hard to see the results because you aren’t there in class. It won’t fix fine motor skill issues, which is exactly my daughter’s issue. She wouldn’t write her name until she was forced to in first grade, and she still refuses to write cursive. She would rather cut off her arm than write something down, yet this year more than any other, the teachers are saying how incredibly creative she is as a storyteller. And this year, more than any other, I am finally seeing her TRY to get things down on paper, which hasn’t been the case in years past. I firmly believe that has to do with her maturity level and a tremendous creative writing teacher.

Our battles are just beginning with the school district and getting her special education protection. In the meantime, medicine is helping her cope, keeping her from feeling dumb and giving her little successes along the way.

Hi. I am a parent of a 4th grader who is in Spanish Immersion. Half her day is in Spanish the other half in English. I was just told this year that in order to be really successful in an Immersion program your child must be an auditory learner. My child is a visual learner and has a difficult time processing 2 languages (Spanish & English). Now we are at the point of deciding where to go from her. After investing Kindergarten-4th grade in Spanish, do we take her out and place in an all English program which will take her away from the school & friends she’s known for almost 5 years or leave her until middle school (6th grade) get English tutoring and then put her in an all English program. I am at wits end and frustrated to the max. I need some support or a psycologist to talk to because I’m not processing this well at all! Your son is still young, I encourage you to find out what kind of learner he is and if it is visual, put him in an all English program and get tutoring if needed. Thanks for listening.

Audrey,

Oh my goodness, I’m so glad to read what you had to say about your daughter. I hurt for my daughter so very much! I have had many days and nights of endless tears and have them as I write this. This is very difficult for me and worse for her. She was just diagnosed about 2 months ago and has been on conserta 54 mgs. I can’t really tell if it’s working or not. Her teachers boast about the fact that she’s a delightful child with a sense of what’s right and wrong and is just so charming and I’m glad to hear that but charming is not what is going to get her a good score on the SAT to enter a good college. She has said since the first grade that she wants to be a OB/GYN and she is determined and I want her to keep those high goals. She complains about kids not liking her and that she doesn’t have many friends and that really bothers me. I have noticed since she’s been on conserta her mood has changed for the worse. Very cranky and short where as she wasn’t like that before. Did you experience that? She also has trouble getting to sleep at night which makes it difficult to get her up in the mornings. Writing is theraputic for me, I hope you don’t mind.

I don’t have much experience with Concerta so others on this board will be more help. But your daughter’s symptoms were just like my daughter’s when she took two Concertas. AND, when she stayed with her dad she was afraid to tell him she couldn’t sleep so she snuck into the bathroom, and drank Nyquil to make herself sleepy (she had heard me say it helped you sleep during a cold). Unfortunately her dad just didn’t see the personality change. If she took two pills in the AM, she was a nutcase at nite, talked a mile a minute, was cranky and couldn’t go to sleep until midnight if I was lucky. One pill was better, but she was still just not my child at all, and I didn’t like it. However, you may see cranky, but that’s your child coming down off the medicine (which doctors say is a real sideaffect) and you may not see the good side of the medicine working during the day. The teachers said my daughter was alot more focused on Concerta. ALSO, my pediatrician did offer a nighttime medicine to counteract the problems sleeping and coming off the Concerta. But another doctor had already put her on Metadate, she feels like my daughter again on Metadate, school is going okay, we have an afternoon tutor for homework, and she is tired at 9pm!

I am a parent of two ADHD/LD children,I am LD(dyslexic),and my husband is ADHD. One explanation I think about often,and has used many times is this;
Think about the culture your children are in right now. In first -12th grades they are to sit still,listen to instructions without question,drudge through work that might be either unrecognizable,or way beneath them.
Now consider the culture of adults; At work creativity,development,brainstorming,and productivity are all attributes in a workforce. Correct?
Which child do you think will be successful and which child do you think won’t?

