School doesn't seem to care

You can’t do much about a sucky school. Is learning geometry worth the aggravation. At 16 your daughter should be thinking about college and vocational interests. LD does not go away when you become an adult so she needs to find a carreer/job that won’t make her life miserable like school is. When it’s all said and done, how important are A B C D and F. If you really think about it K-12 is irrelavant. How many high school validictorians set the world on fire? There are other way to learn besides a numb nuts teacher standing in front of a black board, bored as tears running his mouth. Demand that your school at their expense provide educational materials specific for her condition. Ask for a copy of their policy on disabled students. They’ll wet their pants. We got called into the assistant principals office because our son had missed a lot of school due to asthma and allergies. We were talked down to the minute we got there. I aske to see their policy on disabled students. They could not “find” it. Anyway by the time I left I had the assistant principal in tears. I was really rough on her. At least my wife thought I was but my wife did agree the bitch needed to get knocked off her high horse. I infomed her that our word was law regarding our son’s absenses and if that was a problem maybe I could arrange for her school to have an ADA compliance audit. She toed the line ever since and proceeded to ass kiss our son at every turn. The power of intimidation is a wonderful thing.

What are you expecting the school to do? Maybe the subject is too difficult for her. Why do you feel ADD/ADHD is an academic issue? How does the diagnosis maifest itself in her behavior or lack there of?

Wow! you are so tough. Schools don’t have policies on disabled students but you might have considered getting your childs missing work and making sure the proper paperwork is submitted to the school so they can excuse his/her absences. Threatening schools is immature and does not demonstrate your control issues. The school will still determine your childs grades and diploma. I’m glad you are not in my school. Also, your response was to someone who has a child with ADHD not LD. Do you know the difference!?

All I expect the school to do is modify her workload in Math in accordance with the provisions set forth under Section 504 of the special ed laws. Absolutely I believe that ADD can cause extensive problems in a school setting. Children with an inattentive problem are much more susceptible to falling behind, failing to complete assignments, staying on task, are more likely to suffer from depression etc.. how could those things not affect academic behavior?

Regardless of whether the subject is too hard for her or not, in our state she is required to pass Alg. 1, Geometry, and Algebra II just to graduate from high school. She has to go through Geometry to get to graduate - it’s not an option. My problem with the school is that they seem to be completely indifferent to her struggles. They are well aware of our rights under 504 because they brought it up themselves. Getting them to comply in a timely fashion has been the problem. My husband is a teacher at the same high school and he’s just as fed up as I am.

Is this thread not about my original post regarding my daughter’s ADD? I’m well aware that to have ADD and to be classified as Special Ed are two completely different things. I’m not too harsh. If I’ve learned anything from this 6 mth nightmare and from talking to several other parents of ADD kids, it’s that unfortunately, you usually wind up having to act like a jerk to get your child noticed. I’m glad I’m not at your school either. I’ve busted my rump to help my daughter turn her work in on time. Unfortunately, she was only diagnosed recently. Finding out you have ADD well into your high school career is a tough thing. If anything I feel guilty that I was too hard on her over the years. Looking back I can see that she has probably had this for a long time but I didn’t know it was ADD. I can only assume by the way you are dumping this back in my lap that you must be either a Guidance Counselor, School Psychologist, Principal, or an insensitive stranger. I came to this site for support, not for condescending remarks.

Janie,
I hear you loud and clear! The same requirements are at our high school. My son who was diagnosed in 7th grade, now in 9th, has had no modification. AND he is flunking Algebra 1. What can a parent do? Wouldn’t it be nice if our kids DIDN’T have to take a subject that was too hard? Unfortunately Steve, they do have to meet some requirements to graduate and they need help with it! To get into any college a student needs a strong B average. If I could teach my child these things I would, but that’s why I send them to school so the “expert” can do it. I am an elementary teacher and I try my hardest to help EVERY student! What’s wrong with the High Schools?
Good Luck Janie and Keep On them!!!!
Patty

Wow,girl..
Personally I would copy what you just wrote,and send it to the school:-)

Very clear, to the point, the makings of a great letter.

Send it to the principal,state exactly the accmodations you stated,the fact that by not complying they are violating her rights,your fed up and you are requesting that they immediately rectify the situation.
Hey, who was a jerk first?

Ignorance explains some of it. They truly don’t understand what a learning difference is.

Much of the rest is explained by the process that is school. Schools are more places of judgement than places of help. We expect that not every student will do well in school… so it becomes merely a matter of who won’t do well.

As a teacher and a parent, I disagree with that thinking but I see it everywhere around me. If a teacher’s students all do well, something is assumed to be wrong - the teacher is thought to be ‘too easy’. Teachers who give consistently high grades are ‘spoken to’.

