Losing the homework battles

Sadly I don’t think she’ll make the connection but you never know. I believe homework hurts more children than it hurts but most teachers feel otherwise.

Good luck.

She has the power to make him bear the brunt of not being able to sit still. SHe won’t let him drive her crazy. Far more likely, she’ll let the behavior escalate until it’s clear that he’s just an out-of-control kid and it’s all his fault.

I have known parents to have it written in the IEP that recess and PE are *not* to be used as incentives, as they are absolutely necessary part of a kid’s day. She can get creative with thinking of other things.

When they’ve worn you down like this, they’ve won. Unfortunately it’s the kid that really loses.

Please don’t give up! My feeling is that you just have to find a way to make homework time a reasonably pleasant experience for your child.

Try to get all the reduced workload/modified assignment accomodations you can. (Sounds like you’ve done this.) Every time you take the accommodation, write on the homework something like “using reduced workload accommodation per MM/DD/YY IEP.” Then they know you have evidence if they try to take points off.

See if you can get an accomodation to be his scribe. He dictates homework, you write. This was a huge weight off our son’s shoulder, and he really started to come around when we did this.

Look at whether the emotional environment you are providing at home is positive or negative. I had to realize that I could not change my child—his fidgetyness and reluctance and this-is-too-hard thinking wasn’t going to change. I realized I couldn’t make him work faster, or pay more attention, or care about the work, and I was expecting too much from him and being too critical. (Gee, I just love coming home from a hard day and spending three frustrating hours on homework.) No wonder he didn’t like it.

So, having decided that, I asked myself—what can I do to make it more pleasant? Weekly Reader. Don’t make him read it cover-to-cover. If he has to answer a question, show him the paragraph that has the answer. Or even tell him, I’ll read you the paragraph that has the answer and you tell me what the answer is. Our son didn’t do well on the stupid Weekly Reader tests with this strategy, but he was a lot happier at homework time. (When we got to the point as low as you are now, suddenly grades became secondary to simply retaining our child’s willingness to learn.)

Tell him, for the rest of this year we’ll tackle homework as a team and we’ll work on it together.

And bend the rules. I’ll do one then you do one. I’ll start the sentence and you finish it. Here’s a clue… I’ll do the Internet search, and then you can use the results to… (oooo, I hate those assignments). I know some parents who actually did ALL the work for their children. I think that is sending the wrong message; but I think some give and take is okay when things get this bad.

You will eventually have to wean your child away from this comfortable team approach to homework. Three years later (7th grade) I’m still more involved than I would like to be, but he is pretty independent in subjects that are his strengths, and we still work together in his weaknesses. But he no longer fights doing homework, and while he doesn’t love homework, I’m just happy that he seems to love the process of learning. And we are both MUCH happier about doing homework.

Best wishes. It’s worth the effort!

I too am very tired ot the homework battle. My son is in the 7th grade and although he has a 504 plan, no homework modifications have been made and late work is marked down.

He sounds similar to your 4th grade son and the homework in the 7th grade is pretty hefty. I feel that I do far too much for him and yet if I did not he would fail. He hates homework and can take hours to do 5 minutes of work. He does have ADHD but no LD issues have been detected. It is simply impossible for him to get started on anything on his own and I spend my nights demanding that he do his work and end up aiding him so we can both go to bed. I do take him to a tutor once a week for one hour and he works for her. If I could afford it he would be there every day.

I too would like some suggestions. Does there come a point where you just let them realize that the work is all theirs to do?

cp

Thanks for the suggestions. I know I can’t really just give up and throw him to the wolves, but there are nights that I’m just too tired to do the work with him. Add the extra classwork when he’s out sick (far too frequently) and the extra resource homework and it’s enough to make me want to run and hide.

Tonight was better - together we got through a reasonable amount of work. When he started to panic at the reading assignment, I just read it to him and then helped him answer the questions. Didn’t help his reading skills any, but at least it got done.

I don’t know if your son is on medicine, but in early grades it really helped to give my son an afternoon dose (5mg ritalin). He wouldn’t cry and fall out of the chair and argue etc. You get the picture. He is in 7th grade and since I always had him do homework at a certain time,(even with the struggle) he is much better about going and doing it when I say “it’s 5 o’clock, homework time.” Also, I didn’t ask to be a scribe, if it was needed I just wrote on the paper that my son dictated and I wrote. I agree also, if your son is supposed to read 15 pages of history and he has a problem with reading like my son did, take turns reading the book, or at some point read all of it. They want your kid to know the information, do what you have to in order for him to know it. I have found some homework to be a real pain and some not enough to reinforce what needs to be learned. Best wishes.

Good for you. After a night of homework, I always did the same. I read to my son. He wasn’t going to get good reading practice anyway after being so tired out from the other homework.

Actually, now in the 11th grade and an acceptable reader, he still likes me to read to him or at least read what he’s read. We’ve built up a nightly discussion around literature custom that both of us enjoy. We have pleasantly lively debates about the reading. It’s given us a shared interest and experience - like a book club with two members.

My son is in the 7th grade and I still help every night with homework, and yes I hate it, When I get home from work and I have supper to fix, house to clean,and laundry to do, I hate the thought of homework. If it’s a worksheet, I ask the questions, he tells me the answer, I write it down and give it to him to rewrite.

Good Luck, and hang in there, he needs you!

Good for you Eileen! I too work fulltime and hate the homework(HW) Battles. My fifth grader and I have had many a battle over language arts assignments in the past. I am lucky enough to have a daycare in a church (I’m a parent on the board) which gives the children a quiet monitored homework room to go to after snack time to begin some of their homework. I dread next year when he can’t have the supervised time - he will be too old, 6th grade, for the program. The Child with ADD unfortunately takes 2-3 times as long to do HW and therefore they ususally lose valuable play time or sleep because of this.

You are your child’s only advocate and only you can make the situation better - I know it is hard but keep up your spirit and go forward.

My best to you,
Diane

My son is in the 7th grade and the homework issue is never-ending. Extensions are really just compiling the problem. But I have no qualms about doing his writing for him - after 7 hrs in school (where he works hard), and basketball or soccer practice - he’s beat. Don’t fall into “asking” the teacher for things that are reasonable and your child has a right to - particularly if he is given an accommodated grade. Sometimes I retype worksheets, and include the vital information that needs to be learned - better that he concentrate on learning what’s important that on learning unconnected details.

I will say, there are things that have improved - my son does his math homework pretty readily, and some worksheets. The key seems to be, does he know what’s expected, how to do it, and does he know the material. I really create unnecessary trouble for myself by acting as if my son is going to sit down and plow through 2 hrs of homework happily. Remember, an assignment that would take an LD or ADHD child 20 minutes in school, takes about 1 hr at home!

The best situation we ever had was when his elementary school, under the leadership of an outstanding teacher, had homework club 2 times a week. Amazingly, my son would willingly go, it was one hour after school, and would get his work done. They had teachers and parents, and junior high students tutor. The JH students got credit for community service. It wasn’t all drudgery, there was a snack, and it was fairly loose. If you got your work done - you could play chess or games in the hall. One day/week the 5th grade math teacher held a math tutorial for 5th grade. I think the administration was shocked at the number of children that attended - at least 30% of 3-5th grade! it was great.

I suggest that you try to get a homework club - ours was called “Hard Work Club” - (you wouldn’t think that would attract children!) started. For some reason, as long as my son is in the school building, he’s okay, but the minute he walks out the door - he shuts down.

Sorry so long