Rick Lavoie is a director of a residential school for ADHD teenagers. He is a wonderfully uplifting speaker,as well as has many video tapes to view. I had the pleasure to see him speak in person. It really made an impact on me when he described the office person,able to skip around and do many things at once,as my ADHD child. While it might seem very difficult now,MANY MANY MANY very succesful people are also ADHD. Statistics are showing companies are not afraid of the Label. As a matter of fact they welcome this type of person,over the person who has no more out of the box thinking then what is dumped into their brains.
These kids are the ones able to develop new protocols,rather then needing one to exist,know what I am saying?

The problem is with our idea of school culture. There is no room for differences,there is no room for creative out of the box,wiggly little people who just won’t do it the teacher’s way. Believe me,it gets easier. My two are 11 and 12. I am a nurse who specializes in pediatric orthopedics. My husband is a professional musician. I did not learn to read until I was 12 year old. I wrote in mirror image,and had many,many,questions that were left unanswered. I know now,they weren’t answered,because they didn’t know. I am now being tortured by a child of my own with unending questions. If they turn out like me,well that’s okay. I suspect they will be much greater. it’s all about acceptance. Acceptance of being an individual with individual needs. look to the future. know that they will grow up,and what they experience,will shape them. If mom is on their side? Well there will be nothing they can’t do. I don’t remember the kids who hurt me,but I do remember my mother’s reaction to it.
Have imagination.
Einstien’s definition: ” raise new questions,explore new possibilities,regard old problems from a new angle”
btw he was very LD,and I am quite sure if ADHD was a word back then, he would be diagnosed this also.
Thomas Edison was,he could not sleep at night,invented most of his best inventions at night. He was kicked out of school,in elementary,and his Mom homeschooled him. Maybe you don’t want your kid inventing,but god knows we are all happy we have the lightbulb.Betcha he put his mom through a lot of tearful nights. And don’t want to even think about what his room must of looked like!
Okay,talk about money maker! Charles Scwab. He is learning disabled.

These few people I mentioned. They are famous simply because they are ADHD/or LD,they are famous for being an out of the box thinker,your boy is in good company.
One thing I did with my oldest when he cried about not being able to understand Math,and at 2nd grade all he wanted was an A on his report card.
I used to tell him,Johnny,Albert Einstien was the most famous and ingenious Mathematician the world has ever known,and he failed math in 2nd grade. You got a C,I guess your doing better then him! Everyday when I kissed him goodbye after that,I told him,remember Albert. He’d smile and nod,and I would get in the car and cry all the way home.
Noone said being a parent of one of these guys was easy,but being them isn’t either.

Being a Nurse,I had all kind of preconcieved notions about medications. Feeling like a failure was definitely one of them. Until my kids started taking them. On a very basic level,I knew from the begining it was the right thing to do,I saw this. Their fine motor skills definitely improved,but it didn’t change the fact that they also have a learning disability. What meds did for my kids was strictly an improvement of their ability to focus on one thing at a time instead of everything at once. When I learned that this was possible,I was jealous. Never really knew this was possible,until I saw my kids being able to do it. Plan on talking with a Dr. about my attention span very soon.

The things that drew you to your husband,are the same attributes,you are so afraid of accepting in your child,you just will have to wait another twenty years to see them. Good Luck,and remember,we are all in this world together,I personally am very glad,of the people in it that can think on their feet,develop new ideas,and think out of the box.

I tried my son on medication about 4 years ago and the results weren’t good. But he wasn’t on the two that were mentioned here, he started out on Ritalin, but after having a growth stoppage, he was switched to Dexedrin and another after that, I don’t remember the name. The side effects were awful. he was very withdrawn, made him so shy, if someone spoke to him he cried and his grades didn’t improve at all. And when he was coming down off these drugs you couldn’t stand to be around him…..cranky, wasn’t the word for it.
Also let me relate the other part of this story. I made the decision to take him off his med’s on Christmas break, I saw his teacher almost nightly, at our older childrens ballgames and I would ask how my son was that day, it was always fine. After two weeks I told her I had taken him off the med’s, the next day
I got a note about how bad his behavior was, I said OK, I’ll put him back on. But guess what, I didn’t…..but anytime after that when I ask, he was fine. So the moral of this story is…..I guess as long as the teacher thought he was on it….he behaved better. LOL
If I thought medication would help him learn to read, I would try it in a minute….but I’m afraid all he needs is teachers who are willing to help him, learn the way that works best for him. Wonder if there is a pill for the teachers? LOL