Our society does not want every child to do well. We have designed our schools as obstacle courses so that students are sorted into layers and some are labeled failures.

And the fact that are schools basically have a monopoly on our business is yet another reason. As parents we have little if any choice of schools. Unlike less important decisions like buying a car or a washing machine, we only have one place to go for school. We cannot shop around or take our business elsewhere, for the most part, if we’re unhappy with our local school and its teachers. In such a situation, teachers can have the power to ignore our comments and complaints.

I sincerely hope this situation gets better for your daughter.

Hey Steve lighten up June July and August are just around the corner. You’ll hav the whole summer to think up ways to frustrate students and their parents. Do you ever worry that when one of them grows up they might come back to your school and bitch slap you. I’ll threaten the school and bitch slap the whole lot of them if they were harming my kid. I’d make their “I can’t therfore I teach” lives a living hell. I’ve seen what those petty cretins at my son’s school have tried to do with him. They found out rather quickly he’s not someone to be triffled with. He did leave and get his GED at 17 and is graduating college with a degree in political science. He’s scored very high on his LSATs. Unlike other lawyers he has honor. He’s informed his high school that when he passes the bar he’s going to exact a little revenge. Looks like his school screwed with the wrong person. By the way he’s not LD. He’s PI… politically incorrect and is highly allergic to BS. Hey Steve, Maybe you’ll have some students like him. I love seeing smug self righteous types get there’s. Have a nice summer vacation. Don’t forget, roll over that 401K not your SUV.

Steve, ADHD inhibits one’s ability to learn. You are disrupting the class!!! Go to the cloak room this instant and spank your monkey. Maybe you should run for a city council seat or something. Maybe you should run your mouth to 3rd graders. Maybe you should run a broom up your butt. Maybe you should run for help. You probably piss off a lot of people.

Any way enjoy your little power trip while you can. Maybe one of the students you screwed with will be taking care of you in a nursing home when you get old. They’ll control when you eat sleep sh-t and piss. Lose the attitude teach!!

Hi Janie,

How is your daughter doing in her other subjects? Is math the stand-out problem subject for your daughter? If so, perhaps you want to pursue educational and IQ testing to determine if there is an LD. Then you might find more specific ways to help her with math.

My son is in 3rd grade and goes to the resource room 30 min. daily for help with his identified LD. I know in high school that is difficult, and peer pressure is extreme (I have 3 older children who have graduated). So maybe testing isn’t a good idea - does anyone else want to chime in here?

Good luck :)
Lil

Just wanted to say that ahdh and sp.ed are not exclusive of each other, my son is both. I have this also to look forward to in about a yr and a half, same math requirements. Y’all aren’t making me feel too hopeful. By the way STEVE, adhd affects a kid globally not necessarily specifically and each yr can present new challenges. In elementary school my son struggled with lang. arts and excelled in math. In middle school he excels in lang. arts and is struggling with math. Go figure. Yes he studies, misses very little school and has accommodations in all classes. He has very attentive parents who spend time in the school. The teachers know us and we have a good relationship with the school.

Janey, have you asked for a meeting with teachers and principal (or designee)?
If your daughter is doing alright with other teachers, then at this meeting you could ask the other teachers ‘what is it that you do that seems help my daughter succeed and how can we use that to help her in algebra?’ It takes some pressure off the math teacher but lets that person know that you expect some brainstorming and improvement in your daughter’s teacher,which should manifest itself as improvement in your daughter’s performance.

Now, if your daughter does happen to not pass and goes to summer school, she might actually do better in summer school. I was just talking to a friend who is a middle school math teacher and does it well, but she didn’t pass algebra 1 in high school but she did well in the summer school class. I personally barely passed but this was a lot of years go, I took 9th grade math in a different state and alg. 1 in 10th and wasn’t required to go past that.
I hope this helped some, best wishes.
ps Tell your daughter to hang in there, high school doesn’t last forever even if it feels like it!

I am disapointed at the both of you. Your choice of language and attitude are terrible. This web site is for support. Not petty little cat fights! you both need to retract your claws and swallow your fur balls and get back to the point. If you both change your tudes you would be able to support eachother better like this site is for. I agree in expressing your feelings but please try to have a little more class there are others who might be affended by your tudes and choice of language. Learn self control and manners there are women present in this room. I come here for support and questions not idle threats and crude behavior. By the way how old are you two, you act younger than the kids were talking about and trying to help. You two should politely apoligize to the others who might also read the content of your conversation. Please try to use your frustration to help others in this site. And in return others will do better in helping you. Sorry about being so pushy but once in a while things can get out of hand.

