My son is 7 years old and is repeating first grade. We have had troubles with his concentration during studies and other areas that require train of thought. His teachers have constantly expressed concern in this area. My son has been observed as a very happy, well behaved and an extremely well liked child. He has never behaved in an “attention getting” manner during the course of is class day. He listens well to his teacher(s) on the most part. And is an all around pleasant child. His problem has always been not being able to pay attention long enough to show his capabilities. I have heard over and over again for the past 3 years that “D…. is not living up to his full potential” “he is very capable of performing the task, but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention and is not completing his work” so on. The problem has gotten increasingly worse over time to where none of his work is being completed and the only way homework can be done is if an adult sits with him the entire time to “remind” him to pay attention.
Approximately one month ago during our team meeting with the teacher, school psychologist, special Ed teacher and so on, we discussed the possibility of ADD. The school staff referred us to our “regular” doctor for diagnosis. Instead we found a counselor who specializes in children/adults with ADD who also tested for LD’s, etc. After weeks of testing my son was diagnosed with ADD-inattentive. She said my sons I.Q. ranged between normal and high and his math, reading and comprehension skills were normal to above. The counselor discussed the different Rx and what their pros and cons would be. She also said she would fax all the test scores (and there were a lot of test) and diagnosis work up to his doctor so he could decide the best Rx to use. She also said there is no real way of knowing the exact dose and type needed and that the Rx will be on a trial basis and it may take a little time to find the exact dose and Rx.
I was almost relieved to hear what she was saying because the past 3 years have been almost overwhelming. I know as a parent we should pray that there is “nothing wrong” with our children and wish for the best. I prayed that she would find something wrong. If there wasn’t a diagnosis I wouldn’t have known what else to do. Yet, I have been crying all night over this. I had problems during school as well. (The counselor thinks I was misdiagnosed as child with LD’s and believe I am too ADD and recommends adult testing, but that is another story) I don’t want my son to suffer like I have in the past and still do in my adult life. But the idea of medication really scares me. We have tried all the academic recommendations from charts to timers to other means of learning. None work. So Rx is what the consensus is from all involved. But what if the Rx doesn’t work? My son is a very bright child but isn’t performing the way he is capable of performing. If this doesn’t help I am almost afraid of what will happen next.
I am sorry this is so long. But I am so upset and scared of all that is happening. I thought an actual diagnosis would help ease my fear but it hasn’t. Now I am feeling completely overwhelmed by personal emotions from my own past experiences to the idea of my son being on medication for the rest of his life. I am happy, scared, hurt, angry, overwhelmed, feelings of self pity, relieved, numb, and at times almost like I can’t breath almost being smothered. I don’t know how I should feel or even how to react.
Thanks,
Sony
Re: take a deep breath and relax
Thank you. I know I sound like I am crazy. It is just so overwhelming. Deep down I knew the answer but to finally hear was a slap in the face. We’ll get through it and my son is a great and smart kid. Who just needs a little help.
THanks again,
Sony
Re: take a deep breath and relax
Sony,
Patti’s post is so true that I have little to add except do not fear medication! Remember you may have to try a couple of different ones to get the right one for your child or the dosage may have to be gradually increased. It does take patience. But medication made a big difference for my son. He only uses it for classes or studying. Also, ADHD medications have been very widely used. Ritalin has been used for many years. Be glad you had your son diagnosed early, too! It sounds like you had a very good evaluation, so you can feel confident about the results and recommendations. I hope you will seek evaluation yourself. I have heard of many adults who were diagnosed when they had a child diagnosed. Adults can be helped by medication as well.
Janis
Re: Son newly diagnosed and feeling happy, scared, hurt, ang
Sony,
The way you are feeling is totally normal. It is a blow to learn that your wonderful child is facing a disability. I have read that the process we go through when we find out our children have ADHD or learning disabilities is like the grieving process we go through when a loved one dies. In a way, some of your hopes and expectations seem to die when the dreaded diagnosis comes. I am willing to bet that every parent on this board has felt as you do. I know I did. I also know that I survived it and that my child is doing well. My son has inattentive ADHD, along with learning disabilities. Like your son, he is intelligent (gifted in fact), well-liked, well-behaved and basically a delightful human being. Like your son, he could never show what he was capable of in school and was always off on wild, extremely interesting, but only barely relevant tangents. His lack of success in school made him a frustrated, unhappy child. For him, medication, the proper school setting and counseling have been immensely helpful. For me, educating myself about the nature of my son’s difficulties and the best ways to help him has been a way to get past that helpless, hopeless feeling you get when you first hear the diagnosis. That you are on this message board tells me you are already headed down the right path!
Andrea
Re: Son newly diagnosed and feeling happy, scared, hurt, ang
Wow,sony.
Are you sure you aren’t writing an essay on my life?
I am the Mother of two boys. Both are ADHD/LD/Gifted. I am dyslexic.
Spent many years in school,feeling like a failure,or worse, weird and not like anyone else.
My search to help my children to never experience what I went through,caused years of fighting and desperation. I literally begain the First week my oldest was in Kindergarten.
What a trip it has been. Both of my children are on medication. One spent years changing from one to another until we found one without any side effects for him. The other has had only two different meds. Both are doing well,and are accepting of their disability. Mainly because I finally accepted mine.
Emotionally fragile
Sony -
I agree with what the others have said—it’s normal to feel the way you do. After years of fighting with the schools to get the LD assessment, then dealing with insensitive teachers, a hypersensitive child, and some pretty close-minded relatives, I really hit rock-bottom when I decided something else (other than LD) was going on and started tracking down an ADHD specialist. I thought… how can I take on one more thing. Getting the diagnosis was sort of a shock, even though I had fully expected it. It was like a door had closed and I would never be able to go back through it. I was really shocked by how emotionally fragile I had become.
But time passes and the medication (Ritalin, and now Concerta) has been a godsend for our child. He is so much happier. I am happier (but life continues to have its challenges). I recover enough during the summer to do it all over again for 10 months.
I hope you will find that as your child gets older, things get better. It did for us!
Sony,
I can relate, I am ADD and so are my kids. It was painful for me to realize that I passed this to my kids. I was always the hyper mom, never could relax and I also had inattentive behaviors as well. I too struggled with paying attention in elementary school and in college. Medication has been a wonderful help to both of my kids and to myself as well. I don’t have to take meds all the time, just when I know I need to finish something and concentrate. My son finally made honor-roll after being a mediocre student who couldnt’ focus or follow through. We knew he struggled when he was younger but we didn’t try meds then. We just put up with it but when high school hit it was tough. My younger daughter struggled for years until we got her help in 5th grade and tried meds. What a difference it made for her too.
What you are going through is kind of a grieving process and that is normal too. At least you are getting some help for your son and for yourself. You should notice a change in him soon and don’t be afraid of meds they are wonderful if they are used prudently and under a Dr.’s supervision.