Thank you all for your responses. Socks, I really appreciate your perspective and input. How do you know if your child has an LD??? Can fine motor skill development be an LD? Most of my findings have shown that reading skills are a big issue with ADHD children. My son is a good reader in English and is showing signs of recalling vocabulary studied in class and applying them to french texts, yet dictees (spelling tests) are dreadful. I try different techniques to let him learn the words and it seems the more hands-on the better (e.g. we use our Scrabble tiles to assemble his dictee words); rhymes and actions also help. Problem is he doesn’t call upon these cues when he’s in class, so when he gets his dictee back, it’ll be great one week and, the following week, we’re lucky if he gets 3 correct. Luckily, the resources support teacher and core teacher are willing to make accommodations for him. The resource teacher is willing to take him to her room and do the dictee with him one-on-one. She’s going to test him orally, then ask him to write each word on a separate paper (no lines) and check for consistency between oral and written knowledge. I am pleased with this effort, but still want to know if printing skills can be an LD. Thanks.

I can really relate to this discussion since my third grade son who has ADHD is starting to have some of those same feelings about school and not fitting in and being able to focus. He came home from school crying for the first time last week and my heart really ached for him. It is so sad that schools often cannot figure out how to tap into the tremendous strengths our kids have.

Yes, I think fine motor and handwriting difficulties can be a form of LD or, perhaps more accurately, a learning difference that can affect all academic areas. My son’s handwriting is terrible and painfully slow and we are just now starting to help him learn to use the computer for some of his (frustratingly endless) homework. I recently had him evaluated at a special center, where they don’t use diagnostic labels, but provide an extensive report of strengths and weaknesses. Problems with handwriting or “graphomotor skills” are very common in kids with attention problems and sometimes medication helps. In our case, we tried both Ritalin and Concerta and it didn’t help either the writing or the focusing in class. On Concerta, he was very cranky and on edge, had difficulty sleeping and no appetite. We haven’t ruled out trying other medications, but for now are working with other approaches.

My highly creative son is reverting to expressing a lot of his frustration through art and unfortunately has been getting into trouble at school for drawing when he should be working on assignments. In spite of handwriting problems, he is talented in art and is a very visual, hands-on learner. He gets bored with the tedious worksheets that seem to be the main stuff of their classroom experience. We are now considering an LD resource room for him as an alternative.

Keep the faith and find strengths to work with wherever you can.

How do you know they have a learning disability? You must have them evaluated.
Graphomotor problems are a hallmark of ADHD children. I actually have heard more about this,over reading problems.
What is said about graphomotor issues is once able to attend better,they generally improve their handwritng. My boys are dysgraphic,their handwriting problems were far worse then simply having graphomotor problems. I knew they had a learning disability before the “experts” did. I too wrote most of my letters reversed,like they did. A really good comprehensive psychoeducational evaluation proved it. I do not know how severe your son’s handwriting problems are,but my two had illegible handwriting. It did improve with medications. It wasn’t cured,and still isn’t. Now they used laptops in class instead.
I my humble opinion,the only reason the world doesn’t except ADHD as a learning disability, is because the federal government doesn’t. The federal government states that ADHD is a learning issue,and your son deserves accomodations under 504 laws. Accomodations that would level the playing field for him,so that he can be successful in the classroom enviroment. The federal government states the teacher MUST accept his learning differences. Making them do this is another matter. ( check out my webpage,http://expage.com/socksandfriends- it’s all about the laws that protect our children)
One of the main signs in a learning disabled person’s profile is performance inconsistency. IN other words,they do it one time and can not do it another time etc.
This is not only the most frustrating signs,this can also be the worst thing to happen. The adults around this child say,hey,you did it yesterday! I know you can do it,your just not trying hard enough. Truth is,they might have been able to yesterday,but it elludes them today.
What would happen to me,as a child,the teacher would give me a book,and read it to me. I would memorize the text,and read it beautifully back to her. The next day,I could not remember what it said,and she would get very frustrated with me.
I remember vividly the feelings behind this. She would come over to me and say,” I have a nice book here,your going to be able to read it,it’s real easy”. Almost like she would sprinkle fairy dust over my head,and boom,I would read it. It never happened this way,there just wasn’t any fairy dust.