I apologize to you Tamara. In the future I will attempt to be more delicate in my tirades. Keep in mind people with Steve’s lack of understanding are the problem. You know the type. They’re called bullies, bigots, rednecks, low-brows, low-lives, bureaucrats, and state vocational rehabilitation counselors. Giving them an ounce of respect is a mistake. Comming down on them with both feet is what they need. At the risk of sounding like a male chauvinist I think a little testosterone applied to the problem would be helpful. Unfortunately the schools view a strident angry mother as a bitch no matter how justified her anger is. The fact is an angry father is a lot more intimidating to some pencil necked geek. If that’s what it takes to get a school to do it’s job so be it. Why play by the rules? They aren’t. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong but men have a different way of looking at things (men are from Mars women are from Venus) Women are better with details and understanding them as men often see the gestalt, so I advocate a teamed approach. When diplomacy won’t work break out the heavy artillery. Punks like Steve will usually back down at the slightest threat. Hey, fear is a motivating force.

However Tamara if something you read starts to offend you don’t read it. Though I will take into account peoples sensitivities. I will not be censored.

Actually, I think I’m the one that angered Steve for some reason. I think part of the problem is that ADD has been overdiagnosed in the last several years. It has made schools and school teachers want to gag every time a new diagnosis is brought to them. My husband is a high school teacher and sees this all the time. He has the unique perspective of being the father of an ADD child and also teaching h.s. age kids. He also comes home and talks to me about the parents. Most are fine, however you do have those that either seem to care little about their kids progress or behavior and those who want to micro manage the school. My husband has had kids lie right to his face about things and then get royally chewed out by the parents of this same darling child who refuse to believe their little Buffy or Charlie could possibly be guilty of lying. At the same time, he sees his own child suffering with the affects of ADD and the complacency of the school system. I think it pays to be dilligent in pursuing special ed rights for your kids IF they qualify; however I don’t think it serves any good purpose for a parent to walk into a school and make obnoxious threats (I’m going to sue you! I’ll have your job, Just wait til my lawyer gets through with you, etc.) Kids learn to respect authority from their parents. When they see Mom or Dad acting like a big mouth bully, it sends all the wrong messages. I’m very upset about my daughter’s treatment at school but her Dad and I keep that to ourselves. We demand respect from her toward all of her teachers and authority figures - whether she likes them or not.

I had to laugh at your comments because sadly I think they are right on target. Teachers in our school that give out high grades to a great deal of students are ridiculed and called easy, and not respected. We really do not want all the children in our society to do well, or we would change. I concur with the monopoly comments as well.

Janie Y I pretty much agree with you about not acting like a jerk especially making threats you can’t back up, but making some jerk uncomfortable can get things done. The dealing I’ve had with schools on my boys behalf went well because as soon as I started to get attitude and just the slightest ammount of disrespect I went on the offensive and set the tone of how the meeting was to proceed. When someone crosses the line you gotta step on them before they step on you. It’s simple if someone’s wrong they’re wrong and if they can’t figure it out they need to be told. If that bothers them too bad. If someone is harming a child physically or emotionally or their behavior is rising to an unacceptable of disrespect I think the vailed threat of violence is acceptable. There are ways to belt somebody and get away with it. Our government uses violence all the time. Sometimes it’s justified. It would be nice if people would do the right thing out of a sense of altruism but how realistic is that. I’d go to jail if I thought it would help my kid. Fortunately for me it has never come to punching some creep’s lights out, but I’ve never ruled it out as a option. I think it has given me an edge.

I don’t agree with being threatening or hinting at or acting out violent behavior. If a teacher or school system is physically abusive, then legal action is warranted. Let the courts handle it. If a school sytem is emotionally abusive (which is hard to prove) then a confrontation may be warranted; however, to walk into a school (especially in light of the violence that seems to be pervading our schools) and make physically threatening comments or actions is never the answer. I would do anything within reason to deal with a teacher or school system that was mistreating or failing to serve my child’s education needs. I would not however, beat up a teacher! We don’t live in the wild west and adults should act like adults.

Like I said before, my husband is a high school teacher and I know that they put up with a lot! Most of the discipline problems teachers deal with come at the hands of kids who are being raised in homes where they aren’t taught to respect authority. In fact, they’re taught to question it. Unfortunately, we don’t make and live by our own set of rules and so teaching them this approach will most definately cause problems down the road. Kids need to deal with conflict in a constructive manner. Name calling and physical bullying are best reserved for the World Wrestling Federation and the Jerry Springer show. There’s a very wise old book I love that says “surrender to Caesar that which is Caesar’s…..”

