For Linda F.....

Oh Debra, I am so sorry I have been away.

I read your other note and agree that your son should not be present.
I wonder what your thoughts on the guidance counselor are. Is this someone who is compassionate? Someone who could analyze the situation and perhaps listen to your son better clarifying is frustrations.

Perhaps she could be your ally.
I had a wonderful guidance counselor intervene for my son when he was in kindergarten. It was helpful to have her explain to his teacher the ways of helping him. My son was also in a friendship club with her and it helped him to discuss his feelings.
I wonder if she might not adopt your point of view as per a new teacher if she sees how truely frustrated he is.

I think it is a time to look around and figure out who in the school system gets it and who doesn’t. I have had to do this on occasion.
I didn’t even deal with my son’s principal because it became abundantly clear very early that she would be of no help. That was just her. I found the school psych and the guidance counselor extremely helpful and motivated to do what was right.
I also found the sped director helpful.

Dear Linda,

Thanks for responding. I agree about the guidance counselor. In a way, that is what we have done, sought out her assistance. Unfortunately, the teacher we had hoped to changed to has a full class with four behaviorally challenged students already. They weren’t saying they wouldn’t move our son, just that they thought his educational needs would better be met in the classroom where he was if we could all, teachers also, come to an understanding about what his needs were.

The main teacher was out of school the day the lunchroom incident occurred so she couldn’t have known or done anything about that. She was trying to say that ole line, “Well you know these little kids will tell you anything sometimes.”, and the Principal’s eyes were bulging out because she knew what my husband was about to say to that. He told her, “Yes that it very true, however, my daughter just happened to be in the lunchroom at the time and witnessed the whole event. I received the same details from both my children at separate times so I have to believe that what they told me happened, really happened. If the staff cannot intervene when such takes place, my son has my permission to do what he needs to do to defend himself and retrieve his belongings.” She looked alittle worried but she couldn’t argue since she wasn’t even there.

What had been going on in the classroom was that they were keeping Daniel in at recess to work with him on the classroom assignments that he rushed through and wouldn’t have understood as well. They are told about something and then in their journal time they are required to either draw a picture, or letters, or words, about what they had learned. Daniel was rushing through his very quickly so he could get up and move to centers to play etc. My husband suggested that if they wanted to give him extra help that was okay, but instead of telling him he was being kept in at recess, which he equates with punishment, to tell him they want to spend extra time helping him, etc. At least that way he could better understand they weren’t trying to be mean to him. My husband also suggested that when the teacher gives him instructions, that she have him explain back to her what she wants from him. That way, if he is confused and doesn’t understand what to do, she will know and can instruct him in a way that he does understand. He also asked that they give Daniel a couple of extra cards to loose when he gets into trouble with them, so he has a better opportunity to recover from his negative behavior and get the good card back before the end of the day. Daniel had been thinking since he had to stay in for recess that he had lost all his cards every time that happened. He thought they were picking on him.

The guidance counselor and teachers are suppose to talk gently with him today and try to put him more at ease about everything. The teachers are under orders to tread lightly with him. We explained to them that we want him to learn to love learning and if he has a negative opinion about school, that won’t happen. We are hoping the teachers will understand and make efforts to assist us in that goal. Only time will tell if that will work out. I am still holding my breath and will be for awhile. My husband let them know that they should begin their observations of his behavior now because if it hasn’t improved at the seven week mark, the one they wanted to start observing him at, we would be requesting formal evaluations. They don’t want that so hopefully, they will try to work with Daniel and go easy on his sensitive feelings. I pray so anyway.

I will keep everyone posted as I have my doubts and am remaining somewhat reserved about the plan and whether they can follow through on their end. I am not certain about the entire environment in Public Schools. The kids learn so fairly awful things from one another. I wish our country was not just talking reform but actively having reform. Whole other can of worms though. Have a Blessed day and thanks again for your wisdom.
Deb

We just recieved our class assignment. Well wouldn’t you know that there is a little boy is in his class that my son feels is very disruptive for him. This boy likes my son and was new last year. I told my son that he should try and be nice to the new boy.
Well it turned out that this boy clung to my son. He would talk to him while the class was going on. My son said he asked him to stop because the teacher would assume they were both to blame. He is worried this will happen again this year.

I have told him we will talk to his teacher about his concern before the school year begins. I will ask for suggestions from her on how to prevent this problem before it happens.I have also asked my son to talk to this boy the very first time he sees him and explain that there is alot of work to do in 3rd grade and that he does not want to be spoken too in class.
I am not really that concerned. I understand we got “the best teacher” all my friends who had her last year congratulated me.
I have to thank you for helping me to realize just how important these “little” concerns can be.

Good luck with your little guy. I hope the guidance counselor is helpful. A good guidance counselor should validate his concerns and not blame him.