My boys always did better spelling verbally. Once their accomodations stated they MUST be tested verbally,would the spelling become consistently correct. Not that it would stay this way,but heck spelling is highly over rated anyway. There is always a dictionary,and spell check. Thank god,because I need it.
This is what would happen for my boy. He would sit down to do the test,the teacher would say the word to spell,he would start writing the word down,would mess up a letter and start erasing it,then he would have to think of the word the teacher had just said,and write it again,by then she was on two words ahead of this,and he would try and keep up. Made for many,many,failed spelling tests.

Again,in the adult world,does someone roll their eyes and sigh a heavy sigh,when you can’t spell a word? No,they either dig out their dictionary,or write it down to visually see the word,and whether it “looks” correct.

A good educational evaluation is the way to see if your child also has a learning disability. Teaching your child strategies are the best thing you can do. Even though he seems to not be using the cues now,doesn’t mean it isn’t forming a basis for the future.
Before I would try meds,I would consider doing one of these evaluations. I say this becuase many times a learning disability goes undiagnosed,and can mirror symptoms that look like ADHD. For example,CAPD,or central auditory processing disorder,the child can not filter out background noise,therefore in a crowded classroom the noise level can prevent him from hearing what the teacher is saying,he then loses interest and starts looking around,seemingly having trouble paying attention. In reality they just don’t know what is being said. Not that they can’t pay attention. Classrooms back in the olden days,were small. They had children from all age groups,and the teacher would teach the children either from their books or on the board. None of these copious worksheets. Because of the varying age groups they would teacher certain things one on one. ADHD wasn’t a problem back then,they were naturally accomodated in every way. The kids would had difficulty with social skills,had younger kids to play with,or older kids to watch and mimic. The kid who couldn’t sit still very long had many recess breaks,they even went outside for lunch and ran around. Now in our high tech,fast paced,competitive world,these kids are made to sit for hours on end,take standardized tests,and rarely get recess anymore. Why is it the world can not understand why More kids are diagnosed ADHD now then ever before?

This is an excellent quick list from the Learning Disabilities Association of Pennsylvania. In my first “disasterous meeting” the crazy psychologist told us our daughter probably didn’t have a learning disability, because she said,
” I can almost always tell without testing and I don’t even think she needs SEction 504 protection.” Arrogant so and so, but since she is evaluating, she is a huge problem and road block to school success.
So I wrote a letter to all involved using this Learning Disability list and explaining that out of the 19 symptoms, my daughter exhibited 13 of them.
I listed them and then gave examples of what my daughter has done to fit into each of these descriptions.
With Socks expert letter writing help and this list, I rebutted what she said, and the school has so far ’ felt’ much more coorperative. As Socks says, once the school realizes you have done your homework, they stop trying to get around testing. By the way, as an update, Socks, I got an immediate response from the school (the guidance counselor who I thought was worthless scored big!), saying they would absolutely send the Consent letter. I haven’t seen it yet, but it was a very good sign! Just in case you’re curious, my 11 year old daughter has ADD and 1,2, 4, 5, 6,7, 9,13,14,15, 17,18,19.

” Learning Disabilities- Common problems and symptoms “
from the LDAP, Learnign Disabilities Assoc. of PA.