Math is one of the easiest subjects to get behind with and once you’re behind it’s really tough to get caught up. Seems there’s a real credibility gap happ[ening — the teacher has lumped your daughter in with kids who aren’t trying and aren’t studying. I”d be frustrated, too.
Your best bet is to set things up so that your kiddo is in the best “attitude” light possible — sort of set up a PR program for her. So, even though she is getting extra tutoring and working hard at hoome — have her ask questions and get help from the teacher every chance she can.
“Ways to con your teacher” in the Kidzone (http://www.ldonline.org/kidzone/speak_up/speak_up.html) has some ideas (though the author concludes with the blatantly false statement that teachers don’t fail kids who try). There’s also a good article abotu “why high school is so ADHD unfriendly and what youy can do about it.”
1. Look at the teacher when he or she is speaking.

2. In class, call/use the teacher’s name at least once a day when you talk to him or her.

3. Make one good comment or observation in class each day.

4. Arrive early and smile at your teacher. (It will drive him or her crazy wondering what you are up to.)

5. Get ready to leave only when the bell rings or the teacher dismisses the class.

6. Never slam your book shut.

7. When a teacher offers suggestions or corrects your errors, always say “thank you.”

8. Even if you are not done with an assignment or don’t like it, always hand your paper in on time.

9. If you don’t understand, ask the teacher if s/he would explain it differently using other words or other examples.

10. If you make mistakes, neatly cross out the error with one thin line and continue.

11. Learn how to use the computer for word-processing.

12. Always go to your teacher first if there is a hassle with your work. If you can’t get help, it is okay to ask another teacher for
some help.

13. Find a “Study Buddy” who is good in the subject you are having trouble in. Offer to help him or her in areas that you are good
in, but s/he is not.

Let’s see… do you think Jerry would do a show on ballistic sped parents? Oh, that’s right, the folks they hire would be the ones doing the acting and making the money… but I can just picture the video clips and the captions… hmmm…a cartoon, socks, for the T-shirt collection?

When the cards are stacked against you how many options do you have left? What happened at Columbine was an example of a toxic school system and a reaction to it. You don’t here about postal workers going “postal” anymore. Looks like the tin god

supervisors got the message. Tyranny is tyranny whether it is done by King George or Principal Dufass. It should not be tolerated. Arguing with a school about an IEP is like wrestling a pig in mud…. After a while you realize the pig is liking it. Personally I’d rather do the right thing than risk getting my teeth knocked down my throat. We are tolerating their wrong doing by playing by their rules, rules they don’t often follow. If you wait for a legal remedy it will be too late. They use fear all the time. “He won’t graduate” What about the reprisals that follow kids from grade to grade. I’d love to slap the taste out of the mouths of those gossiping hens.

I think we should question authority. It’s our duty as citizens. Look at all the people that were just following orders. I believe they were called Nazis. I’ve known a few teachers who would have fit in real well with the Third Riech.

As far as name calling is concerned kids get a lot of names put on them. LAZY if they can’t do something. SLOW LD ADHD ODD. Often these names are an excuse for poor teaching. Respect is a two way street.

I’ve seen bullying from kids and educators. The response should be swift and merciless. As tragic as Columbine was it sent a message to all punks and bullies. That message is: WATCH YOUR STEP

The reason WWF is so popular is that people have an inate need to see justice done. We love to see the righteous triumph. We love seeing the bully get his. The “wrestlers” get to do all the thing we wish we could do to the punks in our lives. I think they are positive role models to kids because it teaches them something that is sadly lacking in this world and that is honor.

Is violence an answer? It sure is in the Mid East. Should we tell our kids to tolerate bullies? I don’t think so. Can we honestly tell our kids not to be violent with adults starting wars all the time. We should teach them to make the distinction as to who the real enemy is and how to deal with that enemy. I’m not saying violence and intimidation is the only answer but it would be hipicritical to say it doesn’t solve a lot of problems. When the welfare of children are at stake it is an acceptable option.

If i read about a iraate parent killing a pervert preist I’d help pay his lawyer. So would going to jail for delivering a fat lip be an acceptable price to pay for assurring your kids aren’t harmed by their school. Inspite of everything we are told if I thought it was my only option I’d do it in a heart beat.

It will be a cold day in hell before a toxic school will do the right thing. If you go through proper channells you’ll wait and wait and wait and wait. The person that handle this is Helen Waite They will tell you to go to Helen Waite.

Do whatever it takes. Intimidation works wonders. It backs down punks and bullies. Don’t respect some low life cause he or she has a little power. Demand satisfaction. Stop playing the victim and make them the victim. It may sound like anarchy but thats what we have now accept we call it grid lock.