Hey Linda,

I guess you saw on the other page I still have my concerns abut our teacher. My son and I talked on an off this afternoon about what HE wanted to do. I reminded him that if he did switch classrooms, or homeschooled, he would not get to see the friends he has in that class as often. He had sat in on another class during the meeting this morning and was thinking he might like to try that teacher. He said he has seen this other teacher get ugly in the cafeteria before, but during his visit she was very nice to him. After thinking about it for awhile, he says he would like to stay with his friends in his present class, if only the teacher will not be mean to him. Well, I wish I could tell him she won’t, but the truth is, I don’t know about that. You would think after the stink I have caused for her, she would be watching her p’s and q’s, but she is the kind that says, “I’m not changing the way I teach just because someone visits my class!” I say, well good, that way we can really see what is happening in there. Of course, Daniel is still of the opinion that when parents are around, she is MUCH nicer, until they leave. I’m not a gambling person by nature, and I sure don’t have much to gamble, but I would be willing to let my penny jar ride on the bet that we will be having another incident and another conference before the first report cards go out.

I am glad that your son was able to talk with you about this other child. It sounds like the little guy has some insecurities and could probably stand some counseling himself. You can be proud you have a child that another thinks so positively of. Still, I can certainly understand why your son doesn’t want to start off this year with any potential problems near by. I would hope that this new teacher would have good ideas on how to gently sway this other child away from your son, without hurting his feelings too much. I am sure she could place him on the other side of the class, at the very least. It surely wouldn’t hurt for her to suggest that the guidance counselor have a little talk with this fella to see if something is missing in his life. It is possible he comes from a broken home, or his family could be suffering through a bad time and he could use some support, but it isn’t your son’s job to do that. That is why they have counselors right? That Big Brothers, Big Sisters program might be a good idea for him also. It sounds like he could use a friend and some attention.

I truly have appreciated your kind words and support recently. It does help so much to speak with others who can relate and understand our situations. Just today I was talking with one of my old friends. We have known each other for 33 years and are as close as you can get without being sisters I guess. We often don’t see things from the same points of view, but still agree to disagree with respect. I had relayed to her that our rabbit had died, the issues with the teacher etc., since she always loved school and I always disliked it, she thinks that I am putting my emotions onto my children. Nevermind that they came to me first with the problems. She still sees it as me being negative and even though I have explained ADHD to her several times, if an opportunity comes along, a new article, etc. that claims ADHD/ADD isn’t real, she never fails to bring that up. I just could have done without that kind of help today after the week we’ve had. I think she sinced my disappointment in her comments, but as I was feeling pretty low, I didn’t feel up to the debating.

Her twins were very premature, her son has some eye problems and her daughter sometimes is very hyper, willful, and inattentive so she might find herself in my shoes before all is said and done. Of course, she will probably deny there is a problem. Her son has probably needed glasses for his weak eye since he was very young, but they have done surgery, and tortured him with eye drops for years trying to correct his vision and now as he is almost seven she is finally admitting he may end up with them after all. She admitted that she was trying to keep him out of glasses because he is already painfully small in size and didn’t want to add glasses because he would look nerdy and get picked on. Well, I can understand not wanting the child to be teased, but if his eyes needed glasses, that would have been all there was to it for me. I just don’t understand or get vanity at all. It has never been important to me to be wearing what is IN, or having what the Jones’s have, etc. She gets caught up in that stuff and can’t put a shoe on them unless it is Nike or Rebok, clothes usually come from a fancy department store, etc., and these kids are only six years old!!! What kind of materializm are they going to have when they get to be thirteen? I just can’t see running up my credit debt and getting a second mortgage so we can all be in fashion and go on eight vacations a year because that is what others do. Oh well, I am rambling again.

At least I know there is a place in the world that I can go where people truly understand and don’t think I am crazy, too sensitive, or spoil my kids. Thanks for always being here for me and my children for that matter. You have helped hold ole Mom together serveral times now. I truly appreciate everyone here.
Sincerely,
Deb

I had to laugh at your description of your friend & her son! We found out in at the end of April of his K5 year that Kyle had amblyopia (only using 1 eye to see). He was the only kid in his grade with glasses (still is), he started 2nd grade this year and is lucky if he weighs 48#! I shudder to imagine how rough 1st grade would have been without glasses!

I’ve had to be carefull who I tell about Kyle’s ADHD diagnosis. I’m not ashamed, but don’t feel like the fight to explain our decisions to those who haven’t been there. I also don’t want him to be the topic of conversation at every gathering “Did you hear about Kyle?” I did mention it to his old K5 teacher,she was really surprised, they always thought he was just immature for his age. I still haven’t told his current teacher though, I’m waiting a few more weeks. It’s nice being in private school (God bless financial aid!), I can decide who to tell and when!

Hope things go better!

I think Debra describes things in the written form really well. Debra if you are not already a writer by trade it is something to consider.

I have different people who I share different areas of my life with. It doesn’t mean I am more or less close to either group. There are just different levels of understanding based on levels of experience and acceptance.

I love my sister dearly but she doesn’t get all my trials and tribulations with my son’s ld. Her son is perfect. She can’t relate. (Yet, I secretly understand that her son does not have the depths of imagination and just plain gumption that my little guy has.)
I just discussed a major triumph for him with a dear friend who’s son has similar issues and she is at about the same level as I am in acceptance of said issues. She totally got it! I think others might say, “So what.”