1. POOR GROSS MOTOR COORDINATION-clumsy, trouble catching a ball

2. POOR FINE MOTOR COORDINATION- trouble tying shoes or handwriting

3. HYPERACTIVITY- extremely active

4. HYPOACTIVITY- inactive, lethargic

5. DISTRACTIBILITY - foceses on too many stimuli at the same time

6. SHORT ATTENTION SPAN - inability to focus

7. LANGUAGE DISORDERS - difficulty expressing spoken or written thoughts

8. READS POORLY WITH POOR COMPREHENSION - below age and grade level

9. REVERSES LETTERS AND NUMBERS - b and d, was and saw, 6 and 9, 12 and 21

10. DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING MATHMATICAL CONCEPTS

11. POOR PHONETIC DISCRIMINATION

12. FORGETFUL, POOR MEMORY PATTERN - difficulty with sequential order, days of week, months of year, remembering a set of instructions

13. INCONSISTENT PERFORMANCE - cannot remember today what was taught yesterday

14. IMPULSIVE AND/OR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR - speaks and/or acts before thinking

15. POOR JUDGEMENT IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS

16. CONFUSED ABOUT DIRECTION AND TIME - right - left, up-down, yesterday- tomorrow, before-after

17.PERSONAL DISORGANIZATION - loses things, trouble sticking to a simple schedule

18. LOW FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE - cries, screams, withdraws, sulks, fights at a moments notice

19. PERSEVERATION - meaningless repetition, inability to stop an activity at the appropriate time, asks the same questions over and over

Good NEWS! Audrey,you keep at em…
BTW,this adult LD person,who works 40 hours a week,isn’t in jail,or an alcoholic,is numbers, 1,2,5,6,7,10,14,15,17,18,19. :-)

Besides this ldonline site which is wonderful, here are a few sites which can perhaps provide some additional overviews of ADHD:

http://www.brainplace.com/bp/default.asp

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/adhd.cfm

There may be no easy answers for everyone with ADHD but there is some good information available which can help. That’s my opinion.

Good luck.

“All of who I am as a parent sees me as a failing if I turn to meds., yet that the frustrating realisation that his actions are not controlled by my doings nor his makes me question if our hesitation is doing more harm that good.”

First of all, you must rid yourself of the kind of thinking in the first part of your sentence. If your child had inherited diabetes, would you feel like a failure to put him on meds even when you had gone to great lengths tocontrol his diet? Of course not. Is it easy to get the “right” medication and does it always work? No. Sometimes it can take months or years to get the right medication and right dosage. Sometimes there are other things wrong with the child that have been undiagnosed which complicate things…auditory processing disorder (which Ritalin doesn’t fix), depression, etc. I have a 19 year old son who was diagnosed ADD-inattentive at age 17 and we still don’t have optimal medication. He had a miserable few years between 6th and 12th grade, and I only wish I had realized his real problem at the time. (It’s too complicated to explain here, but he had overlapping depression symptoms and it just took a long time to sort out his root problem).

As a special ed. teacher, I have worked closely with ADHD children. And I will tell you, I could tell when one of the boys did not take his medication because his handwriting would be totally different!!! I mean he had okay handwriting normally (when on medication), and it was illegible when he forgot the medication. He and another boy I had for about 3 years absolutely were different children on medication. They were able to pay attention and learn. They couldn’t without it. It was that simple.

You really have nothing to lose with trying medication. Just realize that you must be patient and wait and see if the type and dosage can be regulated for your child. If the first one doesn’t work, then you might have to try another for a couple of months. It does take real patience to get the right medication. But when it works, boy, is it worth it! And if it doesn’t, fine. You’re back to where you started.

Some children with ADHD have learning disabilities and some don’t. However, unless a child is a strong auditory learner (and very intelligent) and can get medication to help with the concentration issues, I personally would not consider a foreign language immersion school. Unfortunately, it is a challenge enough for most of these kids to get through the regular English curriculum. That’s just my opinion and experience, though. And all of the kids I have taught with ADHD did have other learning problems, so that may influence my viewpoint as well.

By the way, it is very normal for a parent to grieve when a disability is diagnosed for their child. I sense that is why you are feeling helpless. But the way to overcome that is to educate yourself and become your child’s best advocate. I very strongly believe every child was created by God as a unique individual with strengths and weaknesses and gifts, and our job as parents is to work on those weaknesses, build on the strengths, and encourage the gifts, so that our children will realize their purpose and value on this earth.

