I am writing in concern for my son. He has adhd, odd and a language disability. All of this adds up to many deficits in social skills.
The problem I am having now is a neighborhood kid, and my childs best buddy..
I have found out that he too has an emotional disability. It has always been pretty obvious to me. He can get volatile and completely defies authority.
I feel sorrry for this child, however I do not really want my child to play with him because I am afraid that he will have a negative impact on my child.
My son used to behave like this child aprox. 3 years ago and I do not want to have to experience times like that ever again.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle the situation.
It is compunded by the fact that every time my son goes outside his buddy seems to come by and it is next to impossible to get him to go home when told.
They also ride the same school bus together.
What to do?????
Re: Childood Peers
I agree with Socks. My son has a friend who had lots of difficulty in school and poor social skills. I was afraid for my son to hang out with him because I thought he would pick up this childs habits since he use to have them himself. What wound up happening though was my sons habits rubbed of on him. He no longer skipped class, started to show up on time, do his assignments and be more respectful to teachers. My son benefited by no longer being so shy, he was motiviated to try even harder in school ect. It seems that both the boys had areas of weakness and they seemed to complitment and challenge each other. When they first became friends though I told my son about my reservations about him hanging out with this child. I was very honest and open with him and he seemed to respect that. He stated that if the friendship caused him problems he would end it. I would have a talk with your son and let him know how you feel—and the listen to him, and come up with a solution.
Re: Childood Peers
How would you feel if some parent of a child who liked to play with your son decided that he was a bad influence because of his poor social skills and ODD and banned all further contact between the children? That is what you are contemplating doing. Also, if your child has poor social skills and this is his best buddy, why would you take away that relationship? Instead of destroying relationships, why don’t you build some? Get to know this kid and his family, share your own experiences to let them know they are not alone, and you may find that things get better for everyone.
Re: Childood Peers
My daughter is in a similar situation. Her best friend is a boy who is definitely ADHD. Luckily his mom realizes he is difficult and also has him medicated. It concerns me that my daughter is so crazy about him — she’s basically infatuated with him.
At my daughter’s IEP meeting, the teachers told me that they do not think he is the best influence on my daughter and that they had already planned to separate them next year (they are in the same class this year). Their other concern is that my daughter has her own social difficulties and needs to try and branch out beyond the friendship she has with him.
Unfortunately, my younger daughter does not get along with him and my husband isn’t too crazy about the influence he has on our daughter. He does realize that if he tells her this it might just push her even more into the relationship.
He has many problems as well. Not only is he ADHD, but he’s lost two fathers — one to death and the other disappeared. Very unusual circumstances.
Does your son have any other friends? You might try to encourage your son to invite some other boys over to play. I wouldn’t recommend telling him he can’t play with this other boy — unless you feel your son is in physical danger. Otherwise he’ll want to play with this boy all the more. But as with my daughter, it would probably be good for him to cultivate some other friendships.
Good luck!
Re: Childood Peers
You say you are afraid of a negative impact. It may be the case that your son has a positive impact on this other child. If the other child is violently volatile, of course any parent would be concerned. Have you observed this other youngster having volatile moments around your son? Or does your son have a calming effect on him?
You might consider having this other child play with your son under your supervision. It is difficult to have boys give up ‘their best buddy’ but it might not be so difficult to organize supervised play times until you could feel more comfortable with the situation.
There’s nothing wrong with sharing your concerns with your son and giving him counsel against imitating this other child. Your son might give a mature answer to your concerns that would help you to feel that he’s able to handle this interesting friendship with the other child.
Good luck.
Has your child,shown any signs of reverting? If not,is it possible that your child might have a positive influence on him,instead of him having a negative one on your son?
I found myself in a very similar situation,and my son,proved to provide a much more positive influence on his friend then the other way around. Not only had my son been there,and could provide empathy,but a friend who was more tolerant of less then adequate social skills.
Now if the opposite is true,if your son is having behavior problems as a result of this friend,then something would need to happen.