Take care,
Janis

When I was first told my son had ADD, I stormed out of the doctor’s office. I railed at my husband who had found the doctor. I called my mother and angrily shared the story with her but needed to stop in my tracks when she said in response, “I’ve been wondering about this myself. He’s so easily distracted.”
Three months later, once again screaming at my son to just go get his jacket - other kids can go get their jackets -why can’t you just go get your jacket- I realized there might be something to what the doctor had said.

Medication - even tiny, tiny doses really helped that son. On medication he was able to learn coping mechanisms and strategies to deal with his ADD against the day he wouldn’t take medication. Fortunately, we experienced no side effects and small doses of Ritalin were impressively helpful to him. My son described it as the best thing that had ever happened to him!!

Others have a different story to tell but that’s mine.

Good luck to you and your son.

Is Metadate a once a day pill? Just curious.

Lori,

It seems like I read that Metadate is about an 8 hour slow release while Concerta is supposedly 10 hours. My son said the Concerta did not last very long at it’s optimal effectiveness, so he will try Metadate next. With the Metadate, he could take one at 8 am and another at 4 pm and have the positive effects of the medication all his waking hours with only taking 2 doses…if it works.

Janis

We have all felt the way you do. Hoping that someday whatever our child’s problem is will disappear and we will all live happily ever after.

Look for your childs strengths and praise them do not forget to look for your own strengths and take pride in them.

Get as much good professional help as you can be involved in what the school has available for help and what help you must seek on your own.

There are wonderful people with good advise on this site. Find a support group in your area to share concerns, feelings and helpful hints with.

Look at it this way you married a guy with the same condition your child has you have an at home asset.

Good luck and God bless.

Redz,
My advice to you is that if you can afford it, be a stay at home mom.
Your life will be very involved with your child more so than other other kids that don’t have ADD.
There will be meetings, doctor appointments, and most important keeping tabs on your child.
Also, you need to have that time while your child is in school to just have “down time”.
Of course you will do housework, grocery shop, laundry, etc, but then you will be better prepared to work with your child when he returns home from school because you have your chores done and you have had time to yourself.
I know some of the people on this board may disagree, but this is my opinion.
Keep your debts small and mortgage low and stay home for your child and yourself.

Kathy,
I have had a similar experience with teachers. totally believe in “blind studies”
But can you believe that my son guidance counselor said I was wrong to not inform the school that I was taking him off the meds?
Meds also do not work for my son.
Sue

My daughter takes just one pill in the morning. It does seem to last in the afternoon for her to do some of her homework alone.

I am currently a parent who is, after many years of denial, facing the fact that my nine year old son has ADHD, along with ODD and some symptoms of depression. I am overwhelmed with feelings of guilt over not realizing this sooner and thinking I could handle his problems with the right parenting techniques.

I am beside myself with the recent turn of events our lives have just taken. My son has been suspending from school, as a result of allegedly having a pair of scissors in his hands and threatening to stab the playground bully after being taunted by him. The assistant principal at his school has also advised that my son faces possible expulsion for this incident.

As you can imagine, our household is currently filled with much stress and tension. I am currently seeking a physician who will prescibe the recommended medications that my son’s psychologist has mentioned.

Meanwhile, the school has offered no recommendations on our next course of action, simply citing that they are following “standard” procedure and have yet to give me the results of my son’s expulsion hearing last week. Reactions from school staff only serve to reinforce my guilty feelings that I could have and should have done more for my son.

I sincerely apologize for the length of this message, please, can anyone offer me some guidance or resources to help our family get through this trying period and ensure that my son gets the medical attention he has obviously needed for so long.

Jun599

I feel your grief and understand your feelings. I don’t believe it’s denial, but more the urgency of wanting to do all that you can do for your child as you are his parent. There are many cases of medication being over-prescribed, and/or of parents who aren’t willing to make various changes at home to help there child before they seek medication. The question is how long do you try for and when do you know enough is enough? I don’t think that’s denial, but rather hope.

In terms of your son’s recent events at school, I suggest you become knowledgeable about your rights. I’m not sure what laws govern your school district regarding safe-school acts, but in my school district, our safe school policy clearly outlines action plans for various offenses committed (i.e. disciplinary action and length of dismissal).

My suggestion is to walk into the school on Monday and meet with the principal. Clearly state that your son is in the processed of being assessed for ADHD (if he isn’t already), and that you are seeking medical intervention. Reassure the administration that you do not agree with violence nor bullying, but you believe that due to your son’s impulsivity his ability to correctly assess the situation and use appropriate measures to handle the problem were compromised. You are asking them to consider only a suspension (particularily as a first offense), and not an expulsion, as you seek the medical intervention that he needs.

We had our son assessed by two of the more prominent physicans re: ADHD, but the waiting list was 6 months and the process for diagnosis and assessment of his type is a time consuming process as well. While you could probably find “any” doctor who will hand out meds., you want to make sure that you are completely informed and knowledgeable about what you are giving your son. What I am saying is….don’t be too hasty to give him any pill handed to you. Ask the school for doctor references and/or check your affliated children’s hospital for a reference. I hope this helps and you find some comfort.

Yes, I realize what you are telling me. After hearing about possible side effects from medication, I did not go to follow up visits with any doctor that mentioned the “necessity” of my son needing medication. I honestly only did what I thought best, even going as far as modifying his diet, to determine any unchecked food allergies.

This is definitely the first incident of it’s kind for my son, but I do believe the school is trying to dump this burden entirely on my shoulders and rid themselves of a child that they do not have the time or resources to deal with..

The facts as they have been presented to me by the school is that one child out of the five “witnesses” actually said he saw the scissors in his hand. His teacher never mentioned this upon sending my son to the principal’s office and did not make the assistant principal aware of him “fiddling” with scissors in his lap until a faculty meeting that evening, claiming to have “forgotten” about him having the scissors. My son was initally was suspended for 4 days for making the threat, then upon the assistant principal knowing all of the “facts”, she called me at home and told me that the suspension was being increased to 10 days, told me she would be calling the police to search our home for weapons, etc and he faces possible expulsion). While I absolutely do not condone what my son was accused of, I’ve got to tell you that when I was threatened with law enforcement coming to my home, in addition to everything else, was enough for me to question their procedures and communication methods in the school.

I am obviously very determined to do what is right for my son, but unfortunately, it seems to be coming down to school politics (I keep hearing about Columbine) and that I obviously have a long hard road to travel with this school system to ensure my child’s rights.

Thanks for listening, I’ll be visiting often.

Jun599

Jun599,

If you read my post of 12/8 right above yours, you will see that I also waited a long time to realize that my child had a problem. He also made a poor choice at school (high school) which got him suspended for 3 days. What was so bad was that I taught at the same school at the time…talk about humiliating! Anyway, it has been a hard road but he is doing well now. The depression was really just a side effect of the other problems not dealt with. That cleared up as we fixed the ADD issues and he got his priorities straight in life. I’ll tell you, without my strong faith and a lot of prayer, I do not know how we would have survived. But God is good and faithful. I hope you will find strength somewhere. Here’s a hug {{{{Jun599}}}} form someone who understands.

Janis

Thanks so much, Janis, for the words of encouragement, they really mean alot. I never realized that so many other people have gone through the same struggles we have dealt with over the years. The amount of support available is overwhelming. I’m sure I’ll be speaking with you more over the next few weeks and months.

Jun599

You’re very welcome. And if you ever want to talk off the board, I can give you my email address. Just find one of my posts here and post a reply and I’ll get it. One more thing, I’d just go pour my heart out to that principal and tell him/her what you’ve told us. Hopefully he has a heart. Holding up scissors in a moment of anger (especially for an ADHD, impulsive child) is not the same as bringing a gun to school. I hope he understands that difference and will appreciate that you are acknowledging that your son has a problem for which you are seeking medical care. A side note, we had no better success with a psychiatrist than we did with our family physician in regards to medication. Go to the www.chadd.org site and read about medications. Not everyone does well on the same one. It is a trial and error sort of thing regardless of who the doctor is. It just requires patience and perseverance to get to the one that helps.

Janis

I am currently trying to make a similar decision. I am just wondering what you chose and if you had found some research?